Chapter Eighteen
Kyle
Kyle had to stay conscious of his speed the whole hike. When he’d planned out this route, he’d forgotten to take into account her level of physical fitness.
He felt like an asshole.
They’d come to an agreement though, and he was determined that she would enjoy this as much as he was.
He’d told her the truth earlier. His day was perfect. It had been perfect the moment she’d pulled up and he’d seen her get out of the car.
She’d left her hair loose and it blew freely in the breeze. She looked delectable and so damned beautiful that he’d had to turn away for a moment to regain his composure. He’d promised her that he wouldn’t do anything to put her relationship in jeopardy, and he had meant it.
Then, he’d touched her breasts.
He truly had been trying to help, and he hadn’t known what he’d expected when he was trying to guide the baby into the baby holster, but the hefty, warm softness of her breasts hadn’t even been on his mind.
Well, not much.
Now, the feeling of her against his fingertips was permanently seared into his brain. He flexed his fingers as they walked, not daring to look at her again just yet in case he completely lost all his principles.
The air was clean and fresh and occasionally, the wind blew showers of yellow leaves down on their heads from the early-turning trees.
The ache in his chest that he’d felt ever since the day he’d met her finally eased a little. He relaxed his stringent self-control and just enjoyed the moments with her. He’d take whatever he could get, whether it was a quiet walk or a quick, hurried conversation over dishes.
Was that pathetic?
He stopped and let her rest for a few moments while he studied their surroundings. He hadn’t heard nor seen any signs of other people or animals. He was carrying a weapon, just in case, though he hoped he’d not have to use it. The baby had fallen asleep against Maddy’s chest, lulled by the rocking motion of the hike.
He wondered vaguely if it reminded her of the womb.
He glanced surreptitiously at Maddy as he handed her a bottle of water. He tried to imagine what she’d looked like pregnant.
The image made him feel a strange yearning, a wanting.
They walked on for another twenty minutes before they reached the grassy bald where sedge, cinquefoil, and Blue Ridge St. Johns Wort grew in abundance. The day was clear and offered them a nice view of the distant hills.
“This is beautiful,” she gasped, cradling Em’s sleeping bundle and looking out over the horizon.
He stared at her. “Yep.”
He dropped his rucksack, opened the top, and pulled out her backpack before finding the large blanket that he’d rolled up.
He shook out the green and tan plaid and took a seat on the edge. She did the same, careful not to jostle the baby.
She turned her back to him. “Can you unfasten the buckle?”
He did and she carefully slipped her arms from the loops before laying Em down between them. He took off his jacket and covered the sleeping baby before reaching back into his bag.
“I took the liberty of bringing lunch. I worked hard on this,” he said seriously.
His lips twitched as she opened the containers and busted out laughing. “This is the couscous I made yesterday,” she laughed, shaking her head. “I bet you slaved away all day on this.”
“Sure did,” he teased. “I had to not only find the containers and fill them up, I had to practically plan out a mission to find the matching lids.”
She giggled and the remaining wariness that he felt between them disappeared in an instant. Being there with her felt…right.
It felt like home.
They enjoyed their lunch and the conversation that followed. He tried to subtly shift the topics toward the things he really wanted to know, but she deflected at every turn. He didn’t want to push her to open up, but he’d hoped she would.
She had to know that he’d help her in any way that he could. She had to know that he was in her corner.
After a while, as the sunlight changed from bright to soft, she sighed and laid back on the blanket, snuggling up near Emmie as she still slept. Eventually, he knew that she would need to be fed. He planned to go exploring to give her some privacy to do that.
She rested her head on her bent arm and smiled up at him. “This has been the best day I’ve had in a long time.”
Happy didn’t even begin to cover the feeling that bloomed in his chest at her words.
“We’ll have to come up here again soon,” he promised.
He’d bring her up every day if it put that look on her face. She closed her eyes, and just for a little while, she slept and he watched. He watched over them as if they were his own.
Maybe he could pretend they were, just for a little while.
∞∞∞
Kyle was up before dawn the next day with a cup of coffee and his thoughts.
Maddy was unlike any woman he’d ever known. She was responsible. She was kind. She was thoughtful. She was forgiving. She was funny. She was a great mom. She was gorgeous.
He swirled the drink and watched the dark liquid slosh against the sides of the mug. He felt a fist squeeze his heart again as he remembered the shock of seeing her struggling on the floor, looking violated and roughed up—of seeing Murdock standing with Jace at the end of his fists, a second away from death.
A black rage had welled up inside him so encompassing, that he blocked everything out except the way Maddy’s face looked, the way her skirt had been shoved up her thighs showing too much skin, the way Jace had paled, the way Murdock had gone cold and vacant.
