Chapter 11 #2
The pilot chuckled at her tone and Jay tightened his arms around her. “I know better than to answer that question. I just wish that I could pamper you a little bit.”
She did like the sound of that. “That’d be nice, but I like my job. If I wasn’t working at Sweet Dreams I’d be baking at home and then what would I do with all the baked goods?”
“If I were there I’d eat them,” he said.
If he were there. She tried to live for the moment, but she couldn’t. She had the feeling he’d already made up his mind to leave. She knew it.
“Time for your champagne brunch,” the pilot said, handing them each a glass flute filled with sparkling wine.
Jay took his glass and she took hers. As she stepped out of his arms the gondola rocked a bit, making her reach for him to steady herself. He let her and then arched one eyebrow at her. “What are you doing?”
“I wanted to have a toast,” she said.
“Okay,” he said.
“To the best ten days we’ve ever had together,” she said at last.
He clinked his glass against hers and took a sip and she did the same.
They drank their champagne quickly and Jay pulled her back into his arms. When the pilot told them to look up and smile they did.
He handed them a photo a few minutes later; they looked happy, she thought.
They looked like a couple who were planning a life together.
Not like two people who could barely manage two weeks together. She felt sad and didn’t enjoy the rest of the ride, but she stayed where she was with Jay’s arms around her. She wanted to be able to remember this day and have a nice memory of it.
When they landed, Jay helped her out of the basket and they bought a picture frame from the souvenir shop before getting on his bike and heading back to Oceanside.
She was tired and rested her head against his shoulders.
She wished there was some way to see into the future, but there wasn’t.
And when he dropped her off at her house and gave her a quick kiss goodbye, she made herself watch him leave.
She knew he was coming back later to pick her up for their date, but she still wanted to watch him go. Maybe she’d build up an immunity to him leaving so when he finally left for good she wouldn’t let him take all of her soul with him.
JAY SENT LUCIEN a text that he was bringing Alysse and the other man had decided he’d bring his girlfriend, too.
Drinks turned into dinner and a long, lovely evening.
Lucien’s girlfriend, India, was tall, almost six feet, and of African descent.
She had beautiful skin, close-cut curly hair and the most exotic-looking eyes that Alysse had ever seen.
She felt like a pale plain Jane next to India. It would have been easy to fade into the background except that India wasn’t the type of woman who left anyone out. She worked in the fashion industry as a hand model. Honestly, why this woman’s face wasn’t in front of the camera was beyond Alysse.
Lucien was more guarded, but still, he was relaxed and he smiled easily whenever India said something that amused him.
They were openly affectionate with each other and, in an instant, Alysse realized what she wanted her relationship with Jay to be like.
This was how a couple should be, she thought.
Even Jay was a bit more at ease. She’d never say he was relaxed, but instead of being completely silent, he and Lucien had a steady conversation going the entire time they were eating dinner. Occasionally he’d glance over at her.
“How long have you two been together?” India asked after they were seated at a nightclub and the men went to get them drinks.
“It’s complicated...we were married for a week and then divorced and now we’ve been together ten days.”
India laughed, a big booming sound that made heads turn. “That is complicated. So what’s your story? Why are you with Jay?”
No one had ever talked to Alysse that way. “I don’t know. He’s so different from everyone else in my life and I can’t help being attracted to him.”
“He is a hottie,” India agreed. “But then so is my Lucien.”
“You two seem like an interesting couple,” Alysse said. Lucien was tall and bald and had a jagged scar running down his forearm. He wore expensive clothing but he still looked rough, as though he’d put a fresh coat of paint over his dents and scratches but she could still see them.
“That’s an understatement,” India said. “Like you, it was attraction that brought us together first. Then we got to know one another. Underneath all that hotness is a solid man.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Lucien is always there when I need him. I don’t even have to say it sometimes and he just shows up,” India said. “You know?”
“Yeah, I guess I know what you mean,” Alysse said, but she wasn’t sure. Jay was still figuring out where he wanted to be.
“You don’t,” India said, but not unkindly. “Why did you two divorce?”
“He left me,” she said. “I know you probably think I’m crazy for trying this again.”
“I don’t judge another person’s heart,” India said. “When Lucien and I have our problems, they are monsters and we fight like it’s the end of the world, but he’s still the man I dream about and I don’t think anyone else will do.”
“I don’t want it to be that way for me,” Alysse admitted. “I’m afraid to fall for Jay until he knows what’s going on with him. I just want something nice and normal like what you and Lucien have.”
“Nothing is nice and normal in love. It’s bold and passionate,” India said. “Can I give you some advice?”
“Sure,” Alysse said.
“Holding back is probably not going to bring you the results you want. Yes, it’s safer to try to wait until he knows what he wants but if you aren’t being honest with yourself and with him, he’s never going to want you.
