Chapter Twenty Three
Ω Bronx Ω
The next morning, I’m staring at the wall waiting for the clock to hit six. We just got back from another call where someone was drunk. Sometimes, I just sit here and wonder why I ever wanted to be a paramedic in the first place.
“You doing alright?” Drew sits beside me and places a coffee cup in front of me.
I nod my thanks to him and take a drink. The warmth comforts me. “I’ll be alright after I go home and get a few hours of sleep.” Especially since I know Blakely is going to be in my bed.
“You haven’t slept very much the past two days. Are you good to drive home? I don’t want you to get into an accident,” Drew asks me. “I’m sure Blakely would come and get you if you need.”
I laugh. “I’m not waking her up at six o'clock in the morning to come and pick me up. I would much rather her stay in my bed. I promise I’m fine.” I don’t entirely believe what I’m telling him.
It’s not that I hate my job.
It’s just that the job isn’t what it used to be for me.
I remember every patient I couldn’t save. I remember every mistake I’ve ever made. I used to love the calls where a scared mother would call us to come check out her child. The children love the flashing lights of the ambulance. They always get the brightest smiles. But now it just feels… tiring.
I clock out on my phone and get up. I just want to be with Blakely. I’ll feel better with her. I always do.
Driving home, I feel numb to the job. It’s always like this. Especially after a tough shift.
I park outside of the garage and head in. I don’t stop. I just strip out of my clothes and head up to my bedroom.
I smile seeing Blakely curled up in the middle of my bed. It smells like her. I feel the stress of my job melt away as I climb into bed with Blakely. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me.
At least I know when I go to sleep with her, the nightmares will leave me alone.