26. Kinsley
26
KINSLEY
“ W hy are you dressed like that?”
I glance down at the outfit I threw on after digging through my closet for an hour. If I went with my usual sweater and jeans combo, I wouldn’t fit in at a rockstars’ party. Instead, I opted to pair blue denim shorts with a white tank top and a cropped blue denim jacket. And to spice it up, I slid on white leg warmers to match my white sneakers.
My eyes lift to lock with my mom’s. She’s standing across from me in the living room, her eyes scanning every inch of me, judging as she goes. I used to cower under her intense gaze, but I’ve since learned to ignore her judgmental attitude.
“I think it’s cute,” I counter in defense of my outfit. To add to my statement, I fluff my freshly curled hair to give it some extra volume. “It’s a party, Mom, not a fashion show.”
She scoffs and rolls her eyes before glancing down at her perfectly manicured nails. It’s a reminder that once I’m done filming this movie, I’m going to redo my nails black until my next project. “All I’m saying is you could’ve put a little more effort in, especially if you want to impress Nash.”
My stomach flips at the mention of Nash. Memories of what happened in his shower come rushing back to me and I have to fight my cheeks from turning red. The last thing I need is for my mother to question me about such a strong reaction to hearing his name.
I clear my throat and busy myself with collecting my lip gloss from the coffee table. “I don’t need to impress Nash, Mom. We’re only fake dating, remember?”
“Yes, I know, but it could blossom into something more, no? Why don’t you give it a try? You’re a pretty girl, Kin.”
I turn to face her, biting my tongue to keep the frustration burning in my chest from exploding. This is a classic case of my mother trying to meddle with my life and dictate what I should do. First, it’s what job I should take next, and now it’s who I should date. It’s a vicious cycle that I can’t seem to get out of.
“I don’t need you dictating my love life, especially when you were never there to protect me,” I mutter under my breath, annoyance dripping from my words. If I were to speak the words louder, my mother would not hesitate to give me an earful about speaking to her so poorly, but I needed to get it off my chest one way or another. “It could never work out anyway. I mean, he’s him and I’m… me. We’re just too different.”
I can see the darkness lurking beneath your eyes. I know because I have the same darkness in me .
Nash’s words from our first meeting nearly six weeks ago ring in my head, reminding me that maybe we’re not so different than I thought. But even if we both have our demons we face each day, it still doesn’t change the fact that our lifestyles are too busy to accommodate the other. The only reason it’s working now is for the contract, but if we met under different circumstances, this whole scenario would’ve played out differently.
At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.
Before my mother can say another word, I glance at the clock on the wall and curse. “Shit, I’m running late. I have to go.”
“Wait,” Mom calls after me as I rush out of the living room to head to the front door. “How is filming going? Did you give some more thought to my suggestion of taking on the role in that horror film? I told you about it the other day. I’ve heard through the grapevine that the pay will be good and the production team is one of the best. It could be a good idea to branch out more and try different genres, Kin.”
Snatching my car keys from the table beside the door, I shake my head. “I’m not going to do it, Mom. I’ve already told you that. I want to wrap up filming for this project before I even think about my next one.”
“But Kin?—”
“Sorry, Mom, but I really have to go,” I interrupt as I swing the front door open. Spinning on my heels, I throw a quick wave at my mother. “I’ll see you later.”
As the front door closes in her face, I just know steam would be coming out of her ears. She doesn’t take well to me dismissing her in the middle of a conversation, especially when it concerns my life. As the control freak she is, she hates when I take back some power for myself.
The drive to Nash’s house is uneventful, but my heart hasn’t stopped racing since the moment I merged onto the freeway. My throat is dry and my hands are clammy.
What do rockstar parties even look like? I’ve never been to one, so I have nothing to compare it to, but I can only imagine it consists of a lot of booze, drugs, loud music, and rowdy behavior.
As my car turns onto Nash’s street, my assumptions are confirmed when I hear loud music blasting from inside the house. Dozens of people litter the front yard with beer bottles in one hand and cigarettes in the other. It takes me far too long to find a spot to park my car because the quiet street is overflowing with vehicles.
Switching the engine off, I take a moment to close my eyes, inhale a deep breath, and remind myself I’m only here to keep up appearances, nothing more. I need to stop thinking about wanting to kiss Nash again or how well our bodies fit together. Or how much I enjoy his woodsy scent and the way his fingertips send electric shocks across my body. I need to?—
Get a fucking grip, Kin .
