Chapter 4
ARIANA
“I’m not disturbing you, am I?” Erik asked, standing on the threshold.
Warmth spread through the room at his presence.
“Only disturbing the tumultuous thoughts of a Bavadrin who seems to continuously find herself in precarious situations,” I said.
Erik looked as though he did not know how to reply to that statement.
I offered him a small smile. “It’s fine. I welcome the distraction of your presence.” I patted the open space on my bed, inviting him to have a seat.
Gently, he shut the door behind him and looked over towards a chair in the room before returning his attention to the bed. Finally, he walked over, taking a seat beside me.
It was the first time we had been alone together since my return home.
His proximity sent my pulse climbing. Dark eyes turned to me, holding me captive. I was freed from the prison of his home, yet his nearness caged me, and I couldn’t escape the pull he had. I never could.
“How are you doing?” he asked, concern gracing his features. His brown hair was brushed back, highlighting the strong angles of his face. Strikingly handsome, that’s what he was.
How to answer such a question? I shrugged. “I’m as well as can be expected, I suppose.”
His gaze remained on me, heavy and intense.
“I’m sorry about Landin,” he murmured, and suddenly my heart hurt once again.
I found myself jumping to my feet and walking across the room to look out a window.
Wrapping my arms around myself for warmth, I tried to keep from spiraling back into that darkness which I just managed to partially crawl out of.
“I appreciate your concern Erik, but that is not something I wish to talk about right now.” Not when I finally began thinking about other things besides Landin’s death. Even though my mind remained fragmented, it was better than being entirely swallowed by the pain of losing him.
Silence spread through the room. Though I faced the window, I could sense Erik’s attention on me. “Are you certain that you want to go through with giving yourself up to the Sidhe?”
I sighed and turned to face him, leaning on the windowsill. “It is not something I want to do, but yes, I will go through with it. This is also another matter I do not wish to discuss any further. If you have come here just to sway me from my decision, then I would prefer you leave.”
Erik’s gaze darkened, the air around him thickening. “Ariana, I’m not trying to control you. I know you are free to decide what you think is right for your people.” He stood from the bed. “Will you accept help from the Lysians if this ends in war?”
“Of course, I will, but you will need to flush that out with Willis. There may be spies here, and I don’t doubt there may be some in your lands too.
It makes sense. How else would the Sidhe know how to target conjurors and know so much about me?
Because of that, I don’t want your forces moved to my lands, not yet, anyway.
We need to keep the Sidhe in the dark for as long as possible. ”
He chewed on his lip as though in thought. “Would you approve of Iver coming here?”
Surprised, I searched Erik’s face for any hint of a reason. “Your brother? Why?”
There was a moment of hesitation. “I think he is a conjuror.”
Think? He did not know such a thing? “What kind?” I asked.
Erik sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I actually am not sure. He has kept that part of himself hidden from me and everyone we know. But there are things he can do that make no sense if he did not have gifts.”
I was surprised that Erik did not seem to have ever asked his brother of this. Or perhaps he had, and Iver just denied it. How would this be any different if that was the case? “And you think he may emerge willing to help now?”
Erik shrugged. “I don’t know, but call it a gut feeling.
I believe he will be useful in what is coming if he can remain serious enough to focus.
Iver has always been a bit of a wild card.
He does whatever he wishes. When I was only his brother, it was entertaining, now as his King, it’s only ever aggravating. ”
I looked at the floor in thought. A conjuror. If he was anything like Erik, then he would be powerful enough to truly help with the looming threats ahead. I would accept any help I could get. “Yes, you can invite him.”
A mischievous smile found its way to his lips. “Good because I already sent Kole to the border to call for him.”
My gaze shifted up, holding his, “and what if I had said no?”
“Then Kole would be highly annoyed, but he would have to travel again and rescind the invitation,” Erik answered with a playful smile.
“You put me in a difficult situation there. Either agree with you or risk Kole’s anger,” I replied teasingly.
