Chapter 21
I’d driven myself almost insane with the thoughts in my head since the wee hours of yesterday morning.
I went through feelings of anger, disappointment, love, fear, anxiety, and concern.
I cried more than I ever had in my life.
Poor Johann had sat there with me. Sometimes talking, other times holding me and letting my tears soak his shirt, or listening to me rant.
It had been hard to sleep, but Johann had insisted, and he practically force-fed me.
I came to a conclusion an hour ago. I could sit at his house for a month and get nowhere.
The only way to resolve this was to sit down with Heath, face-to-face, and hash it out.
I was calmer. I thought I could listen and be objective.
However, if Heath insisted it was his way and that was it, then I had my answer, even if it tore out my heart.
This conclusion was what had Johann and me pulling into the parking lot of Dark Patriots’ headquarters.
It was the weekend, so the lot was emptier than usual, but there were still vehicles there.
I scanned it for Heath’s truck. He hadn’t been at the house.
I let myself relax slightly when I spotted it.
My palms were sweaty, and my heart raced as we approached the front door minutes later.
The security guard greeted us from behind the main desk.
He called and spoke to someone who gave us permission to be let in.
We were issued the correct badges that would take us to the sixth floor.
When the elevator doors opened on the top floor, Ben stood there. His face was creased with concern.
“Danae, thanks for coming. Heath needs you and him to figure this out. It’s killing him, and it appears it’s doing the same to you. Are you alright?” he asked as he hugged me.
He let go, then gave his hand to Johann. “Hey, man,” Ben said to him.
“I’ve been better. Where is he?” I asked.
“He’s in one of the executive bedrooms. I’ll show you which one. Johann, you can hang with me.”
I remembered those bedrooms. They were created for times when one of the owners had to stay for extended periods.
They were kitted out to meet their needs, even if they weren’t luxurious.
I thought they were a great idea. Sometimes missions got complicated, or jobs took a turn that required them to monitor for hours or days.
That was what Sloan told me when she showed them to me.
Ben stopped outside of the first room on the left. Without saying a word more, he nodded. Johann squeezed me, then left me alone. I took a few calming breaths before I knocked on the door. When I heard no reply, I tried again, only louder.
“Come in,” Heath’s voice called despondently.
I turned the handle and went inside. After closing the door, I found it dark, except for the faintest light from the attached bathroom. It was a night light. I saw Heath lying on the bed. His back was to me.
“Did you forget to tell me something?” he asked with a bite.
“Yes, several things. Would you prefer I leave and we talk later?” I asked.
Heath rolled over so fast he almost rolled off the bed. He shot upright and tossed the cover back. His feet hit the floor, and he was over to me in two blinks. He was in his underwear. He reached for me, then let his arms drop to his sides. I couldn’t see his face.
“No, don’t leave!” he said.
“If you’re sleeping, I can come back another time,” I told him.
“I wasn’t asleep. Please, stay. Stand there and let me get a light on.”
When the light came on, I blinked to clear my vision.
When it was, I soaked up the sight of him.
Heath’s face was haggard. There were dark circles under his eyes, and I swore he looked as if he’d lost weight.
My first response was to ask him if he was okay and ask what I could do, but I held back.
Depending on the outcome of this meeting, that might not be appropriate or acceptable.
Maybe he’d conclude that he wanted a woman who was less troublesome than I. The thought made my stomach queasy.
My legs went weak, and I wobbled. Suddenly, I was swept against him, and he pivoted me around and backed me to the bed, where he eased me down on the edge. Concern filled his expression.
“Are you okay? Do I need to get a medic?”
“No, don’t get anyone. It was a momentary thing. We need to talk,” I said. There was no reason to delay.
“Ladies first,” he said.
He moved to sit against the wall across from me. His eyes wouldn’t meet mine. My blood ran cold. Other than to keep me from falling, he hadn’t tried to touch me. It appeared his concern was for the baby, not me. I fought back the tears. I had to get out of here before I bawled. I shot to my feet.
“No need to say anything. I understand.”
I rushed toward the door, but I never made it. Heath was up and barricading the door with his body. Panic was in his eyes. His hands came up and captured my upper arms. He held onto them, but his grip wasn’t painful.
“Please, don’t leave. God, Danae, give me a chance. I swear, we can fix this. Don’t leave me.” His tone was agonized.
I stared at him, lost for words. It took a moment for my mouth to work.
“You mean you haven’t made up your mind that I’m too troublesome? That a different woman would be a better match for you?”
