12. Alex
CHAPTER TWELVE
alex
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and glance at the caller, immediately hitting ignore and placing it face down on my desk.
Letting out a deep breath, I refocus on documenting the riders for each tour stop.
Unfortunately, reusing the same version for every location doesn’t work.
There are too many nuances with the sound setup based on the amphitheater, not to mention Jake has specific preferences for his food choices and green room, tied to where we’re at in the country, how far we’re into the tour, and the average temperature at the location.
It’s like juggling a dozen balls at the same time with only two hands, except I absolutely can’t drop any of them.
This career is my entire life, and I refuse to let anyone or anything ruin this opportunity for me.
I’m forever grateful to Jake for giving me a chance and determined not to screw it up.
It’s one of the many reasons why my attraction to Chelsi has to stay on lockdown.
I can’t risk crossing the line with her and having it end poorly.
It could cost me not only my job, but the people I’ve come to know as my family.
My eyes gaze at the computer screen as I flashback to my childhood, shuffling from one foster care home to another. Never sure whether I’d be staying in the same place every night. Unable to put down any roots. Always fearful that the next family might be worse than the previous one.
I shudder, remembering the brutality I expected at the hands of some of them.
The bruises I felt obligated to hide, not wanting to risk things getting worse if someone noticed how I was being treated.
The days and nights I was forced to go without food.
The hunger pains that took months to stop once I joined the military.
Getting out of town was the reason why I set my sights on the Marines. I didn’t want to spend a moment longer in that hellhole than I absolutely had to. For my sanity, I needed a fresh start. The military provided that for me.
It gave me so much. It still does.
And it’s taken away just as much.
Or maybe that’s the choices I’ve made because of it.
It’s hard to tell anymore.
After nearly twenty years, I’m almost done with my planned years of service and ready to break the chains holding me back. I never intended to stay in the Marines this long, but sometimes life doesn’t go as planned.
“Hey, Alex. Gotta minute?” Jake asks from my office doorway, interrupting me from going down memory lane and bringing me back to reality, where I need to stay. There’s no use in thinking about the past and fretting over decisions I can’t take back.
“Yeah. Come in,” I reply, closing my laptop so nothing is obstructing my view.
It’s pointless to have multiple monitors on my desk like others prefer since I’m gone such a large portion of the year.
My former therapist would also claim it’s another way for me to avoid putting roots down.
Probably the same reason why my office remains completely devoid of any personal touches after twelve years.
Jake takes a seat in front of my desk, crossing one leg over his knee, smiling slightly.
“How can I help?” I ask, curious what he might want, considering it’s only been a few days since our team meeting about the tour. I might lose my shit if he wants to make changes to the schedule or his rider.
Who am I kidding?
I’ll give him a death stare, then ultimately do whatever he wants. After all, he’s the boss, and I always follow a direct order.
Call it a consequence of military training that spills over into every aspect of my life.
“Wanted to check in to see how you’re doing. You weren’t acting like yourself when we met. Thought you might need a friend to talk to.”
“Everything’s fine. Just have a lot on my mind,” I reply, hoping he’ll drop the subject.
Definitely don’t want to divulge the numerous inappropriate thoughts I was having about his new roommate.
Or share how being around Chelsi torments my soul, knowing I’ll never be worthy of her.
It would be ludicrous to mention to my boss how my brain stops working whenever she’s nearby.
All the blood pooling in my cock, making it impossible for the rest of my body to function properly.
Nope. Definitely saying none of those things to Jake.
Jake crinkles his brow and frowns. “Fine is never good. I’ve learned that much from Kate.” He drapes his arm around the other chair sitting next to him. “Any chance this has something to do with my new roomie?”
Fuck.
Did I do something to give it away?
Did she notice the reaction I was having to her and say something?
All of a sudden, the temperature in the room climbs, causing me to break out in a sweat.
It doesn’t make any sense why the mere thought of Chelsi has this effect on me.
It shouldn’t. I’ve been trained to withstand multiple days of torture behind enemy lines without batting an eye.
But talking about her breaks down all my walls, making me vulnerable for the first time in a long time—maybe forever.
“No. Why would it?” I swallow hard, hoping Jake can’t read the emotions raging inside me.
“Just curious. You seemed to get flustered when she walked into the room. That never happens.” He smirks, leaning further back in the chair. “Are you interested in her?”
I shake my head. “Definitely not. You know I don’t date. Don’t plan on starting.”
He squints his eyes, appraising me like he’s trying to ascertain whether I’m telling the truth.
“If you say so. What’s bothering you, then?
I know Jason dumped a lot on you with the tour changes.
He may not be the best at communicating, but you’re doing a great job.
I’ve heard you’re helping out the other impacted tours, too.
Meeting with them to help map out logistics.
No one else in this town would do anything like that.
It’s why you’re such an instrumental part of my team. ”
My mouth goes dry. Compliments always make me uncomfortable. I never heard them growing up, and they were few and far between in the military. Instead, success was considered not getting yelled at.
“Thanks. Work is important to me. I want to make sure you and the rest of the team have what you need. Don’t want to screw anything up for anyone who counts on me.”
Jake rests his elbows on his knees, looking directly at me. “I don’t think it’s in your DNA to fuck something up, Alex. You care too much and would likely fix any mistakes before someone else finds out.”
I nod, agreeing with him. It’s exactly how I’ve lived my life—at least most of it, except for the one time I made a rash decision with lingering consequences.
“Besides checking in on you, I wanted to invite you to a barbecue that Kate and I are hosting for the team. Thought it would be nice to get the band and crew together with their families before we head out on the road. Time to enjoy each other’s company before rehearsal and staging practices start up. ”
“Really? That’s nice of you. Are you planning to do this moving forward instead of the usual end-of-tour party?” I ask, making an internal note to update my schedule accordingly based on his answer.
Jake flashes a wide grin. “We’re doing both.
It was kinda a spur-of-the-moment decision.
Felt like everyone could use some camaraderie.
” He pauses, arching his eyebrows slightly.
“Can you get me a list of everyone who’s committed to working the tour and their contact information?
I’ll have Max handle the invites. Don’t want to add anything else to your already overflowing list.”
“Yep. I’ll get that over to him this afternoon. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Nope. Just make sure your calendar is clear next weekend and show up.” Jake stands, catching my gaze once again.
“I know prep for this tour has been way more effort than normal, but I have a feeling we’re about to have our best one yet.
It’ll be because of your hard work. The long hours I know you’ve put in over the past few months and the even longer ones you’ll have throughout the tour. None of it goes unnoticed, Alex.”
“Thanks,” I reply, struggling to get the word out.
Jake nods, raps his knuckles on my desk before leaving my office.
I slouch slightly in my chair, exhaling deeply as I mentally shuffle through our conversation, wondering whether I covered up my tracks enough about the feelings I have toward Chelsi.
He can’t find out how much she occupies my thoughts.
How I wish she were in my bed every night.
What I would give for one chance to be with her.
Fuck. I need to get a hold of my goddamn emotions.
Lock this shit down.
I can’t be fantasizing about a future with her. Definitely not like the other night when I immediately left Jake’s house and went home to jerk off in the shower because I couldn’t get my erection to go down any other way.
Why does she have this pull over me that I can’t explain or control?
How do I make it stop?
We can’t be together; I could never give her what she deserves.
Not that she would ever go for someone like me. She’s way too far out of my league, no matter how much I wish it weren’t the case.