Chapter 9
Jaxon
Breathing heavily, I watch as Aspen slowly seems to come back to herself. Her cheeks are flushed so pink that I can barely see the tiny freckles dancing across her nose and upper cheeks. Her spring green eyes are darkened to emerald and her lashes hang, slumberous, over the dark jewels.
Her fingers dance across my chest and a thrill runs through me, straight to where my cock is throbbing under her sweet, soft curves. Her warm breath wafts across my bare skin where she ripped my shirt off and I shiver, goosebumps running along my shoulder and chest.
“Damn, you’re beautiful, Red.”
I feel her smile against my skin and grin back. “I really wish that we could finish this here and now,” she sighs.
“I’m not going to get you naked and fuck you when it’s so damn cold outside that we can’t even see through the windows.
“I don’t care, Jaxon. I want you. I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel.”
Grinning, I run my hand up and down her bare back, tucking her coat around her tighter even while my hand traces the long line of her spine. “Oh, trust me, Red. You’re gonna make me feel good. Hell, even listening to you breathe makes my dick hard.”
She flushes and lifts her head, her tousled red curls sticking to her pink cheeks. “Jaxon!”
Laughing, I tuck her tighter into me and then glance out at the wall of white still swirling around us.
She looks out the window and sighs. “How long do you think this will last?”
“Whatever it lasts, I’m happy to spend all of it with you.”
“Same, Jax, same.”
She curls into me and sighs.
“Problem, Red?”
“No. I’m just wondering if you’re okay with what happened here?”
Her head lifts off my chest and she props her little pointed chin on her arm. “Oh, I couldn’t possibly be more okay, Jax.” Her little giggle makes me smile.
Damn, I can’t believe how much I lo-lo-
I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath. I love Aspen Archer.
How does she feel about me?
I desperately want to know but for right now, I need to take care of my woman.
That stops me in my tracks. My woman.
I don’t know how I didn’t realize it as soon as I saw her but there it is. Basic. Perfect. Mine.
But underneath all of that is a little niggling fear that she’ll disappear or something will happen to her. What am I going to do if…?
My heart races, my breath coming in sudden pants. I fight to keep my head from spiraling so far out of control but it’s so damn hard.
Caring means death. That’s what I’ve always seen. It started with my parents and my grandmother but it didn’t end there. Every tour overseas meant losing another friend, another comrade in arms that doesn’t come home. That I can’t call anymore. Can’t have a beer with and catch up with.
My whole body feels numb. I can’t even feel Red settled in against my side anymore. Her breath is slow and steady and I know that she’s sleeping soundly in my arms, safe and secure. But horrific visions race through my head like a wildfire.
What if there’s a car accident and she doesn’t come home?
What if she runs into a car jacker and they take her away from me and she never comes home?
What if one day she just disappears and I don’t know if she left of her own volition or if some sick son of a bitch takes her away from me?
How the hell am I supposed to go on if she’s not around anymore?
Drawing in a deep, shuddering breath, I fight the wild images and thoughts in my head threatening to bury me in dark misery.
My phone rings and I jump, my breath coming out in a shaky mutter as I grab it.
“Hey, Sergeant. Have you seen Aspen Archer? One of the deputies went past her place and there weren’t any lights on and there were a few of her clients in front of the place. They said she was supposed to be there.”
“Uh, sorry, Sheriff. We got caught up on the mountain. I’m hoping that the storm lets up pretty soon so we can hit the road back to her place.”
“Are you alright? If you need a ride I can send one of the deputies up there to get y’all.”
I’m shaking my head before he finishes his thought. “No. We’re good.” Squinting out the windshield, I sigh, running my hand through my hair. “It’s slowing down. I think we should be able to start back in about ten minutes.”
“Okay. But if you need anything, just let me know. There’s someone around to help, you know.”
“I know. Thanks, Sheriff.” I hang up the phone and look up straight into Aspen’s hopeful sage green eyes. She smiles shyly and my whole body freezes.
“So…?”
“So I’m gonna take you home and then I need to run home myself. My dog, Bella, needs picked up from my friend’s house. I wasn’t sure how late I was going to be so I left her with a neighbor but she’s gonna be ready to get home.”
“Oh.” She sits up and I hate the look in her eyes. She’s drawing back in on herself.
Just like me.
I just need time to think. Time to understand what I’m doing here. What I can do.
Am I ready for a real relationship with a woman? One where I don’t leave first thing in the morning.
She drags her sweater on without dropping her coat so I can’t see even a hint of her beautiful pale skin. Her eyes stay down and she doesn’t say a word.
Neither of us do.
The air is fraught with feelings that neither of us want to say out loud and I just can’t deal with it.
“We better get going.” She scoots back over to her side of the cab, her knee banging hard on the gear shift and I wince and reach out for her but she flinches away from me and I drop my hand.
Without a word, I pull my own shirt and coat back on and put the truck in gear. The whirlwind of snow is now just a light dance of twirling flakes.
It takes what feels like forever but must not be very long at all before we’re pulling up in front of her little cottage. Neither of us move when I put the truck into park.
Finally, she opens the door and steps down on the running board. When she turns to me, I open my mouth to say something…anything, to stop her.
But instead I watch her climb out and I let her. I don’t do a damn thing. Just watch her shut the door and walk away through swirling flakes as cold as the ice encasing my heart.
Leaning back, I close my eyes and let everything wash over me. Anger at myself for being such a pussy, anger at the circumstances for bringing me the woman of my dreams and then anger at her for being so perfect for me.
The only thing I’m not sad about is that she’s the one. She’s perfect and if I wasn’t such a damn chicken I’d take off with her and marry her right this second.