Chapter 21
Chapter
Twenty-One
Ethan couldn't focus on work the next morning—and not only because he'd barely gotten any sleep. He'd contemplated calling in sick, but had discarded that thought. He most likely would take the afternoon off, but this morning he wanted to be at the library, if only to talk to Noah.
He was desperately in need of a friend to talk him through the mess his life had become.
And so he found Noah in the children's section, arranging stuffed animals on the reading circle carpet, preparing for a story time session later in the day. His friend's bowtie today featured tiny dancing penguins, but even that couldn't bring a smile to Ethan's face.
"Hey." Noah glanced up, then raised an eyebrow. "You look like hell. No pun intended."
"Can we talk?" Ethan's voice came out rough. "Somewhere private?"
Noah's expression shifted from concern to alarm. He abandoned the stuffed giraffe he'd been positioning. "Break room's empty this early."
They walked in silence through the quiet library. Everything looked so normal, Ethan thought. As if his whole world hadn't been turned upside down in the past twenty-four hours.
Noah locked the break room door behind them. "What happened?"
"Hell's giving Mal forty-eight hours." The words tumbled out. "Either he collects my soul or they're reassigning the contract. They have pictures of us together, proof that he's compromised, and?—"
"Breathe." Noah grabbed his shoulders. "Start from the beginning."
Ethan took a shaky breath. He told Noah about the surveillance photos, about Mal being summoned to Hell, about the deadline.
"There has to be a way around this." Noah ran a hand through his hair. "What about the contract terms? Maybe if we looked at the exact wording, we can find a loophole."
"Yeah, I've thought of that." Ethan sank into one of the break room chairs. His face flushed. "Mal told me I could make up my own definition of what it means for me to lose my virginity."
"That's great! We can use that!"
"Um…" Ethan scratched the back of his neck. "I announced to him yesterday that I need to be… penetrated." Thinking back to that moment, he licked his lips. He'd only made that decision so that he could safely do… other things with Mal.
Now that decision was coming back to bite him in the ass, and he had no one to blame but himself for being horny.
"Ah." Noah's face fell. "That's... unfortunate."
"Yeah." Ethan's face flushed hotter, and he stared down at his hands. "But I've got to do something, so I was thinking… what if I just get it over with? I'm sure I can find someone random to do it with me and then the contract will be void."
Noah went very still. "You're not serious."
"I am." Ethan forced himself to meet his friend's eyes. "Hell has these machines, these... devices that strip away everything good in a soul. That's what happens in the Inner Sanctum. They torture souls until they turn dark."
Noah sat in the chair across from him. "And then? Do those souls turn into demons?"
"Yeah, I guess so. But that doesn't matter now. What matters is that I don't want to end up there, but that's definitely what'll happen if my contract gets reassigned to someone like Raviel."
"The demon who got his hooks in Kyle?"
"Yeah." The fluorescent lights hummed overhead as Ethan gathered his thoughts. "So I figure... better to lose my virginity to some random guy than risk eternal damnation, right?"
Noah studied him a moment longer, looking oddly calm in the face of everything Ethan was telling him. "Have you discussed this plan with Mal?"
"Not exactly." Ethan's skin burned hotter. "We talked about the possibility, but then he got summoned to Hell before we could really get into it."
"And you really think you could go through with it?" Noah's voice stayed gentle. "Mr. Romance-Novel-Collection? Mr. Love-Is-Sacred?"
"I don't see another choice." Ethan's voice rose slightly in pitch. "Unless you've got a better idea?"
Noah's eyes bored into him. "You love him, don't you? Mal?"
The question hit like a punch to the chest. Ethan bit his lower lip. "That's... that's not relevant."
"It's completely relevant." Noah's chair scraped against the linoleum as he leaned forward. "You'll break both your hearts if you do this."
"Hearts can heal." Ethan's voice sounded distant to himself. "Damned souls can't."
"That's where you might be wrong," Noah said softly.
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing." Noah shook his head and got up. "How are you going to do this? Get drunk and go to a club?" He sounded more like himself again. "How are you going to handle a stranger who wants to take you home when you can't even handle someone complimenting your book recommendations?"
Ethan cringed. "That's what booze is for."
"So now you not only want to lose your virginity to a stranger, you don't want to remember it either."
