25. Nash
25
NASH
Present—1989.
T he violent jolt through my body forces me into a seated position, my heart racing with the memory of feeling Royce’s nose crunching beneath my fists. I close my eyes and slump forward, dragging a hand through my tousled bed hair as I try to control my erratic breathing.
“Fucking hell,” I breathe, shaking my head as if that’ll push the vivid images of that day from my mind. It doesn’t. I can still see the blood on my hands and the wailing of Royce’s cries as he was dragged away from me.
Over the past few weeks, the nightmares have gotten worse each day. When Hudson told me he heard me screaming in my sleep when I was in the studio with Kinsley, I had to lie and act like I had no idea what he was talking about. Kinsley learning about the fucked up nightmares I have from my childhood is the last thing I want. It’s nothing that she should concern herself with when she has enough on her plate already.
All I want is one peaceful sleep where I’m not being forced to relive the worst years of my life. Is that too much to ask for?
The loud ringing of my phone on the nightstand makes me groan inwardly. As badly as I want to ignore whoever is on the end of the line, I know I can’t. It could be important for all I know.
I lean across the mattress and swoop the heavy device up in my hand. “Hello?” I say into the receiver. I use my free hand to rub my temple, hoping it’ll ease the headache forming behind my eyes.
“Nash, it’s James. If you’re not busy this morning, I would like you to come into the office to sit down with Miss May and her manager to discuss how the publicity stunt is going.”
I fling the sheet wrapped around my waist off, watching as it falls haphazardly at the end of the mattress. Swinging my legs over the edge, I glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand. 9:18 am.
It’s way too fucking early to be awake.
Rubbing my forehead, I mutter, “Yeah, okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Are you okay?” James asks after a moment of silence. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
I swallow hard and stand. My eyes land on the half-empty bottle of Jack on the nightstand, calling to me like a goddamn siren.
Pushing my tongue into the side of my cheek, I consider grabbing it by the neck and chugging the liquid until my vision blurs at the edges. My fingers itch at my sides and after a long moment of consideration, I give into that desire to feel the burn of the amber liquid sliding down my throat. Bringing the bottle to my lips, I sigh with relief when the first drop touches my tongue.
After chugging a hefty mouthful, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and sigh. “I’m all good, but thanks for the offer.”
“Oh, okay.” He almost sounds disappointed at my refusal to accept whatever help he is trying to offer. “I’ll see you soon, Nash. Make sure you’re on your best behavior.”
I roll my eyes and hang up the phone, tossing the device on the bed. Running a hand through my hair, I make my way into the bathroom to shower. The last thing I want is to walk into James’s office smelling of whiskey and cigarettes.
As I strip out of my sweatpants and step into the warm jets of water, images of Kinsley splayed out on the bench behind me rush into my mind like a tsunami and I can’t help but smile. Her moans were like music to my ears and the way her pussy sang for me…
My cock hardens at the memory.
“ Fuck .” I lean my forehead against the shower wall, letting the hot water rush down my tense back in waves. “Why can’t I get you out of my goddamn head, little devil?”
Squeezing my eyes shut, my hand slides down my abdomen to wrap around my hard length. It’s throbbing almost painfully in my hand, hot and thick as I continue to picture Kinsley on the bench behind me, her legs spread open for me as her pussy drips with need and desire.
Without thinking, the hand fisting my cock begins to pump slowly, easing into a steady rhythm as more memories flood my mind. I can almost hear the little devil’s sweet voice whispering my name as I pump harder, gritting my teeth as the pressure rapidly builds.
“Shit,” I grunt as my free hand lifts to rest on the wall above my head for support.
My hips jerk forward to meet the fast rhythm of my fist. I imagine my cock shoved deep down Kinsley’s throat, her eyes brimming with unshed tears as her soft pink lips swallow me whole, taking me with ease. Her hair is fisted in my right hand as I use my left to hold her throat, feeling myself moving within the small space, so tight and wet and?—
“Fuck!” I shout as an orgasm washes over me with so much force my vision blurs at the edges and my head feels dizzy.
If I weren’t holding onto the wall, I would’ve fallen to my knees for the little devil.
As I lift my head off the wall, my chest heaving for fresh air in the steamy space, I see my cum sliding down the wall in front of me, a reminder of what I just did. Although I feel lighter after coming, I can’t help but clench my fists as a tidal wave of frustration crashes over me, sending my fist flying into the tiled wall. It wasn’t hard enough to crack the tile, but it sure as hell hurt like a bitch.
I run my hands through my wet hair, tugging at the roots and fighting the urge to shout.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Never in my life have I jerked off to the images of a woman in the shower like that. What am I, a teenage boy?
