Chapter 46
I didn't spend a single minute longer in his room. I immediately returned to mine, found the first dress I could manage to put on by myself, pulled it over my head, and slipped my shoes onto my feet as quickly as I could.
I wrapped a long scarf around my neck and over my hair so that as few people as possible would recognize me, then left the room.
I had no idea where he could have gone, but somehow, in my heart, I knew he wasn't far away.
I knew he hadn't gone into the city or some brothel, but was instead wandering these halls like a shadow.
I tucked the little note into a drawer beneath the rest of my papers.
I couldn't ask anyone where he was, so instead I tried to reach the common areas without being seen.
I passed the dining hall for the other knights, but it was closed. Then, like a bolt of lightning, or perhaps more accurately, my own palm smacking against my forehead, I remembered.
"God, you're so stupid, Isolde," I muttered, shaking my head at myself.
Lysande wouldn't be here, surrounded by noise and other people.
He wouldn't be in the silence of the library either, because he still couldn't fully appreciate its charms.
No. If Lysande ever wanted to escape from people, he would find his solitude in the company of animals.
I turned toward the nearest exit and almost ran down the narrow staircase carved between two walls. I squeezed the necklace so tightly in my hand that it dug into my skin, but I only ran faster. I had to find him. Lys. My Lysande.
I pushed open the door at the bottom of the staircase and entered another hallway, where I spotted a small wooden door to my left. An exit. I looked around, and when I saw no one, I slipped through the little wooden door.
Dawn was breaking in the east, its delicate glow shining across every blade of grass in front of me.
Dew soaked the hem of my dress and slipped into my shoes, but I didn't care.
My hair flew wildly in the morning wind, tangling behind me, but all I wanted was to reach him.
My heart raced in my chest as quickly as I ran, and my tongue had gone dry from fear and excitement.
Finally, after passing through a gap in the hedge, I saw the stables.
I no longer cared about the smell, or the geese and chickens honking and clucking around me.
I grabbed the stable doors and pushed them open as quickly as I could.
The horses whinnied, and all the stable hands turned toward me in confusion.
When they saw me, disheveled, with my scarf now hanging only around my neck and my eyes wide, they started moving toward me, but the moment I lifted my chin, they realized who I was.
"P-Princess, what are you doing here?" one of them asked, clasping his hands together over his stomach.
At the sound of my title, they dropped the rakes and brushes in their hands, the tools clattering against the wooden boards as I walked past them, looking between the stalls.
But he wasn't there either. Disappointment tightened in my stomach, but I refused to let it ruin the excitement still burning inside me.
Finally, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that one of the stalls at the very end of the stable was open.
I lifted my skirts slightly and crossed over the hay, and what I hoped was mud, to reach it.
The stall was empty, but a horse poked its head out from the one beside it.
Haarza's horse. He stretched his enormous muzzle toward me and blew softly against my hand when I placed it over his mouth.
"You. Come here," I ordered the same stable hand who had saddled our horses a few weeks earlier.
I visibly saw him swallow, and still staring at the floor, he approached me.
I almost flinched at the strong smell of horse and manure clinging to him.
"Yes, Princess?" he asked.
"My knight, Lys. Where is he?" I asked quietly, making sure none of the others could hear.
The horses whinnied, and for a moment he turned to calm them.
"Princess, Ser arrived a little before dawn and stayed with us for a short while. He was petting the horses and then asked us to saddle one for him. Then he left," he answered quickly.
"Where?"
"I don't know, Princess, but he rode in the direction of the gardens, as far as I saw. He was riding rather fast too." My brows drew together. "Why? Was he angry?" I asked, confused.
"No, Princess."
He lifted his face and looked me directly in the eyes.
"Ser Lysande seemed rather sad."
At those words, without thinking, I pulled the scarf back over my head and tightened it securely around me. "Saddle me a horse. Immediately!" The stableboy opened the stall containing Prince Haarza's horse, but I stopped him immediately.
"Not that one. Any other."
Without protest, he opened the stall of a brown stallion and led him out. He quickly fitted the saddle and reins and checked every strap once more.
The others remained exactly where I had found them, their eyes still fixed on their feet. I heard wood tapping against wood and saw that he had placed a small stool beside the horse so I could mount.
"Princess," he said, holding out a hand toward the horse.
I carefully stepped around him, placed my foot in the stirrup, and swung my other leg over. I took the reins firmly in my hands before looking at the stable hand.
"Not a word to anyone about this. Is that clear?" He nodded immediately.
I flicked the reins, and the horse ran through the great wooden doors.
I urged him faster, pushing him to run as quickly as he could along the paths between the flowerbeds while he struck the loose earth with all his strength.
Something told me he was there, beneath that willow, and when I saw the black horse grazing in the grass while the first rays of sunlight shimmered across his coat, I slowed down.
A cold fire rushed through my veins, and my body trembled.
He was there.
Lys was there.
I rode a little closer with the stallion before dismounting about three hundred feet away.
I released the reins from my hands and pulled the necklace from my sleeve.
I unwound the scarf from my head and let my hair fall down my back before beginning to climb the hill.
The wet grass made my steps slippery, slowing me down, while the first rays of sunlight struck my back and created an entire spectrum of tiny lights dancing in front of my eyes and beneath my feet.
Finally, reaching the top of the hill, I froze in place. My skin pebbled, and my breath became lodged in my throat.
