9. Morning After
9
MORNING AFTER
I t was early when Alberto opened his eyes. The curtains were closed, plunging the room into a soft, cosy darkness. When he moved his legs, he felt Mathias’s heat close by; his lip curled up. He twisted his neck and found him asleep, his brow knitted as though he was having a bad dream. Alberto slowly turned over and almost pressed his finger to his forehead, but in the end, he didn’t want to wake him. Not yet.
About last night, he couldn’t recall much. Only the feeling of sinking into a pleasant state, as if he were enveloped in a plush and warm blanket. Maybe that’s what had happened after all. Alberto simply drank some wine and woke in his own bed with Mathias by his side, like he had jumped through a wormhole and ended right where he was supposed to. And even if he was feeling dehydrated, at least he had slept well. He checked the door, saw that it was locked, and praised himself for remembering to keep the Devil out of his safe space for the night.
Alberto was an expert at being quiet. He always had been. He slid from under the covers without stirring Mathias and tiptoed into his bathroom, closing the door behind him. After drinking three glasses of water, he brushed his teeth until his mouth didn’t feel so dry anymore, and he scrubbed himself in the shower until his skin was raw.
Afterwards, he stood at the foot of his bed for a long time, dressed in new briefs and smelling of his favourite soap. Mathias hadn’t moved at all. Perhaps he had fallen asleep really late because they had been up to no good. In any case, though he looked a little out of place under Alberto’s comforter, the latter still felt a bizarre urge not to wake him. Alas, he would have to, sooner or later. Mathias couldn’t stay here forever; there was danger in being here.
But for now, all these worries were meaningless. They were alone, the door was locked, and Alberto had other plans.
He slipped back under the covers and cosied up to Mathias’s warm body. How do you wake the one you like? Should he whisper words like secret spells into his ear? I like you. If only you knew how much I like you. If you wake up now, it means you like me, too.
He’d never had to ask himself the question before. While at Mathias’s, he usually woke first and escaped the bed as soon as possible, worried his bad breath or body smell might deter Mathias from ever touching him again. Even though he planned to return to bed immediately after cleaning up, his savage little werewolf inexplicably always woke the moment he sneaked away. That being said, when Mathias roused first, Alberto would feel his burning lips clamp on the back of his neck, so he thought he would be glad to find him all clean and ready to play this morning, but since he also liked to be in charge, Alberto didn’t want to spook him by taking the lead.
Alberto studied his sleeping face while all these thoughts bounced around in his head, and he didn’t dare make the first move. Scooting closer and closer until they were nose-to-nose in the middle of the gigantic bed, he admired Mathias’s handsome features in silence, especially the thickness of his eyelashes. When, with a thumping heart, he discovered the previously unnoticed freckles on his nose, Alberto decided he’d cheat a little. He found Mathias’s hand and positioned it on his buttock. Then, he waited.
Mathias’s instinct took over before Alberto’s eyes. His fingers twitched, then groped, then squeezed. He wasn’t even awake before he was seeking Alberto’s lips. Their kiss was soft yet possessive, with Mathias’s arm coiling around Alberto’s waist, drawing him closer like an enchanted vine. Alberto slid his hand up his neck, and when Mathias’s eyelids fluttered open, he finally saw his eyes, as soothing as they were overpowering. Alberto’s breath caught at the sight. Mathias gazed at him without seeing him at first, and then it was like someone had poked him with a fire iron: the warmth in his eyes turned to ice, and he jerked back.
“Hey.” Mathias cleared his throat and rolled away from him .
Alberto thought he’d startled him. He chased after his warmth by pressing himself into his space. “Hey.”
Come on, he’d even shampooed his hair with the product he knew Mathias loved — by the way he often woke to his nose buried in his hair. Now wasn’t the time to get shy. But to his surprise, Mathias threw off the covers and immediately began dressing.
Alberto watched him with a sinking heart. He had left their bed the first half a dozen times and never once imagined that Mathias could feel as dejected as what he was experiencing right now. But to watch him jump into his jeans as though his life depended on it…
Alberto discreetly sniffed his own armpit and didn’t find anything wanting.
“Everything okay?” His voice came out a little cold, but it was still better than sounding whiny.
“Everything’s fine,” Mathias said, both arms already in his sweater.
But Alberto was aware of when he was being lied to. “Was I very drunk?”he asked.
That was the only thing that came to mind. The only reason Mathias would be so eager to get away from him. And indeed, Mathias’s movements finally paused, and he let out a thin laugh.
“Now I know why you never drink.”
Alberto swallowed a lump. “What did I do?”
Mathias was all dressed up now. He briefly met Alberto’s eyes, only to look away. “Can you get me out of here unnoticed, then?” he asked his window, burying his fists deep into his pockets.
Alberto observed his hoodie. It wasn’t the one Mathias once lent him at the museum. No, that one was tucked away like a precious treasure in one of Alberto’s drawers, to be worn only when he was safe in his room and in need of a reminder of the scent of his skin. This one was light grey, the same he wore when they first met and Mathias had cut the wind off him.
And now, Alberto felt just the same, like all the air had been sucked out of the room.
“Yes.” His tone had dropped by a hundred degrees. “Of course.”
What could he do now except deal with the current situation to the best of his abilities — lift his chin up and play it cool — and wait for Mathias to return to him, in need of his next fix? Alberto shook himself off and went to his dressing table, where Dina had laid his clothes for today. Mathias watched him get dressed with a knitted brow.
“What is it?” Alberto asked .
“Does your mother choose your clothes for you, too?”
