48. Leo
The rest of the week goes by slowly. Agonizingly slow. Between doing more research into Olivia and another session with Ruby and Veronica, I’ve been busy. The whole week, no one has come down to my office to fire me.
My threat must have stuck if no one was beating at my door. Scarlet doesn’t want it to get out of the things that she has done. With the guards, other nurses and Veronica even mentioned that Scarlet had been intimate with some patients in the past.
She seems like a sweet woman on the outside, but the woman creeping on the inside of her should be locked up in this facility.
I’ve also been stressing out about this weekend. I am going home, which is exciting, but deep down, I’m afraid something wild will happen here, and they won’t have anyone else take over. I’m terrified they will need me to stay.
I’ll choose my family if it comes down to my job and seeing them this weekend.
My office is suffocating; the four walls closing in on me while I attempt to focus on paperwork and emails in the stuffy room make my mind cloudy. Opening the window to allow a breeze in doesn’t even help.
Since it is the end of June, the sun has become hotter as we begin to roll into July, and the leaves on the trees don’t move as much. Having the window open almost makes it worse.
Deciding I’ve had enough of work and my chest is tight, I leave the office and wander out to the garden. Luckily, no other patients are roaming around. Ruby was right. Everyone else would rather be in the courtyard, which makes no sense. Who wouldn’t want to be in this garden soaking up its beauty?
I take my time wandering around the area, taking in the sights of the flowers. I wish that my mother had more time to plant some of the different flowers that are here.
She planted many flowers in the backyard, even having a small greenhouse home to some other plants that needed extra care and less sun.
The last time I was home, I hadn’t looked out at the garden or the greenhouse. With her being sick, the flowers and plants probably died. I can’t imagine how heartbroken she must feel watching her hobby wither away as her body does the same.
I squeeze my eyes shut tight, willing the tears away at the thought of my mother never being able to garden again.
A delicate touch is light on my arm, causing my eyes to flutter open. A stinging sensation vibrates in both eyes, but I blink away the impending tears to see who my visitor is. Veronica wears a worried expression. One that has become too familiar recently.
She constantly asks me if I’m all right with everything going on. It’s odd, being the center of her attention. I’m the person she puts all her positive energy into lately.
No one else gets to see her this way, and it upsets me. If everyone else saw this side of her, they wouldn’t be afraid of her.
“Hey.” I offer a sad smile.
“You doing okay?” The question that has left her lips a thousand times still catches me off guard. How can a person like Veronica be so concerned for someone else? All she used to care about was herself.
Until me.
“Yeah.” I nod, her hand still lightly touching my bicep. “Needed some fresh air.”
“You’ve been busy,” she points out, removing her touch. The spot where she held contact is icy without her, and I miss her warmth. “I stopped by your office, but you weren’t in there. When I strolled past the garden, I saw you out here. I thought we could talk about some stuff.”
She wants to talk about her and I leaving. I haven’t even given myself the time to think of the right way to let her down. Not with all that’s on my plate. “With the new patient coming to our ward, Ruby’s session, and everything else, I’ve thrown myself into work.”
As I normally do.
“I’m surprised you are taking on another patient. With everything.” I watch the side of her face as she gazes down at the flowers. It’s hard to tell if she is taking in their beauty or in a daze. Her eyes seem to gloss over.
“Maybe being busier will help take my mind off things.” Her hair is a wild mess today. Curls of different shapes and sizes and the rising June heat do nothing to control the frizz. She still looks beautiful, though. “I’ll be gone this weekend.”
“You told me.”
I must have forgotten.
“What did you want to talk about?” I ask, although I know the answer.
Veronica sighs. “I was going to ask if you thought about my… idea.”
My eyes scan over to the guard by the door. He isn’t paying attention to us; his nose is in his phone, probably playing a game or watching some video. Why would he have to do his job when a patient is out here with their doctor?
When I return my eyes to the woman beside me, she stares at me. Her doe eyes shine with hope, but a slight hint of anxiety wants to swim to the surface.
