Chapter 13
thirteen
RYLEE
Rylee gathered her long braids to the top of her head, twisting them into a bun as she passed the large red fire truck.
As soon as she stepped into the firehouse, Jamal, Xander’s friend and fellow firefighter, smiled big, laying the pen he wrote with on the desk he sat behind.
“Aye, Rylee!” he said, standing to his feet, immediately making his way around the desk. “What’s up, lil’ mama?”
He extended his arms for a hug and she walked right into them, giving him a quick embrace.
It was a Thursday, quiet, and exactly what Rylee was hoping it would be when she decided to stop by the firehouse.
“Nothing much.” She playfully tapped his stomach. “Just being a creep. Thought I’d swing by my man’s job unannounced. Keep him on his toes and his head on a swivel. You know the vibes.”
Jamal laughed, then gestured at the stairs that led up to the kitchen.
“Well, he’s up there cooking.” Jamal rubbed his hand over his firehouse tee. “And thank God. Been looking forward to his chicken all day.”
“Mmm.” Rylee licked her lips. “Looks like I came at the right time, huh?”
“Sure did,” Jamal replied. “Head up there. I’ll see you in a few.”
Rylee nodded her exit and followed Jamal’s direction, climbing the stairs to the kitchen.
This was the first time she was seeing Xander since everything changed. He’d given her space she hadn’t asked for but that he knew she needed.
And she really did.
In that time apart, she’d done a lot of thinking, visiting Lennox’s grave to facilitate that thinking, and had decided on her own that she wanted this baby.
Although getting pregnant wasn’t planned, she knew it was meant to be. She said as much when she visited Lennox’s grave days prior.
“Well,” she sighed, lowering herself onto the earth in front of his headstone. She pretzeled her legs, feeling the cold grass and soil beneath her jeans, ignoring it, and finding warmth gazing at his name etched on the stone. “Dr. Grayson confirmed there’s a baby in my belly again.”
The brisk breeze in the cemetery whistled through the barren trees like it always did during the colder months.
“And… ummm.” She pushed air through her nose. “I decided to keep it.”
Rylee bit at her bottom lip, squeezing her eyes.
“I’ve thought for days about everything,” she continued.
“Everyone is happier than I thought they’d be.
I’ve imagined what life is about to look like.
Me, three kids?” Rylee shook her head. “And I don’t know.
The more I imagine it, the less scary it feels.
And believe me, it was terrifying at first. The timing, the grief, the thought of starting over when I thought I was finally settling into this new normal without you. Crazy, right?”
She stared forward, eyes locking in on the laser-etched photo of Lennox on the headstone.
“I’m in love with him, Lenny,” she whispered. “I’m so in love with him.”
Rylee snickered, shaking her head. “Can you believe that? Me, who had sworn off all you fools only to find one that is nowhere near a fool I’ve ever dated. And now, my ass is pregnant.”
She dropped her attention to her stomach, pressing her hand there over her coat.
“You never listen,” she chastised, lifting her eyes again.
“You always do what you want to do and how you want to do things.
Because, Lenny, I told you to give me a sign.
And you, being you… still had to do it your way.
A baby? Really, guy? ‘Cause I know I sound crazy, but I just feel you had something to do with this.”
She smiled, her chest swelling with hope, gratitude, and a touch of anxiety.
“And if you did have something to do with this…” Rylee leaned forward to press her hand to his headstone. “Thank you, Lenny.”
Conceiving on the anniversary of Lennox’s death was still hard to believe for Rylee.
Everything that has happened since Lennox took his last breath has been crazy, but for once, she wasn’t running scared from the unpredictable and the unknown.
She was ready to run towards it. Especially if Xander would be running with her.
She reached the top of the stairs, the aroma of fried chicken sizzling in a cast iron skillet stronger now on the top floor.
His cooking had been his way of filling his absence. At least that’s how Rylee felt.
Even though they hadn’t spoken since that day he left her brownstone after discovering she was pregnant, every few days in the afternoon, she’d hear her doorbell ring then walk her way to the door to find a Tupperware full of lunch and a yellow sticky note with a short message.
One note read…
It’s time for lunch. – Xander
Another read…
Time to take a break. – Xander
It was cute. Very Xander-coded. And definitely contributed to Rylee’s decision to keep what she and Xander created together.
