Chapter 20
It truly saddens me that within the space of a month, you’ve already reneged on our agreement.
Not only have you insulted and violently attacked my emissary, but he confirms you’ve not yet made my stepdaughter – my Tribute – your wife.
I’m afraid, Asmar, your actions have aroused my suspicions.
This is an age of impending war. I require absolute trust in those who would call themselves my allies.
— LETTERS FROM KING ROMERO IV TO KING MATTHIAS
Glesni chuckled as I sucked the blood from the end of my finger, glaring at the tiny mouse.
‘You asked for that!’ she said to me, smiling as Keya kissed her cheek before grabbing her raincoat and slipping through the door, leaving us.
‘I can guarantee, I did not ask him to bite me.’
‘You’ve been in a foul temper for a week now,’ she said, passing Pablo a hunk of meat which he gulped down. ‘It’s one step forward and ninety-three back with you, Sorrow Elmswood. You’re completely wound up. Coiled tightly. He’s picked up on it.’
I glowered at the mouse, who at least remained on the table, cleaning his ears and eyeing me warily.
‘You know, I can suggest something that’ll help relax a young bride?’
I was in no mood for the woman’s vulgar jokes today. I inclined my head, and the mouse focused on me, and with his nose twitching, approached the end of the table and offered me his paw, which I shook gently.
Glesni sighed and inclined her chin to the large window. ‘Storm’s brewing out there.’
I squinted through the panes to the leaden sky. It was certainly turning into a bruise.
‘Why the long face, child?’ The sudden softness to her tone caught me off guard.
‘He’s lied to me,’ I said, watching as the mouse ran up and down my arm.
‘What’s he done this time?’
I gave the mouse his free will back, and recalled the morning. Raised voices, slamming doors and Matthias’s desperate pleas that he only wanted to protect me. Keep me safe.
‘Romero sent a threatening letter.’ I brushed down my skirts and met Glesni’s gaze. For once, the glint of mischief was missing. ‘I knew it was coming. We all knew he’d use Matthias’s loss of control against him.’
I paused, glancing towards the quivering window, as the wind picked up pace.
‘So if you knew it was coming, why the angry face?’
‘That wasn’t the only news in the letter.’
‘Ah. Then it’s Motresh. We should send Keya to serve Queen Sarus. She’d know what to do,’ Glesni replied, shuffling over to the window and testing the rattling handles before letting out an exasperated sigh.
‘I suggested sending a healer, but Romero’s using Matthias’s actions against us.
He says any help from Asmar can’t be trusted.
’ I snorted. ‘Time’s running out. I need to put in more hours in the library and find the Vyrium.
If Queen Sarus and her whole family are at death’s door, then it can only be Romero behind it. ’
‘Try proving that.’ The mentor rubbed her hand against the window.
‘Exactly. He’ll have his eyes on Asmar by now and, according to Matthias, he didn’t want to worry me.’
Glesni sighed, staring at the darkening sky. ‘There’s something you need to see,’ she said.
I bit back the retort and went over to the window. I squinted out over the grounds but my breath clouded the cold glass, making it even harder to see what was out there.
‘You see?’ Glesni pursed her lips tightly as she crossed her arms over her full chest.
Shrugging, I wiped the glass and peered again. ‘If you’ve set me a challenge then I’m going to have to admit defeat, I’m afraid.’
The old woman opened the window, muttering. The frigid air sliced straight through us as she pointed in the direction of a beautiful domed greenhouse.
‘Can you see him? On that bench by the door?’
It was no good. The distance was too far. Everything was a mass of mingling greys and shadows.
‘No. I can’t see a thing.’
‘You can say that again,’ Glesni said, closing the window and tugging that Gods awful green cardigan tighter.
‘If you head out with that wolf of yours, you’ll find our king and your husband.
He’s currently sitting with his head in his hands.
When you get close enough, you’ll find he’s a man – a young man – with a heavy crown and slumped shoulders breaking under the weight of the responsibility his father’s legacy left him. ’
A knot tightened within my chest at her words and part of me was grateful I couldn’t make out his form.
‘Then perhaps he shouldn’t be such a martyr.’ I stood straighter, and Pablo came to my side. I was done with training today.
Glesni barked out a laugh. ‘Are you suggesting your husband should accept help from others, Sorrow Elmswood?’
The playful glint had returned to her eyes. ‘It’s different.’
‘How?’
I opened my mouth, but the words wouldn’t form.
I was quick to turn down assistance, but that was different.