Shaking my head, I swing the door open and make my way to Nash’s house. As I walk up the pathway to the front door, I feel the eyes of the people standing in the front yard following my every movement until I walk through the into the foyer. The music inside is ten times louder than on the street. Everyone having to yell over the music doesn’t help the ringing in my ears, either.
I swallow hard and push my way through the mass of sweaty bodies clad in denim, fluoro, and leather, trying to reach the living room. I try not to inhale too much of the musty, smoke scent filling the air around me, and instead force back a cough. Men and women dance to the beat of the rock music blasting throughout the house, grinding and singing without a care in the world.
So far, this is exactly what I imagined a party would be like thrown by a rockstar.
When I step into the living room, I spot Nash sitting on the couch with Hudson, a blue-haired woman I don’t recognize, and creepy Johnny. They each have beer bottles in their hands as they talk in a small circle, not fazed by the number of bodies dancing around them.
Somehow, almost as if he could sense me in the room, Nash’s mismatched eyes lock with mine. The intensity behind them sends a shiver down my spine and a bolt of electricity straight to my core.
Shit . Being around him tonight is going to be much more difficult than I thought.
Nash lifts his tattooed arm to beckon me over to the couch. Knowing I need to switch on actress mode, I force a confident smile onto my lips and push my way through the crowd until I’m standing beside him. His large hands don’t hesitate to wrap around my thighs and tug me down until my ass is planted firmly against his crotch. The black denim of his jeans is rough against the back of my thighs and I feel the outline of his cock through them. Nash splays out his hand on my thigh, the cold bite from his chunky silver rings sends a cold shiver across my body. The goosebumps trailing in its wake are more than obvious, so I’m sure he’s seen them.
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
This is just for show, Kin. There is nothing to worry about. You have a part to play, so act cool .
“You made it.” Nash’s deep voice rumbles throughout the room, despite how loud it is in here. “I didn’t think you were going to show.”
I swallow hard, feeling the weight of three pairs of eyes on me as I turn to smile at Nash. “Of course I came. How could I possibly miss one of Nash Beck’s infamous parties?”
My eyes tear away from the smooth features of his face to take in the Poison band shirt with the sleeves rolled up, reminding me I still have the shirt he gave me. The muscles in his bicep beneath his tattoos constrict as he moves me further up his lap, and I have to close my eyes at the sight.
I know I need to remember my mantra of behaving myself whenever I’m with Nash, but it’s hard when I’m only human and he looks like that .
Nash runs a hand through his inky curls. “Well, I can only call it a successful party if someone ends up in the pool, passes out in one of the rooms, and a fight breaks out, usually over someone’s girlfriend talking to another guy. Those events are typical at parties of mine, but if they don’t happen, then it wasn’t a good night.”
“Don’t forget about public sex in the kitchen,” Hudson says with a laugh. “I have seen more than enough men’s bare asses than I care to admit. Excluding the one’s in my bed, of course.”
The blue-haired woman beside him laughs a rather contagious sound. “Watch out, if you drink too much tonight, Huddy, that might be you.”
Hudson playfully rolls his eyes and slings his arm around her petite shoulders. “If you want to be the lucky girl, Iris, just say the word and I’ll make your wishes come true.”
“No fucking in my kitchen, Hud,” Nash says sternly. I can’t help but laugh. “If I catch you doing it…”
Hudson holds up his hands in defense, feigning innocence. “I would never, I promise.” He points at me, making my eyes widen. “Would you like a drink? We have plenty of options.”
I lick my suddenly dry lips and shake my head. “I’m okay, really. I drove here, so?—”
“Find the fruitiest drink in the kitchen,” Nash interjects, making my head whirl around to eye him. But he’s not looking at me. “If you can’t find anything, I have a bottle of wine in the back of the alcohol cupboard.”
Hudson stands from the couch and salutes Nash before heading to the kitchen, Iris hot on his heels. Thankfully, Johnny leaves too when a group of guys come up to him and they begin talking, leaving Nash and me alone.
I raise a questioning brow at him and he simply shrugs. “What? I know you like fruity drinks and wine.”
“Yeah, but I need to go home at some point tonight,” I point out.
He runs his tongue over his lip ring, his eyes locked with mine. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, little devil. But for now, enjoy yourself, okay?”
