Chapter 9
“Funny how they think they know us… you ain’t lost, and out there is no us…”
Harbor
I spent most of the day shopping and sight-seeing.
Puerto Rico was warm, sunny, and beautiful.
Frequency stayed in my head while I went through the city.
After a couple of hours, I was back at the hotel.
When I stepped inside, it was obvious that I was alone.
I dropped my bags at the door and decided to order lunch.
After eating, I poured myself a glass of wine and decided to book a spa appointment for the next day.
Seated outside on the balcony, I soaked in the view in a bathing suit with a pair of shades covering my face.
With my earbuds in my ear, slow jams carried me away while I soaked up some sun.
My life had taken a turn, and I wasn’t sure where it was going.
Confusion and anxiousness submerged me. Everything that I’d gone through brought me right there, and I didn’t know where the fuck here was.
Disconnected from the world, I wondered where my place was.
Was it with Frequency? What did I want? Was what he could give me enough?
He wasn’t able to give himself to me in the way I felt like I had submitted to him.
I could swear when we were together that there was something real there, but he was showing me that it was one-sided.
I must’ve fallen asleep. I felt a warm hand on my thigh, and it jerked me out of my slumber. Snatching the sunglasses off my face, I took in Frequency beside me on the lounge chair.
“Looks like you did some damage today,” he said, studying me.
“Yeah. You said whatever I want,” I muttered, placing my sunglasses on top of my head.
“You ready for dinner? I made reservations at this spot on the water,” he told me.
“Um, yeah. I could eat. I’ll go get dressed.” I draped my legs over the chair and stood.
Frequency rose with me, giving me pause with his eyes.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
“Nah.” He shook his head.
It felt like he wanted to say something to me, but he was giving resistance.
“Okay. I’ll be ready in twenty minutes.” I bowed my head and ducked back inside the suite to get cleaned up.
* * *
The restaurant he chose was romantic as fuck.
The water sparkled as we were set up on the deck of a large yacht.
There were other people aboard, but it was some exclusive shit because we were all spread out with privacy.
I skimmed my menu, and from across the table, I could feel his electric stare.
It was hard not to since we were in such close proximity.
He brought his glass of cognac to his lips and took a gulp.
“Did I do something to you?” He sloped forward, resting an elbow on the table while fingering the hair on his chin pensively.
Slowly I brought my eyes up to his. He wasn’t intimidated.
“No,” I answered simply, and his brow furrowed.
“Clearly, I did,” he responded.
“Maybe you feel some kind of way. I’m good,” I lied, focusing back on the menu in front of me.
His hand went up, snatching it out of my hand and setting it beside him on the table. “Then why didn’t you say anything on the drive over here? This is the first time you’ve looked at me all night.”
“Does it really matter? Why do we have to talk? This is just a physical thing, right?” Both of my brows dipped above my angered orbs.
His face absolved into guilt, and he lowered his gaze to the table. Blowing out a sharp breath, he reclined in his chair.
“This was a bad idea,” he muttered, swallowing the rest of his drink and staring off.
“I couldn’t agree with you more,” I responded, arms crossing over my chest.
“The fuck you want from me, Harbor!” he hissed across the table.
“I don’t want anything from you. We can skip over all this other shit and just be business partners. Does that work for you?” I asked, tilting my head.
“That’s how you want it?” he asked. “Did I hurt your fucking feelings or something?”
I wanted to reach across the table to slap him as my eyes misted. I could actually picture my hand against his flesh.
“Fuck you!” I grit my teeth and seethed. “And I’m ready to go. I’m not hungry.” I slapped my napkin on the table and rose from my chair.
Before I could walk away, he snatched my wrist and glared up at me.
“Well, I am. Sit the fuck down,” he ordered.
“Is that what this is? A dictatorship? I’m not your fucking child!”
“Then stop acting like one!” he barked, and I froze.
Yanking away from him, I shot daggers his way.
I dropped down into the chair and wouldn’t look at him as he took his menu and looked over it.
After he ordered, I sat there and watched him eat, my loathing for him growing with each bite he took.
He was being petty, ordering more and more shit to the point where a bitch was starving.
