Chapter 6 #2
JAY WATCHED ALYSSE out of the corner of his eye as they strolled down the hilly street.
The weather was a temperate eighty degrees today and as he watched other people nearby he felt almost normal.
For the first time in a long time he was exactly where he belonged, but he knew that was false.
He didn’t really belong with Alysse and even though to the world they probably looked like every other couple walking through town on this nice afternoon, he knew they were different.
She led him to a quiet park where an empty bench stood under the shade of a tall tree that he didn’t know the name of. She sat down and stretched her legs out in front of her, then tipped her head slightly toward him.
“So, talk,” she said.
She seemed relaxed, but in spite of her posture he could sense the tension in her.
She wasn’t sure of him and didn’t trust him, and he knew that he would have to earn back her trust. He just wasn’t sure he deserved it.
Didn’t even know how he’d go about winning her over because for years he’d been alone.
And though he wasn’t happy about it, there was a part of him that could get along just fine with Fantasy Alysse running through his mind.
It was safer that way. For him, certainly, and also for her. He didn’t want to disappoint her again or hurt her anymore than he already had.
“Are you going to say anything?” she asked. “Or just keep staring at me?”
“I don’t know how to begin. I’ve been thinking of the way you left last night. How you said you were going to use me.”
“Maybe that wasn’t the nicest thing to say,” she admitted. She tucked a strand of her hair back toward the high ponytail it had escaped from and then rubbed her hands along her thighs.
“But that is who you are now. I made you into a woman who wants to use someone else. I did that,” he said. He hadn’t thought of anyone but himself when he’d left her in Vegas and he regretted that now.
He’d told himself he was doing it for her. That he wasn’t the right guy to make her dreams come true. But he knew he’d left because he’d been unsure of what to do next.
She straightened up, twisting to face him. “I did that. Not you. I’m the one who put myself in a place where I can’t find my way back to who I used to be. I’m not ever going to be that girl again.”
She carefully put her hand on his wrist. “I need to do this and you’re looking for answers, too. Don’t worry too much. We’ll do this together.”
“I do worry. And I’m not someone who’s ever anxious, but with you—I am. I am afraid I’m too hard for you. I already hurt the woman you used to be.”
She bit her lower lip and he saw her hesitate and then she smiled over at him. “I’ve never complained about your hardness.”
He chuckled. “I guess not. In fact, it probably works for your plan to use me for my body.”
“It does,” she said. “It definitely does.”
“So where does that leave us?” he asked. Because, as he’d discovered last night, sex wasn’t necessarily the answer to what he was searching for from her.
“It leaves us where we are. Two people who are both trying to get who we are and where we’re going, who enjoy sex.”
“I need more than sex from you,” Jay said. “You’re different for me.”
“You were for me, too, but then you became someone I didn’t know. Let’s try to start over.”
“I don’t know if we can,” he said.
“We can. It won’t be easy, but it will work. You told me you have a job offer....”
He pushed his sunglasses up on top of his head and turned to face her full-on. “I do. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing for me or not.”
“What is it exactly? I know we talked about you being a cake froster but I don’t imagine you went out and found that kind of job opening.”
He gave her a wry smile. “Your cookies are the only ones I’m interested in frosting.”
She just shook her head and waited.
“It’s a private security firm. They take on missions, some similar to what I’ve done in the Corps. They want me to be a sniper, which is what I’ve trained for and what I know.”
“Sounds like what you’re doing now, just that you’d be based here.”
“Sort of. They aren’t always deployed, so when they are here they do security for celebs... That sounds lame. Could you imagine me guarding some pretty face on the red carpet?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Definitely not. I’m sure they have stuff that’s not that high-profile. Doesn’t seem like sending you to a red-carpet event would suit your personality.”
“Yeah, I’d have to ask about that. Lucien offered to let me try it out for the next few days until I have to re-up. That way I can see what they do.”
She crossed those long legs of hers and swung her foot as she listened to him. Distracted, all he could think about was pulling her onto his lap, putting his hands around her waist and holding her close to him.
“I think you should give it a try. You said you were back here to see if there was something else for you—that you were at a crossroads. I can’t imagine a job that would make your transition easier. I mean, you could try a government job, but I don’t see you as a desk man.”
“I’m definitely not a desk man.”
“So, I guess that’s settled,” she said.
“Is it?” he asked.
“Isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is. I want to give it a chance. But the crazy part is I don’t even have a house. I always live in hotels when I’m on leave. If I do this it will mean a complete lifestyle change.”
“You don’t own a house?”
“I’ve never needed one,” he said.
“What about an apartment?” she asked.
“No. I’m seldom in the States and when I am I use temporary quarters on base.”
“Jay—no wonder the idea of being married to me sent you running. You’ve never had anything in your adult life like it,” she said.
“I take it you own a home?”
“Yes. And a rental property with my brother,” she said. “Do you still want to come to the beach with me tonight?”
Hell, no. He had just established that he liked being apart from others and keeping himself removed, but he did want to spend more time with Alysse.
So, he’d go to the beach tonight. Five years ago, it had been the thought of her big network of friends and family that had partially driven him to leave and this time.
