Chapter 43 Finn
FORTY-THREE
FINN
Finn hadn’t heard anything from Gianna since she’d left that morning, so he had no idea whether everything was going well or not.
Seeing how broken and distraught she had been about the whole situation was making him consider just driving down there himself, but he knew she needed her space to do this.
She was stronger than she looked and stronger than she knew.
Still, he would have loved to have a chat with her mother. Maybe introduce her to his favorite crowbar. If Gianna said the words, he would. Until then, he had to sit still and fantasize about getting his revenge on the woman who continued to hurt his princess.
The day was boring otherwise. It was the weekend, so he didn’t have any work and everyone had their plans.
His previous plans were obvious, but also unavailable because she was occupied, so he accepted when Luna invited him over once again for lunch.
Seeing Valerio outside of work was fucking annoying, though.
These days, he was accepted by the security of the house, not patted down and questioned like he was before.
He walked to the front door and was greeted by the same workers that were always kind and welcoming when he stopped by.
They pointed him to the living room and that was where he went, but he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw who sat beside Luna on the couch.
It was his mother. Eleanora Kingsley.
She looked refreshed, maybe even younger since she had been out of the country.
Her brown hair was cut short to her chin and her eyes held a sparkle that she didn’t have in them before.
He hadn’t spoken to her since he helped her out of the country when she murdered their father.
Seeing her hit him so hard, he nearly fell over.
“Finn? Oh my God, look at you,” she gushed, standing from the couch.
He didn’t say anything. Hell, what was he supposed to say? It was like seeing a ghost. This wasn’t his day to be visiting with his mother; it was Gianna’s. Why the hell hadn’t Luna said anything when she invited him over?
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” she asked, confused. “I’m here visiting.”
Finn turned to Luna. “I didn’t realize that you both were close.”
How could he have known when their mother had never defended them the entire time their father abused them?
If anything, it seemed like Luna would have never wanted anything to do with her either because of that.
However, judging by how close Luna sat beside their mother, she didn’t look even a little bit uncomfortable.
How did Valerio even let her into this home?
He would have hated her too for everything she did to Luna. What was Finn missing?
“Please, just sit down and I’ll explain everything to you,” Luna said, keeping her voice gentle.
He moved to the seat furthest away from them, which happened to be the couch beside theirs. He sat at the left end, making sure he had space to run just in case.
“I’m sitting, now talk.”
Luna nodded. “Well, that day—”
“The day she killed Reece Kingsley,” he jumped in.
She could only give him a dirty look. “Yes, the day that Reece Kingsley died, we talked. Then, you sent her out of the country, and we spoke on the phone to work on our relationship. I managed to forgive her for everything that happened in our lives.”
Finn let out a sarcastic laugh. “That’s great that she’s now mother of the year for you, but while he was beating the shit out of me my entire childhood, she never did anything.”
“You can talk to me directly, Finn,” Eleanora said. “Are you angry at me for killing your father?”
He clenched his jaw. Looking at her brought up memories for him that he didn’t like to think about.
He was finally moving on from everything in his life, but now another demon stared him in the face.
One that should have protected him and didn’t.
She was almost so insignificant in his life throughout the years that it was hard to even consider her much of a mother figure at all.
She was there, but she wasn’t. More like a ghost than anything else.
“I’m moving on from his death. My issues with that have nothing to do with you. My issues with you are exactly what I said. You never stood up for me or Luna. You stood by his side,” he said.
“I should have been there for you and my biggest regret in life will be not defending you both. I should have taken you out of that home when I had a chance. I should have been a better mother, and I’m so sorry I haven’t been,” she said.
Tears welled up in her eyes and it almost startled him how much emotion she was showing.
Throughout their lives, she never was one for emotion. She kept everything locked away, including her smiles. She wasn’t the type of mother they could go to either with problems or good days at school. No, it was better to go to the nannies who cared more than their mother did.