I had to sit in my decision and pretend not to be hungry while he devoured appetizers and a steak so big and juicy my mouth salivated.
Instead, I kept drinking, knowing damn well I was going to pay for that shit later.
He chewed slowly on purpose, the whole time staring at me across the table intensely.
The thought of smashing his plate in his face crossed my mind.
“You should slow down on that wine,” he advised.
My response was to tilt the glass all the way up and guzzle what was left.
I slammed it down on the table and wiped the corner of my lips.
Scooping his napkin from the table, he used it to swipe his mouth.
Greedy ass was probably full as fuck after everything he demolished.
When he was done, he left a few bills on the table and rose.
“We can go.” He stepped past the table and left me sitting there.
I stomped after him so that we could step onto the dock and go back to the rental car we were in.
The drive back to the hotel was quiet. I could tell his anger level was rising because of how he gripped the steering wheel.
As soon as we parked in the lot, I reached for the door handle, ready to hop out.
Frequency gripped my arm tight, keeping me in the seat.
“Kill that fucking attitude. A nigga ain’t did shit but be honest with you. So if you got a problem, then speak your fucking mind.”
“I don’t have a problem. This is… exactly what I get and what I should expect of my life at this point.” I shook my head, and he angled his in my direction so that we were facing one another. “What are you talking about?” Frequency pressed, face balled up in confusion.
“Nothing. You wouldn’t understand it,” I mumbled.
“Talk to me. Maybe I will,” he urged.
“My family wrote me off. They thought the worst of me when I was taken. Nobody really gives a fuck what happens to Harbor. I’m either an asset or a liability.
My father sees my mother and everything she put him through when he looks at me.
Nobody sees me or what I go through or how I feel.
I’m used to it, so this… shouldn’t be different.
You aren’t different. Since we’ve met, you’ve been using me for your own personal reasons.
Why should fucking me be anything else?”
“That’s not what’s going on.”
“Spare me the bullshit. I may be young, but I’m not dumb. You’re so closed off that you won’t even allow anyone close to you, including your own daughter.” I struck a nerve, and his jaw tightened while a vein developed near his temple.
“You don’t know shit—”
“I know that you keep her at arm’s length. She feels that. And all she wants is to spend time with you. She lost her mother and was brought here to live with a man that she doesn’t even feel close to. Who’s fault is that? You go around here—”
“It’s best if you just stop… right now. You don’t know shit about me, Ivy, or her fucking mother!
Don’t ever talk about her again!” he belted, making me jump in my seat from his aggressive tone.
“You’re mad because I can’t give you what you want.
What you want is for this to turn into something that it’s not!
Something it won’t ever fucking be! The only woman I have ever loved is in the fucking ground!
And no, I’m not looking for that shit again.
So if you want to be immature and emotional about this, then you’re right.
We need to nip this shit in the bud right now. ”
“Fine,” I agreed, heart racing as my eyes watered and I glared out my window.
I was so upset I was trembling, and I rushed to get out of the car, leaving Frequency behind.
He had hit more than a nerve. I was dangling on the edge and looking down into the abyss.
Once we were inside the hotel, I decided to shower and pack since we would be leaving the following day.
I was surprised when I came out to find the suite still empty.
I wasn’t sure where he went, so I ordered dinner and ate alone.
It was close to midnight, and he still hadn’t returned.
I ended up falling asleep on the sofa waiting up for him.
The following morning the sun poked through the curtains of the suite when Frequency stepped inside. He was dressed in different attire, which alerted me. Pausing in the doorway, he stared at me while I sat up rubbing sleep from my eyes.
“Plane will be ready at eleven,” he told me, walking toward the bedroom.
That was it. We didn’t speak again. We loaded the plane, and I caught up on some sleep while we were in the air.
We sat on opposite sides like we were facing off or something.
The drive home was also awkward, and Deviance, the driver, kept peeking at us through the rearview mirror.
He must’ve picked up on the tension between us as well.
I bolted out of the car once we arrived at the house.
Celine greeted us at the door. A warm smile fell on her lips but disappeared when she saw how unhappy we both seemed.
“Welcome back,” she greeted me.
“Thanks. I’ll be in my room unpacking.” I brushed right by her and up the stairs.