Exhaling slowly, I nod in agreement. He’s right. I should enjoy myself tonight because it’s not often I get invited to parties like these, so I want to be able to have a good time without worry. Being stuck here for the night crosses my mind and my cheeks flush slightly at the idea of spending the night with Nash.
My gaze drifts down to his bare tattooed arm, tracing the lines of the ink embedded into his skin. A lot of the designs are simple, yet detailed. I’m sure these all hold some form of meaning to him, especially the guitar and microphone, or some could be the result of him stumbling drunk into the tattoo parlor and asking for whatever first came to mind. But one of the designs on his bicep sticks out to me.
“What’s the meaning behind this tattoo?”
Nash’s eyes follow where my finger is pointing. The corner of his mouth turns up in a half-smile. “Oh, yeah. Luca thought it would be a good idea for the four of us to get matching sun tattoos when we were going through tough times just after high school. We were broke, had terrible home lives, and the band hadn’t taken off yet.” He shifts on the spot, his hand stroking my thigh gently. “He said whenever we were feeling down, we could look at the sun and know that one day, there would be brighter days ahead. I thought it was all bullshit until I realized just how often I was glancing down at it, hoping it’ll make me feel better. And I hate to admit it, but I still look at it every day.”
My heart squeezes painfully. Having Nash be so raw and open with me about a silly little sun tattoo has knocked me around a little. The admission was unexpected, but appreciated at the same time.
I wonder how many people he has shared that personal piece of information with.
“I like it,” I say, my voice hoarse. “I thought your matching tattoo would’ve been something crazier like a tiger or a large music note.”
Nash chuckles and shakes his head. “Nope, we went for a sun of all things. But if anyone asks, you know nothing about it.”
I laugh along with him. “Your secret is safe with me.”
“Nashie boy!”
My head snaps toward Axel as he charges through the room with Luca hot on his heels. They both plop onto the couch across from us, occupying Hudson and Iris’s seats. Axel tips his head back to chug the remainder of the liquid in the beer bottle before leaning forward to add it to the bundle of empty bottles on the coffee table separating us.
Luca smiles at me, his deep chestnut eyes gazing over me. “I didn’t know you were coming tonight, Kinsley.”
I return his kind smile. “Yeah, Nash invited me earlier today.”
Axel observes my position on Nash’s lap, his eyes lighting up with mischief before he wriggles his brows at us. His two-toned hair is pulled back into a ponytail with strands of hair falling around his face, the same style he had at the award show. I must admit, he rocks a ponytail. “So, what’s going on here? You both look rather close.”
“Shut up, Ax,” Nash grunts. His chest vibrates against my back with each word. “You know the situation. It doesn’t matter that we’re not in public, we still need to play the part.”
Okay, so he is just putting on an act for the strangers around us. While I know it makes sense, I can’t stop the pang of disappointment slamming into my heart.
Axel nods in understanding, but something in his blue eyes tells me he doesn’t buy a word Nash has said. “Well, either way, Kin, I hope you’re ready for a good fucking night.”
“Did someone say ‘a good night’?” Hudson has the biggest grin on his face as he waltzes across the living room to drop on the couch beside Nash. He hands his friend a red plastic cup. “Drink up, Nashie. We're about to get fucked up tonight.”
Iris smiles at me as she hands me a red cup with an orange liquid floating around inside. She lowers herself onto Hudson’s lap. “It’s called a Fuzzy Navel.”
The plastic is cold in my hands as I inspect the drink. “What’s in it?”
“Vodka, orange juice, and peach schnapps. Trust me, it’s delicious.”
Now that sounds like a good fruity drink to me. I smile at Iris. “Thank you.”
Moments later, the group begins talking about topics I have no knowledge of, but I don’t mind. The cup in my hand is a welcome distraction from the way Nash’s knuckles graze the side of my thigh at an agonizing pace.
It takes everything in me not to return his touch because having his hands on me is far more addicting than I thought.
Instead, I settle back against his chest, sip on my drink, and listen to his friends’ conversation and banter. I must admit, the way they interact is better than anything I’ve seen on TV. I have to fight to keep from laughing every two seconds.
“You know what we should play? Never have I ever. We can make it a drinking game, so if you have done it, you take a sip from your drink.”