It was all jumping out at him again and had throughout the hours of the night. It was all tangled up with the extreme elation he’d felt when they’d hiked together last Saturday. He had flashes of her sleepy smile as she looked up at him from her place on the blanket, her laugh as he joked about the food, her tenderness with Em.
He wanted nothing more than to hold Maddy in his arms. He needed to know that she was okay, that she was safe, that she was happy…he needed her and that scared the hell out of him.
People were fragile. They left. They got hurt.
They died.
Maddy was just as vulnerable as anyone else to those things, and it made him almost freeze up with anxiety. He knew what it was to lose people. He couldn’t imagine having her and then losing her.
He tapped his fingers on the table as the sun gradually came up and Jimmy startled rattling pots. He needed to figure out how to stay in control, and how to keep his distance from Maddy without hurting her. He needed to remember that she was taken, and he was ashamed to admit—even to himself— that was starting to bother him less than it used to.
Murdock must be rubbing off on him.
He scrubbed a hand down his face, feeling the two days’ worth of stubble and deciding not to shave again until he had to.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Jimmy asked, setting down a plate of waffles and sausage in front of him. It looked delicious, but he wasn’t hungry. Not even a little.
“They’re worth quite a bit more than that this morning,” he said quietly.
He heard the guys moving around the house. Wyatt was probably sniffing out coffee and a hangover cure. John had been conspicuously absent much of the time and Kyle had a feeling something big was going on with the man. Murdock was the same as ever.
Aiden was making progress, and Jace…well, he still needed to talk to the man. He’d started avoiding everyone again and he had a terrible feeling that it was his fault—his and Murdock’s.
He ate a little and took his coffee to the sink before leaving the kitchen without a word. He bounded up the steps and was about to knock on Jace’s door when the man himself came out of Aiden’s room.
“Jace, can we talk?”
Jace, looking somewhat apprehensive but nodding, followed Kyle to a quieter part of the hallway, then out onto the top balcony. The early morning light filtered through the sky, casting a soft glow around them.
Kyle took a deep breath, his thoughts racing as he prepared to address the misunderstanding.
”Listen, Jace,” Kyle started, his voice steady yet imbued with deep sincerity. ”I need to apologize. That thing in the pantry with Maddy... I jumped to conclusions. I thought the worst, and I was very wrong.”
Jace”s eyes, which had held a guarded look, softened slightly. He shifted his weight, looking down at his feet before meeting Kyle”s gaze again for only a moment. ”It”s okay, man. I get it. Things looked bad,” he said, his voice low but not accusatory.
Kyle shook his head, the weight of his mistake pressing down on him. ”No, it”s not okay. I should”ve known better. You were helping her, and I... I let my anger take over. I was out of line, and I”m sorry.”
There was a moment of silence, the air thick with unspoken words and emotions. Jace finally nodded, accepting Kyle”s apology. ”Means a lot, hearing that from you.”
”I let my emotions get the better of me,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. ”It”s not the example I want to set here.”
Jace shifted, crossing his arms. ”We all have our moments, Kyle. You”ve seen some tough stuff. It messes with your head.”
”Yeah, but that”s no excuse. I”m supposed to be the one keeping it together, for everyone”s sake.” Kyle”s eyes were distant. ”You”ve been through hell, Jace. You don”t need me adding to that.”
Jace leaned back, his gaze wandering over the sprawling grounds of McClellan’s Hope. ”This place... it”s more than just walls and beds. It”s a second chance. You”ve given us that.”
Kyle exhaled slowly, the early morning chill biting at his skin. ”I want to do more than just give you a roof. I want to understand, to bethere for you guys.”
Jace nodded, the sun casting a warm glow on his face, softening the hard lines and angles. ”You”re doing more than you know, Kyle. This place, it”s a lifeline. Maybe my last one.”
The tranquility of the morning washed over him. He’d been worried, worried he’d screwed Jace up or set him back even farther, but he seemed okay now.
“I’m here when you need me. We all are, Jace,” he promised.
He couldn’t ever allow his personal feelings to override his judgment where the guests were concerned.
∞∞∞
Perhaps he wasn’t ready for this particular challenge.
Kyle leaned against the doorway, his gaze following Madison as she moved about the driveway, talking to Cal Murdock.
She”s like a puzzle,he mused, watching her laugh at something Cal said. A jigsaw with a few crucial pieces missing. And why do I feel like one of those pieces is hiding in Murdock”s pocket?
He gritted his teeth at the knowledge that Murdock knew something about her that he didn’t. He watched as Cal took a heavy box from her before she could even take one step toward the porch with it.
