37. Leo
The rest of the stay at our parents flew by. I would have jumped at the chance if there were any way to go back in time. I would have sat myself in that damn time machine and gone back to the beginning of the week.
Well, to the point after our mother told us the horrible news. That way, we could hang out as a family again.
We ended up watching those romance movies and playing games where Myles tried to cheat, and we all laughed as if nothing had changed. But unfortunately, everything had changed.
In the brief moments my sister, Myles, and I had to ourselves, we spoke about the news. As soon as the topic began, Chloe started crying, which made me tear up, and then we would drop the conversation because it hurt too much.
It was still a touchy subject—one that I’m not sure we will ever be able to talk about without breaking down and trying to talk through the pain doesn’t change the outcome.
There is no other option we can choose to turn this situation around.The chemo isn’t working. The other medications aren’t working. Nothing is working in my mother’s favor, and now, we are going to be losing one of Earth’s kindest angel.
Saying goodbye to my mother was the hardest thing I ever had to do. With how awful that goodbye felt, I’m terrified of what it will be like when we have our final goodbye. I can’t think about that shit right now, or else I’d start crying again. I promised her I would come and visit more.
If there were a weekend that I had free, then I’d be here with the family. She offered me a warm smile, telling me that if I couldn’t make it, then it was all right. Making sure there was a time in my busy schedule to see them was my top priority.
The car we ordered dropped Myles off first, as the apartment was on the way to the asylum, but I didn’t bother seeing the place again. I wanted to get back.
Silence took over the ride after he left me alone with my thoughts. I didn’t have it in me to continue this car ride thinking about how my mother was dying. If I did, it would break me even more. Instead, my mind veered away from my mother and found Veronica.
Besides spending time with the people I love the most, the only good thing about this trip was that I didn’t hear from the asylum. They respected my time off and didn’t reach out, which couldn’t be said about my last job.
When I had time off, they would still call with questions and concerns. While I’m thankful Black Lake didn’t reach out, this feeling is stirring in me, as I’ve been in the dark about what has been happening.
Did Veronica behave herself? Did something crazy happen that I’ll be returning to?
Fuck. I have to stop thinking the worst about her because she is making progress. Veronica has proven to me, whether she likes it, that she is capable of change. She is coming around to trusting me and listening to what I say, besides the times she wants to be a brat during our other sessions.
I’m sure she did as she was told while I was away. I can almost picture her sitting with the stand-in doctor, most likely ignoring her.
I’m sure everything was fine.
The rest of the drive without Myles consisted of wearing my headphones, playing music that would get me out of my horrible mood, and staring out the window.
Music didn’t help, but it was a nice distraction for the trip. As we pulled to the front of the asylum, the driver shifted the car into park.
This time, the driver exited the car to help me gather my stuff. Seems like he hasn’t heard the crazy stories about this place like my first driver did, and even though I insisted I’d get it myself, the man still brought my bag out of the trunk for me.
He drove away calmly, which was the complete opposite of how the man who drove me to the facility on my first day skidded out of the driveway.
As I walk through the entrance, the familiar lobby welcomes me home, as does Edith’s kind smile behind the desk. Her soft expression brings me tears, which threaten to escape, but I force them back.
“Did you have a nice time?” she asks sweetly.
“Yeah.” It takes everything in me not to choke on my words. “How was everything here?”
Her face falls. “Dr. Bennett wanted to talk to you when you returned but asked me to discuss it with you if he were busy.”
My heart picks up its speed. “Talk about what?”
Edith interlaces her fingers, inhaling a deep breath. “Veronica landed herself in solitary again.”
A sigh of disappointment puffs past my lips as my jaw ticks with frustration. “What did she do?”
“She stabbed another patient”s hand with a pair of scissors.”
I readjust the duffle bag strap on my shoulder that somehow seems heavier than it did just a second ago. “When did this happen?”
