Inez
Past
Recommendation: Listen to “Rehab (Winter in Paris)” by Brent Faiyaz
“You claim you stressed and wanna feel good… stop being pussy,” Rylan said, as he leaned back on the couch.
We were at his apartment, and I was trying to become comfortable. I hated to fight with my mother. Especially when she was right about everything she was saying.
When Melle was younger it seemed like things were easier. Now that he was older, it seemed harder to raise him. He had a mind of his own and he didn’t listen to anything that I had to say. Everything Auntie Sharon or my mother said was gold, and my words meant nothing.
Even when Goo and Ken told him something, he listened to them and second guessed everything that I had to say. I understood it took all of us to raise him, but I deserved respect, too.
Did I party and enjoy my life outside of being a mother?
Yes.
Should I be penalized for it from my son?
No.
I screamed at my mother and told her to mind her fucking business, and she hit me with that wooden spoon that was in her kitchen.
It was all in front of Melle, and I hated that for us.
This was the reason he didn’t respect me.
My mother didn’t treat me like an adult; she treated me like I was his sister instead of his mother.
“Your son’s mouth is crazy.” I sighed, and sat down on the couch, and leaned into him. I finally felt like I could relax.
Me and Rylan were always on and off. Still, I always made room for him in my life.
We ran into each other a few weeks ago at a party and had been hanging out ever since.
My mother told me that I better not bring him around the family.
I had no choice but to respect their wishes, even if I didn’t agree.
My entire family hated Rylan and made it known whenever he came around.
When Melle turned one and I invited Rylan, both Ken and Goo made him eat at the kid’s table. It wasn’t until I started crying and complaining that Rylan was able to open gifts with us.
I can admit that I put up with a lot of Rylan’s bullshit. I was in love with him and he was my first. We shared a child together. How was I supposed to just move on and act like that never happened?
“He need discipline. You let his ass do whatever he wants. Saw him in Crown Heights a few weeks ago, and his ass tried to play like I’m not his daddy.”
“You need to come around more,” I tossed back onto him, because he was forever trying to toss the blame onto me.
“What happens every time I try to come over? Your moms get in her feelings… always calling your fucking cousins. They didn’t stop making guns when they made theirs.”
“Then why don’t you handle your shit with them, Rylan?”
He was talking all this shit when he knew he avoided my cousins like the plague.
“You want in on this shit or not?”
He switched the subject as he plucked the needle, and I became nervous. I’ve only ever saw heroine in movies and shows, never up close and personal. My heart rate increased as I watched Rylan continued to take all the steps to have a successful high.
“Is it going to hurt?”
“Is it going to hurt?” He mocked me. “You gave birth, nothing should fucking hurt you.”
“Years ago, Ry.”
He looked between me and the needle. “Inez, you either gonna get high or not. Once I put this bitch into my arms, you can kiss feeling good goodbye because I ain’t gonna be no good.”
Reluctantly, I held my arm out and watched as he slapped my arm and felt around for a vein. Once he found one he was satisfied with, he slid the needle under my skin and I winced, feeling the pinch. It felt like when I had gotten an IV while in labor with Ramelle.
When he pushed down on the needle, and the liquid entered my veins, it burned. Felt like someone was injecting cold juice into my body, as he stared at me, smirking because my eyes started to become heavy.
“Yeah, you feeling that shit… best high of your life, Nez.”
I could hear his voice, but it sounded like he was far away, and not right next to me. He kissed on my neck and started to feel all over my body.
“I feel heavy, Ry,” I moaned out while he sucked on my neck, making his way down to my chest.
“Yeah, ride that shit. Don’t fight against it. I’m gonna fuck you before I take my ride… okay?”
“Uh hmm, don’t get me pregnant again, Ry… pl…please,” I begged him, knowing that the first time we had sex he told me he was gonna get me pregnant.
I thought it was a joke until I had a positive pregnancy test.
“We make cute kids, Nez… give me my daughter. Remember you promised that to me?” He continued to kiss all over me, and the more he spoke, the further his voice sounded away.
My body was slumped on the couch as I felt Rylan pulling my clothes down while making me promise that we would get back together and move in with one another.
“We can feel like this all the time, Nez,” was the last thing I heard before I felt his mouth on my pussy and a small moan escape my lips.
The best high of your life, Nez… I thought as his tongue tasted me.