Chapter 15
fifteen
My voice trails off, throat suddenly dry after talking for so long. The lake’s gentle waves fill the silence as I wait for my friends to process everything I’ve just shared.
“Holy. Shit.” Noia’s eyes are wide as saucers, shining with shock in the moonlight. “I knew you and Rowan had history, but I had no idea it went so deep.”
Sasha wraps an arm around my shoulders. “So what happened after prom? Did you guys talk about the kiss?”
My laugh comes out hollow. “No. We went back to pretending each other didn’t exist. At least until graduation.”
Noia leans forward eagerly. “So what happened next?”
“The day before graduation, I turned eighteen.” Pulling my knees tighter against my chest, I zone in on the moonlight rippling across the water. “But it’s the day after when everything shifted between us.”
“You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to,” Sasha says gently, curiosity burning in her eyes.
“No, it’s fine. I’ve kept this bottled up for long enough.
” I take a deep breath. “After the ceremony, my parents threw this huge graduation slash birthday party at our house. I spent most of the night avoiding Rowan, which wasn’t hard since he was surrounded by people wanting to talk to him about his plans to move to L.A. ”
Blowing out a breath, I rub my now sweaty palms over my jeans in a feeble attempt at getting them dry. “Later that night, after the party and everyone had gone to bed, I was coming out of the bathroom and ran into him in the hall.”
Noia gasps, a look of glee spreading across her face before she smacks her hands over her mouth. “I’m starting to sense an ongoing theme.”
My lips twitch. Typical romance author reaction.
“Yep. I’d never run into him in the middle of the night like that before.”
“What did you do?” Sasha asks.
The memory is so vivid, even after all these years, that I have to shake my head to clear it before I can continue. “He’d been drinking. He wasn’t drunk, but he was definitely buzzed.”
I go quiet, my mind whirling as I remember.
“Oh. My. God,” Sasha whispers. “You slept with him, didn’t you?”
I nod my head slowly. “It was... perfect. Everything I’d ever dreamt it would be.”
Tiptoeing out of the bathroom and into the dark hallway, I nearly collide with a solid wall of muscle.
“Shit!” I gasp, my hand flying to my chest.
“Fuck. Sorry, Iz,” Rowan whispers, grasping my arms to steady me.
His touch sends a jolt of electricity coursing through my veins. Even in the dark, I can make out the sharp angle of his jaw, the fullness of his lips, and the intensity of his eyes as they rake over me.
I’m suddenly, painfully aware that I’m wearing nothing but tiny black sleep shorts and a tight tank top that barely covers my midriff.
“What are you doing up?” I ask, my voice a hoarse whisper. Rowan’s hands feel like a brand against my skin.
He shrugs, gaze locked with mine. “Couldn’t sleep.”
The faint scent of alcohol lingers on his breath as the air between us crackles with pent up tension.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened at prom,” he finally says, voice dropping to a husky rumble that makes my stomach flutter as he steps into me. “How you’ve been avoiding me ever since.”
“Don’t,” I warn, taking a step back. But my back hits the wall, keeping me from retreating any further.
Prowling closer, he closes all but maybe a hair’s breadth of distance between us. “Why not?”
“Because it was a mistake,” I huff quietly, even as my body betrays me, leaning into him like a sunflower chases the fucking sun.
“Do you really believe that?” he asks, so close now I can feel his warm breath grazing my lips. “Or are you just scared?”
His brings his hand up to cup my cheek, brushing a thumb across my bottom lip. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, Iz. About us.”
My knees go all wobbly.
“There is no us,” I argue weakly, even as my heart races. “Fuck’s sake, Rowan. You’ve been with half the girls in our class.”
“So?” he growls. Leaning in, he’s so close now, I can see the flecks of gold in the hazel of his eyes. “None of them meant anything to me.”
I roll my eyes. “And I do?”
Tangling his fingers in my hair, he tugs gently, tilting my face up, forcing me to meet his fiery gaze. “You mean everything to me. You always have.”
My breath catches in my throat. “I—”
“All I care about is you,” he whispers against my lips. “It’s always been you, Sunshine.”
The nickname breaks something loose inside me, and suddenly I’m kissing him, my arms wrapping around his neck as he presses me up against the wall. His mouth is hot and demanding against mine, tasting faintly of mint and whiskey.
His hands slide down to grip my waist, fingers digging into my flesh as he pulls me tighter against him. I can feel how much he wants me, hard and insistent against my stomach.
“We… we shouldn’t,” I gasp when we finally break apart.
“Are you sure?” he asks, pulling back slightly to look into my eyes.
There’s a vulnerability there I’ve never seen before.
“I’m leaving in a couple of weeks, Iz. You need to understand.
