32. Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Two
Madison
W alking into Clem’s house, I could sense a weird smell I couldn’t quite place.
“Hi,” a squeaky voice of a woman I didn’t know greeted me. “Everyone’s in the backyard. Do you need directions?”
Sadly, I did. I had been in California for six months now and that was the first time I visited my sister. So I nodded and the funny-sounding lady led me through the living room towards the kitchen.
“You can leave your present here,” she pointed to a table already covered with gifts.
I did as she instructed and placed a finger under my nose as if it could save me from the stench. “What is that smell?”
“The goats,” the woman said with an adoring voice. “And the pig.”
“Excuse me? ”
“It’s a farm themed party!”
We reached the back door and indeed. There was a huge sign that said Petting Zoo right in front of a low, white picket fence behind which three goats roamed freely. Nearby, a potbellied pig snuffled lazily in the straw, my mother right next to it. Clucking hens wandered about, occasionally pecking at the ground.
And the guests? Apparently there was a dress code I wasn’t aware of, because almost everyone came dressed as a farmer. Plaid shirts, overalls, and straw hats. I spotted my brother, who had a handkerchief tied around his neck.
An oink that came from the pig startled my mother and I couldn’t help but laugh. Her outfit didn’t scream farmer, but someone had made her replace her heels with a pair of rubber boots. Something I might as well do, because there was no way in hell I would be cleaning goat shit from my designer shoes.
As I looked around to see if there was a special place to get boots from, I noticed Clem and Daphne.
The birthday girl sat in her mother’s lap, oblivious to the excitement swirling around her. Her hair was adorned with a delicate pink bow, a sweet touch against her tiny head. She wore an adorable romper—white with pastel farm animal prints, featuring little goats, bunnies, and pigs that perfectly matched the theme of the day. Her tiny feet were tucked into pale pink booties embroidered with tiny flowers, and over her romper, she wore a lightweight tulle tutu skirt, giving her outfit just the right amount of whimsy.
Tyler said something to her and she beamed at him, her chubby cheeks flushing with happiness as she clapped her hands. Then she extended them to him and he took her from Clem. I looked at my brother holding our niece and felt an unfamiliar yearning. I kind of wanted Daphne to greet me with the same love she looked at Tyler with, but that wasn’t going to happen. Not today at least. But maybe someday. If I changed my attitude.
I felt someone’s eyes on me and I looked around. Parker was sitting at a chair, talking to a group of people, but looking straight at me. He was dressed in a suit as always, but as he stood up, he took a pitchfork with him and reached under his chair for a pair of boots. Then he started towards me with a huge smile on his face.
The man had come to my niece’s first birthday party and saved me a pair of boots.
He came inside the kitchen, left the pitchfork and the boots by the island and came to give me a kiss.
“Hi,” he said softly.
I smiled at him. “What are you doing here?”
“You’re here. Why wouldn’t I be?”
That didn’t answer my question in the slightest. I still couldn’t understand why he continued showing up. I didn’t feel like I deserved any of it. There had to be a catch somewhere, right?
He placed his hands on my hips, lifted me up and placed me on the kitchen island, then took my heels off my feet.
“Is this a show for my mother? Because I’m not sure she would appreciate it.”
Parker placed his hands on the counter top, caging me. “I don’t care about what your mother thinks.”
Then he took my mouth in a desperate kiss that would have left me breathless, if it wasn’t for Tyler, who burst into the kitchen, carrying a smell of manure with him. “Keep it kid-friendly, Wilson. Hi there, monster Maddie.”
“Hi,” I mumbled .
“Please tell me what to get you for your birthday,” my brother asked, took a cupcake from a platter and shoved the entire thing in his mouth.
“Since when are you buying me presents for my birthday?”
“Since Hannah told me I had to,” he said with his mouth full.
“When is your birthday?” Parker asked.
“April ninth.”
“We should have a birthday party.”
“I don’t know,” I said, not at all convinced I wanted to do anything.
“We could get together at Poppy’s,” Tyler suggested. “That could be my present.”
“Sounds great,” Parker answered.
“I haven’t agreed yet,” I reminded them.