But her apology did something to him he hadn’t expected. It hit him so deep in his chest he could feel an ache. Was it an ache for some kind of parental love? He wasn’t sure.
“Why didn’t you defend us?” he asked, feeling so small. He almost felt like that little boy again, trying to understand his parents to make sense of why they did the things that they did. His father was scorned, but maybe his mother still had some redemption left in her.
“Your father was a horrible man. Everything was a game to him. He always wanted to win and have the upper hand no matter what. He controlled every aspect of my life and kept tabs on what I loved to leverage his control over me. I learned that earlier on in our relationship, and I played the game back. I was never going to let him use you guys to control me, but he still hurt you in such horrible ways.” Eleanora wiped the tears from under her eyes, taking a deep breath to steady herself.
Luna grabbed her hand for comfort and suddenly he could see why they had bonded. Reece Kingsley had that same exact control over Luna’s life when he tried to set up an arranged marriage for her, and he did the same to their mother. They bonded over their trauma.
“It’s a good thing he’s dead now,” Finn said, clearing his throat. He was shocked by how much emotion swelled in his chest.
“I guess so,” his mother said, cracking a small smile.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about her visit. It was last minute, and I wanted to get you over here, but something tells me you wouldn’t have wanted to otherwise,” Luna said.
“You’re right about that. I wasn’t prepared for this at all,” he said.
“I’m not expecting you to forgive me or to understand anything. Seeing you though, that is amazing. You’ve grown up so much since I last saw you.”
“I’ve changed a lot since you’ve last seen me.”
“Luna told me about some of it.”
“She sure loves to talk,” Finn said, rolling his eyes.
“Come on, I have to fill her in. You’re her son,” Luna said, throwing her hands up.
That he was. And being her son left him feeling so fucking unsure of where to go with their relationship. He wished there was a perfect way to approach these types of situations, but there wasn’t. It was up to him to make these decisions for himself, and it drove him wild.
He exhaled a long breath. “Listen, I can’t decide right now what is going to happen with our relationship, but I’m open to reconnecting.
Slowly. Over time. It’s been a really long couple of weeks, and I need some time to clear my mind and think about everything before I can make any serious decisions. ”
Eleanora nodded. “I understand completely. Whenever you feel comfortable, I’m here for you.”
Finn nodded his head, standing from the couch. “I’m going to head out. I’ll let you guys continue your lunch.”
“I’ll call you later, Finn,” Luna called out as he walked back to the front door.
He just waved his hand and walked out of the house, taking a long and deep breath.
The walk back was necessary. He was exhausted, probably more than he had ever been in his life.
First the shit with his father, and then his mother entering back into his life.
These were the relationships in his life that weren’t supposed to be so complicated and yet they were.
He needed Gianna. She always knew what to say and how to handle these situations. He pulled out his phone, noticing there still wasn’t anything from her.
By the time he was in front of the home, he saw that Allister’s car was parked out front instead of the garage like he usually did.
It was also done so haphazardly, as if he’d just pulled in and parked the car before he left it.
In fact, the keys were still in the ignition, which was completely unlike Allister.
Immediate alarm filled his body. With hurried steps, he made his way to the front door that was also just thrown open.
Finn looked everywhere, trying to find Gianna or Allister.
The living room, kitchen, bathrooms, everything on the main level was empty.
He ran up the stairs, finally hearing some life in the house coming from the room furthest down the hall: her room.
Finn ran in, looking around frantically to find that Gianna’s room was trashed. Mirrors were smashed, pictures were shattered, and Gianna sat on the floor crying her eyes out, nearly suffocating while Allister desperately tried to get her to breathe.
Finn immediately fell into action, pushing Allister out of the way as he looked at Gianna. She looked completely broken. More importantly, her face was red, and she was gasping for air.
“Gianna, princess, look at me, breathe,” he said, grabbing her shoulders and trying to shake her out of it.
It didn’t work. Fuck.
“Gianna. Fucking breathe,” Allister screamed from beside him.