I slide my gaze over her pale face, the freckles popping out intensely against the contrast of her skin.
You’d think her skin would have grown color with it being summer, but Veronica barely steps foot outside. The fresh air she does intake is the air that flows through my open office window.
I trail my eyes from hers, dropping to examine the slope of her nose and the fullness of her lips.I want to kiss her.
You could if you ran away with her. The devil on my shoulder says.
Dismissing the tiny voice and the thought of sweeping her into my arms, I nudge my head to the side for her to follow me. I walk down the path and around the corner.
A large hedge separates two parts of the garden: the place we just came from, where the colorful flowers bloomed, and the spot we stand in, surrounded by vegetables grown for meals.
The guard isn’t in our sight anymore. Now, it’s only us. Two people roaming a garden. The thought of kissing her jolts back into my head, and knowing there aren’t eyes on us, I let it take over.
Wrapping my hand around the nape, I tug her into me and kiss her softly. Veronica’s body relaxes at my touch, melting like the wax of a lit candle. One kiss. One simple kiss that leaves us both wanting more, but this is not the place.
“Vee, I care about you.” I force myself to take a step back. “So fucking much.”
Her mouth shuts tight. The glow of her skin, the relaxation from my hold, has now dimmed out and stiffened. “You’re saying no.”
My eyes fall to the ground between us. I wet my lips, inhaling a deep breath before I meet her gaze again. She is stone, putting up a wall before me that I worked so damn hard to tear down. “If I said yes, I’d be risking my job and...”
“You’re already risking your job by being involved with me.” Her arms stay at her sides, although I don’t miss the twitch in her wrists.
“I’d be risking way more than just my job.” I reach out for her to comfort her, but she steps back. My heart twists in pain at her pulling away from me. “I’d be risking everything, Veronica.”
Her face flinches as if I just slapped her. The only time I ever call her by her name is during our real sessions because those aren’t intimate. “And I’m not worth it.”
Shaking my head frantically, I attempt a step in her direction. To my surprise, she doesn’t move. “I’m not saying that. I could go to prison for helping you escape.”
“That’s if we get caught, Leo.” She folds her arms across her chest to act as a shield.
“The chances of us getting caught are much higher than getting out of here with no one seeing.”
“But I have a plan. I planned this all out to ensure we wouldn’t get caught.”
I can’t say I’m surprised by her honesty. “I’m sorry, Vee.”
Again, I test out the waters, reaching my hand forward, and my fingertips graze her arm before she shoves it away. “Don’t touch me.”
“Veronica, I?—”
“I’m trying hard here to contain my anger, Leo,” she admits. “If you touch me, then it will all burst out of me, and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Okay.” I hold my hands up in defense. “I won’t touch you, but please hear me when I tell you I am sorry.” Chewing on her bottom lip, she nods.
Her hands are now curled into fists, holding back from hitting something. Holding back from hitting me.
With how on edge she is, I shouldn’t tell her this next piece of information now, but she is at risk, too, and I can’t wait any longer to tell her. “I spoke with Scarlet again.”
“You what?” She snaps.
“After I talked with Dr. Bennett about taking on Olivia, I found out that he wasn’t the one who suggested I care for her. It was all a lie so Scarlet could talk to me.”
Veronica huffs out a laugh and throws her arms up. “Of course, she did! Let me guess, now that you told me no, you’re gonna run off into the sunset with her? Despite everything she has done?”
“What? No! Scarlet isn’t in the picture like that for me, and you know it. I am bringing it up because since we are not running... she knows about us.”
Her anger turns into rage in an instant. “She what?”
“She knows about us and has known for a while. I threatened her, though, told her if she said anything to Dr. Bennett, I’d unveil the skeletons in her closet.”
“And you think she’ll listen to you?”
“It’s been a week, and I haven’t been fired yet, which I’m taking as a good sign.”
“Wait, you talked to her a week ago, and you are just now informing me she, of all fucking people, knows about our relationship.”
