Chapter 41
I sleep most of the day and wake up only at six in the evening. My stomach grumbles, my head spins, I feel like I'm going to throw up. I reach for the phone and call the food delivery service in my mind, but a knock on the door interrupts me.
"Food delivery, called?"
I frown, did I fall asleep again and did they bring me food yet? Yeah, that was definitely my last time getting that drunk.
The door opens.
"Are you still in bed, Amelia?" Danylo laughs and approaches me.
He leans down and kisses my forehead.
"What are you doing here?" I get up from the bed and sit on a chair.
Fortunately, in the morning I didn’t have enough strength to undress before going to bed, and I fell asleep in my clothes.
"I brought you food, I thought that maybe you were hungry."
And even though I'm mad at him, I'm really hungry right now, so kicking him out of the room just wouldn't be smart.
"You left yesterday," I begin, "without even explaining anything." "I'm sorry." He answers briefly. "And?" I am surprised. "That's all?" Danylo sits on my bed.
"I was scared."
I move closer to him. Danylo folded his hands together and bowed his head down.
"I didn't know how to tell you all this time, Amelia, but I'm going abroad."
I think I stopped being aware of words. I stopped understanding their meaning. He what?
"Where?" I finally say. A lump has already formed in my throat, which painfully squeezes me.
"To the States."
The pause between us was too long. I know that I should be happy for him, I know that I should support him. I know, but I can't.
"Say something." He touches my hand.
"I don’t know what to say." I shake my head.
"I'm sorry, Amelia."
"No," I smile, "you have nothing to regret, you are worthy of this, worthy of the states, worthy of a good future. I shouldn't have hoped that you would stay with me."
"Did you want me to stay?"
I look into his pained eyes and nod.
"If I had known earlier, then..."
"No," I object, "I wouldn't let you refuse it."
He presses his lips together and takes my hand in his. We cross our fingers, knowing that soon we won't be able to do this anymore.
"When did you decide?"
"Before the new year. I thought it would be easier for both of us. I didn't want to go until Zlata and her secrets. I just need to be alone. Think about everything and understand what I want."
I am silent. Maybe he's right. Maybe if we still hadn't talked, I would have continued to hold a grudge against him, but the grudge would have faded over time, like the feelings.
And now? How can I go on knowing that our feelings are mutual, but we will never be together.
"You have no reason to be sad, Amelia." He touches my chin. "We knew from the very beginning that this relationship was doomed to failure."
It hurts. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to talk.
"When are you leaving?"
"In a month, I will pass all the exams and go."
"So we have a month?" Danylo smiles.
"What do you mean?"
"We have a month to love each other, and then let go and live our own lives."
"Do you know that it will hurt later?"
"I never stopped feeling pain."
"If you really want it, then let's spend this month together, falling madly in love with each other. Although I am not sure that I will be able to fall in love with you even more."
"I believe you," I smile and sit down next to Danylo.
This is how our strongest love began, which from the very beginning was doomed to failure.
We only had a month. A month to love each other and prepare for the fact that one day it will all be gone.
An internship awaited Danylo in the states, and I still had a few more years of university. There was no chance for us to continue our relationship.
Therefore, we loved each other for exactly thirty days.
We loved each other to death. Opening new worlds and giving unforgettable emotions every day. Every time I looked into his eyes I felt calm, I felt that I was alive.
I had a heart transplant, so I could live, but only when I met him I finally started breathing.
Denys, you and I were connected by heart. You literally saved for me. And I loved you as much as a human soul can. Because of you, I lived, breathed, existed. But then he appeared. Damn snarky, but painfully loving. He knew I would never love him as much as I love you. Knew and didn't leave. It's been exactly one thousand eighty-six days since I lost you and a part of me. And less than an hour had passed since I realised that I love him.