Finn grabbed her cheeks, pushing her hair out from her face and started blowing air into her mouth. He traded off from her nose to her mouth, desperately trying to get her to suck in some air before she fucking harmed herself.
His heart beat frantically in his chest. The panic only grew when it didn’t work like it did before.
He rubbed at her throat, trying to do anything he could to just get her to breathe. “Come on, princess. Breathe for me. You can do it. I know you can.”
Finn blew air into her mouth once again, rubbing her throat and her back at the same time. Like some kind of miracle, she finally inhaled, coughing as she sucked in breaths of air. Her chest heaved and she looked stunned, but she was breathing.
What had only been less than a minute felt like a lifetime to Finn as he continued rubbing her back. He tried to regulate his own heartbeat, but that would take an eternity after what he just went through.
“You’re okay, princess,” he murmured into her ear. “Just keep breathing.”
“Finn,” she whispered, letting tears escape her eyes once more.
“Don’t work yourself up. Take it easy. Just breathe for now and then you can tell me what happened.”
She nodded, leaning her head against his chest. Finn sat there, holding her tighter than he had ever held her in his life. He looked over at Allister who looked completely drained. Physically and emotionally.
“Are you okay?” Finn asked.
He lifted his head, looking beaten. “I will be.”
“She’s okay now. I’ll be here with her. Go take time for yourself.”
He nodded, standing. Allister began walking but stopped directly in front of them. “Thank you,” he said, offering out a hand.
Finn took it, shaking his hand and creating an understanding between them. Allister shut the door behind him, leaving the two alone in the room.
“Princess?” he asked, pulling away slightly. “Do you feel alright? Do you need a doctor?”
She shook her head, looking up at him. Her eyes were red and her makeup was smeared, but she still looked every bit as beautiful as she always did. “No, I only really stopped breathing once you walked in. I should be okay.”
He shook his head. “What happened? What triggered it?” When Gianna’s lip started to tremble again, he almost wished he hadn’t asked at all. “Take a deep breath,” he said, immediately getting her to breathe when he could tell she was closing herself off again.
She did just that, taking a few deep inhales before she started talking.
“She said she wanted to be a family again. I couldn’t believe it, and just sitting there hearing that, it solidified that I couldn’t do those visits anymore.
I don’t want to be called upon when she’s ready for a family and then be put back on the shelf when she decides she doesn’t want one anymore.
Allister said the same. Then she just left.
Just like that. No sorry, nothing about how much she loves us, nothing. ”
“I’m so sorry, Gianna.”
And he truly was. He couldn’t begin to imagine how she was feeling: the shock, the grief, the heartbreak. She had lost her mother. Not to death, but to life.
“I was fine until we almost got here and then it started. The panic, the suffocation, the anguish. She just left and it’s done.
And I’ll never have that mother figure like I wanted, like I needed, and I just have to live with that now.
And it hurts so bad, Finn. It hurts so much worse than the stupid visits and I don’t want it to hurt,” she cried out, holding onto him like he was a lifebuoy ring, and she was out in the middle of the ocean.
“It hurts bad now, but it will hurt less and less. I promise you, Gianna, this pain will fade until one day you wake up, and you don’t feel it like you used to. You did what you had to for yourself, and I am so proud of you. You are so strong and courageous,” he said.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. You don’t have to see it right now, but you are.”
“Just don’t go anywhere, please,” she said, looking up at him.
He pushed back her hair and wiped the tears under her eyes. “There’s no way in hell I’m leaving your side. I’m with you for the rest of our lives, princess. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
And eventually she stopped crying. When she did, he took them to his room.
He helped her shower and wipe the makeup off her face.
He did her skincare for her after having memorized it from watching her get ready all those times.
He brushed her hair and found her favorite pair of pajamas.
He helped her into bed and then ordered her favorite pasta from a place in the city.
He watched the stupid vampire romance movies she was obsessed with and rubbed her back until she fell asleep.
And he would do it for her again and again and again.