Chapter 35
T he exams were successfully passed, so now Sebastian and I are heading to Lviv. When I heard about the price of our holiday in the Dominican Republic, I fell silent for a few minutes.
Of course, I knew that my mother's flower shop brings her a lot of money, Svyatoslav is also engaged in some kind of business. And Sebastian's wallet is not small. He bought a Rolex last week and new car, and it was when he just went to the store to buy bread.
I’m the only person in our family who is not yet earning. Which makes me feel even worse.
The only gift I can give Sebastian is to not spoil his mood during the vacation.
About an hour later, when we get home, I ask my mother in my room:
"How did you deal with it? With the loss of father?" She takes a deep breath and sits down next to me.
"I didn't, Amelia." Mom squeezes my hand, and tears are already falling from her eyes. "But I learned to live with it. Every day I miss him, every day I cry, but at the same time I learned to love, maybe now in different way, but to love. I’m happy that Svyat appeared to me, it’s my chance for a new life."
"And what about dad?"
"Your dad would never forgive me if he saw my teary eyes and how much I miss him. He would want me to live my life. Love. Rejoice." I nod and wipe away my tears.
"And Denys too, Ami. Believe me, he would want you to be happy."
"I cannot be happy without him."
"Someday you will be able to," says my mother, and my heart sinks,
"someday you will start living again."
And my heart aches at those words, because the truth is, I don't want this. I don't want to live with someone else, love someone else, be happy without him. We had to go through this together, and I don't have the right to do it alone.
Or do it with Danylo. Every encounter we have with him seems wrong. Our every touch equals the destruction of our lives. Every conversation we have makes us fall in love with each other even more. And that's wrong. Everything we do is wrong.
But I don't want to tell my mother about it, I don't want to drag her into an abyss from which I will never get out.
"Have you already decided whether you will return to work at the hospital?"
"I don't think I will have time for that."
"Do as you see fit, dear, and I will always support you." Mom kisses me on the forehead and leaves the walls of my room.
Of course, one of the reasons why I don't want to go back is studying, in the first semester I went to the internship after lessons or on weekends, but in the second year I think it will be much more difficult to do.
Well, the main reason why I am looking for all these excuses is Danylo. We don't need to see each other. We almost never cross paths at university, so it won't be a problem.
I take a book from the shelf, turn on the lamp and start reading. Sometimes it's good to escape from this world and immerse yourself in another.