Chapter 26
ALEX
Iwant to throw my phone at the concrete and watch it shatter into a million pieces.
I can’t believe I actually let myself think I could keep myself under control.
I did my best to push myself off him, but he only pressed his lips harder against mine, and I got caught up in the moment.
I know why he wanted me to leave, but it only reminds me how vulnerable Logan is.
I can’t get involved with him, and I should have been stronger the moment I realized he wanted to kiss me.
The trees sway in the wind as I walk through the streets of Montgomery.
No one’s really out this late. Pretty much everyone has retreated to their homes, and all the shops are closed.
I wanted to go home, but it’s just another place where I can feel the weight of the world on my back.
I wanted to breathe normally again.
I run a hand through my hair as I round another corner and stop in front of the clock tower looming over the center of town.
I let out a shaky breath and brace myself against the wall. I need something to ground me right now before I feel like the wind might knock me off balance.
My phone rings, and I glance down to see Logan’s name on the screen.
Should I keep letting him cross my boundaries?
How many lines do I need to draw before I finally throw away the chalk?
Against my better judgment, I answer.
“Alex, I’m so sorry,” Logan says immediately.
“I know.”
I think about how on edge Logan was when he batted my hand away.
I know I made a mistake touching him, and I hate myself for not thinking about what it would mean in front of Joel and Mikayla.
But Logan shoving me off just reminds me of Scott pushing me away every time I got too close. I don’t want to get involved with someone like that again.
It’s easier to pretend everything’s fine. That I’m a well-oiled machine, riding the conveyor belt of my life wherever it needs to take me. That I’m just a cog in a bigger machine—one that threatens to suck my family and me dry.
It’s easier to do that than admit I keep falling for guys who don’t want me, especially athletes.
I can still feel the roughness of Logan’s lips on mine.
“Where are you?” Logan asks.
I brace myself against the brick wall of the clock tower. “I’m in town.”
“Do you need me to come get you?”
I let out a shaky breath.
One kiss has me questioning my whole life, and I just want it to stop.
“No, I—”
I clench my jaw. “I’m at the clock tower in the middle of town. I’m just going to go up to the lookout. I’m sorry for before—”
“I’m on my way. Stay there, Ace.”
Logan hangs up, and I stare down at the phone in my trembling hands.
I want to cry.
I can’t believe I let myself get off track.
I open the door to the clock tower and start trudging up the steps, blowing out long breaths as I climb.
When I reach the top, I inhale sharply.
I can see the entire town from here. Oak trees pepper Montgomery's streets, and the roofs of local shops and cafes stretch out below me.
I peer over the ledge and see hardly anyone around.
I’m on top of the world.
For a moment, I forget about everything that’s bothering me.
Up here, I feel just like Alex.
Alex, who wants to write for The Meridian Tribune. Alex, who loves his family. Alex, who just wants to be held.
I brace myself against the parapet, inhaling the brisk air deeply and trying to will myself not to break down crying on the spot.
I should just tell Logan to leave me alone.
I’m the vulnerable one now, and I can’t let him see me like this.
The squeal of a door jolts me out of my thoughts, and footsteps echo against the walls of the stairwell.
I swipe the sleeve of my jacket across my eyes, trying to make it look like I wasn’t crying.
Logan bursts through the door, and his wide eyes meet mine.
“Alex,” he says, his voice thick with relief.
“I’m okay, really—”
But Logan wraps me in a tight hug, completely enveloping me in his muscular frame.
I relax into his embrace, letting his warmth remind me that things are still okay, that my life isn’t about to go completely off the rails.
“Are you sure?” Logan asks, his voice rumbling against my chest.
He hugs me tighter, and I let out a soft groan.
“I’m so sorry, Alex. I just got caught up in the moment.”
“I know. Me too.”
Logan’s solid chest presses against mine, and his arms envelop me like he could hold onto me forever if he wanted to.
He pulls away and places his hands gently on my shoulders.
He searches my eyes. “What is it, Alex?”
I look away, unable to meet his gaze.
Logan gently pinches my chin and tilts my head back toward him.
“Alex,” he says softly.
His eyes hold a magical kind of understanding. The kind that makes me think that even if I were crying over a small hole in my shirt or being a couple of minutes late to class, he’d still find a way to empathize with me.