“Oh, come on, monster Maddie. We all know you’ll leave soon.” Parker stiffened beside me for a moment, then he leaned down to take the boots and put them on my feet. Tyler continued. “Who knows when we’re going to see you again? What do you say? Party at the bar?”
I looked at Parker and he gave me a curt nod.
“Sure,” I said and hopped off the counter. “So, do I have to pet the freakin goat or could I skip on it?”
***
Three weeks after Daphne’s birthday I had finally summoned the courage to try to be a decent big sister and aunt, and I went to Clem’s bakery. I had no idea if she would be there at all, but I ordered a cup of black coffee and sat at a table for two in the corner, waiting for her to appear .
Clem didn’t disappoint. Not more than five minutes later, she came out of the kitchen in the back, Daphne clinging to her neck, looking equally sad and mad.
My niece had turned one and I had spent half her life close to her but hadn’t even once played with her. That had started to weigh on me.
I stood up and approached Clem, who talked to an employee, still oblivious of my presence.
“What’s up with her?” I asked without offering a hello first.
The cashier looked at me like I was a crazy lady, talking to a stranger. I focused on Clem. It took her a few seconds to respond.
“Um…Hi, Maddie.”
“Hi.”
“Is everything okay?”
Of course she would think that there was something wrong. The only time I had called her to hang out was when I had a mini breakdown over developing feelings for Parker.
“Yes. Everything’s fine. I just decided to stop by. I’m sorry. You’re clearly busy. I should go.”
“What?” Clem squealed. “No. Don’t go. Just sit and wait for me. Two minutes, okay?”
“Sure. Okay.”
I returned to my table and waited.
As I watched Clem trying to interact with another adult while her daughter abused her emotionally by screaming in anger in her face, a warm feeling filled my chest. Beneath all that baggage I carried, I loved my sister. And if that cranky little thing she carried allowed me to, I would very much like the opportunity to love her too.
Clem finally came and sat down across from me. Pointing with my chin towards Daphne, I repeated my question. “What’s up with her? ”
“Lucas gave her a piece of one of our chocolate cookies last week even though I told him not to give her chocolate. And now she cries for more whenever she sees them, which is every single f-ing day.”
“Hm,” I mumbled but actually had no idea what to say to that other than Maybe don’t bring her to a bakery , but that wouldn’t win me any best sister awards. I hadn’t exactly been around mothers that much, but I knew judging their parenting style was a no go. So I opted for what I knew every respectable female friend would do whenever she hears a story of a man that had screwed something up. “The bastard.”
Clem burst out laughing. Apparently I was doing something right, so I decided it was okay to ask. “Why not give her chocolate though?”
My sister examined me with interest, no doubt noticing I was expressing one towards her daughter.
“She just turned one. I wanted to wait longer.”
“You can’t protect her from everything.”
“I know.” She stopped but I could see she wanted to say more.
“Go on. I’m listening.”
“Well, you’ll probably think it’s stupid.”
“Try me.”
“I miss the baby phase.” She looked down at Daphne with so much love, it made my heart ache that I didn’t have someone to love as much. “She grew up so fast. I feel sad that she’s no longer a baby, then I feel guilty about it, because as a mother I should want my child to grow and be independent.”
“You shouldn’t feel guilty, Clem. You’re a great mom.”
She leaned a little and said in a hushed voice. “I had no idea how much guilt mothers harbor. It’s exhausting.”
“Well, not all mothers feel guilty,” I said, my lips twitching with a smile.
“Yeah, Sylvia Hartley is something else, isn’t she? ”
It felt so good talking to my little sister without the animosity that usually crept into our conversations. She told me all about Daphne. I listened. Then I told her about Parker and she listened.
“Have you thought about telling him you have feelings for him?”
“Every day. But it’s complicated. He’s my boss. It’s bad enough that I sleep with him. Wouldn’t it look like I’m trying to take advantage of him?”
“To him? I don’t think so.”
“No, to the others.”
“What do you care what other people think? When was the last time you felt like that about anyone?” Clem paused for a moment, then continued. “He’s a keeper, Madison.”
“He is. But I’m in a constant fear that he’s not ready for this. He doesn’t let me into his villa at all. We spend all our time together at mine.”
