Her Heart at His Pace

16. Ashley #2

When I get home, I shower and check my messages to find another photo of Jared’s dogs.

He’s got one thing going for him, or rather two because that pair of golden doodles are adorable.

I let myself briefly imagine a life where a (faceless) boyfriend and I snuggle with our dogs on the couch, then I go to bed alone.

After a few days, it’s become official. I’m definitely into this Jared guy.

We spent half of our Milers girls’ night dissecting his messages with Laurel chiming in and laughing, despite the tension from earlier.

Jared and I text every day, and I start to imagine what a date would be like, even though I still don’t know what he looks like.

He did send a portrait of him drawn by his four-year-old niece, and it was adorable.

Maybe he’s self-conscious about his appearance.

He seems very considerate and self-aware in his messages.

It’s sad that “writes like a proper adult” is a huge selling point, but unfortunately, that’s the dating pool these days.

I start to wonder tentatively if maybe my luck is changing.

After a week of messaging back and forth, I finally work up the courage to touch on an in-person meet-up.

RunnerGrrl92:

So this might be a deeply intrusive question, but do you have a face in person? Or only a slit for a mouth and two dots for eyes like in your niece’s drawing?

GenericUsernameDude:

Indeed. I even have a nose.

I’m hoping her portrayal of your sweet mohawk was accurate though.

Sadly no. Just a boring regular haircut for me, though perhaps I will dye it hot pink one of these days to impress Gemma. She’s a style icon.

Would you ever be amenable to me seeing said face in person? Maybe at a bar or restaurant some time?

Oh, um, yeah! Of course! I’ve wanted to ask you too, but I wasn’t sure of the protocol. I’d love to.

Here’s a recent photo so you’ll know how to find me. I know I should have sent one by now. I’m a little shy on here.

My heart melts. He’s so genuine that I hope the dating app gods take pity on him.

He sends me a photo, and I open it in trepidation. But he looks like a normal guy, someone I’d have smiled at across a bar. He’s East Asian, with cropped black hair, his dark eyes framed by tortoiseshell glasses. He has a sexy librarian vibe, and I’m very much here for it.

Thanks for trusting me with your face, though I’m kind of disappointed at the lack of a mysterious scar.

It’s the makeup. I put it on to hide the green scales. LOL

We settle for a casual dinner the following day.

I’m excited and tingly and hopeful for a minute, then the worries assault me.

What if he’s another Clint? What if he’s pretending to be naive to get me out of my shell and let my guard down?

My dates since Clint have mostly been underwhelming—I went in with zero expectations, with my girlfriends on call in case things went sideways.

This feels different, possibly a good different, but that also means I could end up disappointed again.

I take out my phone to text Sebastian, but what can I say?

Despite the fact that we were clear about continuing to see other people, I feel weird spilling to him about my attraction to someone else.

I hesitate before reaching out to Laurel.

We had a tense moment at the girls’ night when she made a pointed joke about not having a curfew, but then changed the subject.

Maybe I’m overthinking the tension and creating drama in my mind; I go ahead and text her.

Jared and I are meeting in person tomorrow!

Laurel:

Did he show you his face??

She sends a number of GIFs of people in masks, including Jason from Friday the 13th.

Yes! He’s cute, but a little shy.

I forward the photo and keep texting before she can comment.

Is it weird that I’m scared?

Because of Clint? I hate that bastard.

I thought he and I connected, but my radar was way off. Maybe it’s broken?

You couldn’t have known. Jared seems totally different, and if not, Stevie will get the shovel out.

I can track Clint down and break his legs. Cal has a few hockey sticks.

Anyway, want me to come and watch from a booth over so I can swoop in if needed?

I text back without thinking.

Will Cal let you come out tomorrow night? Haha

There’s a long pause. I meant it as a joke, but as soon as it’s in writing, I realize it wasn’t funny.

That came out wrong. It was uncalled for.

Yeah. It was.

I thought you were happy about us being together.

Of course I am. I was their biggest cheerleader.

I cried happy tears when she told me they were finally figuring their shit out.

I still get goosebumps at the way he looks at her, like he can barely believe his good fortune, even if it also leaves me a little jealous.

I just never thought about how it would be afterward, when they were paired up and I was left behind.

Or the fact that I wouldn’t be the first person she calls with good news, or all the ways things would change. That she’d stop needing me at all.

I’m sorry. It was a dumb comment that wasn’t funny.

You know I love you two together.

Don’t worry about it. I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.

I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Suddenly so much in my life is in flux, and I’m reacting instead of thinking things through.

I should go to bed and sleep off my funk, but instead I open and close my text thread with Laurel a zillion times, wondering if I should add a stupid meme as a virtual peace offering, or if that will make it worse.

I’m sure we’ll be okay because Laurel doesn’t hold grudges, but I hate this.

I close the thread and message Sebastian.

I did something stupid.

Sebastian:

Unless you got drunk and went to karaoke? That’s never advisable.

I was messaging Laurel and I took a stupid dig at her and Cal.

I thought you liked him. He seems like a decent guy. Annoyingly decent.

I don’t know. I’m in a weird mood.

Well, I’m sure she’ll forgive you.

Want me to come over?

I do, but I’m going out with Jared tomorrow, and it seems like leaning on Sebastian every time I feel crappy isn’t a great long-term coping strategy.

Nah, I’m going to turn in. Why aren’t you out having fun?

Got in early. I had a date, but we didn’t hit it off.

What? I thought your romancing skills were unparalleled!

She was nice enough. We’re just very different. She’s very into nature. And philosophy. And camping. I couldn’t fake enthusiasm for the great outdoors.

Sleeping on an air mattress isn’t your thing?

Kill me now.

I’ll let you get to sleep then. Sweet dreams.

My stomach is full of butterflies as I approach the restaurant door. I’m not sure if it’s good butterflies or just anxiety. I’ve had nerves before every date since Clint, but this feels worse, maybe because I’ve come to like online Jared, and he might not be the same in person.

Tell me I can do this.

Laurel:

Breathe. You got this.