He was sitting a little in front of the willow, hunched over with a blade of grass in his hand. He hadn't seen me approaching from the side, his strange, empty gaze fixed on his horse.
Then his eyes shifted to the side, and for a moment confusion crossed his face. I turned to see what he was looking at, and my heart almost burst open.
My stallion was running toward his horse. His mane flew behind him as he whinnied loudly and tossed his head. The black horse noticed him and approached.
I turned my attention back to Lysande, who was still staring at the magnificent dance happening below him.
Then slowly, so slowly it felt as though it took a minute, he turned his head toward me.
His eyes widened as he jumped to his feet.
"Princess, what are you doing here?" he asked in confusion, taking his first step toward me.
I stopped and took a deep breath.
I closed my eyes and placed a hand behind me, picking nervously at the skin around my thumbnail. Finally, still with my eyes closed, when I sensed that he was only three or four steps away from me, I let my hands fall to my sides.
"Princess?" he asked in such a gentle voice, and yet he wasn't able to erase the sadness from his face.
I opened my eyes, and what I saw broke my heart.
Lys's eyes were red, and the long sleeves of his gray shirt were wet at the ends.
Lysande had been crying.
"Lys," I said, my voice breaking, and he looked at my body with sudden alarm.
"What happened? Isolde, what is it?" He closed the distance between us and gently took me by the elbows.
I got lost in his brown eyes, filled with sadness. Without thinking, I placed my palm against his face, the rough stubble scratching against my skin. "Do you feel it too, Lysande?" I asked, gathering all the courage I had in me. For a moment, he closed his eyes and leaned into my palm.
"What, my princess?" he asked quietly.
"My name. Say my name."
"What, Isolde?"
"Do you feel how wildly my heart beats every time it sees you, and how every time you touch me, it stops beating from excitement and fear?" His eyes opened instantly, but he didn't pull away from my hand. It was as though he was searching my face for proof that I was telling the truth.
He simply took my other hand, the one holding his necklace, and pressed it against his chest.
Even through the metal, the pounding of his heart was stronger than I had expected.
I pressed my palm harder against him and closed my eyes. His heart beneath my hand beat so powerfully and so quickly that I almost couldn't believe it was real.
"Look at me, Isolde," he said. I opened my eyes. "What do you think mine has been doing since the moment I met you at that harbor?" he asked.
My stomach tightened, and a ringing began in my ears. With a trembling knuckle, he slowly touched my cheek before tracing the edge of my lips. His heart began beating even faster.
"Lys." I pressed my hand more firmly against his chest, and he flinched for a moment before looking down. Gently, he took that hand into his own and opened my fingers.
When he saw what I was holding, his thumb brushed over the pendant before he lifted his eyes to mine. "I'm sorry, Princess. I didn't have enough to buy something worthy of you. I didn't have enough for gold or diamonds, but at least there is a little silver—"
I turned my palm and dropped the necklace into his hand before turning my back to him. He fell silent.
I pulled my hair over my shoulder and held it in one hand.
When nothing happened, I turned my face toward him, and he looked at me with confusion and hurt. I looked at him with even more confusion.
"Lys, put your necklace around my neck. I want you to be the one who does it." I turned away again before I could see his reaction.
Slowly, I felt his warm fingers move first across my shoulders and then, trembling, toward my neck. The cold pendant fell against my bare chest, and my skin prickled. I felt his fingers working around my neck as he awkwardly fastened the necklace.
When it finally settled against my chest, I placed my hand over it and turned toward him. "Lys, this is the most beautiful gift I've received tonight," I said.
He shook his head.
"Isolde, I..." He stopped, his hands falling to his sides. "I can't afford to give you what you deserve." He shook his head again. "You deserve that prince, the one who can buy you the most expensive horse and write you the most beautiful letters. I can barely write one note."
A tear gathered in his eye and fell down his dawn-kissed cheek. Then he chuckled, but there was no humor in it. "I have nothing, Princes."
I took a deep breath, fighting my own tears.
"Lys, I don't need anything from you, but you. I don't need gold or horses or diamonds when I already have all that wealth."
I shook my head as my own tear finally fell.
"I only need you. And I know I need you just as much as you need me, but please tell me. I need to hear it from you. Tell me it's true."
"It's forbidden, Princess. I don't ever want to cause you any harm. I would rather place my hands in fire than let my desires hurt you."
"Lys, tell me it's true."
He stopped.
Ever so slowly, his forehead moved closer to mine, and his warm hands found their place against my cheeks. Then his right hand slowly moved down to my chest and rested over the little shell pendant.
"You're asking me if it's true that I want you as much as you want me? If it's true that my heart feels like it wants to leap out of my chest every time I see you? Or if I dream about your lips every morning?
Or perhaps whether it's true that I felt so much pain last night when I watched you dance with him that I wanted to tear his heart from his chest ?"
My breath hitched, and fire rushed through my veins.
"Because it's true, Isolde. I know I can't have you, but I fucking want you so badly. I want only you, my princess, even if they kill me for it."
He whispered the last part as though he were afraid to let the words escape from his chest.
"I want you to belong to me as much as I belong to you, my love"
"My knight, from the moment we met, it has always been that way."
Then his lips, the ones I thought about every waking moment of the day and every sleepless night, finally touched mine.