Madison”s laughter floated over to him, light and airy, but Kyle”s trained eye caught the slight stiffness in her shoulders. He”d seen that kind of tension before. It was the kind of posture someone held when they were ready to bolt at any second.
She”s scared. But of what?
Cal came in, forcing Kyle to move out of the door. He set the box on the counter and clapped him on the shoulder, bringing him out of his reverie. ”You’re thinking too hard again, Logan.”
”Someone around here has to,” Kyle muttered, his gaze still fixed on Madison coming up the steps.
Cal followed his gaze.
Kyle”s eyes narrowed slightly. ”You know something about her situation and you aren’t talking which means I have to figure it out myself.”
Cal raised his hands in a gesture of innocence. ”I told you, it’s not my secret to tell, buddy. But I”ll say this, life”s thrown her a curveball.”
Cal pushed off the counter and strode out of the room.
Kyle”s protective instincts flared. Curveball, huh? More like a grenade, by the looks of it.
Madison caught his eye from across the porch, a questioning look on her face. He offered her a smile, the kind that he hoped said ”I”m here if you need me,” but feared might come across as ”I”m a brooding former soldier who overthinks everything.”
She smiled back, talking to Aiden as she passed him reading on the porch.
She”s like a swan on a lake,Kyle thought. Graceful on the surface, but paddling like hell underneath.
He made a mental note to keep an eye on her, and maybe do a little digging. Not too much, just enough to figure out what kind of trouble was nipping at her heels. He wasn”t one to pry, but Madison and Emmie had a way of sneaking into a person”s heart, setting up camp, and refusing to leave.
And maybe I don”t want them to leave,he admitted to himself as he watched her.
Kyle pushed off from the doorway, his mind made up.
He”d find out what was troubling Madison, one way or another. But first, he had to survive dinner without making a fool of himself. Simple task, but with Madison around, even simple things became complicated.
Kyle stood in the kitchen, watching as Madison breezed in from the pantry, her arms loaded with groceries. Her face was lightly bruised from yesterday and he imagined her body was worse.
“Need some help there, or are you training for the grocery Olympics?” he quipped, moving to assist her.
Madison shot him a playful glare. “Very funny, Kyle. If this were an Olympic sport, I’d have all golds by now.”
Cal shoved back through the door the way he always did, like he was breaching the door and clearing a room of hostiles. He had a bag on his back.
He was headed to the woods.
“Stay off that step stool,” he threatened, seeing Maddy coming from the pantry.
“I’ll have to use it sometimes. We aren’t all giants like you,” she retorted.
“I mean it. Get somebody else up there,” he growled, snatching the jug of milk from the fridge and striding out the back door without another word.
Madison raised her eyebrows and wrinkled her nose. “Did he just take off to the woods with a half gallon of milk?”
Kyle shrugged and grinned. “He drinks to unwind.”
She giggled and he felt like his day had just gotten ten times better than it had been before, and before had been pretty great already.
As they unpacked the ingredients, Kyle couldn’t help but admire how effortlessly Madison navigated his kitchen. She was a whirlwind of efficiency, and it was almost mesmerizing to watch.
“So, what’s on the menu tonight? I noticed Jimmy’s plan for the evening had been erased. He didn’t seem too worried about it,” he asked, trying to sound casual while his heart did a little extra beat.
“Secret family recipe,” Madison said with a wink. “If I tell you, I’ll have to... well, you know the rest.”
Kyle chuckled, leaning against the counter. “I’ll take my chances. I’ve been known to live dangerously.”
Madison laughed.
He noticed the way her hair fell softly around her face, slipping from her braid, the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled. There was an undeniable warmth that radiated from her, and he found himself drawn to it, like a moth to a flame.
As she took the cloth from a covered bowl in the corner and began to make bread with the dough, Kyle tried to keep the conversation light, sharing funny anecdotes from his military days.
Madison told stories of her past, each one filled with humor and a touch of sass. He noticed nothing she said held any real hints about her life right now.
Their lighthearted moment ended abruptly when Jace came in, his injured arm hidden in his pocket. With a sudden flash of insight, Kyle knew he was feeling insecure, even after their chat.
“Jace!” Madison said, whirling around. “I was hoping I would see you today.”
She came around the edge of the counter, wiping her hands on a cloth before putting a hand on his arm—the one with a hand missing.
She did it deliberately.
Shrewd woman.
Jace looked up, the ghost of a smile flickering across his face. ”Yeah, well, here I am.”
“You probably deserve another purple heart for the way I almost killed you in the pantry,” she joked, pulling the huge Dutch oven from the cabinet and putting it on the expansive range top. She moved to the box she had brought and pulled out several very large containers, dumping the contents into the pot to heat.
Kyle watched as amusement lit Jace’s eyes.