On the other side of the long communal table stood Xander, towering over a steel stove.
Music from a Bluetooth speaker played old school hip-hop from the 90s as Rylee stopped walking for a moment, watching Xander in his element, bobbing his head to the rhythm of the song.
She took light steps in his direction, passing a fire pole and the historic red-brick walls on one side of the kitchen.
Her eyes scanned the wooden island on her way to him, her attention lingering briefly on pamphlets with Greene Gardens logos plastered on them.
Rylee switched her focus to Xander, smiling as she approached.
When she was close, she heard Xander rapping the lyrics of the song playing, his attention entirely on flipping the chicken frying in the skillet.
Rylee slipped up behind him, wrapping her arms tight around his waist.
“Hmph,” he huffed, not at all startled. “This better be my woman, or someone’s about to get a very awkward talking to. I swear to God.”
Rylee giggled against him, pressing her lips to his back and giving him a kiss there.
Xander turned his head to peek over his broad shoulder as Rylee lifted her head to peek around to meet his eyes and noticed the exact moment his eyes lit up.
He turned around in her arms, lowered his lips, and pressed a kiss to hers.
No hesitation.
Rylee’s heart felt like it turned to honey in her chest.
Xander walked her back toward the wood island and away from the sizzling chicken.
He asked softly, “What are you doing here?”
“I smelled the chicken frying from Brooklyn Heights.”
He snorted a laugh, tightening his arms around her.
“I haven’t heard from you,” she added. “But I’ve been enjoying the free lunches you’ve been leaving on my doorstep every few days.”
“Hmph,” he huffed again, pinching her chin and pulling away for a moment to remove the chicken from the oil and to turn the fire off under the skillet.
“Figured I’d give you some space,” he said, returning to his spot in front of her. “You dropped a bomb on me, Snoop. I’m kinda still recovering.”
Rylee folded her lips into her mouth to rub them together.
“But it’s a beautiful bomb. But still a bomb.”
She nodded her understanding.
Rylee inhaled the air, moaning at the scent of the chicken.
“Smells good.”
“It’s yours,” Xander offered next. He gestured behind him at the three plates full of fried chicken. “All of it. These guys don’t need to eat. They’ll be aight.”
Rylee hollered a laugh.
“Especially, you know…” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “If you’re eating for two. Hopefully. Even though, you know, if you’re not, that’s aight too. Just so you know.”
Rylee had to blink back tears.
She could see the tension in Xander’s jaw as he tried hard to swallow back his feelings.
In that moment, she felt pretty bad. He’d stayed away, given her space, but in that time she wondered, how was he coping?
All she thought about was herself as she considered not having this baby.
But Xander had expressed wanting the baby and was likely in mental turmoil, waiting for Rylee to tell him something. Anything.
“I will be eating for two,” she revealed, a small smile pulling at her lips. “Probably for the next, what? Eight or so months?”
Xander exhaled a deep sigh but said nothing. Just kept his eyes on hers, his chest rising and falling a little more now.
Conversations from the floor beneath them hummed as the firefighters shouted jokes amongst themselves, all of them in their own worlds while Rylee and Xander stood in theirs.
“What if I decided to keep it?” she asked. “What would that mean to you, Xander?”
“Man, Rylee…” he said, his voice cracking before he cleared his throat, took a breath, and took her hands in his. “You’d make me the happiest man on this side of the galaxy, Snoop. For real.”
Rylee smiled as she felt that familiar sting of her nose that always happened right before she started crying.
“I’d make it the easiest pregnancy you’ve ever had in your life,” he added, stepping closer. “Love on you and protect you, the baby…” he continued, pressing a hand to her stomach. “And the kids, fiercely.”
He nodded, his eyes locking on hers. “I’d honor your guy.”
Rylee blinked back tears.
“I’d honor Lennox’s memory. Never look to replace him, but just be worthy of the world you built with him, and always work to make it better… out of respect to him.”
Xander cradled Rylee’s face in his big hands.
“I’d make a very beautiful life with you and for you because you deserve that and so much more, Rylee.”
She hadn’t realized she was crying until Xander used his thumb to catch her tears.
Her bottom lip quivered as she wrapped her arms around his waist.
“I wanna have this baby,” she said quietly. “With you.”
Xander released his breath as if he’d been holding it for weeks, for as long as it’s been since they last spoke.
