Chapter 17
Jabari
She’s fallen asleep.
I say Val’s name a few times, then nudge her gently, but nothing.
Right now, the desire to see what she looks like in her sleep pricks at the wound of knowing I can’t.
Still, I wonder if she wears a soft smile on her lips.
Does an air of pure peace settle upon her features?
The Val I remember from ten years ago wore black-rimmed glasses and always had her nose buried in a book.
I never fully looked at her because I’d been focused on Jackie.
I regret that now.
Unfortunately, macular degeneration has filled me with many regrets.
But the majority of my grief is directed toward hockey.
The sport has been my whole world ever since I joined my first hockey class.
The freedom I find slicing the ice has always been therapeutic and very needed. Now what do I have?
I blink at the feeling of wetness on my face.
Cautiously, I swipe at my cheek and realize I’m crying.
Before I can fully comprehend what’s going on, more tears flood my face and drip down my chin.
A sob gathers in my chest, and a fisted hand covers my mouth, but it does no good.
The sob breaks free, and the tears come faster.
And Val wakes up.
“Jabari?”
Her arms are around me and pulling me to her chest in an instant.
I curl my hands around her waist. I’m not sure why I haven’t mourned my eyesight until now.
I’m not even sure if that’s why my heart feels like it’s ripping in two.
Maybe it’s the loss of hockey, the loss of everything I’m not even sure I fully understand.
I’ve never been benched in such a horrific way.
Val says nothing. She simply rubs one hand up and down my back and threads her fingers through my hair. The motions are soothing. The comfort is enormous. The ache in my throat and the burn in my chest ease as I surrender to the feeling of being held.
Why is Val so nice to me? No doubt Jackie gave her a narrative that should have her running the other way.
Yet she continues to be a friend in the midst of my darkest hours.
I’m not sure anyone has ever done that for me.
Not Raimo or Javier. Not even my mom, who’s always been too overcome by her own problems.
As the pain settles to a dull throb, my other senses kick into high gear. I just cried all over Val Elliott. Her shirt is probably soaked, yet she hasn’t stopped rubbing my back even though my tears have dried.
I’m not going to lie, I don’t want to break the hug. I don’t want to shift back to my cushion and give her the space she deserves. I want to bury my face in her neck and give in to the temptation of kissing her.
My thoughts slam to a halt.
Kissing her? Dude, since when have you thought of kissing Val Elliott? Like a bucket of ice water, fear douses me. I pull back and clear my throat.
“Are you okay?” she asks softly.
“I will be,” I reply quietly. I’m not sure why speaking low feels right, but it does.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
No, because now I can’t get the idea of kissing you out of my head. I grab the curls at the top of my head, tugging until I feel a slight pain, before letting go. If that won’t shake off the romantic feelings creeping into my skull, then nothing will.
“Jabari?”
“My eyesight’s only going to get worse, Val.” My voice cracks.
She threads her fingers through mine and covers both with her other hand. I want to cling and never let go. The way my heart picks up speed lets me know I no longer have only friendly feelings for her. Hating to, but needing to, I pull my hand away.
“I have no idea what you must be going through, but please don’t think you’re alone.” She moves a hand to my forearm.
Why does her touch feel like a brand? And how can I escape the feelings they evoke?
“Maybe I should be alone.” I shift back.
“Your family doesn’t like me, Val. It’s not like I can show up at your house one day and take you to dinner.
They’re going to want to know why you’re consorting with the enemy, and I don’t want to put you in that position to simply escape the fact I am alone. ”
“You’re not doing anything wrong. I willingly gave you my number, remember? And I invited you to church.”
“But do you plan on sitting with me, or will your family object if you do?”
I shove to my feet, needing to move. Too bad I can’t go skating, but now that Coach knows this isn’t reversible, my rink privileges have been revoked. Why don’t they just gut me already?
Still, I’ll search for other options. I can’t not skate. It’s my life. There has to be a place near me. As it is, I’ve already had to stop my volunteering with the middle school hockey club. I’m tired of the losses.
“Jabari, I’ll tell Jackie, my family. I’ll figure out a way. I promise.” She sniffles.
Every single pent-up frustration falls to my feet. The sound of her tears makes me want to wrap her in my arms. I head back to the couch, counting the steps and angling my peripherals to make sure I’m sitting on a free cushion.
“Please don’t cry.”
She sniffles some more. “I’m not,” she cries.
“Real convincing, Val.” Her laugh is full of tears, but I’ll count it as a win. “We’re a pair, aren’t we?”
“An unlikely pair.”
“But friends?” I ask softly.
“The best,” she croaks. “Jabari?”
“Yeah?”
A sigh fills my ears. “What happened with Jackie? Can you tell me your side?”
I’ve been simultaneously waiting for this moment since we developed a friendship and dreading it all the same.
I have no idea what Val knows, and no clue if she’ll believe my side of things.
If I tell her the truth, what will it do to her relationship with her sister? But you promised to be honest with her.
“I met Jackie at an event with agents and athletes. She laughed at my jokes, so I took a chance and asked her out. She seemed like a genuine person, and we ended up dating for about six months.” I pause, searching for the next thing to say.
“Around month four, Jackie started acting jealous every time she saw me speak to another woman. I kept asking her to trust me because I’m not someone who juggles more than one relationship. I had two things I was interested in at the time: hockey and her.”