"When you put it like that, it sounds terrible."
"That's because it is," Noah said with emphasis.
Ethan's lips drew into a line. "Still better than whatever Hell has in store for me." Noah just didn't understand. How could he? He hadn't read that file, seen those pictures…
Ethan needed to act. "Look," he said. "I'm not asking for your permission. Only for your help. But I'll go by myself if I have to."
Noah's hands sank to his sides. "Okay," he said on an exhale. "If you're that determined…"
"You'll help me?"
"You'll always have my help, Ethan." He sounded so serious. "If you're really going to do this… I'll come with you."
"Thank you."
"Of course. You'll need a wingman. Someone to make sure you get home safe. And someone to call if..." He trailed off.
"If what?"
"If you change your mind." Noah's eyes held something Ethan couldn't quite read. "About any of it. And, Ethan?"
"Yeah?" Ethan had already turned to the door.
"Promise me you'll at least talk to your demon before we head out tonight."
"Promise," Ethan said, though he didn't look forward to that conversation at all.
Ethan's hand shook on his key as he unlocked his apartment door. He'd barely made it through his shift at the library, distracted by what he had to do tonight. What he had to tell Mal.
The apartment was dark except for the blue glow of the TV. Mal sat on the couch, flicking through Netflix titles without seeming to really see them. He looked up when Ethan entered, and the softness in his expression made Ethan's chest ache.
"Hey." Ethan dropped his bag by the door. His heart hammered against his ribs.
"How was work?" Mal's voice was careful, like he already knew what was coming.
"I'm going out tonight." The words tumbled out before Ethan could lose his nerve. "With Noah. To a club."
"Oh," Mal said softly. "You're going to…?"
"Yeah," Ethan made himself say. "I have to try to void our contract. We're running out of time."
"I know." Mal set the remote aside. "It's good that you're getting this over with." The demon's smile seemed forced.
Ethan couldn't blame him.
He wasn't exactly ecstatic about all of this himself. So many times he'd pictured what it would be like to meet 'the one', to share the kind of intimacy he only read about in books…
Now he'd found the one, but they couldn't be together like that.
"What's going to happen to you?" Ethan asked. "After I do this."
Mal didn't look at him. "Nothing much."
"They'll summon you back to Hell, won't they? And I'll never see you again."
"Your life will go back to normal."
That wasn't what Ethan was asking, and it wasn't what he wanted. His chest tightened.
"You'll find someone else eventually," Mal said, making the invisible vice around Ethan's ribcage draw even tighter. "You and I should never have met in the first place."
"Don't say that."
"It's the truth. You should not be in this situation. The best you can do is to try to get out of it."
Ethan swallowed hard, but even so, all the words he wanted to say stuck in his throat. "I hate this," he choked out.
"I know. Me too." There was pain in Mal's voice too. So much of it that Ethan knew he would lose his resolve if he let himself dwell on it.
He turned toward his bedroom. "I'm going to shower and get changed."
"Should I make myself scarce tonight?" Mal asked, making Ethan stop in his tracks.
"No. You can stay here." Ethan's hands turned to fists at the thought of bringing someone back to this apartment. "Noah got me a hotel room."
He could never lose his virginity to a stranger in his own bed.
The bed where he'd lain with Mal…
He didn't know if he could do it anywhere. "Maybe this is a stupid idea. Maybe I shouldn't do this."
"You have to."
"But I don't want to." Ethan's voice turned small, and then Mal was there, right next to him, cupping his face.
"You don't want to end up in Hell. Not for me."
Mal was right. Ethan knew he was right. But then why did everything about this feel so wrong?
"What if we just... let the contract happen?" Ethan asked, leaning into the touch. "At least then we'd be together."
His demon jerked back. "No. Absolutely not."
Ethan tried hard not to feel offended. One of them had to stay sane, or they'd both be lost.
"You know what's at stake," Mal said.
Ethan blew out a breath.
Why did he have to be reasonable?
That had never been his strong suit.
"You can do this," Mal said. "I believe in you."
Well, at least that made one of them.
Swallowing his nerves, Ethan continued on his way to the bathroom.
The mirror showed his reflection, pale and uncertain. He splashed cold water on his face, trying not to think about how this night would end.
About how after tonight, nothing would ever be the same.