Chapter 5
five
RYLEE
“I got you this,” Rylee said, opening her sparkling silver clutch and pulling out an envelope.
Xander straightened, curiosity narrowing his eyes as she slid it across the table to him.
He lifted the flap of the white envelope and smiled as he retrieved the card inside.
Rylee smiled back.
“Got you this, too,” she added, pinching the silk-like string of a white organza favor bag filled with candy-coated chocolates. Rylee lifted it out of her clutch and placed it in his hand.
The second he recognized his favorite candies, Xander laughed, tossing his head back as the bag crinkled in his palm.
“I had the kids help me single out the blue ones just for you, since we know those are your favorite.”
“Damn, I’m loved.” He tried to suppress the tight pull of his silly grin but couldn’t help but give in. “Thank you, baby.”
She winked. “You’re welcome. You deserve.”
Night had fully settled by the time they boarded The Hudson Gem, a glass-enclosed dinner yacht departing from Manhattan’s Chelsea Piers. Seated across from each other in their best, they looked like a red carpet couple.
It was Xander’s idea for them to enjoy a date night. His thank-you for the night she held him together.
The kids were home with their nanny, Abeni. Xander had promised them a day at Coney Island come spring, as his thank-you to them.
“I love you, just because…” Xander read aloud, eyes skimming the sweet paragraph handwritten by Rylee. “Just because you deserve to be reminded. Just because your presence brings peace. Just because I love you. No reason needed.” He looked up at her. “Aww, baby.”
She’d even had Nova and LJ write their own little notes on the blank side of the card, addressed to their Uncle Xander in their own handwriting.
Xander closed the card and pressed it to his chest, eyes shut for a brief moment. “I love this a lot.”
Rylee’s eyes glistened. “I love you.”
The yacht had set sail about fifteen minutes earlier, so guests were still settling in. They would cruise down the Hudson River, past Lower Manhattan, around the Statue of Liberty, and back to Chelsea Piers, offering panoramic views of the city skyline.
The view through the floor-to-ceiling windows was already breathtaking. The night skyline shimmered on the water like stretched diamonds, a golden glow of city lights glinting against the dark sky. New York’s version of the Emerald City.
Aside from the occasional ferry horn, soft jazz played in the background, blending with the low hum of chatter around them.
Like them, other couples sat at candlelit tables, the mood set, the vibe perfect.
“This is beautiful,” Rylee said, her eyes glued to the view beyond the glass. The entire yacht was wrapped in glass, offering a 360-degree view of the city.
Rylee thought of how she and Lennox used to steal Friday nights for themselves. Rooftop dinners, tucked-away bistros, late reservations. But this… this felt like something entirely different. Something that could be just hers.
“You’re beautiful,” Xander said, pulling her attention back to the now. “So very beautiful.”
And she was.
At his request, Rylee had dressed like the paparazzi knew her name.
She’d practically had to blow the dust off her emerald satin dress.
It had been a long time since she’d needed to dress up for a place that called for it.
She paired it with a faux white pelted fur coat, and in her ears were her favorite nameplate bamboo Rylee earrings, still a favorite after all these years.
“Mmm,” Xander moaned, his attention soft, eyes slightly hooded. “You look so good tonight, Rylee. Damn.”
She giggled. Might’ve blushed if she could. “Thank you. And you look better than these dinner options.”
He chuckled, licking his lips.
And he did. Gone were the hoodies, joggers, and tees. Xander cleaned up in a green dress shirt to match her dress—top two buttons undone—tailored slacks, and brushed leather Chelsea boots.
They both looked good. On the outside, and in spirit.
Their server arrived and took their orders, returning shortly with two glasses of white wine and a shared charcuterie plate of fig jam, prosciutto, brie, and crackers. For her appetizer, Rylee chose the shrimp cocktail. Xander went with the crab cakes.
As they reached across to sample from each other’s plates, Rylee couldn’t help but feel… good.
Which was necessary.
Because she knew in a few days, that would change.
Minutes into their appetizer, Xander leaned back into his plush seat, eyes on the skyline, his expression more peaceful than she’d seen in days.
She watched quietly, struck by how easily Xander could still make her heart flutter, without even trying.
“How are you feeling today?” she asked, gently dabbing her mouth with her napkin.
Xander inhaled a deep breath, his broad chest swelling beneath his green dress shirt.
“Better,” he said with a nod, eyes returning to hers. “Thanks to you.”
He reached for her hand. Rylee gave it to him without delay.
“You didn’t just sit with me that night,” he said, eyes steady on hers. “You brought me back. Because before I stopped by… hmph. I was feeling really bad, Snoop.”
Rylee rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand. She’d never forget the look in his eyes when she opened the door and saw him standing there, broken, so unlike himself.
“You’ve done the same for me,” she said softly. “So many times. Without even trying. Probably without even realizing it.”
A small smile tugged at one corner of Xander’s mouth. “Good. Knowing that makes me feel good.”
When it was time to order dinner, Xander chose the pan-seared salmon with risotto and broccolini. Rylee ordered the lemon-garlic pasta with scallops.
“Another glass for her, please,” Xander said, motioning to her nearly empty wine glass.
She considered declining—she was already feeling the buzz from the first—but tonight, she wanted to savor every moment.
In just a few days, the anniversary of Lennox’s death would arrive. The upcoming Wednesday. Every year, it came like clockwork, and every year she dreaded it. Xander never knew. She never told him. So this dinner cruise, this gesture, came right on time.
