Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
SATURDAY DAWNED brIGHT and clear. It had been four days since the night at the beach and Jay had fallen into the habit of spending most evenings at Alysse’s place.
They’d taken his bike and gone for a long ride up the highway from San Clemente last night and while she hadn’t been able to truly forget their situation, she had to admit she’d enjoyed it.
This morning, though, she really hadn’t been able to think too much about Jay. The kitchen was busy with two additional bakers who were helping since she and Staci had an event.
Alysse and the part-timers finished loading the last of the cupcakes for the Dana Point anniversary party into the back of her van.
She and Staci had hired the two college students for weekends primarily.
Marissa and Courtney were both eager and followed orders well, and someday they hoped to have their own kitchens where they were in charge.
Marissa had said as much to Alysse ten minutes ago when Alysse had made her redo the icing on one batch of the cupcakes.
Alysse had been hoping that with the bakery being extra busy, she wouldn’t be alone with Staci given what she and Jay had started...which was what? “Seeing each other” didn’t sound right.
However, they had managed not only to see each other every day, but to spend their nights together, too. Still, there was no point to hiding; Alysse would be spending the next forty-five minutes alone in the delivery van with Staci.
She got behind the wheel and pointed the van north toward Highway 5 and the anniversary party. “Did you get your dish sorted?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Good. Was it for something special?” Alysse asked, knowing she hadn’t been paying that much attention to her friend’s life lately as she’d been consumed with Jay.
“Actually, it is. I’ve decided to try out for Premiere Chef,” she said.
“Really? Isn’t that a pretty intensive show?”
“Yes,” Staci said. “It is. If I get on I’d be gone from Sweet Dreams for ten weeks. I wasn’t sure how to bring this up because you’ve been busy with Jay and everything.”
Was Staci thinking of leaving Sweet Dreams? Alysse didn’t know if she could handle that right now. “It’s fine.”
“You look pale and about ready to wig out. It’s just that I’m getting restless.”
Alysse concentrated on her driving. “When will you know if you’re a contestant or not?”
“I’m going to L.A. tomorrow to pre-audition. How lame is that? You have to try out to try out,” Staci said. There was a note of nervousness in her friend’s voice.
“Lame,” Alysse agreed with a laugh, trying to act as if she was cool with it when inside she was slowly going into a meltdown. “Why are you doing the show? You don’t have anything to prove.”
Staci ran her hands through her spiky hair and then shook her head. “I do. I hate the thought of those cocky jerks on TV, whom I know I’m better than, being named Premiere Chef. I mean, come on,” she said.
Alysse just had to laugh at her friend’s ego. But she’d tasted Staci’s dishes at more than one dinner party and knew that she had the cooking chops to back up what she said.
“You’re definitely a good chef, but the competition on those shows is stiff and you’ve been a baker like me for the last four years,” Alysse said.
Baking was different than the type of cooking that Staci would be required to do on Premiere Chef.
She’d have to cook a meal in less than ten minutes and come up with unique dishes under pressure. It was a challenging environment.
“I’m getting bored,” Staci said. “I’ve wanted to talk to you about it for a while. The timing never seemed right.”
“Talk about what?” Alysse asked. She hated this. Every time she started to feel comfortable and as if her life was on the right path, something like this happened. “Are you leaving Sweet Dreams?”
“I don’t know yet. I want to do this competition to see if I still have it in me to run with the big dogs, you know?” she asked.
Honestly, no, Alysse didn’t know. She liked the quietness of the bakery and the familiarity of the repeat customers. “I don’t see it, although I can understand that you want more. You are Cordon Bleu–trained.”
“Yes. And I think I’m finally ready.”
“For this competition? Or is it about being on TV?” Alysse asked, trying to understand exactly what Staci wanted.
“The competition. I was working in a Michelin-starred restaurant in Paris before things went belly-up and I ran back here to the States. I want that again. Last night I dreamed I was on the line and we were doing forty covers. The kitchen was crazy and I felt the energy...I miss it.”
