Chapter 16
sixteen
The hammering in my head beats in time with the pounding on my door. Groaning, I roll over and bury my face in my pillow, hoping whoever it is will just go the fuck away.
Unfortunately, life can be an asshole.
And we don’t always get what we want, do we kids?
“God damn it, Lizzy! Open up! I know you’re in there!”
Fuck’s sake.
My brother can be annoyingly persistent.
“Go away!” I yell, immediately regretting my outburst as pain shoots like a white hot laser through the middle of my skull.
“Not happening! Open the door or I’m gonna use my key!”
Cursing under my breath, I drag myself out of bed. The room spins slightly as I stumble across the room to the front door and yank it open with enough force it has me swaying on my feet.
“What?” I growl, squinting at my twin through bleary eyes.
Logan pushes past me, carrying a cardboard tray with two cups. “Good morning to you too, sis.”
“Whatever,” I snap, closing the door before following him to the kitchen.
“Here.” He hands me a cup. “Black, two sugars. And take these.” He pulls a bottle of aspirin from his pocket.
Despite my annoyance, I’m grateful for the caffeine and pain killers. “Thanks,” I mutter, popping two aspirin before washing them down with a sip of coffee.
He leans against the counter, studying me. As a six-foot-four fire fighter who also works as Search and Rescue, he’s a guy you don’t ever want to mess with. I swear, if he really wanted to, he could lift a bus over his head.
“So,” Logan starts, crossing his arms over his massive chest. “Want to tell me what the hell happened last night?”
“Nothing happened,” I sigh, moving past him to collapse onto the couch. “I just wasn’t in the mood to party.”
“Don’t give me that shit,” he huffs, taking a seat next to me. “You took one look at Rowan and bolted. What the hell was that about?”
I take another sip of my coffee, buying time. “I was surprised, that’s all. You could have warned me he was going to be there. When you told me you had a surprise, he was the last thing I expected to see.”
“Would you have come if I had?”
“No.”
“Exactly.” He sighs, raking a hand through his hair. “Look, I know you two had some kind of falling out back in high school, but that was forever ago, Lizzy. Don’t you think it’s time to let whatever it is go?”
Those words make something inside me snap. “Are you being serious right now?”
“Of course, I’m serious! What happened between you two that was so terrible you can’t even be in the same room with him?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t give me that crap! Something changed.”
“Yeah. He did. After he came back senior year, he was different.”
“Of course he was different. People evolve. They grow up. I mean, come on. Losing his parents at a young age, only to lose his grandparents a few years later? That would fuck most people up. Now answer my question.”
“You really want to know?”
“Yes, I really want to know!”
“Fine.” My hands are trembling, so I set my cup down on the coffee table. “We were each other’s first kiss.”
Logan blinks at me in surprise. “What? When?”
“In the treehouse, when we were twelve.” I cross my arms over my chest. “It happened a few days before his parents died.”
“Wow. Okay.”
“And then he left without saying goodbye.”
“Lizzy, you know he didn’t have a choice—”
“I know!” I snap. “You remember how long it took me to get over it. But then he wouldn’t talk to me….” I turn to face him fully. “Not once in all those years and all those phone calls with you did he ever ask to speak to me.”
A sad expression shadows his face. “I remember.”
“And then when he came back senior year, all those feelings I had for him came rushing back, times freaking ten.”
The last thing I’m going to tell my brother is how our first conversation actually went. How different Rowan was with me during our first real interaction we’d had in five years. I’m pretty sure he tried apologizing, but at the time I wasn’t having it.
“When I pushed him away because I was hurt, instead of fighting for us, he just… avoided me. Would barely talk to me.”
My brother’s expression shifts, guilt flashing in his eyes before looking away.
“What?” I ask, suspicion taking over.
He clears his throat. “About that...”
“Logan...”
“I may have told him to stay away from you.”
“You what?! Why?”
“I told him to keep his distance,” he admits, having the decency to look ashamed.
“I knew all about his reputation—all the girls he’d bragged about screwing while he was in Ireland.
So when I remembered how devastated you were after he left the first time—how much shit you put yourself through over him?
I wanted to protect you from having to go through that again. ”
Resentment builds in my chest as I glare at my brother. “You had no fucking right.”
