Chapter 19
Vanessa
I should have gotten up the next morning and drove over to Isaac’s to pick up the boys. But I was still too hurt and angry to face him. The boys shouldn’t have to come between us, but I knew they were getting stuck in the crosshairs anyway.
In my mind, the five of us were well on our way to becoming this perfect little family. But it was clear that was only in my head.
I did not deserve a half-ass mate. I should have told him as much when I had the chance. Instead, I laid in bed all night long replaying our fight and coming up with dozens of much better come backs and words I wished I’d said.
There was no way for me to know if he was even going to bother getting the boys to school today or not. I did feel guilty about that. It wasn’t like he had a phone I could call or anything, at least not one he’d shared with me.
By the time I got into the office the next day, it was later than usual. Mary was already there setting up.
For some reason, as I walked up to the door it felt as if I could sense him nearby.
I knew that was ridiculous. The ghost of Isaac didn’t come into town.
He didn’t associate with people in the Pack.
I’d already learned that if he wanted anything he went down the mountain to the human stores to get stuff instead.
I was struggling to understand where he was coming from, but it was clear he wasn’t about to explain himself either, at least not to me.
“Mary,” I yelled out when I walked in. “Sorry I’m late. I overslept if you can believe it.” Which she probably didn’t because it was a bold-faced lie.
“We’re back here setting up,” she replied.
“We’re?” I said to myself.
As I walked back to the classrooms, there they were. Tears pricked my eyes as Cam ran to me. I scooped him up and hugged him tight.
“You forgot to pick us up today.”
Guilt was a real bitch.
I may have been angry at Isaac, but there was no reason for me to take that out on the boys.
Maybe if I talked to Kyle again and made some modifications at home, he’d let me take custody of them. I wasn’t sure how the tiny house I chose to live in would work for the four of us, but I knew I had to give it a try.
“I. . . got us here,” Noah said. He cut his eyes back at Mary suspiciously, but I knew exactly what he meant. Isaac had brought them here.
My heart ached for my mate, but I also knew I had to protect it, especially from him.
This was exactly the kind of shit I told him wouldn’t work for me. He was putting the boys in an unnecessarily awkward situation.
I set Cam down and rubbed my temples. The day hadn’t even really begun yet and I was already battling a stress headache.
Mary gave the boys tasks to do and then pulled me aside.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Just a bad night’s sleep.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. I had slept like crap last night.
I should be able to talk to the people close to me about our fight. I should be able to seek the advice of my girlfriends, not that I was extremely close to any of them, but I should still have the option if I wanted it.
Already I was distracted. I knew I had a very long day ahead of me.
Fortunately, it at least flew by quickly. Before I knew it, I was rushing Mason and Noah out the door and receiving kids for the day. Then, it felt like I blinked and it was lunchtime already.
Mary kept watching me closely. I knew I was worrying her, but it wasn’t like I could explain anything to her.
“I’m just having a rough time because I’m going through mating right now and he’s an asshole, but you can’t meet him because he doesn’t technically exist.”
I groaned softly. She’d likely have me signed up for a little chat with Lachlan over on Westin Force Delta team. And he would probably recommend they have me committed by the time our first therapy session was through.
Instead of eating with the kids, I chose to eat by myself and just walk through the motions of the day.
And when it came time to go home at last, I got in the car and automatically started driving out to the farm even though Kyle had personally picked the boys up.
I had been shocked and even more hurt when he’d arrived for Cameron.
There was no need for me to drive over there tonight. Isaac had drawn his line in the sand and I wasn’t willing to cross it. That meant there was nothing left for us.
The tears I’d been holding back all day spilled over as I turned the car around and drove home to an empty house.
I didn’t eat and I barely slept.
The bond was still strong between us and I could feel it trying to pull me back to him. I couldn’t do that because I wasn’t willing to live with his stipulations. But I also didn’t know how to break this bond. Every time I even thought about it, pain seared through me.
The next day there was no change.
The boys were there when I arrived. Kyle picked them up at the end of the day.
I felt like I was trapped in some horrible retelling of Groundhog Day.
But on the third day, something changed.
It started off the same and I was walking through the motions feeling much like a zombie when Kelsey showed up just before lunch.