Nash snorts from behind me. “Hud, we’re twenty-six, not twelve. No one still plays that game.”
“I think it could be fun.” Axel is quick to come to his friend’s defense, which only makes Nash sigh heavily. “Are you afraid of your girl finding out all your dirty little secrets?” He wiggles his brows suggestively, and I giggle into my hand.
Nash snorts and shakes his head.
My mind has grown fuzzy from the number of drinks I’ve consumed in the couple of hours we’ve been sitting in the living room. I told Nash I would only have one drink, but that one drink has somehow turned into five, courtesy of Iris and her amazing bartending skills.
I shouldn’t be drinking this much when I’m around Nash, but it seems all sensibility has flown out the window. I take a sip from the fruity drink and smile.
“Fuck it. I’m in,” Luca says with a shrug, running his hand through the ends of his hair.
Now it’s three against one, leaving Iris and I to be the deciders. We look at each other, seemingly thinking the same thought because we both smile.
“We’re in too,” Iris agrees for the both of us.
Nash’s large hand squeezes my thigh, forcing me to meet his mismatched eyes. He raises a brow at me. “Seriously? You want to play a game like that with those idiots?”
I shrug, fighting back a smile. “Why not? You worried I’m going to learn details about you that I’m not supposed to know?”
“I’m more worried about what you’ll learn about them, little devil. Not me.”
I swallow hard. Truth is, I want to play this game because it’s a way for me to learn more about Nash without having to pry the details out of him myself.
Growing up, I never went to high school parties, so playing games like these is something I didn’t get the chance to experience. Although playing such a game with rockstars whom I don’t know very well may not be the best idea, my tipsy brain is telling me to do it anyway.
I turn to the group and smile. “Who should start first?”
Hudson’s hand shoots in the air as excitement crosses his features. “I’ll go.” He rubs his chin playfully as if he hasn’t already decided on the first never question, because we all know he has. Iris shoves his shoulder lightly, making him laugh. “Okay. Never have I ever… been blindfolded by a partner.”
Luca and Iris take a sip of their drinks. Now that I think about it, if these questions are going down the more sexually charged nature, these men are going to have a really hard time coming up with something they haven’t done before.
“Okay, my turn,” Axel says with a grin. “Never have I ever… used a sex toy before.”
A few bottles touch lips, but the one that surprises me the most is Nash. His eyes meet mine as he sips on the liquid in his cup before lowering it to his thigh. I raise a questioning brow at him, but he simply shrugs and turns to Luca as he starts his turn.
I’m going to learn a lot more intimate details about my fake boyfriend, and I don’t know how to feel about it. I know he’s an adventurous man given his lifestyle, so I’m not surprised he’s done some wild things in the bedroom. What shocks me the most is how my heart races at the image in my head of him using such toys on other women and how a pang of jealousy sparks in my chest.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Soon enough, it’s my turn. I’ve been dreading this moment despite wanting to play the game. I should’ve been thinking about something to say, and instead, all I could think about was Nash and his responses to the questions.
I swallow hard, feeling the weight of multiple pairs of eyes watching me. “Um… never have I ever… had a one-night stand.”
Of course everyone playing this goddamn game drinks. Sharing these details about myself is a reminder of the differences between me and them. They’re rockstars who have different women in their beds every night.
I’m nowhere near as experienced as the Dark Angel members and it shows.
I feel Nash’s eyes burning holes in the back of my head as everyone’s attention turns to Iris to start the next round. I want to know what he’s thinking, but I can’t allow myself that grace. It’s none of my business anyway, so I need to focus on the game and not the man whose lap I’m perched on.
“Okay.” Iris taps her chin, deep in thought. Her face lights up when the answer comes to her. “Never have I ever had a threesome.”
“That’s not fair,” Hudson whines before sipping on his beer.
Iris shrugs with an innocent smirk on her plump lips. “Sorry, Huddy.”
Nash clears his throat before chugging the remainder of his drink.Lucas and Axel drink too.
Of course I’m the only one who doesn’t take a sip. Goddamn.
“Okay, never have I ever been in love before,” Axel says,.
No one drinks. Not even me. I can confidently say I’ve never been in love before, not even with the one boyfriend I had. I’m not even sure I would know what it feels like to love another human being if it smacked me in the face.
“Little devil,” Nash drawls in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. “You’ve never been in love? Woah, that’s shocking.”