“Lizzy—”
Headache forgotten, I allow my anger to take over. “Who the hell do you think you are? You didn’t just keep me in the dark about Rowan leaving early after graduation—you actively tried to control how he acted around me! That wasn’t your choice to make!”
Logan rises to his feet, towering over me. “I was trying to protect you!”
Never one to back down, I jump up and get in his face.
“I didn’t need your protection! I needed my brother to trust me to make my own decisions!
” My voice rises with each word as I jab a finger at the floor, fisting my other hand against my thigh.
“Do you have any idea what that did to me? How much it hurt? I thought he didn’t care! That he didn’t like me anymore!”
“He was a player, Lizzy! He went through girls as if they were nothing!”
“So what?” My next words fly out before I can stop them. “Maybe I wanted to be one of those girls! True or not, it was my choice to make!”
When Logan’s gaze narrows in on me, I know I’ve said too much. Oopsie. “Wait... What else aren’t you telling me?”
Forcing myself to rein in my emotions, I roll my eyes to the ceiling. The last thing I need is Logan discovering what happened after graduation. Those memories are mine, and I’m not about to share it with my overprotective brother. He would lose his shit for sure.
So I settle for telling him what happened at prom, giving him a brief rundown of my altercation with Michelle.
“So, yeah. Rowan broke up with her after she called me a freak and tried to hit me,” I admit, watching as his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “I ran out. He came after me. And... we kissed.”
“Seriously?” Logan’s voice rises an octave.
“I made the first move,” I lie, crossing my arms in defense. “And, of course he kissed me back. Then I came to my senses and told him it was a mistake.”
Looking utterly bewildered, this time my brother runs both hands through his hair. “Holy shit.”
The fight drains out of me and I sigh. “Look, I appreciate the fact you were just trying to protect me, but you should’ve let me handle him on my own.”
Defeated, he slumps back onto the couch. “I’m sorry, Iz. I really thought I was doing the right thing.”
Sinking down beside him, I tuck an arm through his, resting my head on his shoulder. “I know.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes before his asks, “So that’s why you bolted last night? Because of what happened at prom?”
I roll my head to look up at him. “It’s... hard to explain.”
“Maybe him being here is a chance to fix things between the two of you,” Logan says gently. “Get some closure?”
“Closure?” I snort. “Really, Logan? What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey, Rowan, remember when you kissed me at prom and we pretended it never happened? Good times!’”
“You know what I mean.”
“I don’t need closure. I need to not see him again.” I take a long sip of my coffee. “Besides, he made that decision for both of us a long time ago.”
“He’s changed, Lizzy. We all have.”
“Oh, I see. So, you’d call boinking every actress and socialite in Hollywood a change? Not to mention he’s seen more often than not with Carrie Southern. Figured they were on and off.”
Logan shifts uncomfortably. “Actually...”
I narrow my eyes. “Now what?”
“First of all, they’re just friends. Turns out, he’s kind of looking for a fake girlfriend,” he says sheepishly, a slight question in his tone.
“Seriously?” I ask, sitting upright. “Why?”
“The studio says he needs to clean up his image if he wants to work for them as a director. They want Rowan to be in a stable relationship. Something along the lines of not being a liability.”
A sharp and incredulous laugh bursts out of my mouth. “And what does any of that have to do with me?”
“Nothing.” He shrugs. “I just... thought you should know.”
“He can do whatever the fuck he wants. I don’t give a shit.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
He barely flinches when I punch him in the arm. “Asshole.”
His chuckle bleeds into a heavy sigh. “Look, I’m sorry if I overstepped, but I’m not sorry for trying to look out for you. You’re my sister, Lizzy. After everything you went through when we were kids... I couldn’t sit back and watch it happen all over again.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes as the tension between us slowly fades away.
“Fine. I forgive you. So... What? Is he sticking around?”
“He’s leaving tomorrow. Heading back to L.A. to prep for filming. But he’ll be back in a couple of months.”
Logan nudges me with an elbow. “You gonna be okay with that?”
I stare out the window. “Not like I have a choice.”
“True.” Shifting to put an arm around my shoulders, my brother puts me in a gentle headlock and presses a kiss to the crown of my head. “You probably won’t see him much, anyway.”
“I hope not. Shit is just awkward, you know?”
“Yeah. But that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna hold out hope you two will eventually work your shit out.”
“Don’t hold your breath, brother.”
A deep laugh rumbles from his chest. “We’ll see.”