“Emma and Mary are going to handle the rest of the day. You’re coming with me.”
“I can’t just leave work in the middle of the day, Kels.”
“You can, and you will,” she said.
I scowled when her Alpha powers punched me.
“There’s no need for that.”
“Whoops, sorry. You know you bring them out the strongest. Always have and I guess you always will. So, are you coming?”
“You aren’t exactly giving me a choice.”
“No, I’m not.”
She wouldn’t even let me drive myself, instead we got into her car and she drove us to her house. Along the way we passed by the road that I knew would take me to Isaac.
Mate, my wolf mourned.
When we got to the house Kelsey had lunch ready and waiting for us. She made me a hot cup of tea and shoved it into my hands.
“Drink up. You look like shit.”
I frowned. “Thanks a lot. I can’t imagine why we don’t spend more time together,” I muttered under my breath.
“You and I have always had a special sort of relationship and that includes being brutally honest.”
I snorted. She wasn’t wrong about that. Though it certainly felt more like she was the one always be brutally honest.
That wasn’t entirely true. I had once told her she looked like a beached whale while she was pregnant with her youngest. We did have that sort of friendship.
It was weird because I did consider Kelsey a friend, maybe even my closest friend. Yet we didn’t talk all that often. I wouldn’t really think to pick up the phone and call her until I really needed help. But I did know that if I did, she would give solid advice, or bail me out of jail.
She was Pack Mother and that came with duties and responsibilities that I respected. I didn’t want to be a bother.
And if I couldn’t feel comfortable enough to just call Kelsey and say, “Hey, I found my true mate. He’s pissing me off right now and I don’t know what to do,” then who the hell could I talk to?
A sinking reality hit me hard.
Was I really that different from Isaac?
I had no family left to speak of. I’d alienated all of my friends. Sure, I was friendly and talked to people all the time, but I wasn’t great about letting them in. I gave my all to my kids and my job. At the end of the day, I just wanted to hole up at home for a quiet, uneventful evening.
That hadn’t always been who I was, but it was me now. And the thing was, I really didn’t feel like I was missing out. I loved my life and I was fine with living a quiet life, so why was I so adverse to Isaac’s requests?
Because it made me feel uncomfortable.
I didn’t want to keep him a secret. I wanted to shout it out to the universe that I had a mate, my true mate. He might not be perfect. He was stubborn and prideful. He was snarky and could be funny. He was kind, even if he didn’t always appear so.
I’d seen how he interacted with the boys.
These were kids who had stolen from him, pissed him off, trespassed in his home, and yet he was allowing them to stay there, teaching them new things like how to bake bread and feed farm animals.
He didn’t have to do any of that, and that showed more to me than his sometimes gruff words said.
Was I being the asshole in this?
I sighed.
“Give it to me. You need to unload all those emotions packed up in there.”
I snorted. I thought that’s what I’d done the other night when I’d let my guard down and made love to Isaac.
Tears welled up in my eyes. Kelsey reached out and hugged me.
“Mating sucks. What did Isaac do this time?”
I gasped. “You know?”
“Of course I know. Do you really think Kyle could keep something like that from me? He was so surprised by it that he broadcasted that scene in real time. I’m only sorry I didn’t reach out sooner. Elise needed help with little-E and I forgot how exhausting babies could be.”
“You don’t have to apologize for that. I don’t even know if I’m ready to talk about it yet.”
“Mary says you’ve been a hull of yourself the last few days. She’s worried about you. We all are.”
“I’m fine. I didn’t mean to drag my personal shit into work.”
“I know, but we’re only human, well partly at least. We certainly care the full range of human emotions.”
“Lately it feels like it would be so much easier to turn off my humanity and just give myself over to the wolf.”
She shrugged. “Maybe, but she’d just run straight to Isaac.”
I laughed, but it was more like a humorless pathetic noise that escaped.
“Want to tell me about it?”
“What’s to tell?”
“Is he being stubborn and doesn’t want to accept the bond?”
“Oh no. He’s fine with accepting me as a mate—with stipulations.”
She scoffed. “Sounds like him. So what are his conditions?”
“That he remains a ghost.”
Kelsey nodded. “I suspected it was something like that.”