I wasn’t going to put that label on it because I figured she wouldn’t want me to, but hearing it come from her lips sounds right. “I should have told you sooner, but things kept coming up with work.”
Like they always fucking do.
“The threat won’t hold, Leo.”
“I beg to differ.”
“No offense, but you aren’t the scary type unless we are naked and you are in charge.”
My eyebrows raise at the honesty, and the corner of my mouth tugs upward. “I think you’re underestimating me.”
“Doubtful.” She keeps taking punches at me without using her fist.
My smile drops, and I take that extra step to close the gap between us. She eyes me, unsure of what”s to come, until I grab her by the throat, just like I did with Scarlet.
My eyes grow dark, and the tips of my fingers rub heavily against her skin as I shove her into the large hedge. Those beautiful brown eyes I fell in love with go wide.
“You didn’t see the fear in her eyes—kind of like the fear that swims in yours right now.” I squeeze my hand once before dropping it. “The threat will hold. We will have to be extra careful now.”
“You still want this to continue even though we aren’t running?”
“Yes.” Before she can respond, I say, “Now, if you excuse me, I need to go pack.”
Leaving her to wander the garden alone, I go to my room. I wasn’t due to leave until tomorrow morning, but I figured packing now would be a good idea. I replay the conversation I just had with Veronica in my mind.
Flashes of her face filter my mind. The hurt cascading over her features, and the anger filling her entire body. It was like looking at the woman I met when I arrived here.
I left her in the gardens and hoped that she would behave herself while I was gone. I fueled the fire.I denied her offer to run and gave her the information that Scarlet knew about us. A ticking time bomb was left behind in that garden, and I lit the fuse.
Warning her to behave seemed pointless. In the past, when I did, she never listened. Maybe now, not wanting to say the words out loud, she understands what is expected of her.
As I choose comfy clothes to pack for my time at home, the phone on my bed rings. Chloe”s name alerts on the screen. I smile as I grab the phone and bring it to my ears.
“I’m packing right now and will leave first thing tomorrow morning,” I say as soon as I answer the phone. I wait for her snarky response while folding up some gray sweats, but she says nothing. Sniffles sound on the other end, and panic erupts within me. “Chloe? What’s wrong?”
“It’s mom… can you leave today?” She chokes on her words, holding the tears back.
“Y-yeah,” I stutter. “I’ll leave now. What’s going on?”
A sob escapes her, making me think the worst. The thought of my mother dying without me by her side. Without saying goodbye. The fear ripples through me. “She isn’t doing well.”
A small bit of relief hits me but quickly vanishes when understanding takes over. People who are sick sometimes get better before they get worse.
Hope is held out in front of you as you watch them smile, breathe normally, and do things they couldn’t while battling the sickness.
That hope dangles in your face, and you believe the person will stay this way and that they will improve to where the sickness has left their body. All hope is renewed until death’s hands yank that hope away.
It is a tricky feeling because all that hope and daydreaming of a better life is ripped away from you, and you have to watch the person you love slowly deteriorate. “She was fine the other day. I spoke with her on the phone.”
“She had been doing fine, Leo, but...” Not anymore.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, the grip on my phone turns hard. “I’ll leave right now.”
We hang up and immediately click on the Uber app to order a car. I wish I had my own, but there has been no point since I have been working here.
Myles had been using it when his car was in the shop, but that was months ago. I could have easily brought my car here and parked it in the lot, using it to escape for the weekends.
Luckily for me, Uber will be here sooner rather than later, which surprises me, given that we are in the middle of nowhere. Whatever I have packed so far will be good enough.
There is no time to waste when time is already precious as it is. I sling the bag over my shoulder and rush to the lobby. Edith is in her place, as always, and shoots me a concerned look over the desk.
“Leo, is everything all right?”
I turn my back against the door. “Tell Dr. Bennett I had to leave earlier than expected. I’ll see you on Monday.”
My voice is hurried, and there is no doubt she can hear the terror laced within it. She nods in response, and I’m out the door.