“It’s one less decision to make in the morning.” Mathias’s frown deepened, so he added, “Besides, she knows what’s good for me.”
“Does she, really?”
“Yes.” Alberto buttoned his shirt with an air of aloofness. “What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing,” Mathias said, but his tone was sour, and it was obvious he thought Alberto was just spoiled.
It’s just clothes , Alberto wanted to say. She wants to take care of me, and I love being taken care of. Don’t overthink it . But Mathias had already put his jacket over his hoodie and was hovering by the door. Alberto grabbed a cardigan and led him out into the corridor.
On a Saturday morning after one of their parties, it would be impossible to find Mamma awake, so they didn’t have to worry about running into her. Dina would be downstairs preparing their next meal. But like his daughter, Dimitri was a machine and hardly ever slept; it would be best to avoid him altogether, and Alberto knew how. He silently led Mathias down and tucked him away in a corner, but when he heard Dimitri pacing in his office, he realised his plan to let Mathias out by the smaller exit at the back of the house would be impossible. His shoulders sagged; his only other option was the front door, and if Stasia was around, she would probably sniff them out like the harpy she was.
There was no other choice. Mathias looked so tense, Alberto didn’t want to antagonise him further. He quietly unlocked the door and feigned innocence when Mathias frowned at the security camera above the door. Alberto waved his hand dismissively; he knew unless they were burglarised, Dimitri would never check the footage.
This time, they got lucky. They flew over the lawn, keeping close to the edge of the property, and in no time, Alberto, breathless, was unlocking the gate.
“Unnoticed,” he said. “As you wanted.”
“Thanks,” Mathias slipped out, his gaze locked on the pavement. “Have a nice weekend.” He pulled his hood over his head and walked away.
He usually said, See you later, I’ll text you , or whatever. But not today. Today was Have a nice weekend , something he’d never said before. Alberto stared after him until Mathias had turned the corner at the end of the street, then he shut the gate, his chest tight. What did that mean, Have a nice weekend, anyway? Have a nice weekend, gorgeous, I’ll miss you wasn’t the same as Sure, have a nice time on your own, loser . And Alberto immediately started thinking Mathias definitely meant something sinister. Have a nice weekend, you vain, useless prick .
Alberto stood in a chilly draft, wondering what he had done last night, when Stasia appeared out of nowhere, her arms folded over her chest.
“There he is again,” she said in a smooth voice. “Your boy friend. What’s his name again?”
Alberto ignored her and trudged back toward the house. Naturally, she followed, remaining one or two steps behind.
“You were so noisy last night. You think I wouldn’t hear?”
“Sorry,” Alberto muttered, uncertain what she meant by that.
“Sneaking in drunk in the middle of the night.” She trotted up to his side. “I didn’t think you had it in you, to be honest.”
When he didn’t answer, she quickened her pace and knocked into him. “I haven’t said anything to Daddy yet. He doesn’t know you’re a homo.”
Alberto snorted. “Everyone knows I’m a ‘homo’. Including your daddy.”
For heaven’s sake, it’s not like he wanted it to be a secret like Mathias. Alberto wasn’t in the metaphorical closet everyone always talked about. He wasn’t ashamed; he just thought his sexuality, just like everything else about him, was his business until he decided otherwise. And possibly… until he found himself a boyfriend whom he would feel safe walking the streets hand in hand with.
“You’re right,” Stasia said. “He always suspected you, anyway.” She gripped his arm. “What about your friend? Does he know? He’s sort of hot, isn’t he? He sure doesn’t look unnatural to me.”
“Unnatural…” Alberto shook his head. “You want to see something unnatural? Look in the mirror.”
He stretched his hand out to open the front door, but Stasia blocked it with her body, her eyes glinting. “Did you do something to him last night? Is that why he was so eager to run away this morning?”
Alberto’s hand froze mid-air. Was that it? He went too far when he was drunk and tried to force Mathias into doing something he didn’t want to? God knows he was capable of it. And in his state last night… Why couldn’t he recall a thing? What if, what if… Was he really that far gone?
Stasia burst out a laugh, yanking him back to reality. “Oh god, I’m right, aren’t I? You put your gay hands on him in the middle of the night and scared him away?” Her face split into a wide toothy grin. “Or… did he search through your room and find your?—”
“Shut up!”
Alberto whirled around and started off toward the other side of the house. Stasia didn’t follow him but called after him, her voice full of glee, “Remember, Albertino. I’m the only friend you’ve got!”
Once he was back in his room, the key safely hidden in the elephant, Alberto finally released a breath. His heart was throbbing in his chest; he put his hand over it and dug his fingers into his skin.
It wasn’t possible. He was different; he wouldn’t have taken advantage of Mathias. Even if he were that vicious, there was no chance Mathias would ever let himself be victimised. Not him. He wouldn’t.
But there was that other possibility… Fearing Stasia’s assumption was true, Alberto scanned around his room for anything out of place. Nothing appeared to have moved. In the bathroom, Alberto discovered Mathias had used a toothbrush head and a washcloth. Alberto pounced open the drawers under the sink and found everything where it should be. He returned to his room and fell back on his bed with a sigh of relief.
He was overthinking it. Stasia had only meant to hurt him; it didn’t mean she was right. Mathias was the strangest being Alberto had ever met. He probably felt awkward waking up in Alberto’s bed, in this unfamiliar house. He probably felt nervous about coming across people who’d assume they had spent the night together. Rich, selfish shits . That was it. It had to be.
There was nothing to fear. Tomorrow, everything would be back to normal.