Sierra #2
Thankfully, when I went back out to the floor on Friday night, he was gone and didn’t make a reappearance on Saturday. The weekend has flown by. It’s Sunday morning, and normally I would wake up happy, as it was my day off, but not today. To top it off, school starts back tomorrow.
Getting up slowly, I tiptoe to the kitchen to make some coffee.
Sam won’t be able to sleep in tomorrow, so I’m letting her this morning.
I was going to miss waking her on her first day of fourth grade, but I was thankful Mrs. Butler was letting her sleep over at her place, giving me just a few more minutes of sleep I would desperately need.
But when I turn the corner, the little devil is standing there, cup in hand, waiting for me.
“I got your coffee!!” she squeals in excitement.
“Thank you. I appreciate it so much, but I thought you were going to sleep in this morning?"
“I know, but I wanted to do it for you. Plus, I can take a nap later. You know Mrs. Butler is gonna make me go to bed early tonight.” She tries to reason with me with a serious look on her face.
“Okay, okay, I get it. You know I would’ve made you go to sleep early too, so that’s nothing that wouldn’t happen, anyway.” I laugh, winking at her. “Now, how about I drink this coffee you made while I make us some breakfast? How do pancakes sound?”
She squeals and starts jumping up and down, doing some weird dance as she sings, “Pancakes, pancakes, makes my tummy quake,” over and over. After a moment, she pauses and turns so quickly, she almost falls. “Can I help make them?”
“I’d love the help, but you need to go wash your hands before touching any food.”
“I already cleaned them,” she says proudly as she lifts her hands up in the air, showing them off.
“Fine, go grab some eggs out of the fridge.” As she runs to the fridge, I move over to the cabinet, pulling down a mixing bowl and the dry ingredients.
We spend the next half hour talking and joking, and I listen as she goes on and on about the sleepover coming up. She started bouncing off the walls last night when I told Mrs. Butler it was okay for her to talk to the parents.
Before we know it, the food’s done, and we’re sitting down to eat. I made enough pancakes that we could freeze the rest and pull them out through the week for something other than cereal to eat.
“What are we doing today, Ci Ci?” she asks as she shoves a huge chunk of the syrupy breakfast in her mouth.
“Well, we need to get all your stuff together and packed in your book bag. Then, you need to pack an overnight bag with some pajamas and what you want to wear to school tomorrow, so we’re not running around like chickens with our heads cut off when it’s time for me to leave for work.”
“Can I call Felicia and talk to her on the phone?”
My heart breaks because I want to tell her yes. But I only have the government-issued phone, which they give out to those on assistance, and it has limited minutes and texts. Sadly, I only have a limited amount left for the month, and we still have a week before they’re refilled.
“You know there are no minutes left on the phone, and that’s why I had to use Mrs. Butler’s phone to call Rico about working tonight.
” Sam knew what I did. I was open and upfront with her about it.
I never wanted her to feel like she had to be ashamed of what I had to do to take care of our family.
She just knew she couldn’t tell anyone, not yet, at least.
“Can I go ask if I can use her phone?”
“No, absolutely not. We’re not going to bug her to use it.
She does too much for us as it is.” The smile on her face disappears, her lips turn down, and she looks at me, teary-eyed.
“Sam, I’m sorry, but a phone just isn’t a necessity and I don’t want to waste any money that could be used for something else. ”
“I know.” Her voice quivers as she speaks.
“I’m going to go clean my plate and start getting my stuff ready.
” She stands, scooting the chair back, making a screeching sound as it scratches against the floor.
Picking up her plate, she heads to the small kitchen and climbs up on the step stool, so she can reach the sink and begins cleaning it.
I war with myself internally if it’s worth the additional money every month to splurge on a cell phone that would give unlimited minutes and texts, so she wouldn’t stand out from her other friends.
I know they have the prepaid ones in the store, and it wouldn’t require any kind of parent to get one.
She heads off down the short hallway to her room and shuts the door, not saying another word to me as she goes.
The hallway is dark, with only the faintest light coming from the nightlight in the bathroom.
Our wall is cluttered with pictures of Mom and us.
Even one of her taken just a couple of days before she passed away.
I wish she was still here. It’s fucking hard and I worry each day about losing Sam.
How our life would be if she were still alive.
Would I have told her about what happens to me at school?
I know if I did, she’d have us moved and enrolled in a different school.
Sighing, I run my hand down my face. I can’t think about that.
She’s not here, so I have to suck it up and deal with it.
Standing, I take my plate and finish cleaning what’s left from cooking, and head to my room.
I need to make sure I have together what little I have for school and something to wear tomorrow.
I decided not to get anything new for myself; my clothes still fit and there’s no one to impress.
Hell, even if I wore some name-brand designer, it would be ruined by whatever prank they choose to play on me.
A few hours later, I’m lying down to take a nap when I hear a soft knock on my door before it creaks open and Sam steps in.
“Ci Ci, I’m sorry. I know you do so much for us.” She sniffles repeatedly. Her face is a splotchy, wet mess, and her nose is running, so I know she’s been crying for a while.
Sitting up, I hold my arms out for her and motion for her to come to me. She skips across the room, jumping on the bed and crawling up into my arms, wrapping hers around me as she hugs me tightly.
“I know.” Pulling away from her, so she can look up at me, I tell her, “I’ll see what I can do. Maybe I can budget a phone in. Just give me a few days to work on it.”
“I love you, Ci Ci.” She leans back into me, squeezing me tighter.
“I love you too, Sam. Now I’m going to take a short nap. Want to join me?”
She nods her head vehemently as she crawls under the blanket with me. Holding each other, we drift off into a slumber where we have everything we could ever need.