Time is slowing to an agonizing pace during the trip home. I keep double-checking the driver”s speed because I’m sure he is driving way under the speed limit. Every time I look, though, he is going about ten over.
When we arrive at my parents” house, I open the back door before he puts the car in park. I throw him a twenty, thanking him for the drive, then slam the door shut before jogging up the path to the house.
The door opens to quietness. There is no laughter. The TV isn’t on in the living room. The lights are off, and even though it is midday, the sun is hiding behind the clouds, making the inside of the house look eerie and sad.
Readjusting the bag on my shoulder, I stop when I hear the pitter-patter of small feet from the other room. Turning my body, Carter walks up to me with a piece of paper in one hand and a crayon in the other.
“Uncle Leo, look what I made for Grandma!” His smile reaches his ears as he holds out the paper.
Crouching down, I take the paper for him to assess the drawing. Carter stands at my side, his tiny hand resting on my shoulder, and the corners of my eyes prick with tears as I stare down at the drawing he did.
“That’s Grandma.” His little finger points to his attempted drawing of my mother. He made her purple, her favorite color. He moves his finger to the other figure. “And that’s Lucy!”
“This is great, bud.” I keep my voice steady.
“Mommy said that Grandma will go to Heaven soon.” He takes the paper from me, but I remain still. “Do you think Grandma will take the drawing and show it to Lucy?”
I swallow the sadness crawling up my throat. “Yeah. I think she will. Where is Grandma?”
“In her room with Mommy and Grandpa.”
“Why don’t we show her the drawing? Maybe it will help cheer her up,” I suggest, to which he beams. He races up the stairs, me following closely behind him at a steady pace. Even when children are in a hurry, they are still slow.
Walking down the carpeted hall, I hear murmurs of voices. A light conversation is being had that stops as soon as Carter enters. I stand in the doorway, discarding my bag in the hall.
Chloe’s eyes are red and swollen from her nonstop crying. My dad sits in a chair beside the bed, holding my mom”s hand. His eyes have no tears, but he is holding them back. I can tell by the tightness of his face.
“Leo, honey.” My mother”s frail voice calls out to me. “I’m so happy you made it home.”
“Me too.” I flash a warm smile and walk to her bed, sitting in the bottom corner.
“Grandma! I made you a picture to take to Heaven with you!” Carter says nonchalantly.
Chloe brings her hand to her mouth, suppressing a cry as her son hands over the picture. Our mother inspects the drawing, her dull eyes wanting to shine brightly at the thoughtful gift but failing.
“I’ve always wanted to be purple!” She attempts an excited tone. “And I love the rainbow, sweetie.”
“Will there be a rainbow in Heaven?” he asks with a serious look on his face.
“I think there will be plenty of rainbows in Heaven.” She smiles weakly at him. “I can’t wait to show this to Lucy and tell her how much you miss her.”
“I’ll miss you too, Grandma.” Tears brim my mother”s eyes; her smile remains warm.
“And I’ll miss you.” She leans forward a bit, Carter meeting her the rest of the way until her lips press to his forehead. “The most.”
Footsteps drag across the carpet in the hall, catching our attention when Myles appears at the door, out of breath. His eyes find mine first, then go to my mother. Worry overtakes him, but he peels his eyes away to gaze at my sister. At the sight of her, I watch his heartbreak.
“Carter, sweetie, why don’t you go draw your mommy a picture,” my mother suggests.
“Okay!” He agrees and runs off to the playroom.
“I am glad you could make it, Leo.” She tells me again, the hidden message behind her words.
She doesn’t think she will survive this cancer much longer, and if she goes soon, she wants me to be here. I reach for her hand, holding it in mine as I try not to cry.
Myles embraces my sister in a hug, pressing her cheek against his chest while she silently cries.
“Do you need anything? Food, water?” I offer.
“No, I’m all right for now,” she declines. “Why don’t you three go get some fresh air.”
