Chapter 7
Stewart
The Rusty Spur wasn’t as crowded as I expected, which meant there must not be a live band tonight.
That was fine with me. I wasn’t all that excited about coming out tonight, but I had an ulterior motive.
Rita had said that if I showed progress she would sign the paperwork.
I wanted to be done with her as my therapist so I could finally see what was going on between us.
I was even more motivated thanks to seeing her hug that guy in the hospital.
What if I were running out of time? Then again, she could already be taken.
But I was having a hard time believing she would almost let me kiss her if she was involved with someone else.
I looked around for Crewe Hawthorne. We were supposed to be meeting tonight. It felt weird being out when I hadn’t done a full day’s work, but until I was back in uniform, I didn’t have a choice.
It also felt weird being here without my unit.
We used to always grab a beer or two every Thursday and shoot a couple games of pool.
I missed those days. I couldn’t wait for everyone to get out of the hospital so we could get back to our normal routine.
I didn’t think that I would be able to do any of it again until it was all of us.
“Stu,” Crewe yelled. I nodded in his direction and then pointed to the long bar to let him know I was getting a drink first.
I’d called Crewe because he was easier to hang out with than the other guys on my team. It also helped that he hadn’t been there when everything went down. He’d actually been one of the pararescue leaders that pulled us out the fire. We all owed him so much.
What really helped was that he reminded me so much of Rex.
They weren’t the same age, but there was something about him that made me feel like I was grabbing a drink with my little brother.
That was something I wished Rex and I got to do more often.
I could count on my fingers how many times we had been able to go out and just be guys.
Maybe he had been right. I should try to get home soon.
“Hey, Major. I haven’t seen you in here for a minute,” Jenny, or Jet, as we sometimes called her, said. “You want the usual?”
“Sure.” I was surprised Mick wasn’t working. He was this old timer who was as weathered and grizzly as this bar. He loved telling stories about all the different bar fights he’d witnessed over the years. His stories were always both entertaining and frustrating when you weren’t in the mood.
“Here you go.” She pushed the glass toward me. “Good to see you back.”
“Thanks.” I picked up the glass and walked over to the table where Crewe was sitting.
“I was beginning to think you’d turned into a hermit.” He laughed.
“Nope.” I took a sip. It had been a while since I’d had a beer.
Between the accident and then not coming out with the guys, I hadn’t been drinking.
Not that I was ever a big drinker in the first place.
It was hard to get hammered when you could get called on duty at any moment and would be holding someone’s life in your hands.
“What’s been going on?” He finished off the drink in front of him and lifted his hand for another. “You back in uniform yet?”
“Soon.” I was hoping that if I followed all of Rita’s rules, I’d be able to get her to sign off on my release for active-duty next week. After that, it was only a matter of time before we’d be done with the therapy and on to other things.
“That sucks.” He smiled at the server who brought him his drink. “I bet the guys miss you.”
“Not as much as I miss being part of the unit.” I twisted my glass back and forth.
One of the other things Crewe and I had in common was family legacy.
He joined because his father was also a pararescue leader.
He had way more siblings than I did, all of them brothers, but he understood the pressure of following in a parent’s footsteps.
It wasn’t completely the same, but it counted.
“I hear ya.” He took a drink. “I’d be lost without my unit.”
“Yeah.” I kept playing with my glass.
“So what have you been up to during your downtime?” He took a drink.
“Not a lot.” I leaned back in the chair. “I’ll be glad when I can get back to work.”
“You should take advantage of the time off.” He followed my actions and relaxed back. “I’d get as much done as I could. Knowing my family, they’d probably move in with me until I was back in uniform. Especially my mom.”
“Mine is on me to come out and visit.”
“You should go.” Crewe nodded. “I’m sure you could get leave, and it might do you some good to get away.”
“What would do me some good is getting back to work.” I cracked my knuckles. “I need to get back to my guys.”
Crewe stared at me. His eyes smaller than normal. The irises almost pitch dark. “You doing alright, Stu?”