“Right after you left.” She matches my earlier sigh. “Dr. Bennett had enough and sent her down for two weeks. He said that if she continues with this erratic behavior, he would have to send her to Ward R.”
All alone in the dark for two weeks? Another fucking ward? This is almost too much to take in seeing as I’ve been back only for a split second.
“She’s already been down there a week?” I can’t believe she did this. Actually, you know what? Yes, I can believe it.Edith nods, and that’s when it hits me. “She did this on purpose.”
“You mean to tell me that Veronica hurt another patient to get sent to solitary?” Edith wears a confused expression as she says, “I know that the woman marches to the beat of her own drum, but I’m not sure she would land herself in confinement on purpose. She hates it down there.”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. She didn’t want another doctor to discuss her issues with her while I was gone. I saw the idea flash in her eyes momentarily, and I thought I had made myself clear when I warned her not to do anything stupid.”
Edith laughs in disbelief. “Stubborn girl.”
“Very.” This isn’t what I wanted to deal with when I returned. “Thank you, Edith, for telling me.”
She nods, ending the conversation. I head straight to my room, set my bag on the bed, and run my hands through my hair.
My eyes feel heavy from the tears and lack of sleep. All I want to do is crawl into my bed and sleep the rest of the day. But I don’t. I have someone I need to visit.
Stalking out of the room, I retrace my steps and find the solitary entrance. After scanning my card, I walk down the dark stairs and enter the hall to hear the faint voices of the women below—cries for sadness or pleas to be let out. I don’t know how the guard can stay here and listen to this.
As I approach him, he takes out an earbud. That’s how he does it—he listens to music.
How the hell would he hear if the patients actually needed help?
“Can I help you?” he asks.
“I’m Dr. Madden.” I flash him my badge. “Veronica Rollins doctor. I’d like to see her.”
Slowly, he goes over to the room she is in. The same one as last time. He unhooks the ring from his belt, placing the right metal key in the hole, and the metal door creaks open.
Sitting on the bed in the dark, Veronica has her knees to her chest and her cheek resting on the top of her knee. As the dim light leaks into her room, she squints and then pops her head up when she realizes it’s me.
“Leo?” Her voice is hoarse as if she hadn’t had anything to drink.
Staring at her, I speak to the man over my shoulder. “Can you give us a moment alone?”
“No can do,” he states, patting the wall with the palm of his hand. “Have to be here if she tries anything crazy.”
Turning around, I eye him up and down. “She is my patient, and I trust her. Look at the state she is in.” I gesture back to a fragile Veronica. “She is in no position to do anything crazy. Now, give me a moment to speak with my patient privately.”
He stares at me, unmoving. Sighing out of annoyance, I dig for my wallet and pull out a fifty. Handing it to him, he takes it with a smug grin. “Take as long as you need. Shut the door when you’re done. I’ll be at the top of the steps.”
I watch as he leaves us, the door to the stairs shut behind him. Bringing my attention back to Veronica, I notice she has dropped her knees, her legs dangling off the side of the bed. I step in, and my shoes on the concrete floor echo around the small room.
“I’m sorry.” She drops her eyes to her lap.
“For what?”
“Not listening.” She coughs. “I didn’t... want another doctor.”
“You don’t have a say in that, Veronica.” I try to keep my voice steady. “If I have to leave and another doctor has to step in, you must deal with it.”
She only nods. Her throat must hurt too much to speak.
“What will you do when I have to leave again?” I kneel in front of her while her stare remains on the tops of her thighs. “Get yourself sent here? Who knows how long Dr. Bennett will leave you here next time.”
“I won’t...”
“He’s talking about sending you to another ward, Veronica!” I finally snap, losing the semi-calm tone in my voice. “One where you will have less freedom.” Dropping my voice into a harsh whisper, I say, “Where we would have less freedom.”
Her eyes snap up to meet mine. God, she looks exhausted. Tears fill her eyes as she shakes her head. “No. I can’t. He can’t send me to another ward.”