You can’t wait for him to be ready for you, you might not still be together if you don’t go for it now,” India said.
Her words echoed in Alysse’s lonely heart. If Jay was her great romance...if they were truly meant to be together, then holding herself back and trying not to love him, well, that wasn’t going to help her.
She watched Jay weaving his way through the crowd and she saw his face with its familiar lines of tension and stress.
But then he smiled when their gazes met and she understood that she could give him something that he’d never had before.
Jay had admitted to being abandoned by his mother.
Would the only way he was going to feel safe enough to stay with Alysse be if he felt that she would never leave him?
Her hands literally started sweating and she felt a wave of fear wash over her as her stomach dropped.
She didn’t know if she could take a huge step like this.
She was going to have to put Jay in front of her own dreams of family and happiness and what if this didn’t work out? Could she ever trust a man again?
Jay handed her drink to her as Lucien put his and India’s drinks on the table.
“Come on, baby. Let’s dance,” Lucien said, and India slid out of the booth to follow him.
Alysse took a sip of her drink, waiting for Jay to do the same but he was just staring at her.
“Aly, dance with me?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said. It seemed as if he was reaching out to her in a way he hadn’t before. Today had marked a turning point for both of them. They’d started to let their own guard down. For the first time since she’d woken up alone all those years ago, Alysse felt a tingling near her heart.
“Thank you for today,” he said.
“What did I do?” she asked. Not sure where he was headed with this.
“You made me realize how good life can be when you share it with the right woman.”
She blushed, knowing her happiness was broadcast on her face.
“You’re welcome.”
THE LAST OF HIS UNEASINESS from Afghanistan faded away as he pulled Alysse into his arms on the dance floor. The music was upbeat and many couples danced with distance between them, but Jay didn’t pay any attention to them. He needed to hold Alysse and to feel that she was still his.
He put his hands on her waist as they swayed together to the music. Lucien had complimented him on being lucky enough to have a woman like Alysse in his life and Jay had been quiet. He had never believed in luck.
No unseen force had ever been looking out for him.
He’d managed to get to where he was today by determination and sheer force of will.
And as he held this sweet, sexy woman in his arms, he knew that he had to change.
It was why he’d thanked her and he could see by her reaction that he’d said the right thing.
He had to let her in. Had to enjoy these moments together because he didn’t know how long they would last.
He had been searching for some kind of sign. He shook his head and leaned down to kiss her as she glanced up at him. He didn’t care that they were in the middle of a crowded dance floor, he only knew that he needed her. He was tired of playing silly games that neither of them could win.
“What was that for?” she asked, leaning up on her tiptoes to speak into his ear.
“Because you make me happy,” he said. “No one else ever has.”
She hugged him close. “Good. I’m glad.”
She pulled back as the rhythm of the music changed and they danced close together, bodies bumping and grinding until Jay thought he was going to explode. He enjoyed the teasing anticipation and could tell that Alysse did as well, because she kept brushing her hands intimately over him.
When it got close to midnight, they said goodbye to Lucien and India and walked hand in hand back to her car. He unlocked her door and then pulled her into his arms, kissing her slowly and seductively.
She held on to him as he tipped her head back and languidly moved his mouth over hers. It was intoxicating. He couldn’t get enough of her.
The honking horn of someone driving by pulled them apart; for the first time that he could remember, Jay hadn’t been aware of his surroundings.
“Take me home,” she said.
He nodded and opened her door for her and helped her get seated. By the time he walked around to the driver’s side she had her head tipped back against the seat rest and was staring at him with dreamy eyes.
“You okay?” he asked in his kindest voice.
“Yes. Everything felt right tonight, didn’t it?”
He reached over and took her hand, kissing it then putting it on his thigh before he started the car. “Everything was very good tonight.”
Her fingers stroked up and down his leg, teasingly dipping to brush against his cock, which was becoming more and more hard with each of her touches.
“India said that I can’t hide...”
“What are you hiding from?” he asked, realizing that the fun evening with relaxed company had loosened her tongue.
“You,” she admitted. “I don’t want to love you again.”
His heart stopped. He’d been hoping that she would love him again. That he’d be able to have that sweet attention from her and find somehow that he was worthy of it.
That was what he’d been searching for, he now understood. There was a reason why she didn’t want to love him and that was that he’d ruined that emotion for her a long time ago.
No amount of pretending could change his life or rectify the past. He had to face the fact that he needed to leave. That the only solution was to walk away from her.
He glanced over to find her sleepily watching him and he knew that he didn’t want to hurt her again. But a part of him was just selfish enough to want to stay. Why should he worry about Alysse and put her needs above his? He didn’t know why. He only knew that he did.
She twined their fingers together and leaned her head against his shoulder. They exited the vehicle and she led him to the front door of her cute bungalow. Her perfect normal life and he wasn’t strong enough to turn away.