He pulled her to him a breath later, wrapping his arms tightly around her and lifting her up off her feet to spin her around the open space in the kitchen.
Rylee squealed and laughed so hard, her voice echoed around them.
The moment Xander put her down on her feet, he pumped his fist in the air then covered his huge smile with it before shouting, “Aye, y’all! Rylee and I are having a baby.”
The firehouse didn’t miss a beat with their response. Voices erupted into cheering and clapping. A bell was ringing shortly after.
Rylee laughed to herself as she fisted his shirt to pull him close.
On cue, he lowered his lips to hers, wrapping his arms around her once more, holding her tight against him, and Rylee couldn’t imagine a safer place on the planet.
A few of the firefighters made their way up to where they were, giving Xander pounds and pats on the back while pulling Rylee into soft hugs—some of them pressing hands to her stomach, excited, smiling, and making her feel like she’d just hit the jackpot.
Once the excitement settled, a lot of the guys gathered around the fried chicken, plating their lunch. Xander pulled Rylee to one side of the kitchen and away from the hungry firefighters.
“We’re having a baby,” he whispered on her lips, eyes closed, so very much not caring who saw him be so soft in that moment.
She smiled big, sniffing back her tears. “Yes, we are.”
Hours later, in Rylee’s bed, sometime after midnight, Xander and Rylee lounged together.
Rylee was on her back, head propped up on her pillows as Xander lay between her thighs, his lips showering kisses against her stomach.
One of the other firefighters insisted he switch shifts with Xander to free him up to celebrate and spend time with Rylee.
Of course Xander didn’t pass up the offer. With anything else, he would have. But that day, that night, was definitely the exception.
The kids were asleep in their beds, Rylee’s bedroom door closed. Xander had been volleying between kissing her stomach and pressing his ear to it every few beats.
Rylee giggled at him, at how excited he was.
It was beautiful.
Xander made his way up to the pillow beside her, immediately wrapping his big arm around her and pulling her to him.
Rylee closed her eyes, snuggled up beside him, loving the feel of his arms around her. Absolutely loving the moment.
In that position, Xander was back to stroking her belly, and all Rylee could do was smile.
If he was like this already, how would he be once she started showing?
Likely, absolutely beside himself.
As his long fingers moved along the landscape of Rylee’s stomach, she could feel the awe and reverence in his touch already.
It was everything to her.
“You still scared?” he asked behind her, his fingers still moving softly against her.
“Terrified.” She smiled. “But in the best way. And not of you, or this.”
Xander moved in closer, lifting high enough to kiss her temple, then her cheek. “I’m a little scared too. I can’t even lie… but thankfully, neither one of us has to do this alone, right?”
Rylee nodded. “Right.”
“You don’t ever have to face fear alone again, you hear me?”
“I hear you.”
They were quiet again, the soft sounds of R&B playing from Rylee’s Bluetooth speaker that sat on her night table to their right.
“I’mma be there for everything,” Xander said low. “And I’mma love every part of you.”
Rylee’s eyes grew heavy and she smiled as she closed them.
“Love you through the grief, joy, flaws, and fears, of course.”
Xander shifted in his position, his fingers steady now, hand resting on her stomach.
“I’m gonna be there for every late-night craving, every doctor’s appointment,” Xander continued. “Teach Nova and LJ how to be brave and soft at the same time. ‘Cause you know you could be both, right?”
All Rylee did was nod.
“I’mma teach Nova and LJ how to box,” he added. “Yeah. ‘Cause girls should know how to fight, too. Protect themselves at all times. Yeah.”
She snickered, tiredly.
“They should have a backyard, Snoop,” Xander said low, sounding like he was saying that mostly to himself. “More space. A place to run and continue to grow.”
His promises sounded like lullabies to her—so sweet she hadn’t quite registered what he was suggesting. All Rylee knew in that moment was that any fear she had was melting away with each word he decreed.
“I’ll never try to fill Lennox’s shoes,” Xander promised. “I’mma just… walk beside the path he helped lay and always make sure things are getting better and never worse. Not on my watch.”
Rylee was seconds away from drifting off to sleep when she heard Xander say, “Our baby already has the strongest mama on the planet… and the fullest village. Believe that.”
And as Xander continued speaking behind her, Rylee released all her weight onto him, her smile fixed on her lips as she drifted off to sleep.