“Then stop with the bullshit!” My hands find her thighs, fingers digging into the material of her sweats. “Stop trying to prove something to the others. To yourself or me! Do you think I want you to move to a more secure ward?” The tears stream from her eyes. “If you show no progress with me, then they will find another doctor to care for you. I can’t let that happen, Vee. I can’t... I...”
I’m breaking down right before her, and no matter how hard I attempt to stop the emotions from rolling out of me, I’m struggling. Veronica’s breath shudders at the sight of me, hands lying flat on mine. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head in response. My mouth won’t open. I won’t allow it because if I speak, I’ll cry.
“Leo?” Veronica raises her hands to hold my face; her scratchy voice almost sounds soothing. “What happened?”
My head shakes again, my mouth twisting while I attempt to control myself, but when I glance up at her, the pure concern in her eyes, I break. “My mother’s dying.”
Veronica doesn’t utter a single word as she pulls me into her. My forehead rests against her chest, and I’m crying. She rubs her hand along my back, reassuring me it’s going to be okay as the tears cascade relentlessly down my face.
“It won’t be okay.” The words muffle against her shirt.
She pushes my head back to make eye contact. “I don’t have a great relationship with my mother, so I won’t sit here and lie, saying I understand how you’re feelings.”
“Then you don’t get to sit here and try to tell me everything will be all right.” I back away from her.
Standing, I wipe the tears off my face, although I want her to continue to hold me. I want her arms combing through my hair as she attempts to comfort me. Veronica’s comfort feels like a warm blanket wrapped around you on a freezing cold day.
I laugh to myself. A girl who claims to have no heart, comforting me while mine breaks.
Veronica stands, heading over to me and takes my trembling hands in hers. “Then it won’t be okay, but Leo, you are strong. It’s going to hurt like a bitch, and your entire world will feel like it’s crashing down.” She lightly squeezes my hand. “You will get through it because you have your sister. You have Myles.” Her eyes drop to the floor, inhaling deeply before meeting my curious stare. “You have me. I will be here to help pick up the pieces of your shattered heart.”
My eyes search hers for any hint of dishonesty but only find the truth. She means it. Truth sears through her stare, and it does something to me. To have someone who is not family care for you like this?
I’ve had no one other than my family. I have never been with a girl long enough for her to care for me the way Veronica genuinely does.
What kind of shit is this? Why has God dealt me this fucked up hand in my life?A woman that I could never have unless circumstances were different. A woman who cares for me when she doesn’t extend that luxury to anyone else.
Folding my hands over hers, I tug Veronica inward until our mouths crash into each other. All that stress from being alone here, all that fear, rolls off her as I press my lips desperately on hers.
She moans softly when I part her lips with my tongue, and as soon as mine glides over hers, I realize how much I missed this—how much I missed her sweet taste.
Before I take this too far, I step away. The dim lighting from the hall cascades over the side of her face. Her pupils dilate, and her full lips part as she catches her breath. Veronica looks ethereal. A devil disguised as an angel. Satan sent her up from the Hell beneath our feet himself to fuck up my life.
I reach my hand up, tucking a messy strand of hair behind her ear. “Please behave from now on, little angel. I’d hate for you to lose your freedom.”
“My restricted freedom.” She jokes with a sad smile. “I don’t want to be moved to another ward. I’ve already been to a different one, and I hated it. There’s no way I’ll be doing that again.”
“And down here?” There is no point in telling her that ward she was sent to in the past and hated is the same one she would go back to if she didn’t get her shit together.
“I’ll admit my idea was idiotic. One that I plan on not repeating. This is my last time down here, Leo. I promise.”
“Those are only words,” I remind her. “Promises in the form of words are too easy to break.”
She agrees with a bob of her head. “Then I’ll have to use actions to promise you this.”
“One more week.” There is a beat of silence before I speak again. “Will you be all right?”
Veronica shrugs. “I’ll be fine. Especially knowing you are waiting for me in the light.”
A faint smile tugs at my lips. A gesture that feels real. “I’ll be there.”