“We are not leaving you,” Chloe speaks for everyone.
My mother”s eyes move slowly to where Myles and my sister stand. “Chloe, you have been cooped up in this room with me for the past week. I’m not recommending you leave the house, just to the backyard.”
“Fresh air will do us good,” Myles says. He unwraps his arms from Chloe and takes her hand. She hesitates, her feet stuck to the ground before she gives in. They leave the room, Chloe glancing over her shoulder again to look at our mother.
Once they are gone, Mom lets out a little sigh. “Scott, why don’t you go with them? I’d like to have a moment alone with Leo.”
“Of course.” Dad stands up, leaning to kiss her forehead before giving us privacy.
Her grip on my hand is weak, and even when she wants to tighten it, her body doesn’t have the strength to allow her. “Leo, my sweet boy.”
“Mom...” I can’t say anything else because if I do, I’ll cry.
“I know I tell you all the time how proud I am of you, and I truly mean it. Not only with your career but also with the young man you have become. We couldn”t have raised a better son.” Her hand is cold. I bring my other one up to cup both around it to warm her up. “I’m sorry I won’t witness your other accomplishments in life. I won’t be there when you get married or have a child, but I will always watch over you.”
A tear slips down my cheek.
“I wish for you to find love in your busy life. Someone to love you the way your father has always loved me.” Her bottom lip trembles. “It is what I want for you and your sister. For the two of you to be happy and loved. She seems to be on the track of achieving that.”
I let her words simmer before I ask, “Her and Myles. Is there something going on between them?”
She lightly shrugs her shoulders. “Your sister hasn’t mentioned anything to me, but I see how they look at each other. Even before I got sick, Myles would always steal glances at Chloe. At this horrendous time in our lives, grief can draw two people together. Myles was there when Chloe needed a shoulder to cry on, and I believe that changed things,” she states. “I know he is your best friend, but can you think of anyone better for Chloe and Carter?”
I can’t.Even with Myles”s track record with women, I know he would treat my sister and nephew well.
“Leo, I am truly sorry that our lives must be this way.”
I shake my head, a stray tear rolling down my cheek. “I don’t understand. We did everything right. You were an amazing woman and mother. How can God make this happen to someone as special as you?”
“I’m not sure, but I plan on having a stern talk with him when I meet him.” The joke was meant to lighten the mood, but It doesn’t. The mere thought of her dying still lingers with the words, and it hurts. “Everyone dies, and as much as it hurts, all of you will get through this. You have each other to fall back on when times get tough.”
The familiar words ring in my ear. I can’t think about her right now. Not at a time like this.
“Your father is stubborn, and even though me leaving this Earth will shatter him, he won’t show it. Be kind to him. Check up on him,” she states. “Your sister will have the hardest time, I’m afraid. Although, she will have Myles to lean on, you also have to be there for her to pick up her broken pieces. For Carter”s sake, too. Bless that boy. He has no idea what is really happening.”
“I think he understands more than we know,” I say, running the pad of my thumb along the back of her hand. “He is a child, though. He doesn’t understand that this is a sad time for the family.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” Her words catch me off guard. “I’ve lived a wonderful life, sweetheart. You may mourn my death but also celebrate it.”
“Death doesn’t deserve celebrations.”
Her head shakes a little, her mouth wanting to curl into a smile. “It does sometimes. Please don’t remember me as this—a woman lying in bed who can’t do anything for herself. Remember me as your mother—the woman who raised you and took you to get ice cream after your little league games.”
“The woman who taught me how to garden.” More tears leave me. I lift her hand to press a gentle kiss against her hand. It’s growing colder. “I’m grateful to have had you as a mother. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.”
“I love you, my sweet Leo.” She blinks the tears away. “More than all the stars in the universe.”
A sob leaves me. I release her hand and bend forward until my forehead rests on her chest. I can’t stop the tears that leave me now. Her weightless arms wrap around me, and she musters enough strength to hold me tight. We stay like this for a while. I’m not sure how much time has passed, but I’ve stopped crying.