“I’m fine.” I was getting really tired of repeating myself.
“Are you really?” He sat forward and rested his arms on the table. “Do they have you seeing someone?”
“How did you know?”
“Dad’s always telling me stories.” He replied.
“Ah.”
“Is it helping?” He asked.
“I’m here.” I looked around the room. My chest tightened as I focused on the table in the corner that would normally seat my unit. I could almost hear them laughing.
“Are you?” I turned back to him. “Are you really here?”
“Are you trying to get insightful with me?” I laughed, but he didn’t follow suit.
“It’s alright to need help.” He surprised me by admitting. Most people saw him as the cocky little kid on base.
“I’m fine,” I said one more time. “I just.” I took a long breath.
“I don’t know who I am without the uniform.
” I admitted. “My contract is coming due, and if I don’t get back beforehand, I might not get back at all.
” It was something that had been weighing on me since the accident.
If anything, that was what was causing my stress.
Not PTSD. I was a soldier. Who would I be if you took that away?
“Stay the course.” He nodded. “You’ll get back in time.”
“I hope so.” I twisted my head when I heard a laugh that I thought was Rita’s. It turned out to be some other woman sitting with a guy a few tables over.
“You know them?” Crewe looked at the table.
“No, she just reminded me of someone.” I shook my head.
“Really?” Crewe smiled. “Who is this person?”
I took a breath. “Someone I’m not sure I can have.”
“Damn.” He leaned closer. “She isn’t married, is she?”
“What?” I tensed up. “Fuck no. I don’t do that shit.”
“I didn’t think so, but why else would she be off limits?”
“It’s complicated.” I told him.
“This gets more and more intriguing.” He laughed. “Especially because I thought you didn’t date.”
“I don’t, but there’s something about this woman that I can’t shake.” I admitted. “She feels different. Important.”
“Then go for it and don’t let anything stop you.” He patted the table. “If she’s really important, then you owe it to yourself to find out just how important she is.”
He was right. Fuck the rules. This was one time I was beginning to think they were made to be broken.
“I’m glad to see you working out again.” Devon stood behind the weight bench spotting me.
He was second in command of the unit. I hadn’t expected him to still be at the gym when I walked in, but it was nice working out with him.
It felt normal. Like I was on track to getting back into my past routine.
“I never stopped.” I lowered the bar to my chest and lifted it back up.
“I haven’t seen you in here.” He commented. “None of the other guys mentioned seeing you either.”
I did a couple more lifts before putting the bar back in its holder. “We’ve probably just been working out at different times.” I sat up. There was no need to let him know that I’d been avoiding the team and coming when I knew they were busy.
“I’m sure that’s what it was.” I looked over. His eyes didn’t waiver as he stared back at me.
“Have something you want to say?”
“Nothing much.” He didn’t back down. “Only that it feels like you’ve shut yourself off from the rest of us, and it fucking sucks ass.” He’d never been one to beat around the bush. I was actually a little surprised it had taken him this long to call me on my shit.
“I needed the space.”
“I get that, Stu, but you straight ghosted the guys as if we didn’t need you as much as Kai, Rylan, and Andre.
You would have thought we were a one-night stand that kept calling over and over again.
” He crossed his arms. “You could have said something, anything. Every guy on the team would have understood. With everything that happened, we all needed time. But we needed you too. We roll together, we stick together, we come home together.” It was something we always said before every mission.
He was right. I’d left them out in the cold, and that wasn’t something you did to your team. We were brothers, and I’d never have done this to Rex. I shouldn’t have done it to them either.
Every time I call you keep sending me to voicemail. Rex’s voice resounded in my head. Maybe I’d been treating all my brothers wrong.
“I’m sorry, man.” I stood. “I didn’t mean to treat you and the guys like that. It won’t happen again.” It was a promise. No matter what happened with my renewal, I was going to have to follow through and make sure I was here for each of them whenever they needed me.
“It’s all good, Major.” He held out his hand, and we embraced. “Now let’s get you back in shape.”
