Chapter 6
six
XANDER
Xander sighed as he raised his phone within sight to end the call he’d just placed. He had just called Rylee for the third time that day. Been calling her since the day before to no answer.
It was a Wednesday. Xander’s day off. He’d been working two back-to-back shifts for the past two days and was looking forward to linking up with Rylee.
It was late afternoon. He fought the feeling of reaching out in the morning knowing she would be working. But with her not answering his call for the second day in a row, things were feeling a little off. Which was odd to him, since they’d just had an incredible date night, days ago.
He shifted his position on his leather sectional that was pushed up against the exposed brick wall in his apartment, getting comfortable.
He couldn’t stop his mind from wandering, thinking that maybe her silence had something to do with him popping up last week after that tragic house fire his ladder company were called to.
Nah, that can’t be it, he reasoned.
She gave him the card and the candies at dinner. She seemed a little spaced out at times that night, true. But overall… things were good.
Xander swallowed hard in that instance, recalling that house fire.
Recalling breaking into one of the rooms to see the two children holed up in a closet, unconscious and already gone, but Xander being Xander…
retrieving them and administering CPR like his life depended on it outside, only for nothing to work.
He wasn’t to blame. But you couldn’t tell him that.
Even Rylee told him that after they made love and he held her in his arms that night.
But Xander couldn’t and would never accept that.
He inhaled a deep breath, shook his head, and brought his phone within eyesight again.
Any other time he would just let it be. He promised to give her space. He was sure she could see his phone calls, so if she didn’t answer, it was because she didn’t want to.
And that would have been fine yesterday when she didn’t answer.
But her not answering today made him feel something was just… off.
Xander pushed himself up and into a seat on his couch and leaned forward, staring at his phone.
Considered sending her a text, his finger hovering over the text app, but decided against it.
Instead, he navigated to his contacts, sorted through the C’s and tapped his thumb on Rylee’s mother’s name.
As soon as the phone started to trill, Xander was up on his feet, mindlessly pacing.
Not nervous to speak with Rylee’s mother, Claudia.
Nervous about discovering what Rylee’s silence was all about.
Was she through with me? Avoiding me?
“Hey Xander,” Claudia answered on the second ring.
“Hey, Claudia,” he replied with a smile, dragging his hand through his locs, the faded sides catching light. “How are you?”
“I don’t know yet,” she replied, giggling. “I was good until I got this call and because you don’t often call me, I’m a little nervous. What’s up? Is your mama okay?”
His eyes moved to the chalkboard he kept in his kitchen with white-scribbled motivational quotes on the black surface.
“Yeah, she’s good. She’s great,” he replied quickly. “I’m actually calling about Rylee.”
“Okay…”
“I apologize for bringing you into this, but I have been calling her from yesterday and she hasn’t answered any of my phone calls.
” He ran his hand down his face. “And I’m a little worried.
” He held his hand up in front of him next as if she could see him.
“And I’m not worried about being dumped or ghosted or anything, ‘cause you know if I am being dumped—”
“Oh, Xander,” Claudia sighed on the line, and that did nothing for Xander’s anxiety. “I’m sure it’s not any of those things, love. This time of year is tough for Rylee.”
Xander stopped pacing, his attention solely on Claudia’s voice.
“Yesterday was Lennox’s birthday, and today marks the anniversary of when he passed away.”
Xander’s heart clenched before his jaw dropped.
So that’s what that was, he thought.
His hand was at his mouth when he whispered into it, “Oh my God.”
That’s why she seemed spaced out at dinner.
“She usually cuts the world out on this day,” Claudia explained. “Likes to be by herself. Process, you know?”
Xander nodded as if Claudia could see him.
“Either Gannon and I or Lennox’s parents take the kids so that she can have time to herself,” Claudia continued. “She never asks, but we just do it.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t remember that,” Xander said to himself. “For the last two years I’ve worked on these days or didn’t really notice… damn.”
“It’s okay, it’s fine,” Claudia assured. “You wouldn’t know unless she told you. And she wouldn’t have.”
Xander dropped himself into a seat on his leather sectional, shaking his head. “So, like what do y’all usually do? Wait it out?”
“Yup,” Claudia replied. “We wait it out. By tomorrow she’ll likely reach out.”
“Hmph,” Xander replied, his eyes scanning the wooden floors in his apartment.
