Chapter 8
Aspen
He’s so different when you actually talk to him. When I first met him I thought all he was was a guy after a good time. Just like half the opportunistic men out there.
But he’s hurting. He’s lost so much. He doesn’t have anyone left and he’s afraid.
It’s interesting that I recognize self-protection in someone else but I never pushed myself to realize that I’m doing the same thing.
Would Jared and Michael want me to spend the rest of my life alone? No. They were my best friends, my life support most of my life. But they wouldn’t want me to give up and run from life.
I’ve been burying myself in taking care of other people and hiding my own scars, even from myself. How is that better than the people that I’m helping?
Simple answer…it’s not. They’re trying to work through their grief and loss and I’m trying to bury mine and focus on everyone else. I’m not willing to take my own prescription that I hand out so easily to everybody else.
“Where are we going?” I huff, uneasily watching the clouds shifting over the top of the peak. Is it my imagination or do they look darker, heavier?
“We’re going to this spot that I go to to think. It’s a cliff a little further up here. You can see the whole town from there. It really puts things into perspective.”
“How much further is it?” I ask, my breath puffing out harsher. The cold air stings in my lungs, burning like wildfire.
I guess it’s been too long since I went hiking.
“It’s only about half a mile.”
“Did you see the clouds up there?” I point upwards and his brow scrunches.
“They’re not calling for any snow until later tonight.” He hasn’t even finished the sentence and the first faint snowflakes drift down on us.
“That looks like snow, Jaxon. I think we better head back. It kinda looks like it’s moving in faster than they forecast.”
“Yeah. Okay. We’ll try this again another time, okay Red?”
“Sure, Jaxon.” My voice trembles and he smiles at me. My heart flutters and my whole body flares with heat.
Dammit, this is serious. I don’t have time to deal with whatever’s going on here. We’re in trouble.
He holds his gloved hand out though and I pause one second then put my gloved hand in his. It closes around mine and everything goes still. My racing heart, my chaotic thoughts…all of it.
“Trust me, Red. I’m not letting anything happen to you. We’re going to be fine.”
Nodding, I let him lead me down the mountain again.
But before we get more than five minutes down, the snow comes thick and fast. It sticks like frosty tape to my eyelashes and I can’t blink fast enough to clear my eyes.
Jaxon’s just a dark shape in the whirlpool of white and if he wasn’t holding onto my hand so hard I don’t think we’d still be together.
It’s impossible to see anything but white at this point.
My breath shudders in and out in a stream of constant white that’s barely visible in the flakes. Jaxon’s moving faster now and we’re not talking anymore.
Focus. We have to be getting close. As soon as we get back to the truck, it will all be fine. The truck has a heater. It’s shelter.
It’s safety.
But the whirlpool keeps whirling around us and I trip, hollering as I fall to my knees, my hand jerking out of Jaxon’s. Panic hits me. My eyes dart left and right, my heart hammering so hard it’s all I can hear.
“Jaxon!” I scream. I can’t see him and my hands clench at my side, sweat pooling in my sweater even in the freezing cold. Shaking, I stand up and jerk left and right. “Jaxon! Where are you?”
Arms surround me and I whip around, fighting to get away. “Hey, Red! It’s me. Stop it! I’ve got you. You’re alright.”
Sobs hit me and I step into him, feeling his warmth surround me like a force field. He wraps his arms tightly around me and I swear I feel his warm lips kiss the top of my head. “It’s alright, Red. I promise you. Nothing will ever happen to you when I’m around. I won’t let it.”
“You can’t promise that,” I sob. I know better than anyone except maybe him that life is fragile.
He leans down and his lips find mine and I taste him on my lips. My salty tears and his sweet taste. Like mint and sunshine. It warms me up and I wrap my arms around him, settling into his warmth. Then my vision goes white and all I feel is heat. Want.
He’s safety. He’s strength. He’s need.
He’s everything I want in a man. My heart stalls and I pull back, gasping. “I can’t do this.”
He wraps me into him. “Shhh. We don’t have to do a damn thing you don’t want, Red. But you’re safe with me.”
Am I?