“What the hell? No! Fuck no! I don’t want anyone but you.
I know I fucked up. I promised you something, then tried to renege on it.
I hurt you when I disappeared for two months without a word, yet you gave me another chance.
I never meant to make you feel that I wouldn’t keep my word or would do more awful things to you.
The excuses I have for telling you you couldn’t be involved are that I don’t want you or the baby to be stressed.
And the other reason is I’m afraid of how you’ll react. ”
“React to what?” I asked.
“At seeing what I can become. You’ve only ever seen the nicer side of me.
You’ve never met the Wolf. That’s my nickname from my Army days.
Wolf is who I become when it’s time to do things that would turn stomachs, make others cringe, or are hard to contemplate.
There’s been plenty of times I’ve had to be ugly.
But it was always done in defense of my country, my fellow soldiers, friends, and the innocent.
It wasn’t done to hurt those who never deserved it.
And that has held true since joining the Patriots.
Wolf can take someone apart, piece by piece, without flinching.
“Others see me as the funny one. The guy who can put his foot in his mouth, or come across in a way I never intended. What most people don’t see is the Heath, who is the Wolf.
I’ve never apologized for that aspect of myself or felt the need to worry about how I might be perceived.
Not until I met you and you were taken. I relished what I wanted to do to your mom, Masters, and that bastard Zhāng.
I want to make them scream, beg, suffer as their blood flows.
I know you’re strong, Danae. But what if you can’t handle Wolf?
What if that scares you away? So I took the stance that it was too much for you and the baby. The truth is, it’s too much for me.”
I watched so many emotions flitter across his face. I saw everything he just explained to me there. I sighed.
“Heath, I wish you’d told me. I’ve done a lot of thinking since that incident.
I won’t lie and say you didn’t make me doubt you—having you go back on your promise so close to disappearing scared me.
I needed time to think, to calm myself, to be comfortable with what I was and wasn’t capable of doing.
The last thing I wanted was to accept it, only to have you take over more and more of my decisions until I ceased to exist. No, don’t interrupt, let me finish.
“I have above-average intelligence. I’m strong, but not invincible.
I know accepting help is a challenge for me, because after my dad died, I lost two people, not just him.
I can rely on Johann, but ultimately, I have to rely on myself.
And I can’t become someone else to make you happy.
And if I do, we will never last. A later split would be worse. ”
He sat there, not saying anything. I heard the tick of the clock as the seconds sped by. Finally, he replied.
“I hear what you’re saying. I do. And the Patriots, Ben, Beau, and some of the wives spoke to me earlier about us.
They more or less said the same thing. I wasn’t asleep when you came to the door.
I was thinking about all that. I’ve got to ask.
Where does this leave us? Are you saying we’re over? ” His voice cracked.
“I’m saying if you can’t work with me when these types of things arise, and there will be more, then say so, and we’ll end it.
I won’t cut you from our baby’s life. You haven’t done anything to warrant that.
But I won’t be your wife. But if you want to work on this with me, and don’t automatically say yes without knowing you’ll be willing to compromise, I’m willing to pick up where we left off, with the above-mentioned changes. ”
Heath blinked twice, and then I was dragged into his arms. His mouth came down on mine. We both kissed each other passionately, with an edge of desperation to it. When he lifted his head, I saw tears streaming down his cheeks. I wiped them away as he wiped the ones running down mine.
“I swear, I’ll talk and listen when differences come up. If I try to backslide, hit me over the head with a cast-iron skillet,” he quipped.
I laughed. “Don’t give me that kind of open invitation. So, I guess the next time we run into an issue, we’ll work on it. Not to make you feel bad about letting Wolf out, but I have to ask. How did it go with Mom and the others? Did you get the information needed to take down Zhāng’s Triad?”
“We got some information from the ones working at the estate. The cook and the maids were clueless, so they were let go. The butler and the others knew. They’ve been handled. As for your mom, Masters, and Zhāng, they haven’t been questioned.”
I reared back in surprise. “Why not?”
“Sean and the others wanted to wait and let them stew. They were waiting for us to be resolved.”
“I don’t know about you, but I want to know. May I use the bathroom? I need to make myself presentable, then I’d like to go ask. You?”
“I’d like that, but then later, can we revisit this?” He asked, pressing himself into my belly. His hardness was evident even through the hardness of my stomach. I gasped then smirked.
“I believe I can help you with that.”
Heath tossed back his head and laughed before lightly smacking my ass and leading me to the bathroom.