Chapter 20
Something was tickling my nose.
I blinked open my heavy eyes to a bluish morning light. I was on my side, my right arm tucked against my chest, my other draped over my pillow.
I pulled the pillow toward me. My eyes widened, sleep scattering like birds after a gunshot.
My arm was not draped over my pillow; it was draped over a very solid person.
James.
Memories of the night flooded my brain, and I stifled the impulse to pull my arm off him.
I didn’t want to wake him—not until I figured out how to handle the situation.
We had agreed we were friends last night. This position—my arm wrapped around him, his chin resting against my forehead, the steady beat of his heart in my ear—felt a little tiny teensy bit beyond friends. I couldn’t speak for him, but I’d never done this with any of my friends.
I shifted my head gently in an attempt to move whatever was tickling my nose—another leaf, I realized—and James stirred.
Freezing in place, I closed my eyes and waited to see if he’d drift back off to sleep.
His body shifted, and his chin dropped slightly, putting his lips against my forehead.
I held my breath, hoping he was more comfortable and could settle back into sleep. I needed more time.
More time to think. More time to analyze. More time in James’s arms.
Scratch that last one.
Whatever I needed time for, though, I wouldn’t be getting it.
I felt the exact moment he realized where he was and who he was with because he stiffened.
At some point, I’d need to breathe—or maybe passing out would be better?—but at the moment, I was too afraid that I’d do it weirdly and give away that I was awake too.
Not just awake. Very aware of James’s lips on my forehead. Of how much of our bodies were touching.
His lips lingered, then with a small sigh, he drew his head back, pulling them away.
I used the opportunity to stir, realizing with crushing regret that now he’d witness me “waking up” and coming to terms with our…situation. Should I act surprised? Repulsed? Happy? Like this was just another day in the life?
When I opened my eyes and found him looking at me, his hair mussed and his eyes still sleepy, acting went out the window, and all I could do was smile.
“Good morning,” he said.
“Morning.” I pulled my arm off of his chest. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” His eyes took me in, and I was suddenly aware how I must look.
I brushed a few strands of hair out of my face, then pushed myself up, supporting myself on my palm and looking around.
It was the same forest we’d gone to sleep in, but it looked like a different world in the morning light.
Where a dark abyss had been, maple trees and sap tubing stretched as far as the eye could see.
There was a small stream of smoke coming up from the nonexistent fire.
I glanced at James’s arm, still lying behind me, ready for me to take my place there again.
I wanted to.
“You can have your arm back now,” I said.
He looked over at it. “I can’t actually feel it at the moment.”
I cringed. “My huge anvil head killed your arm.”
His eyes shone with amusement. “The feeling will come back.”
I wasn’t so sure. How long could a limb have no circulation before it needed to be amputated?
I lifted his arm, which was much heavier than I’d expected, and set it on his body.
He laughed. “Thanks.” He used his other arm to get up and out of his Batman bag, his left one hanging useless at his side until his fingers started to get feeling a minute later.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“You wanna get the fire started again?” he asked. “I can run to the house and grab some things for breakfast.”
“You trust me to start a fire on my own? I could accidentally burn your entire maple farm to the ground while you’re getting eggs.”
He stuffed the Batman sleeping bag into its sack. “I think you can handle it.”
Once again, James had more confidence in me than I had in myself.
Was it merited?
That was the question.
Maybe more important than whether I could light a fire on my own was whether I could put out the one inside me.
I’d come face to face with my feelings for James in the dark; in the increasing light of day, they stared me down doggedly. James had left town for eight years, but my feelings hadn’t gone anywhere.
James grabbed the last couple pieces of wood and set them on the thick stump we’d been using as a chopping block.
I swallowed, feeling suddenly suffocated by my feelings for him. I wanted to stuff them back inside me like the sleeping bags in their tightly cinched sacks, but every second I watched him, they seemed to stretch their legs, settling in.
Would I ever be free of them?
“Actually,” I said, “I should get going.”
“Not so fast,” he said. “You still have a few hours left of your break.”
“Yeah, but we’ve got family dinner later, and I’m taking dessert.” No one had assigned me that task. I’d taken it on myself. But the more I considered it, the more sense it made. I could make a test batch of s’more maple blondies.
And take some time away from James.
The phrase family dinner acted like water on the fire of James’s smile.
“Okay. You want to grab something from the house to take with you for breakfast?”
“Thanks, but I’ve got some stuff at home.” Stuff being stale cereal and potentially expired milk. I had to stop at the store for groceries anyway, though.
We loaded up with sleeping bags and mats and made our way to the house.
It was quiet this time, like both of us were in our heads. I sure was.
It wasn’t until we’d offloaded the stuff on the porch and reached the truck that I realized I was still wearing his clothes. “Oh,” I said, looking down. “I can run inside and chang—”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get them from you later.”
I considered insisting—wearing James’s sweats probably wasn’t the best way to get distance from him—but the air was cold and my clothes wouldn’t be nearly as warm as these. Besides, I just needed to get out of here and clear my head a bit. I’d change at home.
“Thanks,” I said. “For all of this.”
“It was nothing.”
I stared at him, feeling a bit hurt by the word choice, but he was looking back at the house like he was distracted. Or maybe he was hurt too.
All I knew was I was already missing my more playful James.
He opened and shut my door for me. May had instilled Southern hospitality too deeply in him not to.
I pressed in the clutch and turned on the truck, then smiled and gave him a thumbs up.
The corner of his mouth lifted, and he copied the thumbs up.
S’more maple blondies would never be featured in Martha Stewart Living. With the wonky shapes of the ones on top, I could see why Mrs. Keller had considered marshmallows an abomination. They didn’t fit her aesthetic.