I... I can’t give you anything more than what time I have left.
” He rests his forehead against mine. “Do you want to stop?”
I shake my head. “No.”
In one fluid move, he lifts me up, my legs automatically wrapping around his waist as he turns and walks us into my bedroom.
Toeing the door closed softly behind us, he flips the lock and stalks quietly across the floor. I’m still clinging to him as he crawls us onto the bed.
When my back hits the mattress, Rowan follows, his body covering mine as his lips find my neck. The weight of him feels perfect, like this is always where he was meant to be.
“Still sure?” he whispers against my skin, seeking permission once again.
The warmth of his breath sends shivers down my spine.
Looking into his eyes, I can see traces of the boy I once knew. But now that boy has become a man, a man who makes my heart race and sets my skin on fire. “Yes,” I breathe. “I’m sure.”
His hands slide under my top, calloused fingers tracing patterns over my skin, making me arch against him. When he tugs it off and over my head, I tremble in anticipation.
Maybe it’s the way he’s looking at me, like I’m something precious. Or maybe it’s the way his hand skims up my stomach to firmly squeeze my breast before brushing a thumb over my nipple. All I know in this moment is that I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but right here, right now, with him.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, eyes darkening as they take me in.
Normally, I would feel self-conscious, but I don’t. Not with him. Not with the way he’s looking at me like he wants to devour me.
We explore each other slowly, learning what makes the other gasp and moan. His hands are gentle but insistent, until he finally pushes inside me. Pleasure overwhelms the brief flash of pain, quickly bursting into something I’ve never felt before—even on my own.
“God, I missed you, Lizzy,” he murmurs against my lips as he starts to move. “So much.”
And in that moment, I believe him.
“So what happened after?” This comes from Noia, who has shifted to face me, elbows resting on her knees as she rests her chin in her hands. The excitement in her eyes from before is now bordering on feral.
I sigh and look up at the starry sky. “The next couple of weeks were like a whirlwind. We snuck into each other’s rooms every chance we got. We even met up and did it in the treehouse a couple of times.
“It was amazing. Every waking moment he wasn’t hanging out with my brother, he was with me. When we were together it was like we were the only two people in the world,” I say softly, running my finger in circles in the sand.
“Rowan was... attentive. Sweet. Passionate. Everything I’d ever fantasized about. We talked about everything—well, almost everything. We avoided talking about the future. How he was leaving in a couple of weeks. I think somehow we both knew it would break whatever spell we’d woven.”
Old hurt rises up in the center of my chest, and I take a deep, shuddering breath.
“Then one morning when I went downstairs for breakfast, he wasn’t there. He’d always made it downstairs before me. So when I asked my mom where he was… she told me he’d already left.”
My voice catches. “He didn’t say goodbye.
Didn’t leave a note. He was just... gone.
Again. I kept thinking I should’ve known.
But then it dawned on me. When we’d had sex the night before, it felt…
different. He wasn’t as present as he usually was.
But I brushed it off, knowing we only had a couple of days left to be together.
Chalked it up to the possibility of him feeling the same way I did—torn between wanting him to stay and wanting him to go chase his dreams.”
“Oh, Lizzy,” Sasha sighs, bumping my shoulder with hers.
“I kept thinking maybe he would call. Or text. Something. But days turned into weeks, and...” I laugh bitterly with a small shrug.
“You want to know the worst part? Turns out my traitor twin of a brother knew all along he planned on leaving early. Logan even drove Rowan to the airport, and didn’t even tell me. ”
“There’s got to be a good explanation for him leaving you like that,” Noia says, forehead creased in confusion. “I mean, people don’t just... disappear on someone they care so much about without a good reason.”
I shoot her a look. “Really? Because that’s exactly what he did. He intentionally ghosted me… twice.”
“But maybe—”
“No way,” Sasha interrupts, shaking her head firmly.
“Sure, she knew he was leaving. He even warned her he couldn’t give her more.
But after everything Rowan knew about how she reacted to him leaving when they were kids?
He should’ve known better. He should have at least given her the common courtesy of saying goodbye. ”
“Thank you.” I give Sasha a grateful look.
“Did you ever try reaching out?” Noia asks.
“No,” I admit. “My pride wouldn’t let me. And honestly? I was terrified of what he might say or not say. Or even worse… that he wouldn’t respond at all.”
“What about Logan?” Sasha questions. “Did you ever confront him about it?”
I nod. “Yeah, a few days later. He said Rowan made him promise not to tell me. Said it would be easier that way.” I roll my eyes with a snort. “Easier for whom?”
“Men can be such idiots,” Sasha mutter-growls.
“The thing is,” I explain. “I would’ve understood if he’d just talked to me about it. I just... All I wanted was a chance to say goodbye.”