Chapter Six Failure
HADLEY
I decide it’ll be my Economics of Business class. That’s the one Dad asks about the most. It’s the class I really need to pass this semester to keep progressing through my major. If I fail an exam in this one, it’ll get his attention.
I don’t want the professor to get suspicious, so I try not to seem like I’m doing well in the class in general.
I put in less effort, and it feels wrong.
Like physically wrong. I’ve never not tried or given my schoolwork my all.
Even when I hated a subject, I still did the work.
I still studied and pushed for the best possible outcome.
Now, every time I choose not to put in the effort, something in my chest tightens. This isn’t me, but then I think about my dad brushing me off, not listening, and deciding my future for me…and I keep going. I don’t tell anyone I’m doing this…not Julian or Lainey, but I’m sure they’d understand.
I’m just too ashamed, but it doesn’t make me stop.
When I get the exam back, I already know that it’s not going to be good. After all, I intentionally flopped this one, but it’s still a gut punch when I see the rating written across the top of my paper.
42%.
A weird mix of guilt and something darker curls in my chest. This is what I wanted. Why does it feel like shit?
Because I know I could’ve aced this, and I didn’t on purpose.
Ugh. This is so gross, and I’m so anxious to find out my dad’s reaction. I know he’s going to be so disappointed and upset with me. Still, there’s no going back now. I’ve done it, and now I’m going to face the consequences.
It doesn’t take long. My phone rings later that night, and I immediately know that it’s Dad.
I stare at my screen for a second before answering. “Hi.”
“Hi, sweetheart,” he greets. “How did your exam go?”
Right down to business. It’s been almost a week since our last conversation, and he hasn’t bothered to ask me how things are.
It’s only my grades that matter right now.
“Um…I got a 42%.”
There’s a pause, and the total silence coming from him has my stomach twisting with dread.
“A 42%?” he growls at length. “Hadley…what the hell happened?”
“I don’t know,” I mutter. “I’ve been struggling.”
“You’ve never struggled like this before,” he states, his voice laced with impatience.
I swallow. “Things are different now.”
“Different how?” he presses. “You were performing at a high level. There’s no reason for a drop like this unless something has changed.”
Something has. Do I really have to explain this to him? Has he just not been paying attention to what I’ve said this whole time?
“You’re not listening to me,” I whisper.
“I am listening,” he insists. “And what I’m hearing is that you’re having difficulty adjusting to the harder courses. Which is normal. It just means we need to work harder. Get help if you need it.”
Seriously? Frustration bubbles up inside me, and I can’t hold myself back.
“I don’t want to be here, Dad!” I exclaim. “I don’t want to study law!”
“We’re not making impulsive decisions based on one bad grade,” he cuts in firmly.
My frustration spikes. “It’s not just one bad grade!”
“Then it’s a pattern we need to address,” he replies, already shifting gears. Going into lawyer mode. “You clearly need more structure. More oversight. We can’t let bad grades ruin your chances at getting into a top-tier law school.”
My grip tightens around my phone. He’s not hearing me. All he sees is the problem, and he wants to do whatever he can to fix it, but it won't work. He can’t fix this if he doesn’t fucking listen!
“Hmmm,” he murmurs. “It may be better for you to be closer to home. Somewhere I can ensure you’re staying on track.”
My heart stutters, and I lose my breath.
Wait. What’s he saying?
“I can pull you from the program,” he says. “Transfer you to a university here in Colorado Springs. There are a couple I know that haven’t started classes yet. You won’t lose any standing, and we can protect your GPA before it takes further damage.”
It takes a moment for my brain to process his words. Is he serious? It’s not exactly what I want. He’s not letting me give up business law, but if he’s letting me come back to the States, that’s progress.
Except, I don’t think being in Colorado Springs will do me any good. Dad will have more immediate control over my life. That isn’t what I want at all.
A thought hits me then. I have to fight to keep my eagerness from my voice so he doesn’t get suspicious.
“Okay,” I nod, sitting up. “But…what about Denver? Doesn’t it have the best pre-law program in the state?”
Silence greets me, but I rush to fill it. “Grandpa’s there. It makes sense. I’d have family nearby, and it’s still a good environment academically. It’s not like I’d be on my own.”
Another beat of silence, then…
“That could work,” he agrees. “It does have the best programs…that’ll definitely stand out to law schools….”
My pulse starts to race.
“I can look into it,” I add, trying to sound reasonable. “It’d be…a good middle ground.”
“Mmhmm,” he hums. “Yes. That may be the most logical option. I’ll still be close enough to oversee your studies as needed.”
Logical. Of course. It’s the logical solution.
“We’ll make arrangements,” he continues. “You won’t be living on campus. I’ll have an apartment set up for you. Somewhere appropriate. You’ll commute, focus on your studies, and get your grades back where they need to be.”
I grit my teeth, but don’t argue. Baby steps. First, Denver. Once I’m closer, maybe I can keep trying to convince him that law school isn’t for me. This is a win, and I’m not going to screw it up by running my mouth.
“Okay,” I agree.
“Good,” he says. “I’ll start making calls.”
He hangs up. No goodbye again, but it doesn’t bother me as much this time. I just sit there for a second in shocked silence.
Denver.
I’m going back to Denver.
My chest tightens, but this time it’s not dread. It’s excitement. I’ll be close to Grandpa again. Close to the girls.
Close to Julian.
I won’t be alone, and even if I’m still stuck doing what Dad wants, I’ll be close to home.
A small, disbelieving laugh slips out of me as I fall back onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling.
I’m going back. A grin spreads across my face before I can stop it.
I can’t wait to surprise everyone in Denver…and maybe I’ll finally make the time to skate again.