Chapter 13
Alec
I just wanted her to get out of her head for a little bit, and if that meant embarrassing myself, then that’s what I was prepared to do. Looking down at her, though, I can’t tell if she’s turned on or very turned off by my confession.
Looking down at her, I don’t know if I should want her as badly as I do right now.
Does she feel my erection against her thigh? The problem is, I don’t know that I can do anything, even if she wants me back. That little intimacy problem I have? It rears its ugly head at the worst moments. When I’m stuck in my own head, being nagged by my own trauma.
A lot of the crew knows trauma, but something tells me this girl knows it deeply. Painfully. And it’s kinda nice to have someone understand the way that knife can cut open a wound the rest of the world can’t see. You can only feel it and the damage it caused.
I’ve managed to get intimate on drugs or with alcohol, numbing that pain until I can find solace in someone else’s body, but she already made me come.
It’s just different once my cock comes out.
The insecurity ravages me and ruins the moment.
It’s not my size or a fear that I can’t please a woman. It’s . . . so much worse.
Even if I could fuck her right now, I might not be able to tomorrow. Or next week. It all depends on how much my brain decides to fuck me at any given moment.
Unless she’d indulge me with my biggest turn on: letting me watch her with someone else while knowing she’s mine.
But I have to stop thinking about that. And most importantly, I shouldn’t fuck her anyway.
I’m nearly a decade her senior, and I know better.
I’d be preying on her, even if she doesn’t see it that way.
Even if it doesn’t feel like it. A girl like her can’t consent to a man with such inner darkness.
She’d have to love me in times when I can’t get hard, when I have to bring in someone else to please her the way I can’t.
And once that forbidden act finishes, I can take her how she deserves.
Goddamn it. Stop thinking about it. She’s not mine. She can’t be.
But fuck if I don’t want to be selfish and take advantage of this nagging, sober hardness in my pants.
“Do you trust me, pup?”
She chews her inner lip and looks up at me with hazel eyes. I don’t think this girl has trusted anyone a day in her life. Why I think she’d trust me is beyond me.
“I think I do.”
I sit up on my knees and stare down at her. “That isn’t the right answer.”
She sits up on her elbows. “I’ve never trusted a person.”
I knew it.
“But I wouldn’t be alone in this room with you if I didn’t feel some kind of trust. That shower? Absolutely not.”
“Maybe there’s a less complicated question,” I say as I lean over her again and bring my mouth close to hers. “Do you want me, pup?”
She swallows, and that’s not an answer I want.
“I won’t fuck you, if that’s what you’re worried about.
Not until you’re ready.” What I want to tell her is how she needs to be ready because I’ll ask her for things she’s never been asked for.
I’ll break every notion of what a woman thinks happens when a man is with a woman.
She will be fucked by others for her pleasure and mine.
And if she’s not ready for that, I want to know before I ever sleep with her.
I roll off her and lie beside her in the bed.
I lower my zipper and pull my cock from the splayed fabric.
Her eyes widen as she sees the double dydoe piercing, but she doesn’t ask me to stop, so I don’t put it away.
I don’t just have piercings in my face and mouth, and I want her to know it.
Curved silver bars run through each side of the head of my dick.
Two metal balls rest on the top of my head and two more just behind the ridge.
“It feels better than it looks, I promise,” I say with a laugh. I’d probably look at them that way too if I’d never seen a pierced dick.
I wrap my hand around the base of my cock and watch her reaction as I stroke myself. She bites her lip.
“Put your hand down your pants, pup,” I whisper. “I want you to touch yourself. I want you to come with me this time.”
“Ace,” she says, shaking her head. Her body tenses, but she doesn’t need to be shy or scared around me.
I release my dick and grab her right hand, rubbing her palm before placing it on her lower abdomen.
She tenses as I glide over the curves of her stomach.
She doesn’t need to be insecure about her weight.
I didn’t notice it in the shower, and I don’t notice it now.
It’s just a part of her. If the others care about her weight, they can have an in-depth conversation with my fucking fists.
I push my hand downward until she’s touching herself. Guiding her, I help her rub herself, and I only let go once a soft moan leaves her lips. “Good girl,” I growl, leaning in to kiss her. I snatch her mouth with mine and deepen the kiss.
I’m throbbing. My cock is desperate for relief. I put my hand on my cock, but I want her to watch me. She’ll need to get used to what she sees.
I sit back on the bed, and we lock eyes as we stroke ourselves. The desire sweats from us, and knowing I can’t do anything more than stroke myself drives me absolutely nuts. I lengthen the motions along my dick and roll my tongue ring between my teeth as the pleasure gathers at the base.
“I want you so fucking bad,” I whisper, and her moan changes, lengthening at my words. So I keep talking. “I wanted you in the van. And if I could, I’d bury my tongue between your thighs.”
“Ace,” she pants. It takes everything in me not to push her hand away so that I can be the one to make her come.
That flare of jealousy heightens my pleasure.
The jealousy doesn’t turn me into something mean or upset.
For some reason, the covetous feeling turns into something that fuels me.
It painfully turns me on. I don’t know what happened in my fucked-up little mind, but it is what it is, and steadily stroking my cock is the apex of pleasure right now.
“Are you going to come?” I ask, knowing I’m struggling to hold back my own climax. “I want to spill this load for you, pup. All for you.”
She nods, biting her lip as her head tips back. Her eyes roll into her head.
“Keep those eyes on me, sweet girl,” I growl as I stroke faster.
She looks at me, and I get absolutely lost in her beautiful eyes. Her obedience makes the come race from my cock. I lift my shirt and let it spill onto my lower abdomen. Her moans lengthen and grow louder as she gets off to the sight of me coming to her.
I slow my stroking as she does, and then I lean over and kiss her, ignoring the cooling sensation on my lower belly. My tongue moves in her mouth, and the metal ball clacks against her upper teeth.
“Next time, you’ll feel this piercing on your clit,” I whisper as I pull away. “For now, I’m going to clean up, and you are going to be ready in bed for me when I get back. I want to sleep beside you. I want you thinking about this moment all night long. Because I will be.”
She can only nod.