I pushed him away. “Are you kidding? I’m in far better shape than you.”
“I don’t think so.” He laughed. “You’ve probably spent half your downtime sitting on the couch, eating chips, and watching reality TV.”
“Yep, and I think I saw some of your family on a couple of those shows. It was really sad. You might want to help them out.” I punched him in the arm, and we moved onto the free weights.
Forty-five minutes later, I was sweating my ass off and ready for a shower.
I let the hot water run over my body. My mind was clear for the first time in quite a while.
I closed my eyes and relaxed. My mind went back to those last few moments with Rita at the dog rescue.
The feel of her body against mine. The small taste of her lips.
The feel of her breath washing over my skin.
Fuck. If I didn’t stop, I was going to end up jerking off.
If I were at home, it wouldn’t be an issue, but I was in the middle of the fucking gym shower and there was nothing private about where I was standing.
I rushed to finish, making sure I didn’t spend too long on my cock, and got out.
Rylan was getting released today, and I wanted to make sure I was there in case he needed anything or if something went sideways.
Perhaps later I’d make another call to the hotline and ask for Rita.
She might not think we needed to talk about what happened, but I knew we did.
Our next meeting was in a couple days, and I wanted this settled before I walked into her office.
I rushed through getting dressed and out the door. It wasn’t until I went to plug my phone up to charge that I noticed I had a missed call and a new message.
“Play messages.” I instructed the phone after I turned on the car and pulled out of my parking space.
“You have one new voicemail.” The computerized female voice spoke through the radio. “Hi Major Harris.” The voice changed to Rita’s. “I’m calling to inform you that because of unforeseen circumstances, I won’t be able to continue your sessions.”
“What?” I practically screamed.
“I’m sorry for any inconvenience this might cause.
” She kept going. Her voice was completely professional and devoid of emotion.
I’d done that voice myself when delivering bad news.
“I’ve referred you to a colleague, Aspen Archer.
She has all your information and already has you scheduled for Wednesday at eleven. ” That was tomorrow.
“Again, I am sorry for any inconvenience, but I believe this is for the best. Good luck with your sessions. I’m sure you will be back to your patients soon.” The voicemail ended.
What the hell? If Rylan didn’t need me I’d turn the car around and drive right to her office, but I wouldn’t do that to my team. Especially after my talk with Devon.
Dana shook her head when I walked into the room. “I should have known you would find a way to be here.” But she let me stay.
I kept a smile on my face and made sure Rylan got out of the clinic without any complications.
When he made it home, the rest of the guys were there.
The evening turned into one big barbecue and an overall fun night.
I laughed with them and joked and did all the things I was supposed to do.
I was the leader that I had forgotten to be while not in uniform.
Later that night, while lying in bed trying to sleep, I played Rita’s message over again.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was about more than our attraction.
Did this have something to do with my seeing her at the hospital?
Was something seriously wrong with her? What the hell was she hiding?
I called the hotline and repeated the same thing I told them the first time they put me through to Rita.
“Please hold while we contact your therapist.” I waited, but it didn’t take long for them to return. “Just a second.” The phone clicked, and then there was an unknown voice.
“This is Ms. Archer.”
I pulled the phone from the side of my face and looked at it in confusion.
“Where is Rita?”
“May I ask who’s calling?”
“Stewart Harris.”
The line was silent for a quick moment. “Ah, Major Harris. Your file was transferred to me. I have you scheduled for tomorrow. Ms. Fontaine is no longer your primary therapist.”
I ran my hand through my hair. “I need to speak to Rita.”
“If you’re in crisis I can help just as easily as Ms. Fontaine.”
“Fine.” I grunted. “I’ll see you in the morning.” I hung up. She didn’t even care enough to say goodbye to my face.
I put the phone on my nightstand and turned out the lights. Hopefully, she’ll be at the office when I get there tomorrow, and we’d be able to talk before her coworkers reported I was stalking her and I never got back in uniform.