Chapter 20 #2
‘I’d never known anyone stand up to a grownup before. Or punish a grownup for being cruel or wrong. I think… I think that was the moment I knew.’
I froze, allowing the mouse to run down my arm. ‘Knew what?’
The first spot of trembling rain fell onto my hand.
‘I knew I… I’d found the missing part of my soul. That I didn’t want to live a day of my life without you in it.’ He turned away again, shoulders hunched.
I exhaled a soft breath as my pulse thundered. I hated this; being vulnerable, bare, but I refused to hide away when our current argument hinged on Matthias’s decision to keep the truth from me.
‘So why won’t you let me be her? Do you honestly think I’ve changed that much?’ I cupped the mouse in my hands, where he twirled, his paws tickling my palm.
Matthias turned a wary eye my way. ‘I get it, Sorrow, I do. Since… the fall…’ He went quiet, one eye on the mouse.
For a moment, I stared at his flexing hand, before taking it in mine, trying my hardest to ignore the way my skin flared against the warmth of his.
Turning it palm up, I placed the mouse next to him. Matthias tugged back, but I held on.
‘Don’t worry. I’ll save you from the big, bad mouse.’
I told the mouse to walk onto Matthias’s hand. My gift flowed as naturally as breathing. I smiled as the mouse scampered from me to him. I cupped Matthias’s hand with both of mine, recalling how they’d once been the same size, yet now his eclipsed my own.
‘I’ve been thinking of something,’ I said quietly, keeping my gaze fixed on the mouse.
‘How to scare a supposedly brave king with a tiny rodent?’
I smirked. ‘If I wanted to, I could call a whole horde of mice over.’
He squirmed in his seat, and I wrapped my hands tighter over his. The touch too bare, too little and my head tipped tantalisingly close towards his shoulder, halting moments before I laid it on him. It would be so easy. Terrifyingly easy.
‘So, what is it then?’
‘Your offer… deal… whatever this thing between us is.’
Matthias stiffened before lifting his other hand, and the mouse travelled across, nibbling the sleeve of his shirt.
‘I don’t think you’ve thought it through properly.’
Matthias sighed. ‘It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve fucked up. Not that marrying you is fucking up,’ he added quickly, his free hand linking with my own. I let him, savouring his familiar touch.
‘I don’t quite understand what’s going on.’ The cracks in my voice scared me. He’d know what this meant. I watched him. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath.
‘I couldn’t believe Romero forced you to be his Tribute – your own stepfather.
Enfys and I, we tried everything to get you out of there.
I was out of options. I told Romero your mother promised you’d be my bride and he couldn’t sacrifice you.
I told him it would break The Alliance’s treaties.
Enfys supported me. Lied to her father despite her faith and her oaths to the Gods.
It was the only way I could free you, Sorrow. ’
I let my fingers curl into his and moved closer as the mouse ran up his sleeve.
I ran a lone finger over his wrist, and he stilled, the only movement the rise and fall of his chest. A question burned through me, stalling within. I had to know the answer, though.
‘And Enfys? Did you… are you disappointed Enfys isn’t your queen?’
He shuffled closer, so close his thigh met mine. ‘Marrying Enfys would be like marrying Skye. My mother’s been presenting potential brides since I turned twenty-one. My constant refusals are the reason she’s gone on tour. I wasn’t marrying anyone… till Romero refused to release you.’
Tears burned behind my eyes. ‘Is that the only reason? What do you really want from this? From me?’
His brows knitted together. ‘What do I want?’
I closed the space between us, reached across him and lifted the mouse before placing him on the bench, where he promptly leapt down and scurried away. I blinked away raindrops, swallowing down the rising terror. I had to know what was going on in his head.
‘You say this is a marriage in name only.’
For a few moments, he remained silent as though he were unsure what I meant.
‘I told you, Sorrow. It was the only way to get you out of the Tower. I… I know you had no choice in the matter, and I hate that I did that to you. And after the accident, I completely understand why you’d despise me, why you wouldn’t ever want to be in my presence again, let alone be married to someone who let you down so damn badly.
That’s why I don’t… touch you. I don’t seek out your comfort.
So you can leave, find someone you can truly love.
If anyone deserves a happy ending, it’s you.
And if it can’t be me, then at least I can give you the freedom to find the one who deserves you. ’
‘You still haven’t answered my question, Matthias.’ He was still making assumptions about what I wanted. ‘What do you want? The truth, Matthias. You owe me the truth.’
He raised his hand, trembling before me as though he were terrified I’d burn if we touched.
He dragged in a breath, fingers tucking a loose strand behind my ear, and my eyes fluttered closed, a shiver tearing apart my defences.
Gently, he traced the shell of my ear, and my heart hammered so deafeningly loud, I worried it would rupture my chest. My eyes opened, drinking in the stubble lining his usually smooth skin, the flecks of amber burning within the dark green of his eyes.
