Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
I t was torture, following behind Danielle as she weaved in and out of the crowd, searching for Jesse and Sunny. He wanted to pull her aside. To talk to her. To take her into his arms and protect her. His heart pounded as all of these desires swirled around in his mind, suffocating him.
Why was she pulling away? He could feel their chemistry, it was undeniable. There were moments when he thought he misinterpreted her look or tone of her voice, but it would return, throwing him off his guard again.
They made their way around the entire carnival with no sign of Jesse and Sunny. Danielle stopped by a hotdog stand and pulled out her phone to call Sunny for the tenth time since the search started.
When Sunny’s voicemail sounded, again, Danielle clicked the phone off and threw it into her purse. She glanced up at Zach and he could see the frustration in her gaze. He wished he could do something. Help fix this, but what could he do?
“I’m sure they’re fine. Sunny seems responsible. She’ll take good care of Jesse.” He gave her an encouraging smile, hoping it would help ease her stress.
Danielle chewed her lip as her gaze darted around. Then she glanced up at him and nodded. “You’re right. You’re right. Sunny’s a great girl. I’m sure they are just on a ride and she’s not checking her voicemail.”
He shrugged as he shoved his hands into his front pockets. “Yeah. I’m sure they’re fine.”
She sighed. It sounded tired and weighed down. Zach couldn’t help the feeling that grew inside of him. He wanted to help her. To lighten her burden. The Ferris wheel caught his attention. Maybe if they got on it, they could see across the whole carnival. They just might find Jesse.
“Maybe we need a different vantage point?” he asked, nodding toward the ride.
Danielle followed his motion and then she squinted back at him. “I don’t know. I’d rather be on the ground in case Sunny calls.”
Zach gave her an encouraging smile. “It’ll be fine. The ride takes all of five minutes. We’ll take a peek and if we don’t see him, we’ll come straight down.”
Danielle stared at the buckets on the ride and then sighed. “Okay, fine.”
Zach extended his hand to lead her to the ticket booth. After paying for their tickets—Danielle seemed too worried to fight him about paying—he approached the ride operator and handed them over. One of the buckets came into view and after the riders got off, Danielle got in and Zach followed after her. He sat next to her, trying to keep his legs and shoulders from bumping into her—but it was too hard. Zach wasn’t small and this ride was tiny.
Once they were situated, the ride operator lowered the lap bar on them and then motioned for the other person in the booth off to the side to move their bucket. Seconds later, they were off the platform and making their way up the side of the wheel.
Every point of contact between Zach and Danielle burned like a summer fire. Her forearm was settled next to his—her hand inches away from his. Her shoulder was pressed into his arm and the warmth of her leg next to his was sending shock waves across his skin and exploding in his body.
They slowly inched to the top of the wheel and Zach wanted to talk to her. To ask her what was going on in her mind. But he couldn’t bring himself to open up to her like that. Fear of rejection gripped his chest causing his tongue to freeze up. He’d about broken in half when she left before. Would he be able to survive if she did it again?
“This is just ridiculous,” Danielle said, drawing his attention over to her. She was tipped forward, surveying the people on the ground below them.
He followed her gaze and began searching every face he could make out. It was hard to make out much. Dark clouds had drifted in around them, surrounding them in a heavy and ominous feeling.
“I mean, why wouldn’t she answer her phone?” Danielle asked, motioning toward her purse. Just as the words left her mouth, her phone rang.
Danielle scrambled to retrieve it from her purse. Seconds later, it was pressed against her cheek. “Hello? Sunny?”
The voice on the other end was muffled but from the relieved expression on Danielle’s face, it was Sunny.
“Oh, you did?”
Pause.
“Okay. Yeah. We’re on the Ferris wheel. We’ll come find you once the movie is over.”
They said their goodbyes and Danielle pressed the end button and slipped her phone back into her purse.
“They’re okay?” Zach asked as he peeked over at Danielle.
She let out her breath. “Yes. Apparently they are playing some old-timey scary movie on the far end of the grounds and Jesse wanted to see it. Sunny didn’t get my messages until now. She said it lasts an hour and then they’d be out.” She glanced over at him, a sense of relief settling around her.
“See, no need to be worried,” he said, nudging her with his shoulder.
She peeked up at him. “Yeah. You’re right. I guess, I just panic sometimes. He’s my world. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to him.”
She looked so small and fragile, sitting next to him. He had this deep desire to wrap his arm around her shoulders and pull her close. He grasped his hands in his lap as he fought the urge. She was just beginning to open up to him. He didn’t want to scare her off. Not now.
Instead, he moved his attention to the world around them. The ride moved until they were at the top of the wheel and then paused. It was amazing to be up that high. The landscape spanned out so far.
“It’s beautiful up here,” she said, her voice was breathy and caused his stomach to lighten.
“It really is.”
A silence fell around them. Her soft sigh was picked up by the wind and floated away.
“Besides the Patriots, what have you been up to since I left?” she asked.
Zach glanced over at her to see her smiling at him. He swallowed as feelings of hope filled his chest. “Not much. School and the NFL have consumed my life.”
She nodded, dropping her gaze down to her hands and fiddling with her nails. “I’m sorry,” she said.
It was so quiet that Zach wondered if he’d even heard her. Leaning in, his movement must have caught her attention because she turned to glance at him.
“You’re sorry?” he asked, holding her gaze.
She chewed her lip and nodded. “Yeah. I left without saying goodbye. That wasn’t fair to you. We’d always been close and I just panicked.” Her worried expression morphed into a shy smile.
