13. Jason
13
Jason
Jason laid his head on the desk and sighed. A break. Finally.
He’d never realized what a blessing it had been to be alone until that moment. Just as he was starting to crave a relationship, doubt had crept in, especially the longer he stayed at Hannah’s. Maybe being in a relationship wasn’t something he wanted. He couldn’t even hack a few meetings, a work birthday party, or a coordination meeting with doctors. It had been the most he’d been touched in years—all in one week.
He groaned and pulled his arms over his face to block out any light.
A soft knock sounded on the door, but it felt like nails scraping against a chalkboard. He lifted his head an inch and called, “Enter.”
When he saw it was Hannah, he dropped his head to his desk and groaned. She flicked on the light and hummed as she pulled something out from a drawer. “Jason, there’s something we need to do.”
“No,” he moaned, covering his face with his arms again. “ The evaluations are done. The coordinating is finished. No more!”
“I promise you’ll like this part of your day.”
“Lunchtime is meant to be my break. My break! I can’t keep going like this. You tell Rueben I’m not sleeping; I’m not eating well, and I’ve barely had time to check my emails. Was this all part of his plan, because what kind of grandpa is that?”
She nodded. “I know. I put my foot down with Rueben, which is why I’ve cleared your schedule for the day. And tomorrow, the staff is planning his retirement party, so you’ll get a break then too.”
He cringed. “All those people.”
“I know, but we don’t have to stay long. There’s just one thing we have to do today.”
“Just one?” he asked, almost pleadingly.
“Only the one.” She laughed and held her hand out to him, palm up. Without any hesitation, he took it, feeling instant relief. Touching her was like a soothing balm after hours of unexpectedly touching, bumping, and brushing against others. She tightened her grip around his hand and pulled him to his feet. Then she let go of his hand and grabbed a bag from under her desk. “Let’s go.”
She headed away from his office and toward the staircase. “No elevator today?” he asked. She’d challenged him to ride it every day that week, and despite his frustration, he had promised not to give up.
“Only if you want.”
He shook his head. “No way. Stairs for life.” As soon as they made it to the staircase and found it empty, he gave a happy sigh. “Isn’t this lovely?”
She laughed and shook her head. “I’m glad you think so. After this week, I’m surprised you’re smiling and talking to me at all. ”
“Me too,” he grumbled. “Where are we going? The staircase has me all excited.”
“Just a picnic at our spot.”
Our spot. Even though he was missing his alone time, he loved that she’d called it their spot.
After a few seconds of gazing into her eyes, she poked him in the side, and he nearly fell down the stairs.
“Oh, that’s it,” he said, his competitive side taking over.
Her eyes widened, and she jumped down the stairs two steps at a time. But the dog walks had given him the exercise he needed, and in no time, he caught up to her before she could make it to the front doors.
He poked her in the side, making her laugh loudly. Smiling really did send relief. “Hey, girls,” she called.
He turned to see the two main receptionists eyeing them. He dropped his hands to his sides and gave them a curt nod. “Afternoon, ladies.”
Hannah covered a laugh with her hand and hurried out of the building. He waited until he was far enough from the building before chasing her all the way to the fountain. The two of them took turns poking each other’s sides, and what probably appeared juvenile to a bystander was more of a miracle to him.
Suddenly, she dropped her bag by the fountain and then backed up to the cement wall, her hands in front of her in surrender when he kept poking her side.
“No more,” she laughed. “You win.”
He dropped his hands and chuckled. “All right.”
A sneaky expression crossed her face, and she stuck out her finger to jab him again. “Oh, just one more.”
But this time, he grabbed it in time and held on. Holding onto her finger, he yanked her closer. But he pulled too strongly, and she came stumbling toward him. He caught her well before she fell into him. Her arms tightened around his neck, and he held onto her sides.
A look of horror passed over her face, and she tried to back away, but it was already done.
“Wait,” he said.
Her hands froze around his neck. No needle-stabbing sensation.