“Alex, I was the one who pushed you away. I have been for the past week because I didn’t want to admit what I’ve been feeling. But now I know, and I can’t let you walk away without knowing.”
I don’t want it to be true.
I don’t want to let myself get trapped in the sick, twisted game of love.
I have too much to worry about, and Logan is still trying to figure himself out. He’s too vulnerable to get involved with.
“Logan, please—”
“Alex. I don’t want to deny how I feel any longer. You mean too much to me for me to ignore you anymore.”
My chest stutters at how earnest he is, at the conviction behind every word.
Logan’s disposition has been so careful and delicate since I met him, like he was broken and trying to put himself back together.
I push myself off the parapet and stand in front of him.
“You’re just getting your life together.”
“And you’re part of that process.”
I scoff. “I’m not going to be some kind of stepping stone for you, Logan. I know you’re better than that, but I already was for Scott. I’m not going to be someone you end up regretting and tossing aside.”
The words come out sharper than I intend, but they’re true. I don’t want Logan to be another Scott.
“Look—I know back there with Joel—I’m sorry for pushing you off. Trust me, I fucking am. But I don’t see you like that, Ace.”
My heart flutters at him saying that nickname again, but I try to force it back to its normal, steady rhythm.
Logan shoves his hands into his jacket pockets. “Look, I know I don’t have much to offer. I’m still trying to be more than just some ordinary guy—”
I press a finger against Logan’s chest as I stare up at him.
“Don’t you see how much I like you? How I think you’re one of the most caring people I’ve ever met? People aren’t measured by how interesting they are. They’re measured by how much they care, Logan.”
He rubs a hand along his chin and looks at me like he might tackle me.
“And you care so much. About me, your friends, your teammates, your reputation, my sister, my family. Everything. And you’re still caring, even after all that’s happened to you. So don’t tell me you don’t have much to offer.”
The fact that Logan is up here on this clocktower with me, breathless from the climb and having arrived so quickly—
What could be ordinary about that?
He pauses and looks at me, his jaw ticking. He still looks like he wants to tackle me, and I’m not sure why.
My heartbeat kicks up like he’s actually going to do it.
“You know, even before I got hit by that car…”
He pauses and bites his lip.
“I don’t think I even felt alive. I felt like I was just going through life. I act like my injury ended it all, but it didn’t. Football was my lifeline, but it was also what dragged me down.”
I stand completely still, unsure what he plans on saying next.
“My relationship was a dead end, and I didn’t even know if I was gonna go pro. That car just reminded me of everything that was wrong with my life. How much of a zombie I was.”
He looks at me, and I want to melt.
“And then I met you.”
My heart stops.
I put a hand on my chest just to make sure it actually didn’t.
His eyes follow the movement, and the corners of his mouth lift.
“You made me feel more alive than I have in years. And I know a lot more now than I did before about what’s right and wrong for me.”
My limbs go slack.
“You don’t have to say this to make me feel better—”
“Alex.”
My cheeks heat at the way he says my name. I know what it means, but I can’t bring myself to take the leap.
He takes a step toward me. I watch how certain it is compared to his usually tentative demeanor.
Logan is full of paradoxes tonight, but I can’t let myself linger on them when he’s looking at me the way he is right now.
“I’m glad I’ve been able to make you feel that way. But—”
Logan takes another step toward me, and I take one back, pressing myself against the parapet. He closes the distance fully until his body is all I can see.
“Shut up, Ace,” he whispers with a smile.
“Logan,” I whisper, looking up at him.
He looks down at me, his expression serious but soft, and cups my cheeks in his hands.
His palms are calloused and warm against my skin, warding off the brisk air at the top of the clock tower.
I let my cheek rest in his hand, closing my eyes as the warmth spreads through me like a latte.
My heart pounds at a thousand miles a minute, fueled by caffeine and adrenaline.
I wait for him to say something. Part of me wants him to tackle me like he still claims he does, but instead, Logan lowers his head and presses his lips to mine.
The clock chimes around us, rattling the concrete beneath our feet, but it feels as though time has stopped as Logan keeps his lips on mine.
I let out a soft sound and lean into the kiss.
