22 #2
‘Okay, but please be careful. I want you to come home in one piece, okay, honey?’
A clattering sound comes from the kitchen. Rory trips over the edge of the rug and nearly drops his plate as he goes to make another pancake. He manages to right himself, but the grunt he made as he fell doesn’t escape my mum’s eager ears.
‘Oh, is that David there, can I say hi? And is Tilly around?’
‘Uh…’ I glance back and forth between Rory and the phone in my hand as I hesitate.
‘That was actually them leaving, they’re heading to the chairlift early to get in some extra runs,’ I lie, before changing the subject. ‘How’s everything with you and Dad, any news yet on the pilot?’
I hear her sigh on the other end of the line. ‘He heard back yesterday, but I’m afraid it’s bad news. The studio ran out of funding and decided to axe it. He’s trying to find a new project, but it’s a bit of a blow.’
My stomach drops as I imagine Dad getting the call. I think back to the last time we spoke, when he sounded so excited and I crossed all my fingers and toes for him. He really needed this – they both did.
‘I’m so sorry. I wish I could be there. Maybe this’ll mean he has some more time to work on the play for Fringe though?’
I try to find a positive, remembering the idea for a play he told me about that had faded into the background due to the work on the pilot.
I hear her wince on the other end of the line and her voice lowers. ‘Maybe, but it’s not looking great on that front either. The costs of taking a show to Edinburgh each year keep increasing, and without this pilot, it’s a bit touch and go as to whether he’ll have enough.’
I chew at my lip. I was worried she might say something like that. ‘I can help you out if you need? It’s not like I’m paying any rent at the moment. Let me know, okay?’
‘Oh darling, you really don’t have to,’ she says, but she doesn’t push any further than that, and that’s how I know she really needs it.
‘It’s fine, Mum, I’m happy to help, and I’ll come round as soon as I’m back, okay? I’ve got to go, but we’ll talk later?’
‘How did I get such a wonderful daughter?’
I smile, knowing how much weight I will have taken off her shoulders and knowing it’s all worth it for that. When she lands her next role, or Dad gets the green light on a project, the joy we’ll all share will pay me back tenfold.
‘Have a wonderful time today, and stay safe please! Sending all our love.’
‘I love you both, too.’
We finish the call and I hang up to find Rory leaning against the kitchen island, his eyes scanning over my face.
‘Everything okay?’
‘Yeah, it’s nothing,’ I say, unconvincingly. ‘Got a not-so-great update from my mum.’
I finish my pancake while continuing to look out at the view, already mentally making a list of ways I can cut down my spending over the next month so I can squirrel away enough money for them.
I can tell Rory’s waiting for me to elaborate or talk about it more, but that would require opening up to him about absolutely everything to do with my life. And although part of me wants to, especially after what he’s revealed about his dad, I don’t think I can.
That conversation with my mum was the reality check I needed at this exact moment, when I might’ve been tempted to throw caution to the wind and let myself tumble into the unknown with Rory.
Whatever this is that’s happening between us, it’s a fantasy.
I may not have much waiting for me in London, but I do have a family that needs me and a job that means I can support them.
Letting myself think I could throw that away for something that will likely only end in a mess goes against everything I’ve always done.
Every plan I’ve made that keeps me on the path I need to be on.
I’m already taking a leap by ending things with Adam for good, I need to find my stability again instead of jumping into something that’s unknown and crazy.
That’s why when I look at Rory, still watching me like he’s trying to figure me out, then I look around at this crazy apartment and think over the last twenty-four hours, I know I need to quit while I still can.
‘I should go.’
I speed walk back to his bedroom, searching for where I piled up my own clothes.
I start pulling them on, hesitating when I realise I have to take off his hoodie.
I throw it off before I can think about how much I’d like to keep it and pull my own over my head.
When I turn around, dressed back in my own clothes, he’s in the doorway blocking my rushed exit.
‘We’ve still got some time before class, maybe we should talk about whatever’s got you running around like you’re in an escape room?’
‘It’s nothing. I just remembered I need to get home and talk to the girls about something.
’ I try to sound flippant, like it isn’t a blatant lie, but I know my tone and vagueness aren’t convincing anyone.
I gather up the rest of my things and make for the doorway with my head down, only to run into Rory’s hard chest.
He places both his hands on my shoulders, bending down to try and catch my gaze, which is set firmly on the carpet at my feet. ‘Hey hey, slow down. What’s wrong? Talk to me?’
The way he asks so gently nearly makes me crack. Something’s changed between us because of last night. I know we can both feel it, but I can’t let myself waver. Instead, I look him in the eyes as I step back, increasing the distance between us.
‘Nothing’s wrong. Last night was amazing, and I’m so sorry about everything with your dad. I know that can’t have been easy to talk about, and I’m so grateful you shared that with me. But I think it’s time we both go our own ways.’
I watch as his eyes squint at me in confusion, his eyebrows furrowed, but I push on.
‘Tomorrow, I’ll be done with classes, and then in a week I’ll be boarding my flight back to London.
Back to my life, and you’ll be here in yours, and it’s pretty clear we don’t run in the same circles so even though it’s happened twice, I doubt we’ll see each other again.
So, thank you for everything, but I think it’s time we both accept that whatever this is, it’s done now.
If you’ll excuse me, I’ll see myself out. ’
I try to sneak out through the gap at his side, but his hand shoots out and presses against the frame, blocking me in.
‘What if you stayed?’
‘What?’
‘You heard me, what if you spent the next week with me. And what if you didn’t get on that plane?’
I stare at him, open-mouthed, and try to register what he’s saying. He takes my silence as the cue to keep going.
‘Correct me if I’m wrong, but when I’ve asked you before about your life back home, you didn’t seem all that happy with it.
And I’ve seen you happy. The way you smile with your friends when you’ve made it down a new ski run, or how you laugh with Penny when she says something entirely inappropriate.
Even the way you stare out at the views here like you want to paint every detail.
And yes, you light up like that when you talk about your parents, but when I asked you what else you liked, you looked different.
Not sad exactly, but almost worse, you looked resigned.
Like you’d lost your colour. So why go back? ’