“Why?”
“I thought a woman like you would have been in love multiple times.”
I glance at him from over my shoulder with a raised brow. “And what kind of woman am I, Nash? Hm?”
His lips turn up into a smirk as his eyes shine with mischief. “A woman capable of breaking a man’s heart.”
“Okay,” Hudson says, drawing my attention away from the fire burning in Nash’s eyes. “Never have I ever… had sex in public.”
Nash’s eyes burn a hole in the back of my head as I take a long, slow sip from my drink. Everyone else drinks too, but it seems my admission is what they want to focus on.
“Oh, Kinsley, you naughty girl,” Iris says, wiggling her brows at me. “Spill all the details.”
I wave her eagerness away with a flick of my wrist. “Oh, it wasn’t anything crazy, I promise. It was just in the back of my boyfriend’s car after a football game in high school.”
“That’s hot,” Axel drawls. He shoots Nash a grin over my shoulder, clearly impressed with my antics.
My cheeks flame with embarrassment.
“I thought you were a goodie two shoes, little devil.”
I throw a look over my shoulder at Nash. “I guess you don’t know me at all then.”
Luca claps his hands together, drawing everyone’s attention to him and away from me. Thank God. “Okay, never have I ever… done speed.”
My heart pounds harshly in my chest as my focus swims. I feel lightheaded. The music thumps in my temples and the water rushing in my ears has me lowering my drink on the coffee table.
Here, Kinnie, take this. It’s good, I promise .
I need to find a bathroom right now or else I might just faint on Nash’s lap.
“I’ll be right back,” I manage to mutter before I stand, feeling the absence of Nash’s thighs against mine as I rush out of the living room.
I climb the staircase on wobbly legs, pushing past lingering partygoers. I feel their confused glances in my direction, but I ignore them.
I don’t know what came over me or why I suddenly feel so light-headed and odd. Maybe the five drinks are finally starting to catch up with me or maybe the reality of who Nash Beck truly is has finally crash landed on my heart.Or maybe it was the reminder of my childhood bearing down on me, threatening to burst from the box I confined the memories in.
Either way, I need to find somewhere quiet to fucking breathe .
Stumbling down the hallway, I gaze at all the closed doors, trying to decipher which one is the bathroom. Surely there has to be multiple in this mansion, so I take a stab in the dark and turn the door handle to the third door on my right.
A shocked gasp leaves my lips when I stumble in on a woman in the Eiffel Tower position in the center of the bed. The two men on either side pay no mind to me or my gawking as I stand in the doorway, unable to tear my eyes away.
“You’re such a good girl, Ava,” the man fucking her from behind grunts, slapping her ass harshly. All the brunette woman can do is squeal around the mouthful of cock she has as the other man fucks her mouth forcefully. “I want to hear you scream for me.”
You’re such a good girl for me, Kinnie.
Let’s see how loud you can scream, hm?
You have such pretty pink lips. They would look so good wrap ?—
“No, no, no !” I shout, slamming my hands against my temples in an attempt to shut the voices up. To silence the god-awful memories threatening to consume me. To just stop thinking . “Enough!”
The three of them turn their attention to me, but I’m already rushing out of the room. I don’t get very far before I slam into something hard, stopping me in my tracks. Strong, warm arms wrap around me, holding me close to a firm chest. Although my head is spinning and my heart is beating erratically, I can’t mistake Nash’s woodsy scent.
“Kin, what’s going on?” He brushes his hand over my hair in an attempt to soothe me.
But it doesn’t work.
And now I’m hyperventilating.
Nash pulls away long enough to witness me struggling to breathe, speak, or fucking move. His mismatched eyes widen as he takes me in. My vision blurs at the edges and I fear I may pass out before my heart explodes through my chest. My hands are clammy as they fist Nash’s shirt tightly.
My mind is telling me to breathe through my nose and exhale through my mouth. But the voice in the back of my mind, the one demon that occupies space in the depths of my soul, is still whispering memories with an evil grin on its face.
Just when I think the demon is going to successfully suck me into the darkest depths of my soul, there’s a coldness on my bottom lip. Warmth spreads across my face as something soft moves against my lips, coaxing me out of the darkness and back into the light.
It takes a moment for my brain to catch up, but when it does, I realize what’s happening.
Nash is kissing me once again.
And now my heart is beating erratically for an entirely different reason.