He lets out a grunt and presses himself closer to me, slotting his leg in between mine and squeezing his hands on my cheeks.
I part my lips, and Logan finds his way into my mouth, letting his tongue glide across my lips.
I inhale, letting the scent of cedarwood, sweat, and pine fill my lungs as he kisses me.
The bell stops chiming, and I pull away from him, despite not wanting even an inch of space between us.
We got another chance at a first kiss, and it was worth it for this moment.
He opens his eyes and meets mine.
For a moment, he just stares.
“I like you, Logan,” I whisper, a smile tugging at my lips.
“I like you too, Alex,” he says breathlessly before pressing his lips to mine again.
Logan walks me back home in silence.
He’s rendered me, a journalist, essentially wordless. I don’t think this has ever happened to me before.
I pride myself on always having something to say.
Maybe I’m not only changing Logan. Maybe he’s changing me, too.
When we get to my house, he stops.
He looks at me, his cheeks red in the warm glow of the lamp post above us, and gives me his usual shy smile that sends a fresh surge of electricity through me.
“So…” he says, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.
“That was… something,” I say.
We stand in silence for a few beats.
“I, uh—I knew I really liked you, but I…” Logan mutters.
I stare at him expectantly.
He shakes his head. “Looking back, I was being stupid. Of course, I liked you as more than a friend. I was just denying it.”
I chuckle, my cheeks heating at the implication that Logan has had some kind of crush on me this entire time and that all of his acts of kindness really were something to read into.
Vicki is going to have a field day when she finds out.
“What made you realize?” I ask softly, trying not to spook him.
He bites his lip. “I think I’ve always known I liked guys, but I just… I’ve had a rough past with letting myself acknowledge that. But being around you made things… click.”
I look up at him. “Really?”
He nods. “Look, the point is, I really like you, Alex. But… I really want to make sure that I do.”
I wait for the final blow—for him to tell me he needs space to figure out his feelings.
“I just, uh… I want to take things slowly. If that’s, uh… okay with you.”
The anxiety in my chest recedes, and I nod vigorously. “Of course. Honestly… I want that too.”
He huffs out a breath, and his shoulders visibly relax. “Good.”
I stare at him in wonder, unable to process that Logan actually likes me, too.
I spent so much time trying to deny how I felt, only to end up here.
He glances toward my house. “Well, I don’t wanna keep you waiting. Your mom’s probably worried…” he trails off.
I smile at him. “Thank you for tonight, Logan. Not just for the, uh… kiss…”
Logan snorts.
“But for letting me… break open just a little.”
He touches my arm, and it’s like he’s made of fire. “Of course. You can do that anytime. I’ll be right there next to you.”
He rubs his thumb softly along my shoulder, but he keeps it there, his smile slowly fading as he stares into my eyes.
He closes his eyes, and I instinctively do the same, leaning forward until our lips meet again.
I pull away, wanting to leave it as a peck, but I watch as Logan keeps leaning toward me, like he was expecting more.
I bite my lip as he opens his eyes and looks at me, embarrassment coloring his face. “Sorry. I should, uh… reel it in a bit if we’re going to go slow.”
“Yeah. Let’s just let ourselves calm down a bit, okay?”
I want nothing more than to ask him inside and spend the rest of the evening with him, but I know better.
Instead, Logan cups the back of my neck and gently pulls me forward, planting a soft kiss on my forehead.
Warmth cascades from my forehead all the way to my feet as I lean into the kiss.
“Goodnight, Ace,” Logan whispers, giving me one last smile before turning on his heel and heading back toward Montgomery.
I watch him leave, like he’s taking all of the warmth that had attached itself to me throughout the evening.
The autumn wind rushes through my hair, sending a chill through me as I walk up the steps to my house.
I feel like I might pass out from happiness.
“Pull yourself together, Alex. Your crush just kissed you, that’s all,” I whisper to myself as I reach the door.
I pause on the stoop and let my shoulders relax.
I think of Logan’s strong hands on my cheeks, how earnest his eyes were, and how soft yet unyielding his lips felt against mine. And he wanted more.
I wanted more.
I jump up and punch the air triumphantly.
There’s no way I’m downplaying a kiss from Logan Abbott.