Erik’s smile momentarily grew, but then retreated. He turned, taking a seat on the bed again. Placing his elbows on his knees, he lowered his head into his hands. Running his fingers through his hair, he shuddered. There was something else troubling him outside of the request for Iver to join.
“What’s the matter?” I closed some of the distance between us, alarmed by the sudden deflation of his mood.
Deep blue eyes looked up, meeting mine. “This is my fault. Clause wants you because he knows what you can do, and he wouldn’t know a thing if I had never taken you in the first place.
I want to protect you, but I don’t know how.
You are going to leave in several days, and if something happens…
” His voice trailed off as if he couldn’t bring himself to clearly voice his concern.
I had no suitable reply, for he was right.
There was a chance that we may not see each other again after I left.
The cold truth sent an icy shiver crawling up my spine.
Erik was torn, just as I found myself to be.
We had no time together to explore what seemed to draw us to one another. We may never even get that time.
What was it that Kiora had said? There is no time like the present.
So instead of saying anything, I began slowly closing the distance between us. Dark blue eyes tracked my movements. When I stepped in between his legs, he pushed himself off his elbows, sitting straight up.
His handsome face looked tortured as he skimmed my body before ending on my gaze.
I hesitated, teetering on an edge, heart thundering in my chest.
Throwing caution to the wind, I bent down, kissing him.
My lips gently collided with his, and his arms circled me as if they had always meant to be there. His entire body tightened with tension. A soft growl reverberated through him when his tongue met with mine.
Instantly, I found myself drowning in his presence.
The scent of him encircled me, touching me where his hands had yet to wander.
His lips fueled the fire previously ignited by him.
All the heaviness keeping my mind and soul imprisoned began burning away.
I wanted him to incinerate me till there was nothing left.
For him to make me into ash, something light and capable of being blown away by a breeze.
My fingers threaded into his thick silken hair, and I pushed my knees onto the bed, straddling him.
If only Kiora could have seen me then. The thought left me as soon as it entered, for Erik was taking every inch of my mind, claiming it as his own.
His hands gripped me harder, holding me to him. His lips moved with mine, diligently working to consume my unspoken fears. His breath became ragged, matching my own.
It was as if a band had been pulling us together until it snapped.
He stood, lifting me off the bed with him. My pulse further spiked until Erik broke the kiss. He turned around and lowered me onto the bed before taking three large steps away. I shivered with the sudden cold that surrounded me now that his body no longer did.
“You’re making it nearly impossible for me to control myself.” The way he said it, it nearly sounded like a threat with that low and rough voice. My already racing heart began beating harder.
“Then stop controlling yourself,” I challenged.
His eyes darkened at the invitation to take me, uninhibited. Tension coiled around him.
However, he remained where he stood.
“You are drunk with sorrow,” he replied, not moving a single muscle. “I don’t wish to be something you live to regret.”
His kindness of not wanting to have me while I was drenched in sadness was both thoughtful and incredibly maddening.
I was no child to be protected, someone not knowing what she asked for.
It was true that sorrow made a home in my heart, and it felt as if it would stay there for the rest of my life.
However, that was not the only emotion I was capable of feeling, and it was certainly not something I wanted to experience in this moment.
“I’d rather be drunk with you,” I answered boldly.
Erik looked at me with surprise, as if he did not know who this person was before him. He made no move to close the distance he placed between us. The cold of his absence crept up my arms.
“Do you not want this?” I asked, wondering if I had perhaps made an awful mistake. Was it possible I entirely misread him and his desires?
His jaw clenched. “I think the answer is obvious, but under the conditions we find ourselves, this would be born of desperation.”
Nothing was heard outside of his admission.
“Then we both want each other, right here, at this moment. We want the one we see before us. I do not know who I will become in the future. Whoever it is, you may not recognize her. May not want her.” My gaze dropped, and a shiver ran down my spine as I voiced a fear that clung to me. Laying it bare for him to see.