“That makes sense. You were, what, twenty-three?”
“Yes. She was twenty. I wasn’t her first boyfriend, but she certainly acted like it. Had a lot of immaturity. She wanted more of my time, but I already gave her every free moment.”
“Then what ended it?”
I exhale slowly. “The coach’s daughter came to visit on her fall break.
Coach asked us to watch over her and make sure she didn’t get bored.
The job came with an obvious touch her and die warning.
None of us were flirting with her, merely showing her around DC.
Jackie saw me with her and flipped even though there had been other teammates with us as well. ”
This next part I’ve been debating on sharing, but I know Val’s attention is fixed on me, even if I don’t see it.
“She started crying, telling me how much she loved me, but I insisted we part ways. I didn’t want to be with a woman who’d let jealousy ruin our trust. She didn’t take it very well.
Got ugly.” Please don’t ask what happened next.
Please. “She made sure I knew she broke up with me and never wanted to see me again.”
Val draws in a breath, but I don’t hear the exhale.
“Breathe, Val.”
“How ugly did she get?”
I grimace. “Do you really want that answer?”
“Jabari,” she murmurs. “Are you protecting her?”
“No.” I shake my head adamantly. “I’m protecting you. You love your sisters, and I don’t want to change that. I don’t want to strain your relationship.” Great. I sound egotistical, don’t I? As if I have the ability to change the closeness she has with her sisters.
“So you didn’t cheat? You weren’t DMing models?”
I rear back. “No. I would never.”
There’s a pregnant pause, then Val speaks. “I think that’s all I have to ask.”
But now I have questions. Then again, if Jackie’s been calling me a cheater, there’s not really anything else to know. She smeared my name to her family to save face. All I care about is Val.
“Are we good?”
“Yes.” She squeezes my hand, then I hear a shuffling movement. “It’s after eleven. I should get home since church is tomorrow.”
“Sorry. Didn’t realize it was so late.” I can’t believe I ruined our evening by crying.
Don’t think that way. She comforted you and didn’t ridicule you.
“It’s okay.”
We walk slowly to the front door. “Will you text and let me know you got home safely?”
“Of course.”
I slip my hands into my pockets, rocking back on my heels. “You’re going to talk to Jackie, aren’t you?”
“Honestly?”
I nod.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I need to process this new information, and I do that best in the quiet, alone with God.”
Huh. Not what I expected, but now that she’s said it, so very Val. “I get it.”
“Will you still come to church?”
“I will. And, Val . . .” I run a hand across the back of my neck. “I don’t expect you to sit with me. I’ll ask Mom to go. We’ll attend, and that’ll be that. I won’t look for you.” I stop. Right, I can’t look for her.
“I appreciate you giving me time to figure everything out, Jabari.”
I nod, not knowing what else to say.
“Talk to you later,” she says softly.
“Night.”
The door shuts quietly, and I let out a groan. This evening was as awful as my imagination is conjuring, right?
I head to my bedroom, my mind going over everything that happened. From Mom talking to Val like she’s a potential girlfriend and those very real feelings of attraction to sharing my side of the breakup with Jackie.
This is bad. So very bad.
I pick up my phone and call Javier.
“Dude, do you know what time it is?”
“It’s after eleven.”
“You know this is my time with Yas.”
“Are you on the other line with her?”
Javier laughs. “Nah, man, we just hung up. I’m messing with you. You have perfect timing as usual. What’s up? What’s bothering you that you’re calling me so late?”
“Val just left.”
“Val who? Val Elliott? Because I distinctly remember you telling me and Raimo that she’s your ex’s little sister and we did a bad thing. Didn’t we have that conversation, or am I misremembering?”
I clear my throat. “So . . . about that.”
“Oh man.” Javier belly laughs.
“Do you want to keep laughing it up or help a bro out?”
Javier lets out one last chuckle, then speaks. “Okay, okay. I’m calm. Hit me.”
I tell Javier everything from Val’s moment of sympathy at our blind date to now.
“So you like her and not just as a friend?”
“Yes.” I wince as the word echoes in my mind. “But this is not good, Javi. She’s off-limits. It’s one thing to make her my friend, another to make her my girlfriend.”
“How do you think she feels about you?”
Great question. “Pretty sure I’m in the friends camp.”
“Locked in, or is there wiggle room to get out?”
“Should I get out?”
“Maybe wait until you know how her big sister feels?” Javier sucks air through his teeth. “Dawg, this is bad. There’s girl code, then sister code. You’re on dangerous ground.”
“Then I should stay in the friends camp, right?” I bite back a groan and rub the scraggly beard on my face. At least I don’t need my sight to do that.
“You might have to. Should we tag Raimo in on this?”
“Nope. He’s friends with Val. His view might be tainted.”
“Or it might give a needed perspective.”
I think through the logic. “Call him.”
The phone rings, then pauses as Raimo connects. “Yo, what’s up, Javi?”
“Hey, Raimo. Crank’s on the line too.”
“Crank, you good? It’s almost midnight.”
“I don’t have any more words. Javi, you tell him.” I don’t want to hear Raimo’s reaction, but I can’t not hear it either.
After Javier brings him up to speed, the line is eerily quiet.
“Raimo?” I ask cautiously.
“Dude, get your girl.”