Clem shrugged, obviously unaware of where I was going with this.
“The place is covered with photos of his wife, Clem. It’s like a tomb. And I really try not to be judgmental, but it bothers me.”
“I had never in my life heard you being concerned about being judgmental,” Clem said in a teasing tone.
“It’s not a laughing matter, Clem.”
“I know,” she placed a hand over mine and looked at Daphne. “I don’t know the details, but…” Clem shook her head. “I don’t think that I could survive. The things he had to endure. It’s unfathomable.” Daphne started twisting in Clem’s arms and screamed over my sister’s next words. “No parent should ever have to outlive their child.”
The world around me disappeared.
“What?” I asked.
Clem put Daphne down and she started to walk away from our table. “I said that no parent should ever outlive their child. And having your newborn and your wife die in a matter of days… I can’t imagine… I don't want to even think about it.”
Clem stood up and ran over to Daphne, who was already halfway over to the counter, probably planning on snatching a chocolate cookie.
I stood up abruptly. “I have to go.”
Clem said something to me, but it was like I couldn’t understand the words that came out of her mouth. My head was simultaneously empty and too full of thoughts I couldn’t even begin to place in order.
At some point I heard someone calling. “Miss? Miss? We’ve arrived.”
I looked around and realized I was in a taxi in front of The Gem. I didn’t remember getting one or explaining where I was going.
Walking into the lobby that had become so familiar to me, I felt like I stepped foot there for the first time. Like someone had plucked me out of my life, tore it to pieces and now I couldn’t recognize a single thing.
Parker and Franny had a baby? It died? How did I not know about this? Why didn’t he tell me?
“Madison?” A familiar male voice called my name and I turned to face Ryan. “Are you okay?” He took my elbow in a firm grip. “You look…well, no offense, but you look like you just woke up from the dead.”
And I felt like it.
“Do you want me to call Parker?” Ryan continued when I didn’t answer. “He’s in a staff meeting, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”
“No,” I shook my head, not really wanting to see my lying boyfriend just yet. “I think I’m coming down with something. I’ll go take a nap.”
“I’ll walk you to your villa.”
We walked through the lobby in silence, his hand still on my elbow, steadying me. Out in the gardens, he started talking.
“We never had the opportunity to talk. I wanted to tell you that I’m really happy about Parker moving on. My mother and I just want him to be happy. I know you don’t need our approval, but in case it means something to you, I want you to know that you have it.”
My good manners automatically clicked in and I thanked him, then offered my condolences. “I’m sorry about your sister. From what I heard about her, she was an amazing woman.”
“She was. The best sister anyone could hope for.”
Not something my siblings would say if I died today.
“And umm…” I cleared my throat. “The baby. That must have been horrible.”
I knew that fishing for information instead of asking Parker directly was a bad move, but the man hid an important piece of information from me.
“Heartbreaking,” Ryan said.
We were almost at my door and I wanted to find out as much as possible. “I noticed Parker has only pictures of Franny in The Blue Diamond.”
“We have just one picture of him.”
It was a boy then. I wanted to ask about his name, but wouldn’t that seem suspicious. I should already know it.
“He was in the NICU. All those tubes…Parker is a strong man, but there is a limit to what a person can handle, you know. I think that’s his limit.”
“Yes. Of course. It’s…,” I paused trying to come up with a word, remembering what Clem had said. “It’s unfathomable.”
Ryan smiled politely, obviously not wanting to continue this conversation. “Are you sure you don’t want me to call Parker? ”
“Yes. I’ll text him and then take a nap.”
“Okay,” Ryan took a step back from me. “See ya.”
I opened the door of my villa and slipped inside.
Why would he keep his son a secret? It’d been months since he told me about Franny. He had plenty of time to tell me the rest of the story. Did he not trust me? Did he think that I didn’t deserve to know?
The sense of betrayal mixed with empathy toward him. Losing your wife and child the way must have been unbearable. How did someone move on from that?
I took my clothes off, slipped into bed, and sent a short text to Parker, informing him I was sick and going to bed. I should’ve felt guilty about lying, but he was a liar too.