4. Sadie #2
I tell him about Coach Pearce, with her clipboard and the six dismount attempts, how each was worse than the last, but I can feel it getting better.
I tell him about Juno, who he's going to love because she’s the type of girl I know he’d like.
Cara, who he's going to find deeply intimidating, and Bree, who doesn’t say more that she needs to and somehow still manages to be the funniest person at the table.
I tell him everything about my friends and how they’re making the start of my college experience amazing.
"Are you going out tonight?" he asks.
"Yeah, there's a party. I’m looking forward to it. The girls are excited.” I look at the time to make sure I have enough time to get ready.
"I think you’ll be going to parties every week. You can finally enjoy life…”
“Don’t say it like that. My life before this was amazing, and it still is.” I know he hates that I had to grow up a lot quicker than a baby sister usually does.
There’s silence for a moment. I don’t want him to feel guilty about anything. We made the best of what was given to us, and now I’m in college, and I’m praying he’s in a good place too.
"Send me a terrible photo from the party,” Dan jokes.
"I’ll send you great photos," I correct him.
"You send me photos of your feet and blurry ceilings and call it art."
"That is art, Dan…"
"Go have fun," he says warmly, finally, the tiredness is tucked back behind something more familiar. "Be good."
"Never."
"I know." There’s a pause that lasts one second longer than usual. "Night, kid."
"Night."
I hold the phone for a moment after the call drops, then I look at it with a smile.
He's fine. He sounded fine. He needs to be fine.
***
The yellow dress has been staring at me from the back of the wardrobe since I unpacked it four days ago, yes I’ve been here just over a week and only just unpacked my bags.
It's not subtle. There are spaghetti straps, a neckline that requires confidence, and a hem that hits high-thigh. It’s a dress that makes a decision for you the moment you put it on.
I zip it up, check the mirror, and the decision is: yes, and I look fucking amazing in it.
I put on gold hoops, and strappy heels I told myself were impractical when I packed them but packed them anyway. I also know in the morning my feet are going to be hurting and I'll regret wearing them, but it doesn’t stop me
My camera strap is over one shoulder, because I don’t go anywhere without it. I’m never going to have a college experience again, so I want to have pictures to remember it by.
There’s a knock at the door, I rush over, and when I open the door Juno smiles at me.
The green dress she's wearing fits like it was made for her. It’s rushed at the waist, short enough to be a statement, and her hair is loose around her shoulders and I’m sure it took at minimum of forty minutes to look that effortless.
Behind her, Cara is in wide-leg trousers and a white halter top that makes her look like a model in a Renaissance painting who's decided to go out and have some fun.
Bree looks amazing in her mini black dress.
"What did you do to your eyes?" I ask Bree.
Bree blinks slowly, which only proves the point. "Forty-five minutes and a tutorial." I start laughing. No one needs to spend that much time on makeup.
"Definitely worth it," Juno says looking at Bree’s eyes
"I know,” Bree walks into the room, Juno and Cara behind her.
"Are you actually bringing that?" Bree asks, pointing to my camera.
"Yes, come this time next year you three are going to look back on every picture I take and laugh at the memories.” The three of them look between each other and nod in agreement.
“Let's go, at least one of us has to hook up with someone tonight.” Cara opens the door and waves us all to get out, but before we do, I lift my camera and take a picture of the four of us looking hot and sexy.
The house party is off the main campus on a street full of houses that all belong to people who've figured out that dorms are a thing you survive rather than enjoy. You can hear the music almost half a block away, and I already know this is going to be fun.
We reach the house, and there’re some students standing outside.
Juno takes my hand going up the front steps so we don’t get separated from each other.
I let her because I don’t really know anyone here and have no idea where I’m going.
We're inside and there’re people everywhere.
If I thought the music was loud half a block away, I can barely think inside the house.
I have my camera up within the first five minutes.
Juno pulls Cara onto a makeshift dancefloor in the front room, Cara’s only going along with it on the condition that nobody watches.
That’s impossible because they're both immediately the most fun thing happening in that corner. Bree is at the kitchen counter, her elbows resting back, and she’s watching the room with dark, careful eyes.