I lightly kiss her forehead before leaving the room, shutting the door behind me. It’s not locked yet, but I know she isn’t dumb enough to escape. As I ascend the stairs, all I can think about is how she said she’d be there for me when everything fell apart.
How lucky yet damned am I to have her in my life?
The guard is where he said he’d be: standing at the top of the stairs. When he sees me approaching, he removes the earbud again.
“Turn a fucking light on for her,” I demand with irritation.
Pure shock overcomes the man”s face from the harsh tone, but my words get the point across. He nods frantically before rushing back down the stairs to lock her in and hopefully turn a light on for her.
There is no way I can allow her to remain down there for another week in the darkness. One week is fine, but two? That would drive even the sanest person mad.
As I make my way down the hall toward my room, I get interrupted by a redhead walking in my direction. The sound of her heels tapping aggressively against the hardwood sends splinters into my head.
All I want to do is lie in bed and drown in my sadness. Sighing to myself, Scarlet approaches with a wide smile that dims the closer she gets to me.
She must see it in my eyes. The hurt. The despair.
“Leo?” She stops before me, scanning my face.
“Hello, Scarlet.” I try to play it cool because I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose it around another person. I’m afraid I’m slipping out of the sadness part of my feelings and will eventually enter the anger part of it all.
And for that, I’d rather not be around people.
“Are you okay?” Her voice is kind. It annoys me. Myles must not have texted her to tell her the news. Why would he? It’s not like they are even dating. He only just got her number. “You look?—”
“Broken?” I finish the sentence for her. She only blinks, unsure of what to say. “Probably because I am. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to go to my room and wallow in my pity by myself.”
I step around her body as her mouth opens to speak. I’m almost at my bedroom door. I”m almost rid of her until I hear those loud footsteps heading my way. Outside my door, I shut my eyes and inhale a deep breath.
“We can talk about it, you know,” she offers. My hands clench into fists at my side. “I’m a great listener, and maybe I can help.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I turn to face her, hoping my gaze”s coldness will make her drop it.
It doesn’t work. She steps forward, taking my face in her hands. “Then we don’t have to talk about it. I can help... distract you from what’s bothering you.”
My brows dip, then I soon realize what she means. With her heels, she is tall, meaning it doesn’t take much for her to press her lips to mine. I don’t kiss her back. I’m too in shock that she’d be doing this.
Sure, I’ve shown interest in her before Veronica, but now? This woman hit on my best friend in front of me, which I was okay with, seeing that she took the hint that I wasn’t interested anymore.
That’s the thing. She hit on my best friend.
Scarlet got his number and planned to talk with him and maybe do more. And here she was, kissing me.
I unclench my fist, bringing my hand to her jaw, and rip her off of me. While still in my hold, her eyes are wide, but she holds heat, and when my fingers tighten, the fire goes out as a cold wave hits her.
“No offense, Scarlet, but I don’t need your help.” I release her with a light force, causing her to stumble backward. Those confident steps she had moments earlier now faltering. The only help I want from anyone in this place in this sort of way would be Veronica, but I can’t tell Scarlet that. “If I wanted it, I’d ask.”
“I’m sorry. I...” Her fingers lightly press to her lips when the realization of her actions hits her.
“Don’t fucking do that again.”
“Please don”t tell Myles.” She begs, tears forming in her eyes. “I like him.”
“Clearly.” A laugh of disbelief leaves me. “Unfortunately for you, Scarlet, I don’t keep things from my best friend. Now, walk away and leave me alone.”
I watch a tear roll down her face before she turns and runs to her ward. If I don’t cross her path again while working here, I’d be okay with that.
Finally, stepping into my room, I lock the door behind me. The darkness consumes me; the light being off and the curtains being closed make the silence insanely suffocating. Is this how Veronica feels down there?
Cautiously, I find my way to the bed, slip off my shoes, and crawl in it to spend the rest of the day experiencing what Veronica does in solitary.