Relief flooded his entire body. “Will you let me test this?”
She nodded and stared at him, wide-eyed. He pulled her closer, so slowly. So carefully. One hand moved up her back urging her closer, and the other held the back of her head. With very little prompting, she leaned against his chest. He took a deep breath as every nerve in his body seemed to vibrate.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
Warmth washed over him from his head to his toes as he pulled her even closer and moved his hand from her head down to her back and pressed her against him so that there were no gaps.
“I think...” His mouth was a cottony nest. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I think this is okay. I’m hugging someone.” The words felt so foreign to his ears. He was actually doing it. After years of yearning for this type of feeling—a feeling of warmth instead of pain—he was actually doing it.
Her hands moved down his back and tightened around him. “We’re hugging, Jason.”
He swallowed the knot building in his throat. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been hugged.”
She buried her face in his chest and squeezed him. The annoyance and frustration from the work week, living together, and trying to mesh their very different lifestyles washed away, and the heart flutters returned.
“Do you think...” He backed away, needing to see her eyes, and tried again. “Do you think I’m capable of having a relationship with... someone?” He had wanted to say, with you , but the words wouldn’t come out.
He searched her eyes, looking for the answer before she said it. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if she gave him a negative answer.
His gaze fell to her lips, and a new desire grew inside him. Lips were one of the most sensitive parts of the body, though he hadn’t experimented with that much. Kissing his mom on the cheek on graduation day had been trying enough. Since then, he’d kept his lips to himself.
But what if he just . . .
Jason lowered his mouth ever so slowly. When he was inches away, she closed her eyes, spooking him. He jerked backward. What was he doing? He couldn’t kiss someone. “I’m sorry, Hannah.”
Her eyes flutter opened, and he stepped back, making her arms drop from around him.
“That is not something I should test. I’m sorry.”
Her shoulders relaxed as she took a step back. “It’s fine. But to answer your question, I do... think that you could have a relationship with someone one day.” She met his gaze and took a step closer. Slowly, she lifted her hand and rubbed her thumb down his cheek. It took a great amount of effort not to flinch, though he felt no pain.
The new sensation rippled through him like crawling into cool sheets on a warm summer night.
“But I don’t think you’re there yet.”
He frowned and searched her eyes for answers.
“I think we went about things very wrong this week.”
He raised a brow. “Yeah? Does that mean we are done with experimenting?”
“Only if you want to be. But I have an idea of how to get you closer to that goal without having to touch multiple people. Are you willing to take a test away from work?”
He gave a hesitant nod. “If it means I don’t have to shake hands or interact with people constantly, I’m all in. What is it?”
She took a step back, then, and headed to the fountain for her bag. He reluctantly followed. “This would break any physical barrier you have, but you’d have to want to put in the work for the healing to happen.”
“Okay.” He swallowed the tight knot of worry building in his throat.
“Tomorrow, I’d like to take you to my taekwondo class.”
He gulped and pictured someone grabbing him, even pinning him down. He leaned forward. “I can’t even hold your hand without overthinking every touch of your fingers.”
“You wouldn’t have time to overthink things,” she said, leaning forward as well.
Their faces were inches apart, and he forced himself not to flinch.
“Please, Jason? Don’t you want to overcome everything and have a real relationship?”
His gaze fell to her lips again, and the desire to kiss her returned. Next time he didn’t want to chicken out. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her. But he was too scared of what might happen, what he might do. Feelings were easily hurt, and even pushing her hand away caused disappointment. More than anything, he wanted a relationship with someone. No, not just someone. With Hannah . And to do that—
He knew she was right. It was time to move away from his comfort zone and force himself to become physical.
“All right,” he said, reaching for her hand. “I’ll do it. But... if I can’t overcome this, what then? ”
She shook her head. “That won’t happen. You and I are the strong-willed type, and I think you’re... motivated enough to make it happen.”
His gaze fell to her lips a third time. Yes, he certainly was motivated.