Chapter Five Desperate Timesy #2
I laugh, shaking my head. Lainey and I grew up as neighbors back in Texas, running wild through the heat together until my world shattered when I was thirteen.
That was the year my grandmother passed away.
She was the absolute love of my grandfather’s life, and after she died, he couldn't bear the empty house anymore.
He packed up and moved to Denver to take the head coaching job for the Night Hawks.
Shortly after, by the time my sophomore year rolled around, Dad decided to move to Colorado, too. I’d been devastated at the thought of leaving Texas and Lainey. It was hard, but we managed to keep our friendship strong, even over a long distance.
My heart does that stupid little jump when I see Julian’s name, but I try not to make my excitement too obvious.
Lainey notices anyway.
“Ohhh, is that him?” she sing-songs.
“Shut up,” I mutter, pulling up Julian’s text in another window.
Julian: Survive your classes today?
A smile tugs at my mouth.
Hadley: Barely. I think I lost brain cells.
Julian: No way. You’re so smart, you’ve got some to spare.
My stomach twists. I swallow, typing back something light, ignoring how shitty I feel about myself right now. Lainey watches me like a hawk.
“You like him,” she teases. “You want to kiss him and ride his lumberjack dick.”
I nearly choke. “I do not…”
“Hadley.” She sounds exasperated.
“We’re friends,” I insist… but now, I can’t get the thought of his lumberjack dick out of my head. Damn it!
“Mmhmm,” she hums, unconvinced. “And I’m the fucking Queen of England.”
I roll my eyes and toss a pillow at her. “You’re insufferable.”
“You’re deflecting,” she shoots back. Then, leaning forward, she adds, “Also, for the record? I’m with Skyler.”
“Oh my God.”
“I’m serious!” she exclaims. “Your dad clearly isn’t listening to you. So make him listen.”
My stomach twists.
“Yeah,” I murmur. “Maybe.”
“It’ll be okay,” she assures me gently. “You’ll figure this out. Try being honest with your dad. Maybe he’ll listen, and then you won’t have to do anything crazy to make him understand that you’re serious.”
“I’ve tried,” I sigh.
“Try again.”
I chew my lip nervously, but nod. “You might be right.”
Maybe it would be better to try to talk to him before I do something drastic. I don’t want to disappoint him…I just want him to listen to me.
Lainey pats my cheek. “You’ve got this. I promise. Just keep your chin up and tell yourself you’re a badass bitch who doesn’t take shit from anyone.”
I giggle, swatting her hand away. “I’m a badass bitch who doesn’t take shit from anyone.”
We laugh, and I do feel a little better, but there’s still a small voice in the back of my head that says even if I’m honest with Dad, it won’t matter.
Nothing will change.
That evening, when I’m alone in my dorm again, lying on my bed, dressed in sweats and my Night Hawks hoodie, I pull out my phone and suck in a deep breath.
I’ve been trying to psych myself up for this call, and I have to just do it.
I’ve talked about this with Dad before, but this time, I need to make him really listen to me.
Giving myself a quick shake, I dial his number.
“Hadley,” Dad greets me after only a few rings. “How are you, honey? How’s school?”
I just manage not to roll my eyes. Of course, he’d jump straight into a school report. I can picture him sitting in his large office with its floor-to-ceiling windows looking out toward the mountains, dressed in a sharp, tailored suit, his expression no-nonsense.
“Hey, Dad,” I start slowly. “Um…that’s actually what I want to talk to you about.”
“Oh?” His voice sharpens a bit, as if he’s on edge now.
“Well, uh…if I’m being honest, I’m not really liking school.”
There’s a moment of silence, and I hold my breath while I wait for him to respond. At length, he lets out a long, exasperated breath.
“This again, Hadley?” he grumbles.
“I really just want to talk it through…”
“I don’t understand what the issue is, Hadley.” His voice is clipped and perfectly controlled, per usual. “You’ve always excelled academically.”
I press my lips together, gripping my phone a little tighter. “I know, but that’s not the issue. I don’t like what I’m doing.”
“You don’t have to like every class,” he replies. “That’s not the point of higher education.”
“It’s not just the classes,” I push, trying to keep my voice steady. “I don’t think this is what I want long-term.”
There’s another pause. Oh, God. I can only imagine what’s going through his head right now.
“You’re twenty,” he states at last. “Of course you don’t know what kind of lawyer you want to be yet, but I told you, once you get to law school, it’ll be easier to narrow it down.”
Frustration flares in my chest, and I grind my teeth as I struggle to keep my tone even. He’s just not listening. “I really don’t think that’s going to happen.”
“It will,” he counters smoothly. “Of course, my preference would be that you go into business law. It offers stability, opportunity, and you’ll be able to come work for me once you pass the bar…”
“Dad, please!” I cut in before I can stop myself. “You’re not listening to me!”
Silence once again, but I can hear his sharp breathing, and I know he’s sucking it in between his teeth. He always does that when he’s losing patience. Shit. I didn’t mean to lose my cool. I close my eyes, bracing for what I know is coming next.
“Hadley, I know school can be stressful, but that doesn’t give you the right to take that tone with me. I’ve spent my entire career building something that could benefit you.” His tone is sharp and cold. “Don’t be a child. Everything will work out, all right?”
Guilt creeps in immediately, and for a moment, I think I might be sick.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I just…I want to at least explore other options. Study something I actually enjoy.”
“And what would that be?” he asks in an impatient tone.
I lick my lips nervously before admitting, “I want to teach.”
“That’s great,” he declares, surprising me. But then, “You can always get a position as a professor of law after you get a good amount of experience under your belt.”
“Dad, that’s not what I mean...” I try one last time.
“You don’t have to worry about that now,” he replies. “Be a good girl, study hard, and stay focused. You’ll be just fine if you just stick it out.”
“Dad, I…”
“I’ve got to go now, sweetie,” he says, cutting me off. “A client is going to be here in a few minutes for a meeting. Love you.”
“Dad!”
Before I can finish my plea, he hangs up the call. Conversation over. I sit there, staring at my phone in stunned silence.
Damn it. I totally fucked that up. He barely had to say anything, and I folded like a blanket.
I knew he wouldn’t listen. I fucking knew it. If I don’t do something, I’m going to be stuck in a life I don’t want.
Skyler’s voice echoes in the back of my mind.
Desperate times.