Experience taught me working as part of a team wasn’t a gift I possessed.
My heart bore the scars I’d earned from trusting too easily.
I kept myself safe. Damn, desperation ran through my veins as I fought to ensure others remained safe from what I might become.
But Matthias… Matthias hadn’t always been this way.
He’d never tried to shield me, not from anything.
The day of the accident, he’d dared me to jump my horse over ever higher fences.
He’d never once tried to coddle me. He’d never dare.
We were wild, feral souls. Abhorred by the nobles while adored by the servants who’d practically raised us.
And now, he constantly treated me as though I were fragile.
Weak. A bird made of rice paper, ready to tear apart in the barest breeze.
That thought cut the deepest. That he no longer viewed me as the other half of his chaos.
Because of my sight loss, I was suddenly something lesser…
weaker, when in fact I was stronger than ever.
There was no need to protect me. Since our argument, emptiness spread through me like ice on a winter’s window.
A week ago, I’d seen a sliver of hope that he remained my kindred soul.
And Gods, how I craved him. Before Danté, I’d known we needed to talk.
If he could understand my desire to be trusted, if he’d only involve me, maybe we could get through this.
Maybe I could have my best friend again.
Maybe I could have my husband.
I met Glesni’s glinting stare. ‘I should go and see him, shouldn’t I?’
The old woman smiled, and I shook my head as Pablo’s fur slipped beneath my hand.
‘Yes, Sorrow Elmswood. You should go and see that husband of yours before it starts to rain. Though, rain can be quite romantic.’
As I tugged the door closed, I spotted the mouse on the table, nibbling a crumb of bread. I called him onto Pablo’s head. The wolf raised his eyes, uttering the low whine he used to tell me he was hungry.
‘Don’t you bloody dare,’ I warned him and headed outside, my heart crashing against my ribs.
The old woman was right. The king of Asmar sat hunched over the ornate metal bench.
One elbow rested on his knee, his hand gripping his messy hair, the other hung limply by his side.
Creases lay in his white shirt, as though he’d put it on in haste.
For a few moments I watched the boy I’d known.
The one who’d creep into my bed, begging to hold my hand because he missed his family, because the dark taunted him with terrors.
The boy I’d loved. Perhaps the one I still loved.
‘Any news from Motresh?’
Matthias spun, standing abruptly. He ran his hands through his hair and then straightened. As I approached, he placed a tight smile on his face. For a moment, I hoped he’d pull me in. Embrace me. But then his hands fell to his side, flexing rhythmically.
He blew out a long breath. ‘I haven’t heard anything for a few days. Two people died. They were old and frail, but Sarus is holding on. Her husband. Her children.’
I swallowed as his voice cracked. He stretched out a hand, indicating the seat. I nodded and perched on the end of the bench. The cold iron seeped through my bones. Matthias sat next to me, wringing his hands.
‘Sorrow, I’m so sorry. I-I can’t seem to do anything right any more.’
I squinted, taking him in. The dark shadows beneath his hollow eyes. A king with sunken cheeks and a rough dusting of stubble. Matthias stared at his hands as though he’d break apart if he looked my way. My heart twisted at the knowledge my Matthias was drowning.
‘Do you remember the first time we met?’ I asked. A nearby bush rustled, and Pablo dived towards it. The little mouse rested on my shoulder, cleaning his long whiskers. A smile tugged at the corner of Matthias’s mouth.
‘I remember Elspeth warning me you were feral.’ He turned, his mouth ready to speak when his eyes widened as he spotted the mouse.
‘He’s only a mouse. Surely you’re not scared of him?’
Matthias’s brows scrunched, squirming as though he fought the urge to shuffle along the bench. ‘Of course, I’m not. I remember you talking me into leaping out of the window, and we went off to make honey biscuits with Bessie.’
I smiled. Elspeth had been our governess. A woman ill-suited for work with children. It was she who introduced first my backside, then Matthias’s, to the birch.
‘And what did I do to Elspeth after she beat you?’
Matthias chuckled, and I couldn’t help but smile back. ‘You dug up her dead cat and put it in her bed.’ He laughed again, and my heart lurched at the sound. ‘And then you wrote a note on her mirror, in that Gods awful purple lipstick she wore. What was it you wrote again?’
‘Evella was watching and knew she was beating a future king. She wasn’t happy and she’d start putting the corpses of the world under her pillow. Only, I couldn’t spell Evella properly and got caught out.’
Gods, even with the beatings, life had been easier before I began emerging.