The only chance at redemption for the s’more maple blondies was to be delicious—something I hoped my family would give the verdict on after dinner.
A text vibrated my phone on the counter.
Wade
Here
I grabbed the pan of blondies and hurried downstairs and outside. I’d realized half an hour ago that I couldn’t just roll up to family dinner in James’s truck, so I’d asked Wade to pick me up.
I opened the door of his truck with my free hand and climbed in.
“Feels like high school all over again,” he said.
He’d taken me to and picked me up from plenty of after-school activities back then.
I pulled my door shut. “At least in high school you didn’t have that furball on your face.”
He smoothed his mustache with his thumb and forefinger. “I’ll have you know, this ‘stache is the talk of the school.”
“I believe it.”
“Half the seniors are trying to grow their own.” He pulled away from the curb. “What happened to your car?”
“Faulty fuel pump, Dom says.”
“So, how’ve you been getting around?”
That was the exact question I hadn’t wanted him to ask. “Um…the Carvers let me borrow their truck.”
Wade’s brows went up.
“They need me at the farm,” I defended. “But I didn’t think anyone would appreciate me showing up in it today.”
“Definitely not.”
“Where’s Ari?” I asked to change the subject. “I was hoping you’d bring her.”
He gave a little snort. “Since when have you known me to bring a girl home?”
I shrugged. “Never. But you’ve also never liked a girl as much as Ari.”
“Says who?”
I shot him an unamused look. “The only two people who don’t know how much you like Ari are you and Ari.”
“Pfft. What about you? Why aren’t you bringing anyone to dinner? James couldn’t come?”
I snorted. “You hoping to instigate World War III at the dinner table?”
“It would liven things up for sure. You’re at the maple farm all the time, aren’t you? Bennett said you two came by his shop together.”
I sighed. Small town gossip was the worst sometimes. I was sure Bennett had mentioned it thoughtlessly rather than meaning to cause trouble, but it made me wonder who else knew. “For work stuff.”
“Uh-huh.”
I rolled my eyes. “I figured you’d rather I bring these than a guy anyway.” I held up the blondies.
Wade smiled. “You were right.” He reached over, and I smacked his hand.
When we pulled up to the house, Ryan’s truck was already there.
I took in a big breath as I got out. It had been longer than usual since I’d seen him, and after last night, I had a guilty conscience—not exactly the makings of a happy dinner ahead.
Ryan pulled me into his usual bear hug, though—the kind that squeezed every last ounce of the air out of my lungs.
In fact, everything was normal as we sat down for dinner.
The usual banter and antics, the good food, the laughter.
Ryan and Wade reminisced about the time they’d listed the high school for sale on Facebook Marketplace—something Dad, the principal at the time, had not found funny—laughing until they had tears streaming down their faces.
I glanced at Lily, who had Mia on her lap but was watching my brothers with a big smile.
There had been a few times back in their dating years when I’d thought she and Ryan wouldn’t make it. They’d been off and on so many times, it had felt impossible that they’d ever stay on. But they had.
My stomach swam as I remembered the days after Lily and Ryan’s final breakup. Ryan had acted like it was no big deal when he’d let us know, but he’d been secretly miserable. I’d stopped at the closed bathroom door to take a shower one night and heard Ryan throwing up.
The next day I’d heard about James kissing Lily.
Ryan put on a good face, but he felt emotions deeply.
It was why I hated the thought of hurting him.
He might be wrong about James, and I might wish he could see that James wasn’t the same person who’d hurt him eight years ago, but the fact remained that my choosing James would hurt him.
It would hurt the brother who’d put his arm around me at age eleven and offered to egg Tyson Hatch’s house when Tyson had called me Ketchup Head. Who’d snatched the toilet paper hanging from my shoe my freshman year and stuffed it in his back pocket.
I didn’t want to hurt that brother.
The s’more maple blondies were an all-around hit, which was all the more satisfying because I hadn’t even mentioned what I hoped to do with them. It made heading out the front door with a pan that had been all but licked clean feel like winning a gold medal.
“Where’s your car, Sade?” Ryan asked as we all walked out.
My body tightened. “Dom’s putting in a new fuel pump. Soon, I hope. He was waiting for the part last I heard.”
Ryan tossed Mia into the air, and she giggled in delight. “How’d you get here?”
My muscles tensed, but I smiled at Wade. “My personal chauffeur. You good to take me back right now?”
“We can drop you off,” Ryan said.
“Yeah,” Lily agreed. “No problem.”
I sent a pleading glance at Wade. Even if Wade hadn’t recognized James’s truck in front of the bakery, Ryan would.
“I’ve actually gotta run an errand in town,” Wade said, sounding more suspicious than I’d hoped.
Ryan smirked. “Run an errand, eh? Does Ari mind that nickname?”
“Grow up.” Wade gave him a wet willy.
“Are you okay to take Mia tomorrow, Sadie?” Lily asked.
I turned to my niece. “Is water wet? Yes!”
“Can we go to the stables again?” Mia asked.
My heart skipped a beat, and my gaze darted to Lily.
“You went to the stables?” Ryan asked, more curious than suspicious.
“Yeah!” Mia said. “And we saw the horsies, and we fed them, and I met—”
“I’ll have to ask Archer,” I hurried to interrupt, noting that Lily had been about to do the same. “Whatever we do, it’ll be fun, though. I promise.” I squatted down and put out my pinky finger.
Mia hooked hers around it with a grin, and we kissed our thumbs.
I shot a glance at Lily, whose shoulders lowered with relief.
Apparently, neither Mia nor Lily had told Ryan about seeing James at the stables. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. I guess Lily probably felt the same way I did: reluctant to stir things up.
But inside me, everything was stirred up, and I had no idea how to make it settle again.