He ducks down and even though he’s only a breath away, I can barely see him through the whirling maelstrom around us. But I see the determination in his dark eyes. “Do you trust me, Red?”
And for some damn reason I do. Nodding, I pull back and he holds out his hand again. Without a single thought I take it and he leads me away into the mess surrounding us. Like a giant wizard shook a snow globe and we’re fighting our way through it.
I trust this man. Trust him with every piece of me. Even if he decides to leave, I’m strong enough to get through it. I trust myself to be strong and keep going.
I want him. I feel like I need him. But I’m strong enough to go on without him.
I’m strong enough to survive Jared and Michael and anything else that comes my way.
I’m not laying down anymore and letting life go on around me while I lock my heart and my body down.
I’m going to live like they’d want me to. I’m going to love again. I think I’m pretty damn close to falling in love with Jaxon. But I’m not letting fear chase me away again.
I want to live. I want to love. I want all the things I lost when Michael died. When Jared died.
I want to make it out of this white world and back to reality and then I want to talk to Jaxon. I want to see where this thing between us goes.
It feels like forever, slogging through freezing cold snow and barely able to see more than a few inches in front of me. I should be losing my mind.
But I’m not. Because I’m not alone anymore. Jaxon’s here to protect me. Here to keep me safe.
And when the truck comes into view, I know what I want. Know what I need.
And I intend to find out if any of it’s possible or if I’m just fooling myself.
Gasping, we fall into the truck and sit there for a moment, fighting to catch our breath and realize that we made it.
I turn to him and he grins back at me. “Well, I guess I did a good job distracting you from that guy.”
Laughing, I lean over and kiss his cold, firm lips. Time freezes. And then his arms come up around me and he drags me across the cab until I’m sitting on his lap and I feel a hard ridge in his jeans. A hard tent that has me shifting and mewling into his mouth.
His hands come up and hold my head as he devours my mouth. Every breath is his. Ours. There’s no longer any Jaxon and Aspen. There are just two people who need each other. Two bodies begging to be one.
He breaks free from me and starts the truck and welcome heat washes over us. He tugs at my gloves and my coat, fighting to get me out of them.
I know I should wait. I should stop this. But the haze of hunger that’s burying me alive is too strong.
I need this. I need him. It’s been so long.
I jerk at my clothes and yank my sweater over my head, my hair falling in my eyes. A soft gasp freezes me and I push the hair out of my eyes. His eyes are locked on my plain white bra like it’s made of solid gold.
He pulls them away and lifts them to my eyes. “Dammit, you’re so damn beautiful, Red. Every part of you. But especially these.” He jerks his gloves off and then his big hands come up and cup my heavy breasts. My eyes roll back in my head and I lean back, gasping.
“That feels so good, Jax. Don’t stop.”
“I’m not gonna stop, Red. I want you so much.”
The truck rumbles underneath us and there’s nothing but white outside the windows.
I shift on his lap and he sucks in a sharp breath. His mouth comes down and he nuzzles into my throat, his teeth rasping across my skin. Fever grips me and my hands come up to tangle in his hair. “Don’t stop. Please, Jax. It feels so good. It’s been so long.”
My hips rotate on his lap and that hard tent is rock hard and I feel it brushing my lower lips even through the layers of clothes we’re wearing.
I can’t think. Can’t think of anything but need. I need him. It grips me in its fever and I’m lost. His mouth coasts down my throat and then his mouth closes on my nipple through the soft cotton of my bra and I’m tugging at his head, pulling him closer, tighter.
His teeth rake the sensitive peak and I hiss out a breath. It all feels so good.
Frissons of desire wash over me and I’m dragging in breath after breath. His big hands land on my hips and he pulses me back and forth, waves of desire crashing over me. My clit pulses and it takes everything I have not to come on the spot and I’m still wearing my jeans and boots.
“You feel so good,” he growls as he works my hips back and forth over his erection until we’re both breathing heavy.
He ducks his head and his lips find my nipple again, the soft, soaked cotton of the cup scraping across as he suckles the tip until my vision goes white and everything around us disappears.
“Oh god, yes!” Head falling back, I groan as ecstasy ripples across me and I shudder and fall apart in his muscular arms.