Chapter 9
?It looks beautiful, that color.“ My eyes lifted toward the high ceiling, now draped in deep purple fabric. It fell toward us only to rise again, flowing like a breath. From it hung threads of gold that caught the morning light and scattered it across the hall.
?Thank you, Princess. If you wish, we can pull them a little higher or let them fall lower. The choice is yours… it is your day, after all,“ one of the servants said to me, balancing on a tall ladder. A quiet, proud smile rested on his face as he adjusted the threads into place.
Around us, hundreds of people moved through every hall, decorating walls and corridors, running from room to room with a kind of dance in their steps.
Something in me had changed.
I almost wanted to be here now. I was not excited, but for the first time, I understood.
Understood that even though I had no choice, what I had was far greater than what those people on the streets possessed.
They had not chosen their fate either, and while I held all the gold of the world in my hands, they reached out with empty ones, hoping for a crust of stale bread.
?It is good like this,“ I said, turning toward the doors.
With my hands held behind my back, hidden in the soft pink fabric of my dress, head slightly bowed.
I pressed my lips together and stepped out into the courtyard. Servants passed me carrying all kinds of things, bowing as they went, continuing their work without a word.
How much were they even paid? Were they even paid at all?
Every thought brought more guilt. More shame.
I shook my head, trying to push it all away.
And somehow, as it always happens, from all that darkness in my mind, two brown eyes appeared.
Gentle, yet secretive, hiding so much unspoken pain.
Then came the nose. And beneath it, two soft pink lips, drawn into the faintest smile. Over a sharp jaw fell brown curls, swaying lightly in the wind.
Lys entered my thoughts just as he had entered my life. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. And yet, he stayed.
Where was he from? Who was he?
I did not know.
And yet it felt as though I had known him my entire life.
In a strange way, I had recognized his sadness and tied it to my own, his pain becoming something I carried as well.
He would leave after the tournament. But I was certain he would remain with me. In my thoughts and in my heart alike.
He would always be a brief adventure, a fleeting sin I should never have allowed myself to fall in, but the worst part was that, as difficult as it was to admit, I wanted him to stay.
I wanted to keep slipping away with him. To speak about life. To try new foods. To wait for the next Nuso shells together.
I did not understand my feelings, nor could I explain them, and yet, some part of me craved them.
I had not even realized I had stepped into the courtyard until the scattered petals and broken branches snapped beneath my feet. I stopped beside a bush of deep red roses, their heads swaying gently in the wind.
Without thinking, my palm reached out and pulled one head toward me. Careful not to prick myself on the thorns, I held it close, then picked another. And another.
I did not know why I was doing it, but there was a strange calm in it.
Soon, my hands were filled with a bouquet of dark red, royal flowers.
I had not heard someone approach behind me until her voice pulled me from my thoughts, from reaching for yet another rose.
?What are you doing, Isolde?“ Meera asked, her voice touched with confusion.
I turned toward her, pressing the bouquet against my chest. I had no answer, only a small, helpless motion toward the flowers.
She looked at them, then tilted her head at me.
?I hear you have been involving yourself in the preparations these past few days.“ Her hands rested behind her back, her face blank, an unreadable canvas.
Behind her, Corian stood with a now-floral cape draped over his shoulders, silent, without greeting. His deeply scarred face was a reminder of what awaited the dozens of men who would fight for me.
I returned my gaze to Meera. Her intense blue eyes held mine.
I only nodded.
?You were right, sister,“ I spoke humbly, pressing the bouquet tighter against myself. I felt the thorns bite into my skin, yet I pressed harder. ?I regret how I behaved. I suppose I am trying, at least a little, to make things right.“
I shrugged faintly, weighed down by my own words.
Meera nodded, but there was still no warmth on her face.
She stepped closer.
?At least now you understand,“ she said, as if confirming her own thoughts.
?But you still have gaps to fill, so many of them.
“ She glanced somewhere past me. ?You are on a better path now, sister.
I pray you do not stray from it.“ Without warning, like the true princess she was, she turned and left.
Corian followed, and just like that, they were gone, as if they had never been there at all.
I frowned slightly and turned toward where she had gestured.
In the distance, I saw a figure carrying heavy sacks.
As I approached, I realized it was the same servant I had pushed to the ground. He turned for a moment, and when he saw me, he froze. ?Princess,“ he said, bowing his head, fear swimming in his eyes.
I tightened my grip on the bouquet and stepped closer.
?Let me help you,“ I said.
?Princess, that is not your duty, it is alright—?
?Let me help you,“ I repeated.
He watched, confused, as the bouquet fell from my embrace and as I took the sack from his hands.
?I am sorry,“ I said, my voice breaking slightly. My cheeks burned, my gaze fixed on the sacks.
?Princess, you have nothing to apologize for—?
?I do. And I am sorry. I am sorry for pushing you,“ I said, finally meeting his eyes.
He opened his mouth to speak again, but stopped.
And as my cheeks grew even warmer, he bowed his head slightly and almost imperceptibly smiled.
Then, while he continued to protest quietly, I helped him carry the sacks as the others watched us with confusion and disbelief.
At last, I took a breath.
The first real breath in days.
Light. Clean.
Perhaps even sinless.