Chapter 6
Rita
As soon as I got back to work, I ran straight for Aspen’s office and knocked. I really needed someone to talk to, but I waited until she replied before walking in. I didn’t want to barge in if she was with a patient.
She turned her pale green eyes up to take me in. Her long red hair was pulled back in a ponytail today, and she wore the barest hint of makeup.
“You look troubled.” She leaned back in her seat. Her normal chill demeanor gave way to the serious and sometimes intimidating look she got when working.
“Don’t do that.” I sat in one of her chairs. My mind when right to Stewart. He’d be impressed that she had these uncomfortable chairs waiting for her people to take a seat.
“What are you talking about?”
“You aren’t my therapist.” I reminded her, and she never would be. I knew she was good at her job, but we were too close for her to ever be the right fit. If I ever decided to do therapy, it would have to be with someone I didn’t go for drinks with on occasion.
“I know I’m not, and yet you knocked on my door looking like you are desperately in need of counseling.” She pointed out. “Do I need to recommend someone?”
I shook my head. I’d had enough therapy years ago to know when I needed to talk to someone and when I didn’t. At this point, I needed professional advice despite the fact I knew exactly what she was going to say. It was the same thing I would tell anyone else in my position if they came to me.
“I think I might have crossed a line with a patient.” I blurted out.
Aspen leaned forward and let her arms fall onto the desk. She was a few years older than me, so there were times it was hard not to see her as a mentor, and this was one of them.
“Crossed a line how?” She questioned.
“Last week when I met with one of my patients, I did too much and my side started hurting.” I explained. “He helped me to my car, and later that night he called the hotline in order to get to me so he could check to make sure I was okay.”
“That’s a little unorthodox, but you tend to be a little unorthodox. It doesn’t surprise me that your patients might feel the same way.” Aspen reasoned.
“Then today while we were at our latest appointment, he almost kissed me.” I closed my eyes. “And I almost let him.”
“I see.” She didn’t say anything more, so I opened my eyes. “Do I even have to say it?”
“I know, I know.” I stood up and walked around her office. “I should have transferred him to a different therapist the minute I realized I was attracted to him.”
“Why didn’t you?” She asked.
It was a good question. It was also one that I had asked myself repeatedly over the last week, and I toyed with seeing if Aspen could take Stewart or not.
It was so silly, but there was a part of me that wanted to be the one that helped him.
I wanted to get him to open up and help him get back to his life before the accident.
I understood better than most how one moment could change everything.
How life could easily be divided between what is and what was.
I wanted to know the before version Stewart.
I wanted to be the one that helped him find his way back to that man.
It was selfish and completely wrong, but I couldn’t help how I felt.
Over the last few days, it seemed to grow more and more important that it was me.
Was this how he felt about being the one that cared for his unit? If so, how did he function? There was no way you could put this much of yourself into everyone that you cared for. We’d never be able to do our jobs.
“It isn’t important.” I skated Aspen’s question. “I guess right now I need to figure out where we go from here.”
“There is nowhere do you go from here.” She pointed out. “You transfer him to a different therapist and you keep your distance.” She opened the notebook sitting on her desk. “I have an opening next week if you want me to take over.”
It was the right thing to do. The simple thing to do. “Let me think about it.”
“Rita, you’re walking a very dangerous line.” She cautioned me.
“I know.” She was right. There was no way I should see Stewart again, but I was having a hard time imagining not seeing him smile once more. I knew I’d miss that dimple. And his touch. I would miss the gentleness of his touch.
“I’ve got to go.” I headed for her door.
“Rita.”
“Keep that space open, and I will let you know.” I told her. “Thanks for the chat.”
“Be careful.” She called out as I let the door close.
I was scared it was already a little too late for that.
I pushed the leg press up with a grunt. “Three more.”
“Nate, I swear I will gut you if you make me do three more.” I threatened my physical therapist.
“You forget I trained in hand-to-hand combat.” He laughed. “Now give me three more.”
I lowered the press and pushed it back up. “You are the reason I spend half my paycheck buying bath salts.” I pushed the press up one more time.
“I’m also the reason you don’t walk with a limp.” He didn’t let up.
I so wanted to curse him, but he wasn’t wrong.
Nate had gotten me through one of the most horrific moments of my life.
We’d both been college students back then.
Full of life and excitement and the delusional belief that nothing could ever go wrong.
That was when psychology had been a back-up plan for when I’d finished playing pro ball. One instant changed all that.
“I heard you were back on the court the other day.” He leaned on the side of the machine as I finished off the last of his leg presses.
“I take patients out on the court a lot of times.” I sat up.
“Yeah, but I heard you were kicking some guy’s ass.” He laughed.
“If you aren’t careful, I’m going to kick your ass in a second.” I stood back up. Sweat damp on my skin and reached for my water bottle. “I also spent the rest of the day passed out on my couch thanks to your workouts.”
“Hey, I’m just trying to help.” He held his arms wide. “There is always the other option.”
“Nope.” I shook my head. “That is a last resort, and you know it.” I’d had enough surgery to last a lifetime.
“Then you’re gonna have to suck it up and do the therapy.”
“Fine.” I put the water bottle down. “What’s next?”
Nate put through another rotation of the different machines designed to keep all the pains at bay and keep me walking like I didn’t have far too many pins in my body to count. I knew I was lucky to be alive, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t bitch about my circumstances every once in a while.
“I’m thinking about going to Colorado Springs this weekend.” I shared when we were done. “You interested?”
“I wish I could, but Tam and I are taking the kids skiing.” His lips thinned as he said the word. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” I tightened my hold on the water bottle. “Just be careful.”
“Always.” He nodded. “We normally stay on the bunny hills.”
“Good.” I nodded. “I should get going.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Yep.” I forced a smile on my face. “You guys have fun.”
“Alright.” He patted me on the arm. “And if you get back and want some company, you’re always welcome for dinner.”
“Thanks.” I gave him a hug and turned for the elevators.
I took one step and stopped. Stewart stood right outside one of the physical therapy rooms.
“Rita?”
“Major.” I kept going toward the elevator.
“What are you doing here?” He followed me. “Is this about your side? Are you still in pain?”
“It’s private.” I pushed the button repeatedly as if that had ever in the history of the world made the thing show up faster.
“Rita, talk to me.” He turned me so we were facing each other. “Who was that guy?”
“Like I said, it’s private.” The elevator opened, and I stepped in. “Bye, Major.”
“Rita.” I was glad he didn’t hop in after me.
This was too much. First the call, then the almost kiss, and now this. Aspen was right. I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t take the chance of getting any closer to him. It was time I did the right thing.
I wiped at the tear that suddenly fell. Why did doing the right thing have to hurt so bad?