“Maybe a silver star for throwing myself into the line of fire?” he added.
“Definitely,” she laughed. “Oh! Hold on a second.”
She bustled over to the bag she’d brought in with her.
Madison”s eyes twinkled with mischief. ”I”ve got a mission for you if you choose to accept it. Murdock has absconded with a half gallon of milk into the woods. Your task is to deliver these.” She held up a bag filled with chocolate chip cookies. ”And make sure he shares them.”
Jace”s smile became more pronounced, a rare sight. ”He’s one scary guy, so I make no promises on the sharing part. But I”ll deliver your package.”
As Jace turned to leave, Madison called after him, ”Remember, those are for sharing. I”ll know if he doesn”t!”
Kyle watched the exchange, a hint of amusement in his eyes. ”What about me? Don”t I get any cookies?”
Madison turned to him, a playful yet slightly seductive grin on her face that made his gut clench. She had no idea what she did to him.
She reached into a cupboard and pulled out another bag. ”I made a special batch just for you,” she said, handing them over. “I paid for them out of your grocery budget anyway,” she chuckled.
Kyle”s heart skipped a beat as she got close, but before he could respond, Aiden, Wyatt, and John burst into the kitchen.
Wyatt sniffed the air. ”Do I smell cookies?”
”Of course, you do,” Kyle retorted, his tone dripping with sarcasm. ”Why are you always around when there”s food?”
Madison grinned. She handed Wyatt a cookie, then turned back to Kyle. ”You better hide those, or they”ll be gone in seconds.”
As Madison turned her attention back to the stove, where the pot of fragrant beef bourguignon simmered, Kyle couldn’t help but notice the occasional wince as she moved.
That fall must”ve hurt more than she let on.
Wyatt, munching on a cookie, nudged Kyle. ”So, Aiden and I are heading out to Paddy”s after supper. You in?”
Kyle shook his head. ”I think I”ll pass. But keep an eye on Aiden, will you? Don”t want him getting into trouble.”
Wyatt rolled his eyes. ”Man, you sound like his dad.”
John, who had just walked in, groaned at Kyle’s next words. ”John, I”m assigning you as Wyatt”s chaperone tonight.”
”What? Why me?” John complained. ”That”s Murdock”s job.”
Kyle glanced at Madison, still carefully stirring the pot and checking on the rolls she’d put in the oven. ”Murdock”s out with Jace and probably won”t be back in time. They went for a hike.”
John sighed dramatically. ”Fine, but I”m not playing babysitter if Wyatt decides to climb on the bar and sing again.”
Madison glanced over her shoulder, a playful smile on her lips. ”That, I would pay to see.”
“It was one time,” Wyatt complained.
John turned to leave, following Evans and a reluctant-looking Aiden. The kid didn’t have to go if he didn’t want to, but Kyle thought it might do him some good to get out. The grocery store had broken the ice on his isolation a little.
“Conner,” he called. “Don’t let asshat out there drag Aiden into anything,” he warned.
“Roger that, Top,” John replied seriously.
“I heard that!” Wyatt called from the other side of the closed door and John groaned wearily.
Madison continued to work in the kitchen, the rhythmic chopping of vegetables for a salad the only noise.
Kyle leaned casually against the counter, watching her intently.
The aroma of baking rolls filled the air, mingling with her unique scent — something sweet and warm that made Kyle”s senses tingle.
He broke the silence, his voice low and earnest. ”Won”t you tell me what”s bothering you, Maddy? You have to tell someone. Let me help you.”
Madison paused, her knife hovering over the cutting board. She bit her lip, shaking her head slightly. ”I”ve got it under control, really,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.
Kyle exhaled heavily, his gaze never leaving her as he leaned on the counter to look up into her face. ”I”ve got broad shoulders, you know. Good for carrying problems.”
Her eyes flickered to his shoulders and chest, lingering just a moment too long. A flash of heat sparked in her eyes, and she quickly turned away, her cheeks flushing a deep shade of red.
Kyle felt a surge of arousal at her perusal, the tension between them becoming almost palpable. He gritted his teeth, a part of him wishing desperately that circumstances were different, that she was single and available.
The thought of being with her, of being the one she turned to, was a temptation that was becoming increasingly hard to resist.
He watched as she resumed her cooking, the movements of her hands slightly more hurried now. The air between them was charged with unspoken words and suppressed desires. Kyle knew he had to tread carefully, respecting her boundaries, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the growing connection between them.
As he pushed off from the counter, preparing to leave the kitchen, he cast one last glance at Madison. The sight of her, so focused and determined, yet vulnerable, only deepened his resolve to be there for her, no matter what she was going through. With a quiet sigh, he stepped out, leaving her to her thoughts and the comfort of her cooking.