Chapter 21
My break from work had refreshed me physically.
Mentally? My brain was a whirlwind.
Things were busy at Keller’s as we prepared enough product to stock both the bakery and the Harvest Festival booth. I wanted to get started on the s’more maple blondies at the sugar shack, but I also felt paralyzed, not knowing how to act around James anymore.
All my talk of friends felt way too much like overcompensating. My only consolation was that James had had no idea about my crush last time—I hoped he’d be similarly ignorant this time.
What I had now was a lot more than a crush, though. I wasn’t looking at James like some god on a pedestal. I was looking at him, one flawed human to another, and strangely, I wanted him all the more for it.
After my bakery shift, I picked up Mia and took her to the stables, simultaneously wanting to see James and hoping for more time before I’d have to face him.
When we walked in, Archer had just come back from taking a group on a ride and was busy seeing to the horses and tack.
When he offered Mia a brush to help with one of the saddles, I thought he was crazy—what four-year-old would want to clean tack over feeding the horses?
—but she was thrilled. She felt like a grownup.
“Where is Mr. James?” Mia asked as she took the brush from Archer, holding it the wrong way.
Archer cocked a brow at me.
“He’s not here today,” I said, ignoring the look.
Mia’s brow furrowed only to unfurrow just as suddenly. “Is he in the woods?”
“Maybe so,” I said. “Do you think you can brush that saddle all by yourself? It’s a lot of work.”
Mia took up the gauntlet with gusto, singing Moana songs with mostly wrong lyrics as she brushed the leather. How could so much adorableness reside in such a small body?
“What?” I said when I noticed Archer staring at me.
He put up his hands in innocence. “I didn’t say anything.”
“Not with your mouth.”
“I just didn’t expect Ryan Stevenson’s daughter to be asking for James Carver.” He grabbed another brush and tossed it to me.
“Yeah, well, she took a shining to him last time. A very bright shining.”
“And how does Ryan feel about that?”
I brushed the saddle.
“Gotcha.”
I stayed silent, focusing on my task.
“Sadie.”
All the thoughts and emotions I’d been wrestling with bubbled up. I was going crazy trying to sort through them.
I met his gaze, and he searched my face.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
He cocked a disbelieving brow.
“Nothing’s going on. Just…working with James is…complicated.”
“Complicated because Ryan hates him? Or complicated because you’re in love with James?”
I shot him an annoyed look, but the blood rushing to my cheeks betrayed me, just as it always did. “I’m not in love with him.”
“Right. Enjoy your time in denial, Sadie.”
“Um…pot meet kettle?”
He put out his hands. “Hey, I’ve left the land of denial, and I couldn’t be happier about it.”
I looked at him skeptically. “Are you telling me you’re actually pursuing Juliet?”
“That’s right.” He grinned widely.
I smiled, secretly impressed. And envious. “That’s great! Really. I’m Team Juliet. But what’ll you do about the mayor?” Juliet’s dad wasn’t a fan of Archer. He was also ultra-protective of his daughter. Bad combination.
Archer shrugged. “It gets old living your life dictated by someone else’s feelings.”
That statement resonated bonedeep, but I also had no idea how to not care how my actions affected my brother. Or James, for that matter. I’d promised him I was his friend.
Either I let down Ryan, or I let down James.
Couldn’t two grown men who’d been attached at the hip their entire childhood and the better part of their early twenties get over a nearly decade-old mistake?
I thought of the conversation I’d overheard between James and Archer right here in the stables—when I’d sneezed myself into a near-concussion. Archer had said there was more to the story. James had said people didn’t want the truth—just someone to blame.
I’d been chewing on that information for weeks now, trying to persuade myself I didn’t need to know.
But I did.
“Hey,” I said. “A while ago, I heard you say there’s more to the story with James, Ryan, and Lily. What did you mean?”
Archer stopped and looked at me, then shook his head. “I don’t really know. James is a good, good guy, though. He’s always been good.” He went back to brushing. “The story just doesn’t add up.”
I didn’t say anything. It was the same thought I’d had—not being able to reconcile what I’d known of James before, what I knew of him now, and what he’d done to Ryan.
But people could surprise you in all the best and worst ways.
James’s comment about people wanting someone to blame rather than the actual truth was the part I couldn’t stop thinking about, though.
What did it mean? And did it actually matter?
Whatever had happened back then, the James I knew now was someone I admired. Someone whose happiness mattered to me deeply.
“Do you think Ryan will come around?” I asked.
“Not until he’s ready.”
“What will get him ready?”
He chuckled. “Maybe seeing that his sister’s in love with his enemy?”
“I’m not—”
“Or”—he interrupted—“that might cement his hatred of James forever. Could go either way.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Golly, Archer. I just love these little chats we have.”
He grinned. “Me too.” His phone gave a quick buzz, and he took it out. “Another booking.”
“It’s going well, then?”
“Too well.” He shoved the phone back in his pocket. “In fact, I was hoping you might be able to help out with some rides this coming week. Just if we get a double-booking.”
I raised a brow. “By which you mean you already double-booked.”
“Correct.”
Classic Archer. He was terrible at saying no to guests.
“I’m happy to help as long as I’m not on shift at the bakery.”
I looked at Mia, who was taking her brushing task so seriously that she’d finished the saddle and was now brushing the stable floor, kicking up clouds of dust and dirt.
I got up just as the climax of her song was swallowed by a sneeze.
“So helpful, Mimi,” I said, gently taking the brush from her. “Should we do something else now?”
She perked up, her face sprinkled generously with stable dust. “Find Mr. James in the woods?”
“Um…maybe we could go to the library instead? Emma said she misses you.” I needed to nip her fixation with James in the bud. Though, we seemed to be past that point. It wasn’t a bud but a full-fledged flower.
Thankfully, mention of Emma did the trick. Mia wanted to tell the librarian how many times she’d been read The Pout Pout Fish this week.
I suppressed the desire to tell her I’d made a fire and slept under the stars two nights ago. She could never know just how cool I was, or she’d blab it to my brother.
I hated keeping things from Ryan, but I was also too selfish to regret the campout. Too selfish not to want to keep James as a friend. I’d promised him that friendship—but that wasn’t even the reason.
Did I have feelings beyond the platonic?
100%.
But those feelings aside, James was important to me. Sure, he might need me as a friend, but I was positive I needed him just as much. More, maybe.
I didn’t want to hurt Ryan, and I didn’t want to surrender my friendship with James.
That was the long and short of it.
James and I had been friends before the campout; we could continue that way. Then he’d return to Canada, and we’d be friends from a distance.
The night I’d spent in his arms, sleeping to the beating of his heart, would be just a blip on the radar of my life.