For a while, they dined in easy silence, the only sounds between them were the gentle tap and scrape of silverware against their plates. Rylee tried to stay present, but a soft pang had settled in her chest.
“Where are you right now?”
His question pulled her up from her thoughts.
She looked up from her plate, blinking away the fog. His voice had been gentle, low, but still audible over the soft jazz and ambient conversation around them.
She shifted in her seat, crossing her legs beneath the table.
Rylee considered telling him the truth. That the anniversary of Lennox’s death was heavy on her mind tonight. That the ache was already starting. And she hated how it sneaked up on her year after year and unraveled her without warning.
But instead, she pivoted.
“I was just thinking about how Nova and LJ have been arguing again.” She lifted her glass and sipped. “LJ’s back to being bothered about her room being bigger.”
Xander chuckled. “You know that boy wants everything equal. Especially when it comes to his big sister.”
“Mmm-hmm,” she agreed, shaking her head.
“That’s why I’m intentional with always being fair with them.” He grinned. “That boy don’t play about stuff like that.”
“At all,” Rylee said, laughing with him.
To have someone who understood her children so well—who loved them enough to know them—wasn’t just comforting. It was profound. But it stirred something else in her, too. Something heavier. A quiet guilt she couldn't shake.
“You ever think about giving him more space?” Xander asked.
Rylee’s brow lifted. She froze, her smile fading.
What did he mean?
“You mean like… moving?” she asked, her tone edged with unintentional defensiveness.
Xander held her gaze, unfazed. He shook his head quickly. “Nah, not like that. Just… you know, whatever feels right for them. That’s all I meant.”
She let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Her shoulders softened.
“Oh. Yeah,” she said, shifting in her seat. “I mean… I do. I just… I don’t want to think about changing too much right now.”
Not when so much already feels like it’s shifting without my permission.
It was a thought she kept to herself. Just like she kept the truth about what was on her mind that night. Not when one of those changes—the most unexpected one—was how much her love for the man seated across from her was deepening.
A man who handled her heart with such tenderness. Who never pushed, just showed up.
Still, the guilt clung like a shadow. She could’ve told him. Could’ve confessed the truth about what was weighing on her. But she didn’t.
Once their plates were cleared and dessert arrived—dark chocolate lava cake with fresh raspberries—Xander lifted the espresso shots he ordered and held his glass in the air.
Rylee raised hers and tapped it gently against his.
The soft clink of glass made her laugh, and her humor was breathy and unguarded.
She was going to enjoy this night.
Because when Wednesday came, her heart would ache all over again, reminding her of everything she once lost.
“Firehouse tradition,” Xander said, bringing the shot to his lips. “Take it to the head, baby.”
The wine, the shots, the yacht, the moment. Rylee was on a natural high. Her eyes stayed fixed on the glittering skyline as she scooped a forkful of cake, closed her eyes, and let the rich taste of chocolate melt on her tongue.
The city shimmered even more at that hour, like a dream. For a brief second, she felt suspended between worlds.
“You aight?” Xander asked, reaching for her hand and drawing her attention back to him.
And once again, light poured in… at least that’s what it felt like when she redirected her focus his way.
God, he’s beautiful, she thought.
Tats peeking through his shirt collar. Locs pulled back and sparkling under the yacht’s lights. That smooth brown gaze locked on hers like she was the only thing in his world.
How could she not be good?
She was… for the most part.
Rylee was tempted to mention Wednesday, yet again. To break the spell. But instead, she said, “I was just thinking how lucky I am to know someone like you.”
He smiled. “Same, baby.”
Their eyes stayed locked… soft, warm, and unhurried.
Xander brushed his thumb back and forth along her skin, saying everything she needed without speaking. The warmth in her chest bloomed, weighing her lids, sending butterflies tumbling in her stomach.
“Mmm-hmm.” He licked his lips, that familiar look darkening in his eyes. “I know that look very well.”
Rylee bit her bottom lip, holding back a smile.
“The wine done hit,” he added, voice low and teasing.
A laugh burst out of her, shattering every shadowed thought that had tried to sneak in.
That feeling lingered as dinner ended, as she gathered her things and stepped outside with Xander to the yacht’s railing, braving the New York winter night.
Xander stood behind her, big arms wrapped around her waist, giving just the right amount of heat to keep her warm.
Rylee leaned her head back against his chest as the boat neared the dock, her gaze tracing the towering skyline.
Then he pressed a kiss to the top of her braids, and left his lips there.
“Can I say something, and you not trip?”
“Sure.” Rylee smiled faintly, eyes still trained on the skyline.
“I can’t help but feel you’ve been spacing out on me, tonight, Snoop,” Xander whispered.
“I’m not.” She shook her head softly. “Just enjoying the now, is all.”
“You sure?” he asked gently, his voice barely above a whisper.
She didn’t answer right away but the words were right there. They were always right there. For a moment, she considered telling him… about Wednesday, about the ache that never fully faded this time of year. But instead, she pressed her hand over his, squeezing lightly.
“I’m sure.”
Xander brushed his lips over her braids.
“Well, whether you’re here, or somewhere else in that beautiful head of yours… ” He wrapped his arms tighter. “That’s where I’m tryna be.”
She closed her eyes in his embrace, letting herself settle deeper into his warmth, her breath syncing with his.
Rylee wanted so badly to make this feeling last. To freeze time.
Dare to dream...
If only the ache didn’t always return when the dreaming stopped.