After a few more minutes of talking, Xander hung up with Claudia and sat thinking in his seat.
“Wait it out,” she’d advised… but that didn’t sit right with him.
He twisted his lips to one side, thinking, eyes moving around his space—falling on the wall-mounted TV, his record player, then the wide, winter-gray sky beyond the window.
“Nah.” He shook his head, standing to his feet.
Waiting it out might work for Rylee’s girlfriends and her parents, but for Xander, the idea of his woman feeling anything less than happy in that moment made it seem impossible for him to sit in his apartment and wait it out.
Not when the woman he loved was probably bawling her eyes out, curled up in grief, and alone without him.
If he couldn’t take her pain, he’d at least bring her comfort.
So he grabbed his bubble coat, pushed his socked feet into his Timberland boots, and left his place en route to hers.
But first, he stopped at a few places to grab some of the things he noticed she liked.
Like the lemon-mint tea blend he always loved the smell of whenever she enjoyed it in her mug—which was rare, since she loved drinking coffee more than tea.
And some fresh jasmine flowers he noticed she liked to keep by her bedside.
Xander finished his errands picking up the tacos he introduced her to years ago at a food truck alley.
The food truck owners had created a fundraiser to pony up money to rent out a brick-and-mortar location, which was where Xander now patronized to get Rylee’s favorite tacos.
With everything secure in bags, he drove them to the brownstone, holding everything in hand after parking and stepping out of his truck.
At the front door, he knocked twice.
And when he didn’t get an answer, he rang the bell twice too.
Rubbed his lips together when both attempts didn’t get an answer.
He inhaled a deep breath when he dropped his attention to the bushes by Rylee’s trash.
Xander set the things down on the stoop and jogged down the stairs to those bushes.
Stuck his hand into the rough bristles, feeling for the fake rock Rylee kept there.
After he admitted to finding the spare keys, she revealed to him that she kept the keys there after misplacing her keys at a Mommy and Me meetup at Brooklyn’s Botanical Gardens.
Xander teased her about it, saying it was bold of her to do that—living in New York City, behaving like she was in Pleasantville and leaving her keys accessible for home intruders.
But in that instance, he was happy he discovered the spare, especially with her not answering his calls, his knocks, or the ringing of her bell.
Xander didn’t hesitate to push the keys into the locks.
Didn’t give it a second thought when he opened her door and stepped inside.
All of the lights were off in the brownstone, the air quiet and still.
Of all the years he and Rylee had been together, the house had never seemed so still, so eerie.
Its energy gave Xander goosebumps and sent a chill racing down his back, making him shiver.
He thought about calling out her name but decided against it.
Instead, he stepped out of his Timberland boots, placed the food and items down for only a moment to remove his coat, then went searching for Rylee.
He checked the living room and kitchen, of course, and when his search came up empty, he climbed the steps to her room.
Knowing the children were at her parents’ home, he knew she wouldn’t be in their bedrooms, so he went straight to the master bedroom.
And when he turned the doorknob, he opened the door to see Rylee curled up into a ball on the large bed.
Xander’s shoulders sank instantly.
His heavy sigh made her stir in bed, and not wanting to startle her he spoke softly. “Snoop.”
Rylee gasped, lifting her head then moving the covers out of her eyes to see him standing there.
“Sorry,” he apologized, noticing he startled her. “I tried calling. I… uh… I used the key under the fake rock you keep in the bush—”
He cut his words short when he got a good look at her, because it was impossible for him to continue speaking.
She was beautiful as always, but her smile was missing.
A frown weighed her pretty lips down, but nothing could compare to her eyes.
They were sad. So very sad.
Puffy and red. And so not the Rylee he knew.
“Aw, baby,” he whispered, blindly setting the things down on the ottoman in front of her bed.
Her face folded into absolute grief as tears seemed to start pouring instantly.
Xander went to her, sitting on the bed beside her and pulling her to him.
She cried silently against him, and he let her.
It was on this same bed only a week ago she had let him do the same.
How could I have not known? he wondered.
Yes, Rylee hadn’t reminded him. Nor should she have felt like she needed to, according to him.
In that moment, Xander felt a pang of guilt for not knowing—or for not pushing just a little harder—for her to tell him what was really on her mind during their dinner date.
“I bought you a few things,” he whispered against her braids, leaving a kiss there. “That lemon thing you like drinking sometimes. Tacos.”