I need to get a fucking grip.
Kinsley said we can’t keep doing what we’re doing, and I’ve accepted that, but it seems my body has a mind of its own because she is all I can fucking think about and it’s driving me insane.
I don’t know what it is about those sweet doe eyes or her calming voice that makes it hard for me to stay away, but I need to figure my shit out soon before I begin to fall down the hole I seem to be digging myself.
Once I fall to the bottom without a way to get out, I don’t see myself leaving. That thought alone scares the shit out of me.
“Nash.”
“Hmm,” I hum, my eyes focused on my fingers as they twist the thick silver ring on my left pointer. Sitting in such a boring ass meeting means I’ve had to find some entertainment to pass the minutes until I can leave and go home. I’m eager to get into the studio and blow off some steam.
“Have you listened to a single word I’ve said?” James asks, clearly annoyed with my lack of interest in the meeting regarding how the fake relationship with Kinsley has been going so far.
I shake my head. “Nope. Not a single word.”
When I lift my eyes, they immediately connect with the baby blue ones across the table. They’re soft and gentle like the ocean on a calm summer morning before the sun has fully risen. They bring a comfort I have found myself seeking the past few weeks, even when I don’t realize it.
Kinsley tears her eyes away from me to look at James as he asks Adam what the little devil’s schedule is like for the next couple of weeks. Something about wanting to make sure we have time to be seen out in public again.
But I’m not listening. I’m too focused on the way Kinsley’s blonde hair falls in soft waves over her shoulders and how the light pink tank top clinging to her body enhances the shape of her cleavage. I have to fist my hands on my thighs and think about how gross worms are to keep my cock at bay.
It should be illegal for someone to be as beautiful as the little devil sitting across from me. To make me feel so alive by simply gazing upon her. She shouldn’t have this much effect on me, and yet, somehow she does.
“I’m sure we can work something out,” Adam says, his eyes flicking between Kinsley and James. “The project Kinsley is working on will be wrapping up shortly, so she will be busy with that. Among other projects too. Finding a way to fit Nash into her schedule isn’t impossible, but will require some finessing. Just leave it with me, okay?”
I roll my eyes. “Didn’t realize I was such an inconvenience to the little devil here.”
Kinsley meets my eyes and frowns, confused by my bad attitude. Of course she doesn’t know she’s the reason why I’m in the worst mood possible. Not only is she plaguing my mind to the point I can’t fucking think straight and I’m wound up as tight as a goddamn yo-yo, but it’s because of her I’m in this position to begin with.
I know this whole deal is for my benefit and will help me in the long run, but it’s still messing with the routine I had gotten used to over the years. The awful fucking nightmare I woke up from didn’t help either.
“Nash, enough,” James scolds. I have to summon every fiber of my being to not lash out at him. Somehow, I manage to reign in my temper by breathing through my nose slowly, calming my racing heart. “Anyway, aside from getting you both together in public again, this stunt has been paying off massively. The demand for Dark Angel has increased tenfold in the past five weeks and we have Kinsley to thank for that. The fans love you.”
I don’t miss the way Kinsley swallows hard and forces those pretty pink lips into a smile with no warmth behind them. “I’m so glad to hear that, James. It seems this deal is going to pay off in the long run.”
I sit straighter in the chair, unable to tear my eyes away from the woman across from me. She seems… unsettled by what James said. But why? What is she hiding?
“The stunt has also boosted your popularity more than ever, Kin,” Adam adds. His smile is wide as he gently bumps his shoulder against hers. But her odd smile doesn’t change. “The number of phone calls I’ve received from modeling agencies and producers wanting you for their next projects has been overwhelming. I can only imagine what will come of this deal when it ends.”
As James and Adam continue to speak about the success of our fake relationship, all I can do is stare at Kinsley from across the table. Her doe eyes are cast down to watch as she picks the skin around her fingernails, avoiding my gaze even though I know she can feel it. The tension in her shoulders tells me she has a lot on her mind, but what? What is going through her mind right now?
I don’t know how long I sat watching her, but it was long enough that James and Adam wrapped up their conversation and said we’ll all get together soon for another check-in.
Before Adam can whisk Kinsley away, I walk around the wooden table to stand by her side.
Kinsley cranes her neck to gaze up at me with a twinge of confusion in those pretty eyes of hers. I manage to tear my gaze away to look at Adam who is equally confused. “I would like to talk to Kinsley in private for a moment if you don’t mind.”
Adam looks to Kinsley for guidance, and after a moment, she pats his shoulder and smiles. “I’m okay. I’ll talk to you later though, all right?”
