Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
AUSTIN
“Maybe you should go with them,” I said dully, hearing my voice as if from a distance.
Her forehead wrinkled with confusion. I didn’t know why. Her parents were right. They could protect her better than I could. I hadn’t even really stood up to my steamroller agent earlier.
“Everything you were worried about has happened,” I continued, my gut twisting with self-loathing.
“It’s obvious that you’re miserable, and I’m sorrier than you can believe for bringing this down on you.
If you want to stop being hounded by the press, then the best thing for you to do is separate from me.
That way, you won’t have to do the interview. ”
Even saying the words took a lot out of me, but perhaps Gus had been right that it would be kinder to her to end things.
She flinched, her eyes full of hurt. “Is that what you want?”
“I think maybe we should leave you two alone for a while,” Delia said, starting to usher Pete, Hazel, and Alec out of the kitchen before remembering that things were still in the process of cooking. She hesitated. “Actually, maybe you two should take this somewhere private.”
I led Jane into the living room, where I sat on the couch. I had hoped she would take a chair, but instead, she lowered herself down right beside me where there was no way I could escape the temptation of touching her.
She just had to make this as difficult as possible when I was trying to do something right for once.
“Is it?” she demanded, looking straight into my eyes.
I grimaced. “It doesn’t matter what I want. I’m trying to put you first, like I should have done in the beginning.”
Her lip curled. “Putting me first should mean listening to what I want, not just assuming you know what’s best for me.”
I… couldn’t argue that. She was right. She deserved the respect of having me listen to her. But I still couldn’t pretend not to notice how much harm the situation was causing her.
“What do you want? Because I know it’s not to drag your parents to a fundraiser and speak at a nationally televised interview.”
She flinched but didn’t deny it.
“What if we pretend to break up?” I suggested. “Maybe people would leave you alone then and the interview wouldn’t be necessary. I could do the fundraiser by myself, and we could figure out how to still see each other once it’s blown over.”
A muscle in Jane’s jaw ticked. “No.”
The word was firm and clear.
My heart slammed against my ribcage. “I don’t want to hurt you, Jane. You’re upset, and I know Gus’s suggestion hurt you. It might even have made you doubt me.”
She didn’t refute that, and my chest ached. How could I prove to her that I saw her as more than a convenient tool for the advancement of my career?
“I don’t…” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I don’t want to lose my position as captain, but you’re more important than that. I want you to be happy. I can’t fail you. I couldn’t handle it.”
Suddenly, she was right in front of me, her body close to mine. “Open your eyes.”
I did.
“Yes, I’m upset, but anyone who was violated this way would be. Something that was supposed to be intimate, just between us, has been blasted everywhere for everyone to see. I think it’s pretty fair to be upset by that.”
I nodded, agreeing with her so far. “So that’s why we should—”
She held up her hand to cut me off. “I’m not finished.
The truth is that I let the press and all their bullshit control my life too much when I was young.
I was just a kid, so it’s not like there was much I could do about it.
I’m not going to let their choices control my life now.
If you want to end things with me, you need to tell me that, but even if you do, I’m not running away. ”
Helplessly, I met her gaze, hoping for some sign of softness, but right now, she was made of steel. I opened my mouth, determined to say something—anything—that would free her, but then I closed it again.
I just couldn’t do it. I wanted her too much.
“I…”
“Yes?” She didn’t waver. There was no tremor in her voice. I couldn’t help but feel proud of her for that.
“I don’t want it to be over.” But I had a feeling it would take a lot for me to prove that.
Suddenly, I heard shouting outside.
“What the hell is that?” I asked, straining my ears to try to make out the words. All I could tell was that it was a man and that no one was yelling back. My heart sank.
Please tell me that isn’t my father.
There was a timid knock on the living room door. We both looked over. Delia was hovering there, visibly uncertain.
“There’s a very angry man outside,” she said, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “Hazel just went out to deal with him, but I don’t think she should be speaking to him alone. Pete is going to keep an eye on her, but I thought you ought to know.”
Fuck.
“Thanks for the warning. I’ll go find out what he wants.”
Jane caught my hand. “Are you sure? We can just bring Hazel inside and call the cops.”
I shook my head. She’d said that she didn’t want to run from her problems, and honestly, I’d done enough running too. I was overdue for a very serious chat with my father. He needed to know that next time, I might listen to Jane and call the police.