Her heartbeat is slow, and there is a soft thump behind her chest. I raise my head to see that she has her eyes shut, but when she feels my movement, they open at a slow pace. She smiles down at me, sleep written all over her face.
“I think I’m going to take a nap,” she says in a dry voice.
I remove myself from her so she can be more comfortable. Standing from the bed, I sit in the chair my father had been seated in. It’s close enough to the bed that I can still hold her hand.
“Leo, you don’t have to stay here while I sleep.” Her head falls to the side to look at me.
“I’m not leaving your side.”
She keeps her eyes on me. They are so full of love, not only for me but for the rest of our family. For the life she lived and is going to leave behind. Pride shines in them, and the glowing light disappears as she shuts her lids.
As I watch her fall into sleep, my eyes grow heavy from the tears I shed, and it’s hard to keep them open. They shut as I sink into sleep beside my mom.
My eyes flutter open, and I am still feeling exhausted from today”s emotions. I couldn’t have been asleep for long since the outside light remained the same when I got here.
I’m still the only one in the room with Mom. The others are probably still outside or in the living room, waiting for the word to come back up.
I glance over at my mom. Her face looks peaceful but pale. I smile, wondering what she is dreaming about. Hopefully, it will be something better than what she is currently dealing with.
My eyes drop to where our hands are connected. The soft grip she had on me has now loosened, and her fingers are no longer wrapped around mine. They lie limp in my hold.
And she is freezing.
I jolt forward in the chair, gently squeezing her hand. “Mom?”
She doesn’t respond. She stays still, lying there looking in peace.
“Mom?” The tears come back when she doesn’t move. “Mom… come on, wake up.”
She doesn’t budge.
I stand up, dropping her hand and cupping her face. It moves too easily in my hands.
“Mom?” I choke out the word, and a sob lodges inside my throat. I lean down and press my ear to her chest. The soft thud of her heart beating isn’t there anymore. “No, no, no...”
This can’t be happening.I remove my head, my hand coming up to her neck, searching for a pulse to find nothing.
I step back, my hands fist in my hair. “No, no, no...” I sit back down on the bed, pulling her into me as I hug her close to my body. Rocking back and forth, I yell out in agony, “Dad!”
Footsteps rush up the stairs. Multiple. Dad runs down the hall, grabbing the door frame to stop himself from going too far. He sees my mother, his wife, in my arms, and that’s when the tears start for him.
I’ve never seen my dad cry before except for the silent tears from when we heard the news, and my heart breaks all over again.
Chloe comes in behind him, her cry breaking the silence throughout the room. She rushes over to me, falling to her knees to hold our mother”s arm.
Myles is the last to enter. He is crying just as hard as the rest of us, but he doesn’t move. He allows the three of us to be here with her.
“I’ll call 911,” My dad announces.
It’s what needs to be done, and soon after he calls, we hear the ambulance speeding down the road. The door is unlocked; they let themselves in, and when they try to take her from my arms, I tighten my hold—shaking my head at the thought of them taking her from me, tears blurring my vision.
“Please don’t take her from me,” I whisper in a broken plea.
“Sir, we need to get her to the hospital,” The EMT tells me in a kind, sorrowful tone.
I loosen my arms, and they gently remove her from my body.
Without her in my arms, I feel empty. My heart broke the moment I realized she wasn’t breathing, and now that she was out of the room, what was left of my heart was completely shattered.
Chloe sits beside me, and I wrap her in my arms. We cry together as Myles sits in the chair, taking our hands into his when my father comes back into the room and sits next to me.
His hand flattens against my back as he comforts me. “She was waiting.”
My head twists to look at his reddened eyes. “What?”
“She wasn’t doing well, and she told me she knew she would pass. She felt it in her soul.” He hiccups, wiping a tear away. “She was waiting for you to get here before she allowed her body to stop working.”
The information only makes me cry harder.
The four of us stay there, embraced by one another in a house that no longer feels like home.