Chapter 41
forty-one
Hurt flutters in my throat when I see Sasha’s walls slam closed.
All I wanted when I offered her friends with benefits was the possibility of making her mine. I hadn’t really thought about how mine I wanted to make her. And I sure as hell didn’t think about what would happen if heavy feelings were to come into play.
What I didn’t expect was how I felt after I came so hard down her throat, I’m surprised she didn’t choke on my cum. Was it love? I’m not sure. It’s not a feeling I remember ever having felt this strongly before.
I feel bad for leaving what I refused to say hanging by a noose in the air between us, causing her to abandon the rest of her dinner and stomp upstairs to bed, leaving me alone and at war with my thoughts.
Letting out a resigned sigh, I tuck back into my plate as the shower turns on upstairs.
The moment I hear the water running, my mind is immediately flooded with images of Sasha naked, rivulets of water flowing over her perfect breasts. My cock stiffens at the thought of how her new jewelry would look, shiny and wet against her skin.
“Fuck,” I grumble, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.
I force myself to finish eating even though I’ve lost my appetite. My mind is too busy replaying the moment when I realized I was in way over my head. The hungry look in her eyes as she gazed up at me—how she swallowed everything I gave her without hesitation—hit me like a fucking freight train.
This isn’t just about sex anymore, and I’m stunned when I suddenly realize: Maybe it never was.
It’s not about the chase or the conquest or scratching an itch.
I want all of her. Her laughter, her stubbornness, her strength.
I want her opinions and her temper and her sass.
I want mornings filled with her sleepy mumbles and nights watching her fall asleep in my arms. Even her stubbornness drives me crazy in all the best ways.
After I finish eating, I clear the dishes and set them in the sink. I’ll take care of them in the morning.
Gripping the edge of the counter, I hang my head, forcing myself to get my shit together. What am I supposed to do now? Tell her I’m falling for her? That her submission made me realize I want more than what we agreed upon?
No doubt she’d run for the fucking hills if I told her all of that, and I wouldn’t blame her. We had an agreement: Keep it simple. No strings.
But now I’m all twisted up—tangled in additional feelings I never expected to have. Not this strong, at least.
With a heavy sigh, I turn off the lights and head upstairs. The shower has stopped running, and the house is quiet.
I pause outside her door. Maybe I should go in and tell her how I feel. Explain why I freaked out.
But what would I say? “Sorry I was acting weird after you gave me the best blowjob of my life, but I think I might be in love with you.”
Pathetic.
Battle raging, I lift my hand then hesitate, leaving it hovering in the air.
Just knock, you fucking coward.
But I can’t bring myself to do it. Not when I’m still trying to come to terms with what I’m feeling.
Using my fist to rub the ache in my sternum instead, I step away from her door and retreat to my room.
Tomorrow. Yeah. I’ll figure out what to say tomorrow.
As I strip down to my boxers and climb into bed, I can’t help but wonder if she’s still awake, thinking about me the way I’m thinking about her.
Nah. She made it more than clear what this was from the very beginning. And here I go, wanting to break the rules.
Rolling onto my side, I punch my pillow into submission and close my eyes.
Sleep doesn’t come easy, though. Not when my mind is racing with words I’m too afraid to say, cock throbbing for the woman sleeping right down the hall.
A woman who I’m starting to think just might be everything I never knew I needed.