I stood and padded across the room. Delia moved aside to let me pass, and as I reached the foyer, I grabbed a pair of tennis shoes and slipped them on. It was too cold to go out in socks.
Dad was still shouting, except now, Pete was shouting back. Hazel stood just behind him, tears streaking down her cheeks.
“I don’t care who you are,” Dad screamed, advancing on Pete with his fists clenched, as if he wanted to lay into him. “Don’t get between me and my children. That’s my daughter right there, and if I want to tell her to stop being a whiny little princess and get her brother, then I will.”
I watched those fists cautiously. As far as I knew, he’d never hit either of us, but I’d never seen him this angry either, except, perhaps, for when I’d first tried to cut ties with him. I couldn’t be certain he wouldn’t take a swing.
He spotted me behind Pete and Hazel. His nostrils flared, and he tried to shove past Pete, who stood his ground and put himself bodily between Dad and us.
A brief thought flashed through my mind that this was what a father was supposed to do.
Shield his kids from all the bad in the world. Dad had never done that.
Even after only having met him a couple of hours ago, I knew that Pete Wright was ten times the father Jon Harris would ever be.
“Are you happy now?” Dad shouted at me. “You’ve disgraced the family name. All those years of work and self-sacrifice I put in to get you to this point, and you’ve just thrown it all in the trash, and us along with it. Do you even care about me and your mother?”
“Of course he does!” Hazel shrieked, peering out from behind Pete.
Dad ignored her completely, just like he always had. To him, she was a second-class citizen. I was his golden goose. Only I’d had the audacity to stop accepting his shitty treatment of me and put boundaries in place. He’d never seen that coming.
“You’ve ruined us,” he declared dramatically. “I’m embarrassed to call you my son.”
“Then don’t.” I said it before I had time to think it through.
Those two words might have been the harshest thing I’d ever said, and I’d given them no thought at all, but they felt oddly right.
Dad’s face fell. I marched forward until I stood shoulder to shoulder with Pete.
“I’m tired of this,” I said, feeling the weariness in my bones. “I thought we’d moved past this thing where you turn up and make a scene.”
“I’m making a scene?” Dad put his hands on his hips. “You’re the one making a goddamn scene, boy.”
I ignored the jab, just like he’d ignored Hazel. “You’ve never treated me like a son. You’ve treated me like a commodity—and one that you weren’t very happy with. Nothing I ever did was enough, and I’m tired of it. That isn’t the way parents are meant to act.”
“You’re being overdramatic,” he blustered, waving one of his hands in the air.
“No, I’m not.” I felt Pete glance at me, but I didn’t have the bandwidth to worry about what he was making of all of this.
“You are. You’re screaming in the street because I had sex with my girlfriend somewhere I thought was private.
It wasn’t wrong of me to do that. The person who took and shared that photograph should be ashamed, not me. ”
There was a murmur of agreement behind me, but I wasn’t sure who it came from. To my surprise, I sensed Jane at my elbow. Dad glared at her, but she didn’t back away.
God, she was so strong.
“Oh, and you should be ashamed too,” I added matter-of-factly. “For trying to beat down your own son rather than asking me if I’m okay and offering me help.”
“I shouldn’t have to help you.” Dad looked disgusted. “I taught you better. I can’t believe this is how you repay everything I ever did for you.”
I heaved a sigh, reluctant to air all our private business in public, especially given what happened last night, but some things just had to be said.
“You dedicated over a decade to making me the best hockey player I could be. Some parents might do that just because they wanted to make their kid happy, but that isn’t why you did it. You wanted money and glory. You didn’t care how exhausted I was or how much I wanted a day off and an ice cream.”
“Winners don’t take time off. You owe me—”
“No.” I cut him off. “I don’t owe you anything. I bought you a million-dollar house. I paid for the sports cars you’d always dreamed of. For the first year of my professional career, I gave you everything you even hinted at wanting.”
I didn’t know how much he figured he deserved for creating a career I’d never asked for, but he was mistaken if he thought he was going to be able to bleed money from me forever. I needed him out of my life and out of my goddamn head. Maybe then I’d finally be able to have a healthy relationship.
Dad laughed bitterly. “And then you abandoned us, showing no thought for our feelings at all.”