Chapter 22 #3
I could see how it would win Austin and me public sympathy. But it would mean talking to the media. Being vulnerable with the people who made it most difficult for me to speak my truth.
What if I froze?
What if I stammered?
What if I lost control and freaked out?
Austin drew me into his arms and kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure out an alternative. The last thing I want is to force you into anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
I drew in a deep breath and then another, doing my best to get my words out despite the low buzz of panic building in my chest. “I’ll think about it.”
“What?” He looked stunned. “You don’t have to. We’ll find something else—”
I put my finger on his lips and was relieved when it didn’t tremble. “It wouldn’t be easy, but I might be able to manage.”
“Are you sure?” Alec asked, and I jolted at the reminder that we weren’t alone. “It’s not your job to fix this for him.”
“I-it’s for me too.” After all, I was just as responsible for what had happened as Austin was and, much as I wanted to hide, I couldn’t let my terror of the media dictate my life or damage his career.
Austin searched my gaze. “Will you be able to let me know tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” I agreed, wishing more than ever that I could crawl into bed and never come out.
Austin looked around the room and greeted each of my family members. “Do you guys want to stay for a night or two? I can get you set up in the spare rooms.”
“That would be great,” Mom said. “Jane, would you like to go ice skating? It might help you think. I know it did when you were little.”
I shook my head. “Maybe another time.”
Mom smiled at Austin. “Did you know she used to be a competitive figure skater? She gave it up years ago, though.”
“Oh. Uh, no. I knew she could skate but not that she was so good.”
Even though I wasn’t sure where we stood, I went onto my tiptoes and kissed him. He was obviously beating himself up once again for not knowing something about me, but we’d been beat up enough today without adding self-recrimination.
“We’ll have to skate together some time,” I said, surprising myself.
His mouth curved ever so slightly. “I’d like that.”
Together, we showed my family to the spare rooms, giving them the ones closest to me. Once they were settled, I joined Hazel in the kitchen to see what she was up to. She was standing behind the kitchen counter, chopping vegetables on a board.
“I thought you couldn’t cook, only bake?” I looked around to see if I could figure out what she was making.
She huffed a laugh. “I can’t, but I can chop things no problem. I thought it might be nice to have omelets for brunch since I doubt you have eaten much other than cookies, and your family probably didn’t have a chance to grab much on the way here either.”
My heart warmed. She really was a lovely person. “Thank you. Why don’t I help you, and together, I’m sure we can figure this out.”
In the end, my entire family packed into the kitchen. We were lucky it was such a large one or we’d all have been tripping over each other. Mom had decided to make a salad to go with the omelets and Dad was preparing some hash browns.
Despite the absolute crapshoot this morning had been, and my inner turmoil about Austin and my family, it felt nice to be cooking with them.
I’d missed the level of closeness that came with spending time around people who knew you and who you shared a history with.
There was no fumbling or conflict, and we worked like a well-oiled machine.
Even Hazel fit right in, taking directions from my parents.
Alec stayed clear of the food preparations, making coffee for everyone instead, and Austin was fielding phone calls in the other room.
“Are you sure that we can’t convince you to come home?” Dad asked as he turned over the hash browns. “It doesn’t have to be for long. Just for a little while. It would make us all feel better to have you with us.”
Earlier, it had been easier to say no to him. Now, with the reminder of how it felt to be surrounded by family and my fear that perhaps this thing between Austin and me wasn’t what I’d hoped it might be, there was a small part of me that wanted to say yes.
But I knew what I’d lose if I did that.
“I care about Austin,” I whispered, darting a look over my shoulder to make sure he wasn’t within hearing range. “It’s horrible what happened. I hate it. But I worked hard to make my life here, and I’m not going to give it up or let him pay the price for something we did together.”
I might not like the solution that Gus had landed on, but I couldn’t deny that I should play a role in fixing the situation. We were equally responsible for the trouble we found ourselves in.
Dad looked at something behind me, and I turned to follow his gaze.
So much for being careful.
Austin stood in the doorway, staring at me, and he looked a whole lot less convinced of my words than I was.
My heart squeezed and my stomach dropped.
His expression made me nervous. It reminded me that I didn’t actually know where his heart lay and that just because I was prepared to fight for us didn’t mean he was, too.