Matthias cupped my jaw, tentatively, softly.
And as his thumb gently stroked my face, an ember of hope flared fiercely within.
He took a few seconds, his mouth forming the words while his eyes swept over my expression as though he sought an answer.
‘It’s you, Sorrow Villente. It’s always been you. Always has.’ The rain fell harder, tracing tracks down our faces. He uttered words with tenderness, and as he leaned in, my breath hitched. It was no longer a case of simple want. Our existence depended on the other. ‘Always will…’
The warmth of his breath brushed my lips, but still he seemed too far away, the distance between us too vast.
‘Then don’t let me go,’ I whispered, amazed air still remained in my lungs. ‘Fight for me, Matthias. If I’m truly the one you want, then—’
His thumb pressed against my bottom lip, and I looked into his eyes, my breath catching at the smile he wore. ‘Is this where I get to ask if I may kiss you?’
I nodded. ‘Yes, Matthias. I want—’
Matthias Elmswood stole my words. His lips, soft and warm, captured mine.
Kisses, testing and gentle, set my mind ablaze.
I fisted his shirt, desperate to learn the shape of his mouth.
Our breaths deepened and still the rain fell.
Teeth, sharp and seeking, tugged on my bottom lip.
I smiled against his boldness. Shuddering with the need to be closer, my fingers lost themselves in hair as silky as I remembered.
He groaned, the sound kindling a growing bloom deep within, and I whimpered his name.
His mouth opened as our bodies crushed against each other, demanding.
Twisting the soft strands of his hair, a moan escaped me as his tongue flicked against mine, urgent and hungry.
I sank against his firm chest, our breaths quickening.
Keen to explore, my hands slipped beneath his shirt.
I grinned as he gasped, my fingers sweeping over his smooth skin, skimming the dips of his muscles, the sharpness of bones.
My mind swam as Matthias’s hand, warm and trembling, pressed into my hips.
Fingers dug into my backside, and I hissed as my pulse skittered, nervous as the mouse we’d just held.
Matthias broke away, panting as he lay his forehead against mine. I glanced up. His eyes were shut tight, and I marvelled at each long ebony lash brushing his flushed cheeks. A smile curling up on the corner of his mouth.
‘Are you telling me you want this too, Sorrow Villente?’
My smile echoed his as both my arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers entwined.
‘Do you think I’d let you kiss me if I didn’t?’
His dark chuckle warmed me. ‘In all fairness, I’m famous for my exceptionally good looks. I wouldn’t blame you for—’
He stopped as shock flashed across his features. His thumb ran under my nose, and I realised it wasn’t rain trickling over my lip.
‘Sorrow. You’re bleeding.’
I dragged the back of my hand over my nose and stared in horror at the dark smear on my skin. A shiver tore through me. All the warmth Matthias’s touch had brought dissipated.
‘How?’ he asked, his brows furrowed, and I swallowed, looking away. ‘I don’t understand, Sorrow. You’ve done it. You’ve mastered your gift. Why are you bleeding?’
I’d spoken of truth, not considering what that meant to me.
I sniffed and met his concerned look. I thought of telling him. Of speaking words I’d hidden for so long. Shudders racked through me as I recalled the blood, the pale hands gouging strips of youthful skin. The truth died. I’d been so certain I’d be fine. Why now?
A snarl, raw and rage-filled, broke us apart as Pablo tore across the darkening lawns.
‘Fuck,’ I cried as the wolf flew towards us, his ears back, exposing his razor-sharp teeth. Matthias leapt up and placed himself before me. He cried out as I dragged him back onto the seat.
‘It’s not me he’s going to hurt!’ I shouted, glaring at the wolf and raising my hand. I hadn’t used my gift on Pab. It would be a violation of our strange trust, but I wasn’t going to let him sink his teeth into Matthias.
He stopped a few paces away, hackles raised and snarling when suddenly, the gloom was broken by the sound of a low bell, clanging ominously.
Matthias flew up.
‘What’s that?’ I cried, standing and clutching his arm.
‘MATTHIAS!’
Ifan and Asher, surrounded by a blurred collection of guards, broke through the rain, tearing towards us.
Matthias placed a hand over mine. ‘That’s the invasion warning.’
‘A ship,’ Ifan cried. ‘A ship’s washed up.’
My heart hammered and I gripped Matthias’s rain-soaked hand.
‘It’s not big. It was spotted washing up earlier. Could have been a storm,’ Asher said, all the mirth gone from his face. ‘A fisherman found it. Said it was empty bar a few broken crates and barrels.’
My grip on Matthias loosened. It certainly didn’t sound like an invasion force.
‘Then why the alarm?’
Matthias nodded in the direction of a tower I couldn’t see.
Ifan and Asher exchanged a dark look as the first rays of the late afternoon sun shattered through the storm clouds.
‘The flag on the ship. A coiled snake, crossed swords?’
‘Carush,’ I whispered.