..well, he guessed it was time to face them.
“Yes, I guess I do. But I don’t have a surfboard or a wet suit. And I haven’t surfed in over a year.”
“No problem. I’ll take care of that for you.”
He walked her back to the bakery and then rode away on his motorcycle, pondering the fact that in the course of a few hours he had a job offer and a date with Alysse and her friends. He certainly wasn’t in the Corps anymore.
ALYSSE HAD GIVEN Jay directions to the beach.
It wasn’t the one that the Marines stationed at Pendleton used.
This one was farther up the coast near San Clemente, which was where she’d grown up.
They were meeting Toby, her older brother, his girlfriend, Molly, Tommy and Jean, who’d gone to college with Toby, and Paulo and Frida, who they’d met at the beach about eight years ago and had started playing volleyball with.
Toby was a marine biologist as were Molly, Tommy and Jean. His true passion was the ocean and he spent as many hours on the water as he could. Tonight he’d spotted a new grouping of sea lions and they were all going to paddleboard out to look at them.
Paddleboarding consisted of standing on a board—similar to a surfboard, and using a long pole to steer and move the board along.
Alysse usually avoided going to these events even though Toby, who was two years older than she was, called her at least twice a week and invited her to do something with him and Molly.
And she usually went but lately she’d been busy at Sweet Dreams. Though it pained her to admit it, she was also a little jealous at Toby and Molly.
“’Bout time you showed up,” Toby said, giving her a hug as she unloaded cookies from the back of her car.
“I’m early,” she pointed out.
“I meant after putting me off for days. What made you change your mind tonight?” he asked as he grabbed her board from the roof of her car. She slung her beach bag over her shoulder and locked the car.
“I invited a guy to come along and join us,” she said carefully. She hadn’t realized that she was sort of setting Jay up by bringing him to meet her brother until she’d arrived here.
“Great. It’s about time. So who is he?”
Toby knew about her marriage so she had a feeling that he’d be less than welcoming, which was why she’d come early.
“It’s Jay.”
“Your ex?”
“Yes. He’s back in town.”
“I don’t like the sound of that,” Toby said as they reached the beach area where he already had a small bonfire burning. He put her board down and turned to her with his hands on his hips. “Are you sure about this?”
“No, I’m not. But the bakery is a success now and I really don’t know what to do next. I want to date, have a relationship, I thought, now I just don’t know. I’m going to spend some time with Jay and see what happens.”
Toby grimaced and stared out at the ocean. “God knows I don’t have any advice for you on marriage, but I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
“Me, neither,” Jay said, joining them on the beach. “Sorry to interrupt.”
She glanced past her brother at her lover. He wore a pair of khaki shorts and a Marine Corps T-shirt. He had those aviator sunglasses of his on and he looked every inch the tough badass that he could be. Toby glanced over at him.
“I’ve got my eye on you, Michener, and if you hurt Alysse again I promise you there is nowhere you will be able to hide from me.”
“Good. That’s how it should be,” Jay said.
“Well, then...are you much of a surfer? I’ve brought a spare board you can use,” Toby said.
“I’ve surfed a time or two.” Jay stood taller than her brother and he had a more muscular build.
For the first time in a long time she was seeing a man next to Toby who could hold his own.
The few guys she’d brought surfing didn’t really have what it took to cut it on the waves or with her brother. But Jay looked like he could.
“Great. You want to hit the waves with Alysse and I until everyone else gets here?”
Jay glanced over at her and she nodded. She and Toby had spent a lot of time surfing in their youth, waiting for waves and just talking quietly about whatever was happening with them.
Their parents had divorced when they were four and two years old respectively, and their teenaged years had been interesting, to say the least.
“Love to. But I’m not really prepared, I don’t have a wet suit,” Jay said.
“I’ll hook you up. Come with me,” Toby offered.
Jay looked at her, and she said, “Go ahead. I’ll change in my car and be right back.”
“Sounds good,” Toby said and led the way.
She admired Jay’s backside and his muscled body as he followed Toby. She was definitely going to enjoy every moment she had with him because the last four years of her dating life had left her parched. And Jay was exactly the man to quench her thirst.
She grabbed her wet suit and then decided she’d just get changed right there on the beach. She should have put her bikini on before she drove up to meet Toby but she had wanted to get here before anyone else.
She donned her bikini under her sundress and then pulled on the bottom part of her wet suit. Most of the other people on the beach were doing the same thing. The families with young children had left for the day and the older crowd was coming out...well, young adults anyway.
“You ready?” Toby asked when he came back.
Jay was wearing the wet suit her dad used when he came to visit, and he had Toby’s spare board tucked under his arm. He tossed his sunglasses in her bag and gave her a rakish smile.
“I like the way you look in that wet suit,” Jay said, giving her a hot once-over with his dark chocolate gaze.
She blew him a kiss. “You look good, too, hot stuff.”
Toby made a gagging sound, which was typical of her brother.
Alysse laughed, thinking how perfect this moment was with her brother and Jay and the waves at their toes.
She was so afraid to believe that things were good.
And that worried her because with Jay she was always going to be waiting for him to leave.