He nods and turns to leave, but not before casting one last glance at us before the door to the room closes behind him.
My attention turns to the little devil gazing up at me in wonder. It takes everything in me to not run the back of my knuckles down her cheek, to feel her soft skin against mine.
“Are you okay?” Despite my awful mood and the way I can’t get the images of her splayed out in my shower out of my goddamn head, I can’t help but worry about her. Kinsley hasn’t been her normal, bubbly self today. She seems… off.
Kinsley swallows hard and nods, but I can tell she’s holding back. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired, you know?”
“You’re lying, little devil.”
She frowns. “How do you know?”
My tongue pokes the side of my mouth as I regard her. “You clench your fists as a way to hide your emotions when you’re feeling uneasy. It’s safe to assume it’s also a habit when you lie.”
Kinsley looks down at her right hand balled into a tight fist at her side, proving my point right. She huffs and looks away from me. “You don’t know anything, Nash.”
“I know something is going on,” I counter, surprising myself with the amount of force in my voice.
Kinsley’s eyes widen as her fist unfurls to wrap around her waist. I watch her for a moment as she battles with herself on what to do or say next. The words are on the tip of her tongue, but she’s fighting hard to keep them inside.
Eventually, she sighs and shakes her head. “Fine. Has anyone ever told you that you’re annoying?”
I smile at the reference to what I’ve said to her in the past and shrug. “No. Just you. Now, spill.”
She swallows hard and shifts on her feet. “Well, I was out to lunch with Sadie and Matt the other day when I had a… run-in with a fan of yours.”
“Okay…” I drawl, waiting for her to elaborate. “And?”
Kinsley bites her lip and casts her eyes down to look at her shoes. “It doesn’t matter, Nash. None of it?—”
She doesn’t finish her sentence before I have her back pressed against the off-white wall with my body so close to hers I can feel the heat radiating from her skin. A surprised gasp leaves her lips when I rest my right hand on the wall above her head and lock eyes with her. Kinsley’s breaths come out in short bursts as we gaze at each other, neither of us making a move.
“What happened, Kin?” I ask again, but this time my words are gentle and my voice calm. “And no more bullshitting me. I want the truth.”
Kinsley bites her bottom lip and relaxes against the wall, the fight leaving her body. Always so stubborn. “The fan… she… said some mean things that have been playing on my mind ever since. But I don’t want you to worry, please . It was nothing I couldn’t handle.”
My jaw ticks at her confession. One of my fans made her this upset?
My left hand clenches at my side as I try to reign in my anger. I love my fans, I really do. But there are a handful of them that don’t understand boundaries when it comes to my life. I can handle a lot of shit with the lifestyle I have been given, but this kind of thing doesn’t fly with me. Especially because Kinsley isn’t like me and she didn’t ask to be thrown into my world.
“I’m sorry,” I say instead, despite having more choice words on the tip of my tongue. “My fans can be a lot, I know. If anything like that happens again, you tell me, okay?”
Kinsley blinks slowly, her eyes locked with mine. She nods slowly. “Y-yeah, I will.”
“Good.” I push away from the wall, my head spinning slightly as her soft, floral scent invades my senses. I need to put some space between us before my head explodes. “I’m having a party tonight if you want to stop by. It could be a good way to take your mind off everything.”
“A party?” she parrots, tilting her head to the side. “Is that a good idea? It’s the middle of the week.”
I know what she’s referring to and I don’t like the hesitation in her voice. When she found me two weeks ago in my bed, passed out after consuming a little too much blow mixed with a lot of alcohol, I had no idea it would end with me eating her out in the shower. It just sort of… happened.
But I heard her loud and clear when she said we needed to go back to how things were before that night. I get it, I do. But I also don’t want to fucking stay away from her, no matter how much I know I should.
When it comes to the little devil, I don’t know what the fuck I’m feeling. And although it scares the shit out of me when I think about it too much, I know I can’t stay away.
A slow grin turns up the corners of my mouth. “I promise I’ll behave.”
A lie, but she doesn’t need to know that.
Kinsley regards me for a moment, mulling over my offer. She tugs her bottom lip between her teeth and all I can think about is the way my tongue ran over the smooth skin, or how fucking breathtaking my name sounded tumbling from those lips as she screamed it over her orgasm.
I have to shift on the spot to avoid getting a raging hard-on in front of her.
I’m meant to be behaving .
“Okay, fine. But only if you keep your hands to yourself,” she finally responds after making me wait. “Do I need to bring anything?”
I tug my lip ring between my teeth for a heartbeat before releasing it. “Just yourself, little devil.”