Zach wanted to hold her. To let her know that he forgave her. That a lot of mistakes had been made that summer. Mistakes that he wished he could take back. “It’s okay. I was an idiot that summer. I shouldn’t have…done what I did.”
She must have understood what he was saying because just as the words left his lips, her gaze flicked down to his mouth. Then, her cheeks reddened and she turned so she was studying the world beyond the ride. “Yeah. I, um…”
Regret sank in his stomach. What was he doing? Why was he forcing her to face what had happened that summer? If she were anything like him, she was trying to forget all the pain associated with the events like he was.
“But it was a mistake. Something I should have never done. It wasn’t fair to you or to Isaac.” His voice hitched in his throat as emotions rose up inside of him.
She tensed as his words settled around them. As if he’d said the wrong thing. Which confused him. How could saying the truth be wrong? From the shocked expression on her face when he pulled away, she was not happy with the fact that he’d kissed her. Right?
“Yeah, Isaac,” she whispered as she extended out her hands and studied them.
He studied her, not sure what he was supposed to say or how he was supposed to interpret her words. Did that kiss mean something to her? Did he dare ask?
She must have felt his gaze because she turned her face until she met his gaze. Then she held it there. Zach’s heart felt as if it were going to explode from his chest. His breathing slowed as the entire world around him came to a standstill.
“Zach,” she whispered as she leaned closer to him. She moved her hand until it was resting on his. The warmth of her skin crept up his arm, causing his mind to swim.
He couldn’t create a coherent sentence much less tell himself to pull away. Warning bells were sounding, but he didn’t care. This was exactly what he wanted. Danielle.
Just as he leaned in to press his lips to hers, water began to sprinkle onto his face. At first, he wasn’t sure what was happening or where it was coming from. But they came faster as the clouds above them parted and rain began to pour down on them. Danielle hunched over as she pulled away to stare up at the sky.
The ride operator’s voice boomed through the speakers, informing everyone that they were shutting the ride down until the rain passed. The ride began to move and Zach could see people disembarking as their buckets came to the platform.
If he didn’t hurry now, he’d lose his nerve. How was he ever going to recreate this moment again?
So he sucked in his breath and said “Danielle…”
When she raised her eyes to his, the pain in her face was almost palpable. As if she were telling him not to say the things that were weighing on his mind. Why?
“Danielle I—”
“Zach, please. I can’t. I’m sorry. I keep sending you the wrong signals and it’s confusing you. Please, we can’t ever be whatever you’re about to ask.”
Zach pinched his lips together as he studied her. It was pouring now. Both of them were soaked. He pushed his hand through his hair, spraying droplets of water everywhere. He cleared his throat as the feelings he wanted to express were still stuck on the tip of his tongue. As if his body was physically rejecting her words.
She didn’t feel that way. There was no way he was making up the intensity in her gaze. She was pulling away and he wasn’t sure why.
Their bucket got to the bottom before Zach could ask. The ride operator wasn’t patient as he pulled the door open and ushered them out. Danielle didn’t hesitate as she stepped out onto the platform and down the stairs to the ground.
Zach followed after her, refusing to accept the fact that these were their final words to each other. That yet again, she was walking away before he could even say what he wanted to say.
He was soaking wet as he kept a few feet away from her. Maybe it was because he needed to gather his thoughts. That being around her stunned him speechless, but if he was going to confront this confusing and vexing woman, he needed his wits about him.
Courage built in his chest as he quickened his pace until she was within reach. He wrapped his hand around her arm and tugged, hoping to convince her to stop.
“Zach, I—” Danielle started as she whipped around, bringing her body inches from his.
In one swift moment, Zach bent down and pressed his lips to hers. At first, she didn’t move and Zach began to regret ever taking this chance. And then, just as all feelings of self-doubt and pain surrounded him, she ran her hands up his arms and entangled them in his hair at the nape of his neck.
He growled as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her forward. Rain fell down on Zach but he didn’t care. His clothes were soaked but all his body was focused on was the sensation of her pressed against him. There was a piece of him that he didn’t know was missing, but with her here, suddenly he was whole.
But just as quickly as it had started, it ended. Danielle pulled back, her eyes wide as she stared at him. As if she’d suddenly realized what she’d just done.
Not letting her response ruin their moment, Zach looked fiercely into her eyes so she could feel the weight of his words. “I let you walk away once, I’m not going to do it again. I need you to know…”
Danielle held up her fingers and pressed them against his lips. “No. Stop. Zach, I…” her voice broke causing her to swallow. “Please. I can’t deal with that right now.”
Zach studied her as frustration rose up inside of him. Why couldn’t she hear this? She had to feel the same. He could see it in her eyes and feel it in her kiss. The heat from their passion was still warming his lips.
“But Danielle…” He started but then stopped when he saw the pained look in her eyes. There was something that was tearing her apart and it wasn’t their kiss or the fact that Isaac was dead.
So, despite the fact that it was ripping him up inside, Zach nodded as he pulled back. “Okay,” he said, the depth of his voice surprising even him.
Danielle dropped her hand and then wrapped her arms around her chest as she glanced around.
Suddenly realizing that they were still standing in the rain, Zach motioned for Danielle to follow him over to the awning of the mini doughnut stand.
They stood there, watching the rain trickle down outside. The smell of fried food mixed with cinnamon sugar filled the air. Zach took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly as the previous events rolled around in his mind.
Something was going on with Danielle. Something that was keeping her from him and he needed to figure out what that was.
He was pretty sure it wasn’t as big as she was making it out to be. Once he got her to see that, then she’d be his. And the one thing he was sure of was, she was meant to be his. This was a fight he wasn’t going to lose.
He was made to be with Danielle, he just needed her to see that.