“Then you have to go for it. You shouldn’t deny yourself the chance to pursue your dream. After all, Sweet Dreams was my idea and you helped me get it off the ground,” Alysse said. “So what do you need from me?”
“Just some time off to do the show if I get through the first audition. We should probably hire someone to help out with the baking,” Staci said.
“Yes. We’ll have to make some changes, I’d rather spend more time in the kitchen than up front so maybe hiring a full-time counter person would be better,” Alysse suggested.
“That might work. Sorry to spring it on you like this, but you’ve been busy every night after work.” Staci turned and looked out the window at the passing hills of Southern California.
“Yes, I have been,” Alysse admitted. She’d been busy trying to avoid Staci and her asking about the bad-boy Marine she was dating, whereas Staci had wanted to tell her about this Premiere Chef thing.
“It’s Jay that’s making you rush out the door every night, right?” Staci asked.
“Yes, it is. We’ve been trying to get to know each other again,” Alysse said. It seemed that she and Staci were both heading off in other directions. Maybe they’d both done as much as they could together and it was time for them to try things on their own again.
“And is that working?” Staci asked. “To be fair, you seem to be pretty happy most days.”
Alysse shrugged. “I like him. He can be a challenge sometimes and I’m not at all sure that he’s someone I can spend the rest of my life with, but going out every night reminds me of all I’ve missed.
I guess, like you wanting to get back into a Michelin-starred kitchen, I had shut myself off from a lot of things. ”
“Yes, you had. As I have pointed out on more than one occasion. But I’m glad to hear you admit it. I’ve been worried about you for a while because the bakery can’t be your life,” Staci said.
Alysse hated to admit it but Staci was right. She’d let the bakery become her entire life, and, to be honest, she was still doing that. She gave Jay the few hours at night before she went to bed, and then she rushed out in the morning while he was still sleeping.
She was glad for Staci though. The more they talked the less panicked she felt about Staci leaving to pursue a different dream. She would get through this change the way she always did—by finding a new comfort zone. She could and would do it.
“I know. To be honest, I think I was hiding there. It took so much effort to get the place up and running but now we have it under control,” Alysse said.
And that was what bothered her. She liked the fact that she’d gotten the bakery to a point where things went smoothly.
There was a lot to be said for having something in your life that did what it was supposed to.
“That’s why it seems like I should audition,” Staci said. Her friend was looking at her with a sort of question in her eyes.
“You are so right,” Alysse said to reassure Staci, but she found that she’d kind of reassured herself, too. “We both need to stop hiding in Sweet Dreams and go after the things that pushed us to create it in the first place.”
“True. It’s funny that we both were able to make something so successful and safe out of our disappointments,” Staci said.
It was, and it spoke to the women they both were, Alysse thought.
She and Staci had run away from their problems by going into the kitchen and creating something new.
Something that no one else had any control over and Alysse realized that sharing Sweet Dreams with Staci had helped her to survive that first year after Jay had left.
“I’ve never said it, but thank you for being my partner,” Alysse said.
Staci had given her something other than winning to focus on.
Without her dad or Toby in her life Alysse knew she’d have been moorless, just drifting from competition to competition, even though her mom had warned her she’d burn out.
“We’re da bomb. I’m not leaving the partnership, just the day-to-day stuff,” Staci said. “We’ve got a good thing going.”
“Yes, we do,” she said.
Alysse pulled into the parking lot at the Dana Point Marina and drove toward the center area near the yacht club so she could park the van for unloading.
And, as they set up their cupcakes under the tent prepared for them, Alysse realized that she had wanted life to be predictable and safe but it never was.
Even while she and Staci had been hiding at Sweet Dreams their pasts were waiting there to spring up again.
She was very glad that she was ready for the change. She had to stop hiding from the truth about Jay. The truth was hard to face but as she stood in the late-afternoon sun she admitted to herself that she still cared for Jay and the last thing she wanted was for him to walk out on her again.
They’d been playing house together, careful not to talk about anything of real importance.
He didn’t discuss Company B with her any more than the one time she’d asked about it and he’d answered with a simple yes or no.
So she’d stopped asking. She knew that they both needed to face some hard truths about their life together.